The Secret She Keeps

by HelenKay Dimon

  Temptation swirled through her. He offered hope and forgiveness—a sort of catharsis she didn’t deserve. And once he realized how misplaced his trust in her had been . . . “What if, hypothetically, you can’t handle what I say?”

  “I can.” A small smile formed on his lips. It appeared then left again in a flash. “And don’t get defensive and start talking about my sister. You don’t need to derail the conversation to get through it.”

  “When do we talk about you?” She ignored everything he said about shifting topics and derailing and tried one last time to do both.

  “This is about you.” He broke the invisible barrier between them. His hands brushed up and down her arms.

  The simple touch calmed the churning in her stomach. “I want all of this to be over.”

  “I know.” He nodded. “Just say it.”

  He couldn’t know. No one could know. “You . . . this . . .”

  “Maddie.”

  His voice swept over her like a soft caress and shifted something in her. The dam holding back the memories broke and the words came spilling out. “I should have gone to the police. Instead, I went to Allison. That led to Grant’s death.”

  “You didn’t kill him.” Connor repeated the phrase more than once.

  The absolute sincerity he forged into every word humbled her. She wanted to believe when the smoke cleared and her ego lay shattered on the floor that he would still comfort her like this. That he wouldn’t run to Ben, then get the first ferry off the island.

  “That’s not how guilt works.” She whispered the words more to herself than to him.

  “What happened in that office, Maddie?” His hands continued to sweep over her, reassure her. “You can say it.”

  The gentle words shattered the last of her resistance. She leaned in, letting him take some of her weight as the pain tumbled out. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

  “Tell me.”

  “I picked up the gun just in case.” She wiped away the start of tears and swallowed through the clog in her throat. “Grant kept it in the office safe and it would have been in the safe if I hadn’t moved it.”

  She waited for Connor to tense and back away. For that bright light in his eyes to dim.

  But he stayed right there. Touching her. Wiping a finger across her cheek. “You had it when you confronted him.”

  “Just in case, you know?” She looked up at him, silently begging for confirmation. She got it when he nodded. “If things went sideways, I thought I should have it. Be able to wave it around and calm things down again. That’s how I thought the gun would work.” Such naive thinking. She closed her eyes, trying to believe she once thought that lie was true. “Back then I didn’t even know how to shoot. It was about holding it. The security.”

  “But something went wrong.”

  She closed her eyes and relived each horrifying moment in slow motion. The footsteps as Allison walked in. All the yelling. “I didn’t expect her. Allison. The affair. The double-cross. Brother against brother.”

  “You took out the gun.”

  Grant exploded. His rage was thunderous. The walls shook from it. The louder he got, the more she’d mentally retreated. It was a family thing and she’d dropped herself right in the middle of it.

  She’d frozen, unsure what was happening. Thinking the argument was about money until she realized it went so much deeper and tangled up with love and marriage. Jealousy and revenge. “Ned grabbed the gun from me and then Grant was on the floor in all this blood.”

  Connor gave her arms a gentle squeeze. “You didn’t shoot him.”

  But she was lost in the horrible reenactment playing in her mind. “Allison kept screaming. She said that wasn’t the plan and then Ned shot her, too.”

  The shock on Allison’s face. That moment when it registered that Ned was turning on her. Maddie witnessed every terrible second.

  She blinked, transporting her mind back to the present. She blew out a long breath, trying to ease the pain wrapping around her heart. “I didn’t hit the alarm, as I said the other day. I didn’t think to do it. The cleaning crew heard the shouting and called security. They ran in but by then . . .”

  “It was too late for Grant and Allison.”

  She wiped away the tears. “At first Grant, but Allison died in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.”

  “Maddie.”

  “I put that gun in that room. Without it there they would have only argued, and security would have calmed them down.” Her voice broke but she kept talking. “I escalated. I took the fight to the level where it became murder. A double murder.”

  “Come here.” He wrapped her in a hug as he said the words.

  “It was me.”

  All those years of tucking that away, of letting it fester, rolled out of her. She cried and held on. Grabbed on to his waist and pulled tight, not letting an inch of light between their bodies. In that moment he was the one sure thing in her world. Secure, calm, decent, and kind.

  She let the tears fall for Allison and Grant, for their mistakes and their terrible loss. For her wrong turns and all she’d given up just to survive.

  Through it all, Connor stood there. He took the emotional battering. Gently coaxed the truth out and stood with her, knee-deep in the aftermath.

  She cried for minutes or hours, she didn’t even know. It felt like forever and nothing at the same time.

  “You didn’t know, Maddie. You could never have known.”

  “That doesn’t change what happened.”

  “That’s how life works.” He kissed her hair. “You make choices and those choices spin into consequences and the rampage begins.”

  “Two people died because of me.”

  He separated their bodies and looked down at her. “Ned killed them.”

  “I helped.”

  “No, Maddie. You didn’t. You were a witness and a victim, not a participant.” He wiped the tears away with his thumb. “And that makes all the difference.”

  She wanted to believe. She ached to believe. “Are you sure that’s not an excuse?”

  “I’m sure that the woman in front of me, regardless of what name she uses or what she does for a living, would not kill anyone. You’d protect and defend. You’d never launch an offensive strike.”

  Some of the heaviness around her heart eased. The pounding in her chest stopped. “You forget that I hit you with a stick.”

  “Best first meeting ever.”

  She felt him smile and lifted her head to see that beautiful face. “McHottiePants.”

  That sexy smile widened. “Excuse me?”

  “It’s a compliment.”

  “Then I’ll take it.”

  The coaxing of his lips against hers wiped away the last of her fears. The kiss, gentle and reassuring, packed just enough heat to steal her breath.

  She said the first thing that came into her head. “You’re the only one who knows.”

  He dropped a quick kiss on the tip of her nose. “Your secret is my secret.”

  She believed him.

  Chapter 29

  The crying turned into an hour of sitting on the couch, holding her. Connor didn’t regret any part except when she had to relive all that pain.

  Now she rested against him with her legs curled underneath her on the couch. She wove her fingers through his. Watched their joined hands as if mesmerized.

  They should get up and find something to eat. A part of him wanted to carry her to bed. He ignored every impulse and sat there with her. Let her set the tempo and decide what happened next.

  He meant what he said to her. Everything that happened, the horrible cascade of events that changed her life forever, was out of her control. She didn’t bring that gun into the room thinking the evening would end with a shooting. She held it for protection and leverage. That’s what a smart person would do and he didn’t blame her.

  A hundred little things could have happened to change the result. She could have been one of the v
ictims bleeding out on the floor. Realizing that sent a slicing pain through him. Made him hold her a little tighter. Had him rethinking how long he would spend on Whitaker and how hard it would be to leave her. He wasn’t a long-distance guy. For years he hadn’t been a relationship-of-any-type guy. He had no intention of changing that . . . Then he met her.

  She lifted her head and he kissed her. A slow brushing kiss that burned him from the inside out. One led to another. Then to a third. Their mouths traveled over each other, heated and full of need.

  That fast, he morphed from wanting to give comfort to wanting her naked. His hands skimmed up her back, over her shirt. He might have pulled back and taken a break tonight, but her fingers danced over his face to the back of his neck.

  When she pulled him in tighter, he gasped.

  When she crawled on top of him and straddled his hips, he almost lost it.

  Her tongue traced over his ear as she whispered, “Bedroom.”

  Heat surged through him at the suggestion but he’d never make it that far. He was too primed. Too caught up in wanting her. “Couch.”

  “Excellent suggestion.” Excitement shone in her eyes.

  One hand slipped down to her ass and pulled her body tighter against his. The snug fit of his growing bulge between her thighs had his head spinning in the best possible way.

  “You have too much clothing on,” she said as she tugged at the bottom of his sweater.

  “We should fix that.”

  With each yank, she kissed him. She’d pull, then lean down and press her mouth against his. Let him feel the excitement thrumming through her. She kept bunching and pulling until she exposed his stomach and chest. The kissing changed then. The mood shifted and the touching became less controlled.

  Her tongue licked against his nipple, then traveled lower. Just as his head fell back against the couch cushion, her doorbell buzzed.

  Fuck no.

  “Ugh. Not now.” She collapsed against him.

  “Ignore it.” He heard the desperation in his voice and didn’t care.

  “It could be Ben.”

  “Definitely ignore it.”

  Knocking started next. He felt her shift to the side and knew he’d lost this round. “The person on the other side of that door better be holding apology cake.”

  She lifted off him and straightened her clothing. “It was pie.”

  “It worked.”

  She smiled at him over her shoulder as she walked to the door. “Apparently. Fix your shirt.”

  He could admit defeat. “Fine.”

  She glanced out the peephole. When she looked his way again, she winced.

  “You are not going to like this.” She had the locks open and was ushering Evan in the door before Connor got off the couch.

  Evan’s smile faded as soon as his gaze traveled from Connor to Maddie and back again. “Well, shit.”

  Connor didn’t hide his annoyance. “Yep.”

  “Sorry to come over without warning.” Evan’s expression suggested he was telling the truth.

  “This is new.” Connor’s comment earned him a look from Maddie that said to be careful, which he promptly ignored. “The apology thing.”

  Evan laughed. “Well, yeah, I think we’re all a little calmer now that Daria has been caught.”

  Connor wasn’t ready to admit that or to trust the guy. He held on to his dislike, ready to whip it out if needed. “Technically, she walked up and introduced herself.”

  “It’s only a matter of time. There are limits on where someone can hide on an island.”

  Maddie laughed. “You’d think that, but no.”

  “You had a good teacher,” Evan said before immediately jumping back into the previous topic. “The threatening note in Owen’s file gives us the connection we need. That settles this and lets us wrap it up for good.”

  Maddie gestured for Evan to come further into the living room. She shut the door behind him but didn’t throw the locks. That was new, too. Connor didn’t know if it was relief over finding Daria or over finally telling someone about the guilt she’d been harboring for years. Either way he saw it as a step into the future.

  “But that would mean the PI was involved in the threats. Was he the one who left the notes?” she asked.

  “People will do anything for money, as you know.” Evan’s gaze switched from her back to Connor. “That’s actually how all of this started. Maddie’s then-boss and his brother.”

  He didn’t need the explanation since he likely knew more about what happened that night than Evan. But Connor settled for agreeing rather than winning the argument. No need to stomp around and prove he was closer to Maddie. He knew and so did she, and that’s all that mattered. “True.”

  Maddie leaned against the barstool. “What do the people in your office think?”

  Evan’s expression went blank. “About what?”

  Connor understood the question even if Evan didn’t. “With the threat gone, I’m guessing all talk of Maddie going back into the program can end.”

  Evan made an odd sound. “Not necessarily.”

  Maddie’s groan outdid Evan’s. “It’s over. Give it up.”

  For the second time in a few minutes, Evan laughed. “Fine. I concede.”

  The surprises kept coming. Between the lighter tone and willingness to back off Maddie, it sounded as if Evan was a new man. That was probably good since Connor couldn’t stand the old one. “Never thought that would happen.”

  Evan shrugged. “Me either. Look, the protective streak is ingrained. My job is to overreact and overprepare. I know it can come off as too much.”

  Connor pretended that was an apology. “Understood.”

  “You taught me how to fight and how to hide. To listen when my instincts screamed for me to run.” The soft look she gave Evan spoke to her sincerity. “We both know some of those lessons, the repeated practices and drills, weren’t in any WITSEC handbook. You prepared me for things I hope I never have to face.”

  “Then my job is done.” Evan gave her another smile then glanced at Connor. “Do you mind if we—”

  “Yeah, of course.” Connor got it. If Evan could concede, so could he. There were still a lot of loose ends and open questions, but Evan being here and acting like this was a huge step forward. “You two probably have some things to wrap up. I can head over to the Lodge.”

  “I’ll drive her over in a few minutes.” After a bit of hesitation, Evan held out a hand. “Thanks.”

  “For what?” But Connor met the other man halfway and shook his hand.

  “Watching over her.”

  Statements like that showed that Evan didn’t know her as well as he thought he did. The watching over part was mutual.

  Connor winked at her. “My pleasure.”

  “All right.” Evan dropped his hand. “That’s more information than I need.”

  He sounded amused and a bit fatherly. As if he were coming to terms with Maddie moving out of his house to go to college. Connor didn’t understand the dynamic but it worked for them.

  He grabbed his coat and gave Maddie a quick kiss on the cheek. That was probably more affection than Evan wanted to see but the kiss wasn’t about him. Nothing would be from now on.

  Connor met up with Ben outside of Lela’s clinic. He only knew to come here because he stopped at the Lodge first and Sylvia said he’d just left. The conversation with Evan should have resolved his concerns. The guy he hated had one foot off the island. Great news, but Connor couldn’t help but think he was missing something. The Daria piece was muddled in his head. He had no idea why it was so clear for Evan and hoped Ben could help.

  “What are you doing here?” Ben asked as he opened the clinic’s outer doors and motioned for Connor to go first.

  “I was out walking and saw you, so I followed.”

  “That’s quite the story.” Ben laughed. “Not believable at all.”

  “Evan is leaving.” The words still sounded good in Connor’s head but ev
ery time they passed through there, he heard a faint alarm bell.

  Ben stopped walking and faced him. “Shouldn’t you be celebrating?”

  “He’s with Maddie now. They’re saying their goodbyes.”

  “That’s . . . unexpected.”

  No kidding. “He said with Daria caught he wasn’t needed.”

  Ben frowned. “Really?”

  This was why he liked Ben. He got things. He might look laid-back but his mind never stopped. He assessed and reassessed, always working. He just hid it well.

  “It was a surprise to me, too. I thought he’d stick around until the end and I’d have to pry his hands from the dock to put him on a ferry.” He tried to sound light and not worried but anxiety built inside him. The longer he was away from Maddie the more he hated the separation.

  Ben started walking again. “You don’t actually believe Daria about the scam, do you?”

  “What? No. Of course not.”

  “Because I asked her a million questions and it was clear to me she got bad information. She admits most of it came from anonymous sources and rumors. The steady drip—the emails and copies of financial records—wore her down and had her doubting.”

  Someone set Daria up. And why implicate Maddie unless she was the ultimate target? “Who?”

  “Not sure yet.”

  This time Connor was the one who stopped walking. They’d almost reached the last turn in the hallway and he felt the pull to head back to Maddie’s place.

  “You don’t think Daria killed Owen.” But Connor knew the answer before he asked. He didn’t believe it. He doubted Ben did.

  “I can’t see a motive.”

  The anxiety threatened to burst into panic. He reached for his cell. “I’m calling Maddie.”

  “Do it.”

  Maddie didn’t answer the first or second time he called. Every second without contact made him more nervous. After three minutes, Connor went looking for Ben but he kept glancing at his phone waiting for her follow-up text. Nothing.

  At minute four, Connor nearly yelled the building down when they had to wait for Doc Lela to come out of Paul’s room after her exam. He didn’t remember the exchange of pleasantries. All he needed was to be in that room.