It Had to Be Him

by Tamra Baumann

  As he hit the highway, he let out a long, slow breath. No. That wasn’t fair. What did he know about parents and setting examples? Hell, what did he know about relationships? Meg was the only woman he’d ever had a real one with, and he’d screwed that up good.

  He needed to look at it from her perspective. It was his fault she didn’t trust him. He’d just up and left her. Then stayed away for three years, without sending a dime to help raise Haley. He was probably expecting too much, too soon. Maybe when he could tell her the truth they could start over.

  But he hoped to God she hadn’t been serious about sleeping with frickin’ Toby!

  After hours of aimless driving, he was so tired all he wanted was to flop face-first into bed. But overwhelming concern made him aim his truck down Meg’s grandmother’s driveway. He parked next to Meg’s car and got out. She’d had a crappy day and their argument couldn’t have helped.

  He’d probably get shot again if he wasn’t careful, but he needed to be sure she was all right.

  After softly closing his truck’s door, he tested the handle on the guesthouse. It was locked, for a change. He got some tools from his truck, quickly picked the lock, then stepped inside. Walking toward the open door to the bedroom, he pulled up short. A sliver of moonlight shining through the mostly closed curtain showed the bed was made and empty. Haley was spending the night with Casey, so had Megan decided to spend the night with Toby after all?

  A whole new wave of anger surged through him. Not caring if Grandma heard him, he slammed the front door, and then his truck’s door, before peeling out of the driveway.

  He’d been willing to grovel, do whatever it took, but he drew the line at Meg sleeping with other men. If she wanted Toby then she could just damn well have him.

  Whatever.

  Hope she had a good time.

  Not bothering to keep his speed in check, he circled the lake and then pulled into the driveway of the lodge.

  He got out, cursed the unlocked front door, then stepped inside the darkened home. Not bothering to turn on the lights, he went into the kitchen and yanked the refrigerator door open. He needed a damn beer. Or three.

  He grabbed a bottle, twisted the top off, and drank half of it in one pull before heading for the living room to watch ESPN. Hopefully box scores would remove the image of Meg and Toby going at it that was etched on his brain.

  A small lamp in the living room cast its glow on Meg, curled up in a tight ball on the couch. She’d fallen asleep still clutching a candy wrapper in her hand. A pile of tinfoil on the coffee table next to her head indicated she’d been there for a while. When upset, chocolate was her go-to cure.

  Her bare legs peeked out from beneath one of his T-shirts. Why her wearing his shirts was sexier to him than any of her fancy underwear was a mystery he’d yet to solve.

  She must’ve been trying to wait up for him like she used to do whenever they needed to talk.

  Relieved she hadn’t slept with Toby, Josh put his beer bottle on the coffee table, switched off the lamp, and lifted her into his arms. He’d let her have his bed and he’d sleep on one of the twin beds down the hall.

  Her eyes slowly blinked open. “Hi. Are you still mad?”

  He nodded as he carried her toward the bedroom. That she’d asked him to be nothing more than an end to her sexual drought still pissed the shit out of him.

  “I’m sorry, Josh.” She laid her hand on his cheek. “I thought you didn’t want me so I was embarrassed. I’d never just use you, because I care about you.”

  “Okay.” He pulled the covers back and tucked her in much like he’d done with Haley the other day. “Night, Meg.”

  He turned to leave, but she grabbed his hand and tugged until he sat on the bed beside her. The last thing he wanted to do was stay and discuss his damn feelings. Telling her that wouldn’t do any good. She’d say her piece anyway.

  “In the past when I’ve annoyed you, you’d grumble and maybe even growl at me, but you’ve never yelled at me. My father has yelled at me my whole life and I hate it. That you never did was one of the things I used to love about being with you.”

  He’d been trained to hold his temper, especially under duress. It was the one time he’d failed. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “I’m glad you did. You’re so even-keeled I sometimes forget you can be hurt too.”

  “You agreed to give me a second chance, Meg. That can’t include other men.”

  “I haven’t been with anyone else since you, Josh. So we’re good there.” She squeezed his hand. “After you left earlier, I realized what I really needed from you was . . .” She stared into his eyes for a moment, then looked away. “Never mind. It’s late.”

  No one else since him?

  Slowly tilting her chin so she had no choice but to look into his eyes, he said, “What do you need, Meg?”

  She bit her bottom lip, blinking back tears.

  Meg wasn’t a crier. Her almost-tears destroyed him.

  She finally whispered, “Would you hold me? Just until I fall asleep?”

  That’s what she’d struggled to ask for? He’d thought she was about to ask for his left kidney. His anger with her totally vaporized. “Absolutely.”

  He stripped to his boxers, then slipped beside her and pulled her against his chest. “Will you do something for me now?”

  “Depends. You’re sneaky.” She snuggled closer. “I’m not agreeing to anything in advance.”

  “I want a date this weekend. A real one. Just me and you.”

  “Can’t. I already have plans. Friday, Pam’s hosting a girls’ night. And Saturday is the annual Anderson Butte Founder’s Day celebration. All Andersons are required to attend.”

  He waited to see if she’d connect the dots, but wasn’t going to do it for her.

  She sighed. “Oh. That’s right. I’m not an Anderson, am I?” Meg turned in his arms and faced him. “But I guess I always will be, on paper. I’d like it if you went with me and Haley.” She laid a quick kiss on his lips. “I don’t usually put out on the first date, but I might make an exception in your case.”

  “Does that mean you’re willing to give me a real chance now?”

  “I’ve been thinking about that all night. Of all the men who have hurt me . . . you wield the sharpest blade, Josh.”

  He rolled on top of her to drive his point home, and stared into her pretty eyes. “That I yelled at you shows your blade isn’t a dull one either. But for me, I know it’s because I love you, Meg.”

  She closed her eyes and huffed out a breath. “Even though I’m probably going to regret this, I’ll try. To forgive you and have a relationship. But you should know that my grandmother will shoot you dead if you hurt me again.”

  No doubt she would. A few others in town might too. “Not going to be a problem.” She’d understand why he had to lie to her when the truth came out. He hoped.

  “We’ll see.” She gave him a squeeze. “Night.”

  “Night.” He flipped their positions and tucked her head under his chin. How he was going to keep things G-rated with her hot body so near his all night he didn’t know, but he’d finally gotten a real commitment from her.

  A big step in the right direction.

  Meg blinked her eyes open, spotting a steaming mug of coffee on the nightstand. But the sound of the shower running a few feet away was more tempting than even her beloved first hit of caffeine in the morning. Josh was naked and wet in there.

  When she’d woken a few times in the night, Josh’s arms had still been wound around her.

  Because Josh was pretty much a twenty-minute-cuddle kind of guy, she’d only asked him to stay until she fell asleep, never expecting him to hold her all night long. Her heart glowed warmly at that, but her body ached for him.

  She opened the nightstand drawer, hoping Josh had thought ahead and bought condoms. When she spotted a mighty Trojan warrior she smiled and scooped up a package. Reconsidering, she grabbed two.

  After
throwing the covers back, she drew Josh’s big T-shirt over her head and then slipped out of her panties. The shower was a small one, but they’d make it work. Josh had always been inventive in tight spaces.

  Just the side of Josh’s head was visible above the shower door, but the outline of his big, muscular body through the frosted glass sent heat pooling between her legs. His head swiveled in her direction just as she pulled the door open and slipped between him and the stream of water.

  When the arctic spray hit her back, it stole the air from her seizing lungs. “What . . . the . . . ?” She turned around and reached for the hot water handle. It was completely off, so she turned it up all the way, unable to draw a full breath until the water warmed. She tossed the condoms in the soap dish, then faced him again, annoyed by his big smirk. “Jeez, you could’ve warned me!”

  “It was more fun this way.” Still chuckling, he drew her against his hard, wet, freezing chest, sending a chill racing up her spine. It was probably how Bella felt when Edward the vampire held her in that movie. Although Edward didn’t have all of Josh’s big, sexy muscles.

  When his cold skin hardened her nipples, Josh groaned. “You being here is defeating the purpose of my cold shower.”

  “That was the plan.” As her mouth found his, she pressed her needy, aching breasts harder against his chest and slipped her arms around him. Her hands moved lower and found his perfect ass, giving it a soft squeeze. God, she’d missed his fantastic body.

  Josh’s eyes darkened as he pressed her against the cool, lime-green tile at her back. The desire in his gaze as he checked out her body from head to toe set her on fire. He palmed both of her breasts and grinned naughtily.

  The steam billowed around them as he lowered his mouth to her chest, sucking and teasing her nipples. When he bit lightly, it sent a jolt straight to her core. Multiple orgasms looked promising. She was already almost there.

  Her knees grew weaker with each hot stroke of his tongue. “Josh, I . . .” When his lips moved to her earlobe and nibbled, she forgot what she wanted to say.

  His hand slid between her legs and stars appeared before her eyes.

  Three years was a long time, dammit. She grabbed his face and kissed him. Hard.

  His tongue danced with hers as he pressed her against the shower wall again. He lifted her legs to his waist as his kisses grew deeper, firmer, and needier.

  Any second now he’d put her out of her misery. She wanted to tell him to hurry up about it, but didn’t want to stop kissing him long enough to do it. Her whole body was on fire, ready to explode.

  At first she thought the buzzing in her ears was caused by the molten blood pounding through her veins, but then it became a voice. Her sister called out from the hallway just outside the master bedroom. “Meg? Where are you? Haley needs you.”

  The cold water earlier couldn’t have squelched her inner fire faster than hearing that.

  Seriously? Now?

  Dammit!

  She called out, “In the shower. Be right there.” She pressed her forehead against Josh’s and sighed. “I’m sorry.”

  “Go.” He pushed the door open for her, then cranked the hot water off again.

  She dried off, wrapped her hair up in the towel, and slipped into her clothes from the day before. While still pulling her T-shirt down, she made her way to the kitchen. When Haley saw her, tears filled her baby’s little brown eyes.

  Guilt stabbed Meg in the heart for her frustration at being interrupted. Even if it was only for a second. “What’s wrong, Bug?”

  “It was dark. I got scared.” Haley struggled to fill her lungs with air as Casey put her down. “I couldn’t find you.”

  Casey winced. “I left the blackout curtains drawn. She was so sound asleep, I didn’t want to wake her. When I went back to check on her a few minutes later she was crying and upset. I’m sorry.”

  Meg scooped Haley up and forced a smile. It was hard to tell if the crying was making it hard to breathe or if she was having an asthma attack. Stress could trigger them. “Everything’s fine now, baby. Did you take your medicine?”

  When Haley shook her head, Casey said, “She wanted you to give it to her. I brought it along.”

  Haley had to eat before she took her meds, so Meg yanked the refrigerator door open and dug through all the food Josh had thankfully added. While she looked, Josh, who’d arrived a few seconds earlier but hadn’t said anything, came up behind her and took Haley from her arms. “There’s oatmeal in the cupboard, Meg.”

  After he nodded a greeting at Casey, who couldn’t have possibly missed that they’d both come from the master bedroom with wet hair, he set Haley on the countertop. “I had asthma when I was your age too. Know what I used to do when I’d get scared and had a hard time breathing?”

  Haley shook her head as she panted for air.

  “I used to take care of lots of animals on the ranch where I grew up, but I had a favorite one named Charlie. All I had to do was close my eyes and think of him. It helped me breathe better.”

  “Was Charlie your doggy?”

  “Nope. He’s a horse, and he still lives on the ranch. He was just a colt, a baby, when he came to stay with us.”

  Haley’s eyes grew wide. “You had a baby horse?”

  Josh fished his phone from his jeans pocket. “He isn’t mine, he belongs to someone at the ranch. But he was my best friend while I lived there. Want to see some pictures?”

  When a smile lit Haley’s face as she leaned closer to see Josh’s phone, Meg’s shoulders relaxed. It was just the crying making it hard for Haley to breathe. She was fine now.

  Casey found a little plastic jar of honey shaped like a bear to sweeten the oatmeal and handed it to Meg as they waited for Haley’s breakfast to heat in the ancient microwave. Casey whispered, “Granger carries pictures of a horse in his phone? Never would’ve guessed that one.”

  It was sweet that Josh carried pictures of Charlie in his phone, and at the same time sad that Josh’s best friend had been a horse. Meg whispered back, “Me either. Now I’m curious to see what other pictures are in there.”

  “While you’re at it, you should delete the one he probably took a few minutes ago of you, naked, in the shower. Wouldn’t want it to end up on the Internet one day . . . ho!”

  Meg laughed as she shot an elbow into Casey’s ribs. Keeping her voice to a whisper, she said, “You’re still the bigger ho. We didn’t get to finish.”

  Casey pulled Meg close. “Maybe that’s a good thing. Ryan is worried. You need to be careful.”

  She was worried too. Not that Josh was anything but what he said, but that she’d handed her heart over to a man she still feared would hurt her again.

  When the microwave beeped, Meg got Haley’s breakfast ready. Josh sat her in front of it at the table.

  Haley happily dug in, and then with her mouth full said, “I’m gonna ask Santa for a horse, or a doggy. Then I can breathe better like you, Daddy.”

  Josh’s mouth tilted into a big grin. Probably because it was the first time she’d ever called him Daddy. “Good idea, Haley.”

  What? No!

  As her traitorous sister chuckled, Meg opened her mouth to do damage control, but Josh was quicker. He laid his mouth on hers and kissed her.

  When she didn’t have enough working brain cells to tell him he was in trouble, he leaned back and shot her a cute smile. “Gotta go. Have a nice day, ladies.” Then he strolled out the door.

  She’d have to set him straight later on the dog thing. Preferably when he and his sexy mouth were far across the room.

  Josh and Zeke, working side by side to classic rock because it was Josh’s day to pick the music, stripped the salvageable parts from Meg’s old car. There weren’t many to choose from.

  A chime sounded from his back pocket. Josh wiped his hands on a rag before pulling out his cell. The text was from his former handler, Watts. Heads up. Someone’s coming to look into that matter. Suggestions on times?

  The c
ryptic message referred to the reason Josh couldn’t tell Meg about his past as an agent yet. While the mobsters behind the online gambling ring had either killed one another or were behind bars due to Josh’s testimony, there were still loose ends to tie up. Meg’s father being one of them.

  His thumbs tapped. Saturday. Picnic in the afternoon/evening. Should keep him occupied.

  Watts wrote, Got it. Done with your little vacation? You can have your job back anytime.

  Vacation? It would have been just a matter of time until every bit of his soul had been sucked away if he hadn’t quit. Nope. How soon before it’s over?

  Going for the source. Soon.

  That probably meant they were going to place tracking software on the mayor’s computers to see if he was bouncing his signal to hide activity. Could be that Meg’s father just gambled online sometimes, unknowingly involving himself in their case. But where there’s smoke . . . Let me know when.

  Will do. Still can’t believe you gave up a stellar career for a woman.

  That didn’t even deserve a response.

  Meg was what he’d been missing his whole life. He’d tried once to mix those lives and lost Meg. This time would be different.

  Just as Josh was about to put his phone away, it beeped again with an e-mail from Eric.

  thx for the pix and the dog food. mr. j says I can only keep 1 pup. can u help me find homes? A picture of all three black-and-white balls of fur appeared under the text.

  Haley would happily take one of them off Eric’s hands. Maybe he’d just have to adopt one himself. Meg couldn’t complain because the dog would technically belong to him.

  I’ll ask around. Everything else going okay? Josh poked the button to send the e-mail and then put his phone away.

  Zeke cocked his head. “Now that you’re done with your fancy phone there, want to get back to work? This whole shooting the car up was your big idea, after all. Should be a good show.”

  “Yep.” Josh leaned down to start on the trigger device. He’d run into the fire chief, Abe, at the diner earlier. Abe had been at the bar for the dart competition the other night and asked if he could use Meg’s old car for a fire drill once they were done shooting it up. Two birds. One stone.