Trailer Park Princess

by Steele, Delia

  “Gesh Rome today was like the longest day in history. Can you believe Saige is a whole year old? It seems like just yesterday we were at the hospital, wow.” Sitting down on the sofa and sticking my feet in his lap like I do every night, he starts rubbing my feet out of habit. “Yea I know, she’s growing so fast, I can’t stand it. Did she throw a fit when you laid her down?” (yawn) “No she was worn out, the boys are already snoring, Thax was getting out of the shower so he should be in bed by now, and she was falling asleep as I washed the cake out of her hair, so by the time she hit the bed she was a goner.” I stretch and wiggle my toes. “Are your feet getting better with the new shoes? If not I can get the other pair, the sales clerk said they were the better actually.” I look over at the ugly shoes in the corner. “My feet are fine Rome, those ugly granny shoes done the trick. I think this is just habit now.” I smile at him. “Well I don’t mind to rub your feet Princess, you know I’ll do anything for you girls.” “Rome, I think we need to talk.” His rubbing has gone from my feet to up over the top of my knees and he stops mid rub. “Ok about what?” I don’t even know how to approach this conversation but Mando is right I need to do this. And if I don’t, I know for a fact, she will hop a plane and fly herself right back here and make sure I do. I need her to concentrate on school not my love life or lack thereof.

  “This is hard for me to say, I just need you to listen to me, ok.” The look in his eyes almost stops me he looks worried “Ok Princess, I’ll listen as long as you’re not about to tell me your leaving or moving, because that’s a big hell no before we even have this conversation again. I will never sit back and let you guys go back to that damn trailer park. Saige deserves more than this but nothing less.” Hum hmm “No Rome we aren’t leaving, if you will just listen this may ease your worries all together!” or ruin us. He isn’t stopping me this time so I take my chances and throw it all out to him. When I met Toby I was new and scared, and he was so nice to me, he made me feel special. What we had was intense. I cared for him so much, then you came along and spent time with me. Things started to change slowly. Toby was always busy and you were always there. We talked about everything. You saved my life. Then I made a choice and I gave Toby something I can never take back. That was a mistake, I wasn’t really ready but I did it. And though the deed itself was a huge mistake, the outcome wasn’t. I would never trade anything for Saige, I love that baby with all my soul. Toby freaked out and left me without even knowing the truth and that hurt me more than anything. I never gave him a reason to not trust me and you know that. I have spent almost 2 years grieving for someone who I never lost, because you can’t lose someone you never had. And today I realized that. I never had Toby. He cared for me, I know that but he never accepted me. I was never good enough for his family and I was never enough for him. He couldn’t even stop at my house, afraid the poor would rub off on him. Who does that? Him that’s who, but you know who didn’t, you! You ran into my house and saved my life that night, and you have been doing every since then. Anytime I have ever needed you, I have you. You saved me from myself at that party and never scorned me for it. You saved me the night Saige was born and never left my side. You have changed as many dirty diapers and cleaned as many dirty faces as I have. You are there for her just like me. Today watching you with her, I just realized you will always be there for her. You are her daddy Rome. And now that my heart is whole and unbroken, I realized you are a part of me and I could never go without you. Toby left me and it hurt, I thought I would never be whole again. But that’s not true. I have always been whole and just couldn’t see it. It’s always been you Rome, from the start it was you and now it is you. What I felt for Toby doesn’t compare to what I feel for you, it will always only ever be you.” Tears pouring down my face I barely can get the words out. I hope he feels the same because if he doesn’t that will be the death of me, I can feel it down to the bones. Rome grabs the sides of my faces holding me so still his eyes are glistening with unshed tears. “Princess you don’t have to do this. I will always be here for you. I’ll take whatever you offer. Don’t think for a second, I would ever leave you guys. I want you to be happy, no matter who it is with or what it is. As long as you smile, I will be happy with you or for you.” I blink rapidly confused “That’s just my point Rome, you have always wanted for me things that I couldn’t even understand. All you have ever done is keep me safe and make me happy. This feeling, it’s been here forever, I just never understood it. It’s called to me for years and I’ve avoided it like the plague because I couldn’t take a chance of losing you. I can’t do it anymore, I love you, Rome!” He blinks twice slow then three times fast, he actually looks scared right now, oh no what if he has only ever loved me like a sister. I start to freak a little bit again, I go to walk away but I stop and look back at him. He is still looking at me like he can’t figure out who I am. “No Rome I love you, love you! I love you, like the sun doesn’t shine in my world, if you’re not around. I rather die, than live without you. I love you so much, if you reached into my chest and tried to pull it out of my heart, you would rip your arms off first. This love I have for you, it’s the kind that devours you, the kind that changes your dna. My vessels have intertwined around my heart, just to hold it together because it’s busting with love for you threatening to explode. I loved you yesterday, I love you still. I always have, I always will! I don’t have time to think about anything before his body crashes into mine with such a force it knocks the breath right out of me. He kissed me so hard my veins jerked to life, like I had been electrocuted. I could feel the insane buzz all through my body, making my toes zing from pleasure. My eyes fluttered, rolled back in my head, and my body went limp. I was having a love overload.

  “I am amazed when I look at you Rory, not because of your beauty but because you are everything I have ever wanted, and you are right here in front of me. If I had 100 hearts it would be too few, to hold all the love I have for you. You don’t mean anything to me, you mean everything to me. You are the only woman that can make my heart smile like this. Every time I look at you, I want to stop what I am doing and write you a love song. It’s been so hard all these years having to pretend it was nothing, when you’ve always been everything. I think about you every night to the point, I don’t sleep. When I hear your name I smile because my heart demands it. I find myself finding things to keep myself busy so my mind isn’t so consumed by you, out of fear I may forget to breathe. That’s how much I love you.” Then he smashed his lips to mine again, harder this time. He was kissing me like he was scared it wasn’t real, he was claiming his territory. He was letting me know, I was his. I think back to the night Toby called me his and I flew off the wall at him, I didn’t want to be anyone’s property, but now with Rome doing the claiming, I was all for it. “I’m yours forever.” I gasped out between gasp, wrapping my legs around his waist and closing that tiny gap between us “Mine” and I felt his hands in my hair. I push and suck in deep grabbing at my phone.

  - I told him!

  Mando- And?

  -Thank you!

  Mando- HA I knew it, you twoz are slutts, now go make me some babies!!

  We both burst out laughing so loud, we wake up Saige. “This will have to wait, my baby girl is awake.” He says as he lets go of me and walks towards her room.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  I’m so nervous. This is different than singing at Red’s. This is my job, this place is full of people I serve and chat with daily. But I’ve promised to open up, so I am. I never thought I would be the cause, filling the small diner on a Thursday night. It’s great for business, everyone is happy. Except me, I am scared to death what if they hate me? What if I breakdown? Uhh enough stalling I have to get this over with, crossing my finger, and shooting up a silent prayer, I walk across the checkered tiles to the make shift stage area. I take my seat at the bench set up beside my keyboard.

  The sound is different, it has a faster beat than when Skillet done it, and it’s in a deeper no
te. It’s meant to sound more like I feel. I need the pain to strain through, but still have the love radiate out of me. Getting in the zone, my head automatically drops and my eyes close. My fingers are moving across the keys fast, flawless, completely effortless it’s so natural to me. The pain I had for Toby is waning with realization Rome is actually fixing me, as always. I feel my shoulders slump with the weight of the world on them and my chest is heaving racking with silent sobs, it’s a weird feeling to be so happy but have this sadness buried. I need to snap out of this, but I can’t. As soon as I strike the key and open my mouth something happens to my body. My back arches, my eyes squint harder, my head throws back towards the sky. And right when I think I am about to lose it in front of the entire Diner, the words fall out on their own accord. I can hear myself but it doesn’t sound like me. I am not crying, I can feel the tears in my broken voice. It’s a smooth sound but it’s hard for me to breathe. I push the words out with everything in my soul, I am belting it out with all of my broken heart, laying it out, leaving it all on the keyboard. I am not singing to these people I am signing to Toby, about a child he doesn’t love. Toby needs to know I missed him and loved him like crazy, he needs to know he is missing out on Saige’s life, but I need Rome to understand he is who I dream about. He needs to know it will always be him. I know Toby will never come back to me, and I would never want him again. At least with this I can have my own type of closure. It’s been so long, I have to learn to move on and let it go, Saige doesn’t need him. This is my goodbye. Rome will love Saige enough for him and Toby. With that clarity I open my eyes as I sing the last line of the song staring out into nowhere, I add lib the last line. “I’ll always miss you, goodbye my first lust, hello my first love. ” I stop fast and stand walking away, when the entire room burst into claps. When I look back every single person in the room is standing, minus the jackass and jackassette in the corner. I don’t even know why Zac or Ashley comes. They hate us all and none of them sing, write, or play… makes zero sense to me but then again, they don’t have any so that’s that!

  Rome stands there smiling a pained smirk. He holds his arms open and I walk right into him. I fit perfect in his arms as the wrap around and hang lose behind me. He bends his for head to mine and smiles into my eyes. “Princess that was amazing, you were perfect, you were as always, flawless.” He lifts his head and presses his soft firm lips back against the top of my scalp. “You know I will love you and Saige enough, forever right?” I smile at him because I know he will.

  That’s a wrap is all I can think as I let myself smile and walk back to the counter to finish cleaning. I still can’t believe Rome and Mrs. Raiz talked me into that. Especially in my uniform, bet I looked fabulous, aha!

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  It’s been a few months since Saige’s birthday and things couldn’t be better. Rome and I are happy, content with life, things are really starting to fall into place. We have a routine and it works well with us all. I work mostly days now, outside of mic night. Rome has excelled at the Auto shop and he got a new employee this week, which he swears will lighten his load. He gets Rio & Thax to school and Denver & Saige to daycare; I pick them up after the boys get off the bus at The Diner. We usually come straight home and while Thax does his homework he helps Rio. I cook supper and Denver alongside Saige play in the floor of the kitchen with blocks or coloring to keep them busy. Rome makes it home as supper is finishing and at least half the kids are bathed. It’s a lot for us, I mean we are still young, but we make it work, always have. Tonight is a little different; Rome is bringing the new employee with him for supper. At first I got upset, I am not a fan of random people we don’t know around the kids. I always relapse back to what Carol put me and Thax through. After a long talk with Rome I felt better, he has a good judge of character and I trust him. I hear the door shut and Rome hollers across the house “Honey I’m home.” This warrants a smile because he has done it since the day we moved it, but now it means so much more. I hear the boys stomping hard as they run to attack him with hugs and following close behind is the pitter patter of tiny feet, as she runs and stumbles towards the front room. I pick her up half way and slip her on my hip. I walk right up to him and kiss him on the cheek “Where’s your friend?” Saige all but jumps to him from me, he takes her and hugs her close. “He’s coming, he had to make a phone call.” No sooner than he said it the door opened and my mouth hit the ground. “Holy Roly Poly, CLAY?” I laugh and my arms shoot out grabbing him in a hug. “You know each other?” Rome asked from behind me sounding pissed actually. I turn “Yea he went to school with me, he was friends with Toby.” My voice trailed off at the end and I cringed, I should have left that part out. “Hey hold up.” Comes from behind me and I turn to see Clay speaking to both of us “That’s kind of unfair and not true. I knew him in school, we weren’t really ‘friends’ we just happened to run in the same group.” I give a weak smile and motion them to follow “Food’s ready.” I get the kids a plate, ship the 3 boys to the coffee table to eat, and now we can all fit the table. I get Saige a plate while Rome buckles her into the high chair. Once we all set down and get situated “Why, if you weren’t friends, where you always taking up for him with me?” I couldn’t help it, the Toby talk was always touchy with me but I had to ask, it would drive me nuts otherwise. “I wasn’t really taking up for him, as much as trying to keep you from being hurt.” He crammed his fork in his mouth to buy him time “This is good” pointing at his vegetables. “I always saw you close by but never with Toby, he never tried to make you a part of the group, but kept you from making other friends. He never corrected Ashley when she said mean things about you, even laughed at some of it. You never seemed happy really and that made me sad. I just felt the need to defuse whatever it was, before he decided to flip it and embarrass you.” I sat and gathered myself before speaking “Toby was a good guy once, and I think I may have been happy at first, but it’s over now and whatever caused you to feel like you needed to save me, thank you for that.” I started eating and I guess Clay had more to say because he stopped and looked up “I don’t think Toby was ever a good guy, I don’t think he ever got the chance to be a good guy.” That’s all that was said about it. We finished our meal before Clay spoke again. “So how did two people, your age, end up with a house full of half grown kids?” pointing to where Thax was dropping dirty plates into the sink. “Well those two little guys are Rome’s baby brother’s, this one here is Thax, he is my baby brother, and that” looking over we all notice Saige has done her famous sleeping beauty trick and passed out in her green peas “That one there is mine. She’s why I tested out of school, instead of finishing it out and walking.” Clay’s eyes got big and he looked between Rome and Saige a few times. “She’s yours?” pointing at me “but not yours?” pointing at Rome. He looked back to me for confirmation. “Right.” after a few seconds “Is she Toby’s?” I pursed my lips in a tight line and shook my head barely. “WOW!” was all he said. “She may not be mine, but she is mine, as much as Rory is mine, that child is MINE.” He said with enough power to turn over a semi truck “I have loved her from the second I found out Rory was pregnant, and I haven’t missed anything in her life, and I will never miss anything. Nothing will change it.” He was saying it all because he wanted Clay to understand, he would do anything to make sure that stayed the case, but I believe he said it for me to. He needed me to know just how true those words were. Clay surprised us both “Labels don’t create families, love does. And you would have to be blind as the three blind mice to not see the love in this house. I feel humbled just knowing you guys.” He smiles and we made our way to the living room to play a board game before the kids had to crash. I think a new friendship has been kindled.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Work is wonderful as always, after shooting off a few witty text with Mando, I spend the rest of the day on busy work. Tomorrow is Saturday and I am excited, we plan to take everyone to the Pizza House tomorrow. It’s been for
ever since we all went out as a group. It just cost so much to feed so many kids and then at a place like Pizza House you have to get tokens, it’s a never ending need of money. Denver starts school soon and this was his one thing he requested for his birthday, so we’ve saved enough to make it worthwhile. I finish filling the napkin holders and return them to the tables. “See you guys on Monday. Call me if you need anything.” I holler through the cook window and untie my apron, ready to get to my kiddos. Its weird not having them hustle around here today, Rome rarely gets a Friday afternoon off.

  It’s a quiet night, the little ones are all crashed already. Thax is at his friends, he rarely stays away from home, so it’s extra quiet. When he is here he is usually up Rome’s butt, I assume it’s because Rome is like a father figure to him, always teaching him how to do things, and the proper way to handle certain situations on the opposite sex. I laughed so hard when Thax told me he had a crush on a girl, he is still my baby brother. Rome pulled him to the side, shooting me a nasty scorned look, and the next thing I know they were high fiving and laughing. I got a good fussing at over it later that night, he was right. Thax needed to know he could talk to us about things like that, or we could end up raising a kid of his to so he could finish school. It’s hard to believe he is getting curious about sex already, but it happens.

  Chapter Forty

  (Pizza get’cha pizza here)

  With all six of us piled into the Tahoe, we pull into the Pizza House, the little ones squealing with excitement. “Ok before we go in we need to go ahead and get a few things straight.” I say turning from my passenger seat to look at them. “First, what kinds of Pizza do we all want?” I get overwhelmed withal the answers screamed at me, holding my hand up “Hang on guys. Ok raise your hand if you want cheese? Ok now who wants pepperoni?” I write it down and look over at Rome “We ok to get both? I mean you know I just want a slice of regular bacon that’s it.” He smiles and shakes his head yes. “We can have whatever we want tonight, I saved for a while.” And winks at me, that don’t help, I think I just melted to the seat. How did I never notice how beautiful he was?