It Had to Be Him

by Tamra Baumann

  “I committed to Josh and look what that got me.”

  “Then you must love him enough to give him a second chance. He was just doing his job and you got caught up in that. Josh loves you, and I don’t want to see you throw it all away because you’re afraid to be hurt.”

  “How can you say that after your nasty divorce? I hated how badly Tomas hurt you.”

  Casey nodded. “I hated how much he hurt me too, the cheating bastard. But I don’t regret marrying him. I have my boys I wouldn’t trade for the world. And we were really happy for a while. The best thing I took away from my divorce was it made me realize I’m strong enough to deal with whatever life throws at me. I’m responsible for my own happiness. If you push Josh away, will that make you happy?”

  “But I’m not strong like you, Casey.” Meg fought to stop them, but warm tears rolled down her cheeks. “He broke my heart again and I’m just barely hanging on here. I’m trying to stay brave in front of the kids, but what if I’m not strong enough to deal with whatever life throws at me and I screw everything up again? And now I have Haley to worry about too, so then what?”

  Casey pulled Meg toward her and squeezed tight. “Then we’ll be here to pick you up and dust you off just like before. But you are strong enough, Meg.” Casey kissed the top of Meg’s head. “I’ve always believed in you. I just wish you’d believe in yourself for a change.”

  “Easier said than done.” Meg let Casey hold her for a few minutes while she pulled herself together. She wanted to go home, hide under the covers, and hope the pain would ease by the morning.

  Wiping her tears, she leaned back. “Can I borrow a Jet Ski to get home?”

  “I had Trent leave you one at the end of the dock. I love you. Call me later, okay?”

  “’Kay. Love you too.” Her mind whirling with what her sister had said, Meg slowly made her way down to the dock. She slipped into her life jacket, stowed her food, then turned the key that was dangling in the ignition. Cranking the gas, she tore away from the dock.

  What was she going to do? Just because everyone told her she should consider forgiving Josh didn’t mean she could. His betrayal made it hard to even think about him, much less look at him. How could she let someone with the power to hurt her so deeply back into her life again?

  She wasn’t Casey. She wasn’t the girl who had all the answers and did everything right. She was the screwup her dad worried would ruin his fine reputation. And now Amber had made sure the whole town remembered that was exactly what Meg was.

  Pulling up to her new dock, she spotted Grandma’s car in the drive.

  Great. That’s all she needed. Someone else telling her how to feel.

  She tossed the life jacket and her dinner onto the dock, then hauled herself up and made her way to the back door. She crossed through the laundry room and into the kitchen to put the food in the fridge. She unloaded the bag and found a meatball sub, a bag of chips, a turkey sandwich, and a fruit cup.

  Her grandmother called out, “Megan? What in tarnation took you so long? Get in here right now, young lady.”

  Steeling herself for one more conversation she didn’t want to have, she grabbed her bag of Dove chocolates off the counter, went to the living room, and pulled up short.

  Grandma sat in a rocking chair pointing a rifle at Josh, who was sitting on the couch with his arms crossed.

  Meg tossed the bag of candy on the coffee table. “What’s going on, Grandma?”

  Grandma slowly rose from her chair, threw her gun over her shoulder, and picked up her cane before heading for the front door. “You two are going to stay in here until you work everything out. I’ll be right outside on the front porch, so don’t try anything funny.”

  The front door closed firmly behind her.

  Crap!

  So everyone had been in on it. Aunt Gloria, Casey keeping the kids, and Grandma kidnapping Josh at gunpoint. Never a dull day in Anderson Butte. But just for once, couldn’t everyone mind their own business?

  When she finally met Josh’s gaze, the pain in his eyes matched hers, and her stomach sank. What was she going to do?

  What she really wanted was to curl up in a ball in her bed. Was that so much to ask? She said, “You can go out the back if you want. There’s a Jet Ski that needs to be returned to the hotel anyway.”

  Josh’s right brow popped up. “And risk getting shot by your grandmother again? I don’t think so.”

  “She won’t really shoot you.”

  “Says the woman with cute little buckshot scars on her ass to the man still recovering from the last time your crazy grandma shot me.” He rubbed his left arm where Grams had tagged him.

  He stood and walked toward her.

  She stepped backward with each of his forward steps until her knees hit the rocking chair Grandma had been sitting in. “I can’t do this, Josh.”

  “I hated that I had to lie to you, Meg. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to fix this.”

  She shook her head. “There’s nothing that will fix what you’ve done to us. I’ll . . . just . . . go.”

  He reached out and took her hand, but she pulled it out of his grasp. On a sigh he said, “Your grandmother can’t force you to forgive me. And neither can I. Only you can decide if you will or can.” He tilted her chin with his finger and stared into her eyes. “Tell me you don’t love me, Meg, and I’ll take my chances and be the one to go.”

  He’d always seen right through her. It was his so-called superpower in the FBI. If she told him she didn’t love him he’d know it was a lie. Because she did. Maybe too much. It was the trusting he wouldn’t hurt her again that she struggled with.

  She couldn’t think straight when he touched her. “I’ll be right back.”

  Meg slipped around him and practically ran to the master bedroom. She smacked the door closed behind her and crossed to the bathroom sink. After washing her face and blowing her nose, she sank onto the bed and held her head in her hands. Why wouldn’t everyone leave her alone so she could work everything out by herself?

  Easy for all of them to say that he was just doing his job. They weren’t the ones who’d have to live with a man who’d lied to her since the day they’d met.

  Her girlfriends were right. Trust didn’t come easy to Meg. But could she trust her heart, which was screaming that it wanted Josh’s love even if he’d probably hurt her again?

  Even if she could forgive him the lying, her old worry that Josh would get bored in Anderson Butte and leave raised its ugly head again. And now she was committed to staying. But would she wake up one morning with a note on her pillow telling her he had to go?

  If he up and left them, Haley would be heartbroken too.

  She flopped onto her back and closed her eyes as tears leaked past her ears. What was she going to do?

  After a few minutes, she got her emotions back in check enough to go tell her grandmother to leave. Meg needed some time to figure things out. On her own, without anyone’s help. Just like her father had said.

  As she walked toward the bedroom door, she tossed the tissue still wadded up in her hand into the trash can. It landed on an envelope with her name on it.

  Curious, she pulled the envelope out and went back to sit on the bed. It was Josh’s handwriting on the outside. The letter was addressed to her, care of Anderson Butte, Colorado.

  Why would he have written her a letter?

  She ripped it open and unfolded the slightly faded, handwritten note. It was written on lined yellow paper. The date on top was the day they’d broken up, three years earlier.

  Meg,

  If you’re receiving this, the worst has happened, but I couldn’t leave this world with you thinking I didn’t love you and our unborn child. I couldn’t tell you before, but I’m an undercover FBI agent. I had to leave to keep you and our baby safe.

  My will leaves all I have to you, so you should soon receive a large sum of money to help raise our child. If not, please contact Agent Watts at the FBI and he’ll
be sure you do.

  I wish we could have watched our child grow together, but I take comfort in knowing you’ll be his or her fantastic mother. You’re the strongest, kindest person I know even though you’d be the first to deny it. My greatest hope is that our child will have your incredible spirit. I’ll miss that about you. You brought light to my dark when I needed it the most.

  Maybe after reading this, you’ll be able to forgive me for falling in love with you at the worst possible time. But the short time we had together was the best of my life.

  Love, Josh

  He’d written the letter in case he got killed? The words swam with her tears as she read the letter again.

  He thought she was a strong person? And a good mother before Haley had even been born? But was she strong enough to handle whatever might happen if she took Josh back and it didn’t work out again?

  Josh evidently believed it.

  He’d been doing his job and she’d gotten caught up in it. Just like Casey had said. He really did love her. He’d had no choice but to leave her.

  And he had more faith in her than she did. She couldn’t argue with the hard proof she held in her hands.

  He’d just sworn to her he’d never leave her and Haley again.

  She folded the letter and tucked it into her pocket to keep.

  Forever.

  To remind her the next time her stupid insecurities made her doubt his love for her again, because she tended to do that. Maybe one day she’d get past that tendency, but for now his letter had been just what she’d needed to give her the courage to try.

  Meg jumped off the bed and ran for the kitchen. She pulled what she was after out of the fridge and then made her way to the living room.

  When Meg walked into the living room with her hand behind her back, Josh’s stomach clenched as he stood. “Did you decide what you want to do?”

  “I think so. But I need to ask you a couple of questions first. Are you certain you can be happy living here, in such a small town and working for Zeke, long term?”

  That she’d ask the question meant she was reconsidering. His knotted stomach muscles loosened a fraction. “I love it here. The way everyone knows everyone else. And I’d forgotten how much I enjoy mechanical work. Zeke has been wanting to retire, so he’s giving me the business to run. He’s also donating some land he owns just outside of town so I can start a summer camp for kids like Eric. I hoped you’d help me with that.”

  “You won’t miss all the excitement and intrigue?” Her forehead scrunched. “Because I’m still not sure who the real Josh is. This guy who likes to work on engines and help kids, or the agent who lived an exciting life and can lie like no one I’ve ever met.”

  He took a step closer to get a better look into her eyes. Uncertainty shone brightly along with her unshed tears.

  He wanted to hold her. To wrap her up and reassure her she’d always be enough for him. But she wasn’t ready for that, so he stuck his hands in his front pockets. “I’m all those things, Meg. No doubt, I joined the FBI for the excitement, but more to be a part of something important. I was good at what I did, but I had no one to miss me if some of the guys I put behind bars decided to retaliate. Then you came into my life and showed me what I’d been missing. I liked to think someone would care if I was gone, that maybe you and Haley . . . needed me?”

  “We did need you, Josh.” A tear spilled over and down her cheek. “Still do. Dammit, I’m just going to do this.” She whipped a hand out from behind her back. “Here.”

  He blinked for a moment, struggling to understand the meaning behind her gift. “You’re giving me a fruit cup?”

  “Yes. Don’t you remember?”

  When he shook his head, she sighed. “You told me nothing says love like a fruit cup. So I’m giving you one. Jeez. You aren’t making this any easier on me, Josh!”

  His heart nearly beat out of his chest as he laughed and pulled her close. “Say it. Or I’m not taking you back.”

  “I’m the one doing the taking back here!” She poked him in the ribs. “But all right.”

  She leaned back and smiled. “I love you, Josh. I don’t know if things are going to work out, but I’m willing to try because I like my life better when you’re in it.”

  “I’ve liked my life a whole lot better since the day I met you, Meg.” He kissed her. “And I’m going to spend the rest of it showing you how much I love both you and Haley. Now let’s go tell your grandmother the news. Maybe we’ll be able to walk out of here alive.”

  The next morning, Meg stood beside Josh and Haley as they watched Eric drive a soccer ball down the field. The score was tied, one to one.

  Josh picked Haley up and then slid his arm around Meg’s waist, pulling her close. She snuggled against his side, grateful for her family’s meddling for a change. She would have pushed him away to save herself future pain, but now she’d made up her mind to live in the moment and take life as it came.

  And for the moment, life was pretty darned good.

  Pam walked up beside her and drank deeply from her to-go mug of coffee. “Morning. How are you guys?”

  Josh smiled at her. “Great. How are you?”

  Pam’s eyes slid toward Toby. A sly grin tilted her lips. “Just fine, thank you.”

  Meg glanced at Toby in time to see a look pass between him and Pam. Grabbing Pam’s arm, Meg dragged her away from everyone. “Are you sleeping with Toby?”

  Pam chuckled. “We don’t do much sleeping, but yeah.”

  Concerned for her best buddy, Meg said, “You know he’s not the committing type. I couldn’t bear it if he broke your heart, Pam.”

  Pam laughed. “I’m not giving my heart to anyone but Mr. Right. And he hasn’t come along yet. Oh, I almost forgot, did you hear the news about Amber?”

  Meg wasn’t sure she wanted to know. “What? Has she cooked up a new scheme to make my life miserable?”

  “No. Nothing like that. Randy’s mother came in to see me for her perm yesterday. While she was under the dryer, Mrs. Jackson asked if it was true that Amber kicked Randy out!”

  “Did she?”

  Pam nodded. “Randy’s evidently banned from their house until he breaks it off with that waitress he’s seeing down south. He moved back home with Mommy yesterday.”

  Meg smiled. “Good for Amber.” As much as Amber could be a pain, Meg really did want the best for her. She always had, even when Amber had turned on her when they were kids. Maybe there was hope for her and Amber to patch things up yet.

  “Yeah. Well, gotta run. I have a cut and color in five minutes.” Pam hugged Meg. “I’m so happy you and Josh worked it all out.”

  “Me too.” Meg gave Pam a hard squeeze. “We’re going to work on finding you Mr. Right next.”

  Pam sighed. “Well, I’m certainly well acquainted with Mr. Wrong, so that’d be a nice change. See you later.”

  “Bye.” Pam wanted a husband and kids, but never complained. Meg would make it her mission to find a nice guy for her. Pam deserved the same newfound happiness Meg had.

  She walked back and stood by Josh again. Turning her attention back to the game, she winced. She’d never played soccer and was a little surprised at how rough it could be. When a really big kid tripped Eric and stole the ball, she opened her mouth to protest, but Josh beat her to it.

  He called out, “Where’s the card, ref?”

  She smiled as the referee tugged a yellow card from his back pocket and held it up. That set up some sort of penalty kick that had Eric lining up in front of the goal.

  She wasn’t sure she wanted to watch. What if he missed? It was just a game, but Eric seemed to love playing so much she hated to see him disappointed. He’d had way too much of that in his life recently.

  She circled her arm around Josh’s waist and squeezed as the ball flew toward the big goalie. It whooshed past the kid and into the net, and the crowd went wild. The ref blew time on his whistle and declared the Anderson Butte Rockies the winners.
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br />   Eric glanced their way and smiled as he jogged back to the sidelines to give his teammates and Toby high fives.

  After Eric packed up his gear and joined them, he still beamed a giant smile.

  Josh held up his fist for a bump. “Nice game, buddy.”

  Meg gave Eric a hug. “Glad you had fun today.”

  As she released Eric, Meg’s phone vibrated in her back pocket. She tugged it out and opened the text from Casey.

  Dad’s back and called a family meeting. Grams’ll keep the kids so you can come. Where r u?

  Meg tapped back, Park. Be there in 5.

  She turned to Josh. “Family meeting. Can you drop the kids off with my grandma?”

  He gave her a quick kiss. “Yep. See you later.”

  “Thanks.”

  Meg hit the stone steps of Town Hall. Her emotions were mixed—relief her dad was back so everyone in town could relax warred with the familiar dread that surfaced every time she was summoned to her father’s office. With Dragon Breath behind bars where she clearly belonged, Meg walked past the receptionist’s desk and toward her dad’s open door. Her brothers and sister were all deep in whispered conversation and had clearly started the meeting long before they’d invited her. Not sure what was up with that, she called out to her father, “Welcome back, jailbird.”

  Her siblings chuckled, but Sue Ann took her usual offense. “It’s not funny, Megan. Can’t you take anything seriously?”

  Meg sat in the empty chair beside Casey. “You must see the irony here, Sue Ann. For once it’s not me who’s been in trouble. But we all knew Dad wasn’t guilty.”

  Dad’s brows shot up. “You never doubted my innocence? Not even for a moment?”