Moments of Clarity (Moments Series Book 2)

by J B Heller

  I nod, tears filling my eyes, “My name?” I always thought my name was odd, but considering my brother’s name is Huxley I didn’t really put much thought into it. I just figured my parents like unusual names.

  Hux nods, “He became an alcoholic when my mum developed post-natal depression. He couldn’t handle it, and he blamed me. If she’d never had me, he never would have lost her,” he shrugs, “His anger was justified. It was the outlet he used that wasn’t.”

  Carter tenses even more beside me, and I glance at him from the corner of my eye. Something about what Hux had just said got to him. But I can’t dwell on it for longer than a moment, as Hux begins speaking again.

  “Words were his weapon of choice until I was about seventeen. That was the first time he hit me intentionally, and it was also the last. I left not long after, and I severed all ties with everyone from here,” he glances at his wife, tears gleam in her eyes. “I didn’t come back for five years.”

  My forehead wrinkles as I frown, “Where did you go?”

  Hux lifts one shoulder in a shrug, and scratches at his temple, “As far away as I could. Then fate, in the form of my friend Bianca, intervened and brought me back to El. That’s also when Dad sort me out, he wasn’t the same man I had grown up with. He was different, sober for one, and he wasn’t alone,” Hux’s eyes meet my mother’s, and he smiles sadly at her. “Viv had given him a second chance at life, allowed him to rewrite his story, and then you came along, and gave us all a second chance at something better.”

  My heart pounds in my chest, as for the first time since the funeral, I watch tears spill down my mother’s cheeks. I reach out to her, and she accepts my gesture, wrapping her fingers with mine and squeezing them tight.

  I have to close my eyes as it all begins to slowly sink in. My gentle, loving father had once been an abusive alcoholic. My caring, generous, affectionate Papa, was a monster filled with hate and violence.

  How?

  How can he have been two completely different people?

  I can’t picture him that way. I can’t even imagine it. It just doesn’t make any sense to me. I feel like we’re sitting here talking about two separate people, and definitely not my Papa.

  Silence fills the dining room, and I realise I’ve been holding my breath when Carter wraps an arm around my shoulders, whispering, “Breathe, baby,” in my ear.

  A deep whoosh of air leaves my lungs, and with it, everything I thought I knew about the man whom I measured every other against.

  My mum squeezes my hand again, bringing her eyes to mine as she tries to lift her lips in a smile. I can’t even do that much. She squeezes tighter, “He loved you both fiercely. And he did everything in his power to make sure he never made the same mistakes again,” she swallows as a new wave of emotion washes over her features, “He may not have been the father your brother deserved, but that man died the day you were born.”

  I nod at her, it’s all I can do. I have no more words. I need no more explanations.

  But my mum isn’t finished, “There’s more, it’s not just about your father, it’s about me too.”

  My eyes shoot to hers, fear spreading through me, I can’t take anymore, not today. I shake my head, “No, I don’t want to know.”

  A tear spills down her cheek, “No more secrets, sweetheart,” she tells me, and I don’t have a choice as she continues to speak. “I was an alcoholic before I met your father. My actions hurt the people. And I can never make amends the way your father did,” her eyes flash to Hux, and she says, “The way he tried to do.”

  She releases a deep breath, and closes her eyes, lowering her head she says, “Only your father knew my secret, and he kept it all these years. You see, when I was in my late twenties I came out the wrong side of a bad relationship with so many internal scars that I really should have sought counselling. But I chose to bury my pain in a bottle,” she chokes on her words and my heart clenches.

  “My friends urged me to seek help, but I refused. A year and many, many bad decisions later I made the biggest mistake of all. I got behind the wheel of my car with more alcohol than anything else flowing through my veins and decided I was going to kill myself,” her breath hitches as she fights back tears. “I was going to drive into a tree, that was my plan. But it didn’t work out that way.” She falls silent, and I watch as silent tears spill from her eyes, dripping from her lowered chin as she breathes deeply, trying to keep it together.

  I don’t know how much time passes when she begins to speak again, “I almost killed an entire family. Two children and their parents ended up in hospital with life threatening injuries because of my actions. The father had to have both his legs amputated at the knee. And the wife and children sustained terrible injuries as well.”

  I’m struggling to breathe, I’m consumed with heartache. Heartache for the pain and guilt my mother has silently lived with all these years. Heartache for the family whose lives were irrevocably altered that day. Heartache for my brother, who never felt the love of his mother, and suffered at the hands of his father.

  The harsh scrape of chair legs against the tiles is the only sound in the house as Hux pushes to his feet, rounds the table and pulls my mother into his arms. She accepts the comfort he offers her, then after a moment taps his arm for him to release her.

  My mother scrubs her face with her palms, “I haven’t had a drink since that day. But it was no easy feat, especially in the beginning. It was years later that I met Henry, and he was a mess. I saw my own pain in him, and when he began to take an interest in me, I told him the only way I would consider taking our friendship to the next level was if he attended AA with me. He started going the next week, and that’s who those people at the funeral were, they were our support network when we needed it most. And the man who delivered your father’s eulogy was his sponsor, and friend, Graham.”

  I just sit here, motionless. It’s too much. It’s all too much.

  Laying on Chance’s bed, I hold her as she clings to my arms wrapped tightly around her small body. She’s been quiet for so long, too long. I know she isn’t sleeping though, and I shift so I can brush a strand of hair off her face. “Come stay with me tonight,” I say when her eyes meet mine.

  I didn’t mean to say it, I didn’t even know I wanted her to until the words left my mouth.

  She blinks at me, then nods, “Okay,” she says and her voice is throaty and hoarse.

  Leaning down, I brush my lips over hers, “Come on, let’s get out of here. You need a change of scenery.”

  I begin sitting up when she grabs my arm, then pulls me back down to her and kisses me hard. I’ve been so gentle with her lately, not wanting to push things too far when she’s so fragile. But this kiss is anything but gentle.

  Her fingers wrap around the back of my neck, the other hand cups my cheek. When she breaks the kiss, tears shine in her eyes, “Thank you,” she whispers.

  I lower my forehead to rest on hers, “Anything for you, My Girl,” I assure her, pressing my lips to her cheek, “Anything.”

  Twenty minutes later, I pull into my parking spot at home and lead Chance through the back door into the house. I don’t know if my parents are home, and the house is so big we go days without seeing each other, which I’m fine with. Bells is out with Georgie tonight, seeing a new Disney movie and won’t be home until later, if at all.

  Georgie takes Bells to her place for slumber parties occasionally. And our parents don’t even notice. Georgie stopped letting them know what they were doing years ago, when she realised they really didn’t give a shit as long as they didn’t have to be there. She makes sure I always know what their plans are though.

  Chance looks at the bare walls as we make out way up the stairs to my room, “Is anyone home? It’s so quiet,” she says.

  I shrug, “My parents might be, I’m not sure. They stick to their side of the house, I stick to mine.”

  She nods, and doesn’t comment on the lack of care or interest I have for them.<
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  Sliding my key in the lock I open my bedroom door and stand back for Chance to go in first. She looks at the key in my hand with an inquisitive expression, “You lock your bedroom?”

  Closing the door behind me, I drop my keys in a bowl by the door, “Yeah, just when I’m not home. I don’t like the maid coming in when I’m not here. It feels weird.”

  If she thinks it’s strange, she doesn’t say anything. Instead, she surveys my room, which is more like a small apartment. I have a sitting area with a big black corner couch and TV, a bathroom, walk in closet, and a small fridge next to my king size bed.

  “What do you think?” I ask, when she doesn’t say anything for a few minutes.

  “It’s nice,” she answers, still looking around.

  I slide my hands into my pockets to stop myself from fidgeting. She’s making me nervous for some reason. I don’t get nervous around chicks, so I have no idea what is going on right now. “You want to watch a movie or something?” I ask.

  She turns around, looking at the couch, “That couch is huge,” she says but doesn’t move toward it.

  Something is off, she’s thinking something but she isn’t saying it, and that’s not like my Chance. She always speaks her mind. In fact, until now, I didn’t think she was capable of keeping her thoughts to herself. “What’s up, My Girl?” I close the space between us and take her small waist in my hands, needing to touch her.

  “How many girls have you brought here?” she asks without making eye contact, she’s still staring at the couch.

  I grit my teeth, but remind myself she’s been through a fuck load of shit and I can’t lose my shit for no reason. Instead, I drop my head to her shoulder and kiss her neck softly, “None,” I murmur in her ear, “None of the others mattered to me, I didn’t want them in my personal space,” I tell her the truth, and she relaxes against me.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be like that,” she says looking up into my eyes, “I know this is different, you and me, I know it is. But everything is falling apart, I guess I’m just waiting for this to join the rest of the wreckage that was my life.”

  I take her face in my palms, tilting her chin up, “I’m not going anywhere. You and me, we’re solid, I swear. You can drop your guard, baby,” I promise her, searching her eyes for her acceptance. She blinks several times before I see what I’m waiting for. Then, I kiss my girl the way I’ve wanted to for weeks.

  My tongue slides across her plump bottom lip until she parts them for me, allowing me entrance into her mouth. Moving my hands to her hips, I pick her up, she wraps her legs around my waist and tangles her fingers in my hair, moaning softly.

  My dick is pressing against my zipper uncomfortably, but I’m not stopping to adjust it. I can’t. I need this too much. Chance hasn’t said anything about the night her father died, but I can’t stop thinking about it. If he hadn’t died that night, would she have broken up with me?

  The thought has been eating at me and I can’t shake it. She ran out of the gym that night. She ran out on me. And I fucking need her to need me as much as I need her.

  She makes it easier to breathe, and I need her now the way I need to fight. Without it, without her, what will I become?

  Chance breaks the kiss, breathing hard, “What’s wrong? Where’d you go?”

  “Nowhere, I’m here, baby,” I tell her.

  She shakes her head and strokes my cheek with her fingertips, “No, you’re not,” she says, then taps my temple, “You’re in here.”

  I don’t know what to tell her, she’s not ready to hear all the things going on inside my head. She’s already dealing with so much. Keeping one hand wrapped around her hip to support her, I take her hand from my face and entwine my fingers with hers, “I’m here now,” then I kiss the back of her hand, never looking away from her eyes.

  “Carter?” she says softly.

  “Yeah, My Girl?”

  “Are you going to fuck me now?” she says with a sweet smile.

  I almost drop her, my dick strains harder against my zipper, and I breath through my nose as she grinds down on my erection. Moving to my bed, I lower her onto the plush bedspread, “No, My Girl, I’m going to make love to you first, then I’m going fuck you.”

  She shivers beneath me and I can’t hold myself back anymore. Grabbing the bottom of my shirt, I rip it over my head tossing it to the side, then I reach the collar of her shirt. Fisting it, I mutter, “I’ll buy you a new one,” as I rip it down the middle, exposing her creamy skin and tits encased in a simple black cotton bra.

  Nothing and nobody has ever been as sexy as she is in this moment. I can’t stop staring at her, running my hands over every available inch of skin I can see. Her chest rises and falls rapidly, and her small hands go to the button on her shorts.

  I shake my head, “Let me,” then I move her hands out of the way, and unclasp the button and zipper myself. She lifts her hips for me and I slide them down her legs, throwing them over my shoulder. Her underwear matches her bra, so simple, yet so perfect for her. They’re not flashy and expensive, but they’re still sexy as hell. Just like Chance.

  “You’re so beautiful,” I murmur as I wrap my hands around her ankles, spreading her legs apart so I can move between them.

  Her eyes blaze with desire and need, “Carter, fuck me first, make love to me later,” she begs “I need you.”

  Jesus fuck. Before I can stop her, she sits up, undoes my pants, and frees my aching cock. “Chance,” I growl, “Slow down, My Girl or it’s going to be over before it begins.”

  She grins wickedly at me and swipes her tongue over the tip of my cock, my head falls back as pleasure shoots down my spine. She wiggles out of the scraps of her shirt, then shifts to take me in her mouth, but I wrap my fist around her pony tail, stopping her.

  Her eyes find mine and I shake my head, “It’s my turn, I’ve been waiting too fucking long to taste you,” then I pull her legs out from under her until she’s lying flat on her back. Dropping to my haunches between her thighs I grin, “Hope you’re not attached to these,” then I rip her underwear away from her body and drop my mouth to her glistening pussy.

  Her back arches off the bed as her hands knot in my hair, “Carter. Oh God, Carter,” she cries, as my tongue circles her clit and my fingers dig into her fleshy thighs, spreading them wider.

  She tastes better than I imagined, and she’s dripping for me. “So wet, My Girl,” I growl against her opening, making her squirm. I slide two fingers inside her with ease, immediately searching for her g-spot, and she bucks when I find it. She’s so responsive to my touch, I’m in fucking heaven.

  Within minutes of putting my mouth on her she’s coming and it’s beautiful. I’ve never thought that before when making a girl come, but Chance is gorgeous. Her skin flushes as her neck arches and her lips part slightly with her soft whimpers of pleasure.

  I like that she doesn’t feel the need to amp it up, to be louder than she naturally is. My heart fills with something new as I watch her come down, her body relaxing into the bedspread, a contented smile tugging at her lips.

  Moving up her body I kiss her, letting her taste herself on my tongue, and she moans into my mouth, liking the taste.

  Her eyes travel down my body, hovering above hers, and stops at the purple head of my cock poking out the top of my open pants. She licks her lips causing an instant reaction, as tingles run down my spine. I know what she’s thinking, but I can’t let her take me in her mouth again, I’ll blow in seconds.

  “Give me a sec,” I tell her as I jump to my feet and run into my bathroom, rummaging in the drawers for a condom.

  When I come back out, she’s still laying on the bed the way I left her, her dark hair fans out around her as she stretches her arms above her head wearing nothing but her bra. “So, beautiful,” I mumble to myself as I make my way to her.

  I stop beside the bed, looking down on her, and she bites her lip a little, “What?” she asks.

  My eyes bore int
o hers as I lower my pants to the ground then remove the wrapper from the condom, slowly rolling it down my sensitive swollen cock. “I fucked you with my mouth,” I tell her, climbing onto the bed, slowly moving up her body until my cock nudges her entrance, “Now I’m going to show you how much I love you with the rest of me,” I whisper against her lips as push inside her tight, wet, heat.

  We both groan in ecstasy when I slowly pull my hips back then thrust back inside just as slowly. She feels incredible, and I want to draw this out as long as I can. In and out, long, smooth strokes.

  Chance’s hands grip my back, her fingers digging harder with each push and pull, “Carter,” she whimpers, “More, I need more,” she begs.

  Sucking on her delicate neck, I give her what she wants, increasing my speed, slamming my hips into hers and grinding my pelvis down against her clit before pulling back again, “Yes,” she cries, “More.”

  Sweat gathers on her forehead and I sweep it away with my thumb, “You feel so good, My Girl,” I pant, driving deeper and deeper with each thrust, harder and faster.

  One of her feet presses into the back of my thigh as she arches up to meet each thrust, “Oh, God,” she sobs, her nails clawing at my back, then she’s shuddering and clamping around me, making me grit my teeth to stop myself from coming with her.

  Until she cries, “Come with me, Carter, come, please,” and I allow myself to follow her over the edge.

  When I wake, it’s dark outside and I’m alone in the bed. I sit up, looking around the room, but I can’t see anything in the darkness without my glasses, “Carter,” I call quietly.

  A shadowy figure comes toward the bed, “I’m here,” he says, as he sits on the side of the bed, but he doesn’t touch me.

  Blinking a few times, trying to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness, I can feel something’s amiss with him, he normally touches me at every opportunity. I frown, and reach for him, “What’s wrong,” I ask as my hand comes to rest on his tense shoulder.