Cart Before The Horse

by Bernadette Marie

  Chandra slapped the top of the bar. “Don’t sweat the small stuff, honey. Get this guy out of my hair for the night, okay? In fact, I’d really like it if I didn’t see him until I come to work

  on Tuesday.”

  Holly laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  She turned and walked out of the restaurant, and Gabe turned back to Chandra. She pulled a bottle of wine from under the bar and handed it to him. Then she gave a shrug and a nod and went about her business. He wasn’t even sure Holly realized what she’d seen go down. How would she feel if she knew she’d been set up, Chandra knew about the TP-ing of her house, and that he’d paid the eight-year-old to clean it up? And did she catch the not-so-subtle suggestion that she should keep Gabe occupied all weekend? He thought that had been a stellar idea.

  The holidays were right around the corner. Gabe thought he might have to budget Chandra a pay raise.

  Holly started the car and waited for Gabe to buckle in. Her palms sweated against the steering wheel, and the urge to turn the car off and go back inside nearly won over the plague of guilt that would follow. “What’s the wine for?”

  “Chandra thinks I should give it to your parents.”

  “Oh.” Her mother would appreciate that. Her nerves settled a bit knowing Gabe was going to win her mother over, for

  a little while anyway.

  “You look pale today. Are you okay?” He reached across the car to push a lock of hair behind her ear.

  Leave it to the man, sitting across from her looking gorgeous, to remind her how bad she felt and looked. If it wouldn’t take more energy than she had, she would push him out of the car. But she needed him. She gave a grunt and pulled back from his hand. “I’m very tired and of course I got sick this morning. But that doesn’t seem to be news anymore.”

  “Would you like me to drive?”

  “No, I’ll be fine.”

  She figured driving would keep her mind otherwise occupied as she merged onto I-25 and headed north.

  She’d been so tired when they got home she’d fallen asleep quickly, but once she woke and realized what she was about to do her nerves took over. Then there was the shiny reminder on her finger of the web of lies she’d twisted.

  As she merged onto Highway 36, she caught Gabe’s

  stare. “What?”

  “You haven’t been talking to me since we left downtown. But I think you have a whole conversation going in your head.”

  “Sorry. I guess I do.”

  “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “No.” She switched lanes. “I’m just nervous. My mother’s going to want to talk wedding plans, and if she’s calmed enough and I mention the baby, she’ll want to discuss nurseries too. Mind you, this will be after the curtain of tears falls because her daughter has done everything backward again.”

  “This is the twenty-first century. Is there really a

  backward?”

  She gripped the steering wheel tighter. Of course he didn’t understand that it was backward, his mother was a woman who believed in moving ahead in life. Forging to the top of corporate ladders and raising fine children. Her mother was too worried about what the neighbors might think if things

  weren’t just right. “There is to Trudy Jacobs.”

  Gabe looked at his watch then crossed his arms over his chest. “How do we handle wedding talk?”

  Holly blew out a breath, irritated with his attitude toward the whole thing. No matter what they planned, her mother was still going to want a wedding. “I don’t know. We don’t plan on getting married.”

  Gabe turned in his seat and his eyes opened wide. The grin that crossed his lips matched the one he’d had last night before he had her TP Chandra’s house. “Why don’t we?”

  “Why don’t we what?” Her voice rose with her nerves, and she gripped the steering wheel even tighter, trying to keep her focus on the road instead of on the lunatic in the

  passenger seat.

  “Why don’t we get married? I’m not going anywhere,

  are you?”

  “No,” she said weakly, wondering when he’d lost his mind.

  He turned so that he was completely sideways in his seat looking at her, and she could feel the heat rise in her skin at the fear of the mere mention of what he was proposing. The grin had turned into a smile on his lips, and she kept her eyes focused away from him and on the road. He leaned toward her. “I’m not seeing anyone, are you?”

  She swallowed hard. “No.”

  “We’re committing to having a child together and raising it together, aren’t we?”

  “Gabe, is this some kind of quiz?”

  He lifted his sunglasses to his forehead and now looked at her with those dark, sexy eyes. “Humor me, will ya? Aren’t we already talking about raising the baby together? I mean time with you, time with me? We’d have to show up at the same events anyway.”

  She reached toward the air and turned the heat down. She couldn’t live with someone she didn’t know. Her body was burning up, and she forced back the waves of anxiety in her

  stomach. “You’re talking nonsense.”

  “No, I think you are.” He turned back in his seat, lowered his sunglasses to hide his eyes from her again, and crossed his arms over his chest. “Really, Holly, it just makes sense.”

  He was crazy. Marriage. That was something you did when you’d known someone a long time and had a relationship with him. She didn’t have a relationship with Gabe. They had one night that had turned into the rest of their lives. Now that sounded crazy.

  She didn’t know how to deal with forever. But the baby was forever. Now her mind was jumbled. Then she thought about it. He did understand forever. “What about Jasmine?”

  He shook his head then looked at her. “Jasmine has been dead for six years. Don’t I deserve some happiness? I mean, yes, she was the love of my life, but if the tables were turned wouldn’t you want to love again?”

  Love? How could he be talking about loving someone when he’d loved so deeply? Her chest was tightening, and she sucked in as much air as she could because it was getting harder and harder to do. “Gabe, you don’t love me.”

  “The hell I don’t.”

  Her mind clouded over immediately, and her heart rate kicked into an uncomfortable level. She’d lost focus and she realized it when the car beside her honked and she jerked back into her own lane. “Now look what you’ve done to me.”

  “Get off the highway.” He sat up straight in his seat and looked out the window around them as if he were going to take the wheel from the passenger seat and drive. “You’re going to kill us. Pull over at the mall and just stop the damn car.”

  It was easier said than done. But five minutes later she parked in the far corner of the Flatiron Mall’s parking lot and put the car in park. Her hands shook and she was very close to crying, but she sucked it back.

  “Gabe, you can’t go and tell me things like that. We haven’t known each other very long.”

  He slapped his hands down on his thighs. “What the hell do you need? A month? A year? A lifetime? For being such a smart woman, you sure think backward.” She snapped her head up and he shook his. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

  Holly focused on the road. He loved her? There was no way that was what he meant. People just didn’t fall into love like that, did they? Then again, he was the only one between them who’d been in love before. He’d know what it felt like.

  He turned in his seat and rested his hand on her shoulder. “I know. Holly always does it backward, but who the hell cares? Are you going to worry so much about what your mother thinks for the rest of your life?”

  She gritted her teeth. “No, but—”

  “Didn’t your mother ever make a mistake?”

  Holly thought back to what she knew of her mother’s first marriage. Getting pregnant at fifteen so that she could run away with a man seemed a big enough mistake to Holly. Her mouth became uncomfortable in the frown she’d f
ormed as she thought about all the times her mother had gone on and on about how men would ruin your life. All because she’d first chosen the wrong one, Holly thought. “That’s why I can’t make a mistake with this. It has to be perfect.”

  “It’s as perfect as it’s going to get.” He turned back

  in his seat.

  Holly did a quick inventory of their brief life together. She certainly wouldn’t call it perfect, but then again she had to concede that it had been nice. It was nice to share meals with someone, and stories of your past. Getting to know Gabe was an adventure. And aside from the recent comment about her thinking, he’d accepted her, flaws and all. She’d never given anyone a chance to do that before.

  Gabe watched her then shook his head. “Why am I bothering?” He opened the door and climbed out of the car, stepping into the icy wind.

  Holly followed. “Where are you going? You can’t leave.”

  “I’m not leaving, Holly. I’m driving. You’re making

  me crazy.”

  Her jaw dropped and she stood there staring at him. “Why do you make my head spin when I’m around you?”

  “Chandra says it’s because you like me and just won’t admit it.”

  It could have been the wind blowing straight through her, or the fact that maybe he was right, that pierced her gut and prickled on her skin. “I don’t like you.”

  “Too bad.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” But at this point she didn’t know what she meant. She shivered in the cold, a sharp contrast to the angry heat that boiled in her. Yes, she liked him, or she wanted to at least. “Get in the car.” He took a step to move around her.

  “No.”

  “I’m freezing out here. Did you not see the wall of snow headed our way?” He pointed off to the west and over the mountains to the big gray band of clouds that slowly enveloped the mountain range

  “I’m not done talking to you.”

  “It didn’t seem like you were talking to me at all.”

  She stomped her foot, took a deep breath, and grabbed the lapel of his coat. She dragged him against her until he stumbled and had to grab hold of the car to hold himself up. She pressed her cold lips to his and kissed him until her mind was blank and her breath was gone.

  “There. I feel better now,” she said as she let go of his coat.

  “Warmed me up. What’s going on?”

  Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. “I’ll marry you.”

  The corner of his mouth turned upward, and he raised his eyebrows. “Did I ask?”

  She dropped her shoulders and let the weight of disappointment sink into her gut. “Don’t make me feel like an idiot.”

  Gabe smiled and wrapped his arms around her waist.

  “Holly, will you marry me?”

  His body blocked the wind that had been assaulting her skin. The warmth of his touch soothed the cold and her nerves. He gave her comfort, and she had to admit to herself that she truly enjoyed that. “Yes.”

  “That’s a great start.” He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and tucked his hand under her coat. He rested it on her stomach. “You don’t have to love me, that’s okay. But I want you to know I love this baby with everything that I am. And that makes you one very special person. I won’t tell you again that I love you until you’re ready, but Holly, I think I do.”

  “Gabe…”

  “Now you know where I stand, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “And do you want to discuss big weddings with your mother, or should we plan to go and get married on a lunch break?” He smiled, and she rested her head on his shoulder.

  “No big wedding. But no lunchtime wedding either. Maybe a little something at Thanksgiving when your parents

  are here.”

  “That would make me very happy.”

  “And it’s a formality.” She lifted her head and met his eyes, needing him to understand.

  He gritted his teeth. “I see.”

  She lifted her head higher and tightened her muscles as though she were bracing for a fight. “I’ve worked very hard, and I own my own car and I have my own house.”

  Gabe took a step back. “What exactly is your point?”

  “It means this is to appease my mother.” That much was true. Holly didn’t need marital bliss. She just needed it on

  paper. Especially since she didn’t really know Gabe at all. At least that was what the nagging feeling in her gut made her think. “It means that it will give our baby a last name. It means…”

  “It means that Holly Jacobs is married before her baby

  comes into the world, but she has no plans to love her husband or live with him.” He dropped his hands. “You’re a piece

  of work.”

  Her mouth dropped open and she sucked in a blast of cold air. “Do you expect me to give up everything?”

  “I expect you to meet me halfway.” He stepped away from her. “We’re going to be late.”

  Holly stood a moment longer. Why couldn’t he see that her every move from the moment she’d met him had been a mistake? It was all backward, and none of it was going to work out. He was foolish to think otherwise. In the end, it would be her and the baby. She’d known it in her heart from the moment she saw the positive result on the EPT stick.

  She walked around the car and got in. Gabe slid behind the wheel and slammed the door.

  Her mother was going to see past each and every one of her lies. Nausea washed over her, and she fought it off. Why couldn’t her life have been normal?

  The only talking they did was when she gave him directions to the house. He pulled up and put the car in park.

  She looked up at the house and saw the curtain move. Her mother was already waiting for her. “Maybe you should just come back for me in an hour.”

  “I’m starting to not like this coward you are.” He climbed from the car and walked around to her door.

  “Really, Gabe. I’ve always been a coward. You met me in my one moment of not being a coward.” She took the hand he offered her and climbed out of the car. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably and a sea of nausea washed over her. “I don’t feel good.”

  “You’re pregnant. You have good reason.”

  “It’s not that.”

  “Please, let’s just get inside. Tell your parents I knocked you up and we’re having a baby. Give the damn ring back if you have to.”

  “You’re mad.”

  He dropped her hand and turned so his back was to the house. “Yes. I’m mad. You think you’re the only one whose life has been turned upside down with this. But so has mine. However, unlike you, I see this as an opportunity. A new start. Something exciting. Something worth trying for.” He tugged at the collar of his jacket. “You see it as a death sentence.”

  She opened her mouth to speak then closed it again. He was right. She wasn’t being fair to either one of them with her outlook on it, but she couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry.”

  “I know you are, but I’m not. So I’m going up those stairs, and I’m going to meet the grandmother of my child. I’m going to be pleasant and cordial. I’m going to keep my damn mouth shut and let you decide your path. But know this, whatever you tell them, you have to live with. If I’m just some bastard who got you pregnant, then that’s what I’ll always be. If you want to accept my proposal and get married, then I’ll be the very best fiancé and husband. If you just want me to be the friend who will raise your baby with you, then you have that. But be very careful with your next words. You’re going to have to live with them for the rest of your life.”

  “Fine by me.” She winced from the pain she’d created for him and, to a lesser degree, from the discomfort her own web of lies was causing her.

  Gabe turned as her father opened the door. He lifted a hand in a wave, and his scowl was replaced by a smile.

  “Hi, Ed.”

  “She got you away from work?” Her father nodded slowly.

  “Yeah. I needed a day off. My
bartender was getting sassy.” He reached inside the car for the bottle of wine and then shut the door.

  He took her hand and they walked toward the house. Why couldn’t she have his confidence? Or at least fake it. A moment ago he’d been furious with her, and now he was easily having a conversation with her father and holding her hand, rubbing his

  thumb over her skin.

  She, however, just might throw up on her mother’s expensive Persian carpet.

  Her father looked at her as she neared the door. “You look downright pale. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, Daddy.” She let go of Gabe’s hand and wrapped her arms around her father’s neck. “I’ll be fine.”

  “It’s going to be okay,” he whispered in her ear before she let go and he shook Gabe’s hand. “Trudy is in the kitchen. She put on a turkey this morning.” He shut the door and led them to the back of the house. “I told her we were going to be tired of it by Thanksgiving.”

  Her mother was basting the large bird when they walked through the door of the kitchen.

  “Oh you’re here.” She made a little squeal, and Holly reached for Gabe’s hand again. “This bird is almost done.” She smiled at Holly, shifted her eyes to Gabe, and then back before she gave Holly an awkward hug. “I’m glad you came.”

  “Mom, this is Gabriel Maguire.”

  “Gabriel, it’s nice to finally meet you.” She shook his hand.

  “It’s Gabe. And thank you.” He held out the bottle of wine. “This is for you. My bartender picked it out. I hope it’s a good one. If it’s not, it’s completely her fault.” He laughed easily and Holly watched as her mother’s hardness melted.

  “Thank you. Holly, go hang up your coats. Ed?” She turned with the wine. “Open this.”

  Holly pulled Gabe through the hallway to the closet by the front door. She opened it and sighed.

  “Step one. You seem to have softened her up.”