Amish Valentine (Fairfield Amish Romance)

by Susan Vail

  Once the frogs had finally been released, Emma and Matthew would plop themselves down by the water and eat the snacks they had prepared for themselves; usually it was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. They would talk and dream for hours, and it was rarely about anything serious. Usually their conversations were about what they imagined they would find if they dug a hole on the moon, or if they sucked all the water out of the pond.

  One lazy summer afternoon Matthew looked over at Emma and, his voice full of confidence said, “One day Emma Mast, I’m going to marry you.”

  Emma laughed. “You’re only eleven years old! How do you know who you’re going to marry?”

  “Gott told me,” he said, unfazed by her laughter.

  Emma threw a rock into the pond and they both stared at the rippling water. She stole a glance at Matthew who sat there with the most peaceful and contented look on his face. How could he know such a thing, she wondered. Why didn’t Gott tell her things like that?

  That evening while she was washing the supper dishes she was unusally quiet.

  “Are you feeling ok?” her mother asked her as she cleared the table.

  “Jah,” Emma replied. She scrubbed the large pan the sausage and potatoes had been cooked in then set it aside to soak for a minute.

  “Maemm, Matthew told me today that Gott told him we were going to get married one day. Do you think Gott actually told him that?”

  Esther thought it over for a minute. “Well,” she began cautiously. “It’s hard to say.” Esther and her best friend Leah had always joked that their children would one day marry. Maybe Matthew overheard their conversations and misinterpreted it to be a sign from Gott.

  “Why would Gott tell him that and not me?” Emma asked.

  “I don’t think you should worry about it,” her mother said. “Gott tells us things in His time. You’re both so young. Gott will reveal his plan to both of you when the time is right.”

  Emma thought it over. Her mother was right. If Gott wanted her to marry Matthew He would tell her too, in His own time.

  Chapter 3

  Dear Emma, Are you going to the Miller’s barn raising next weekend? I hope you are going. My family and I will be there. I miss seeing you in school every day. I have been busy helping my daed on the farm. It’s hard work but I like it. I like planting and working the land. It makes me feel closer to Gott. My daed says it makes him feel that way too. What do you do that makes you feel closer to Gott?

  Matthew’s mother, Leah, handed Emma the note as she entered their house for a visit. Emma’s friend Hannah was over for the afternoon and the girls took the note upstairs to read in private.

  “How many notes do you think that boy has written your daughter over the years?” Leah asked Esther as they sat down to enjoy a cup of tea on the porch.

  Esther laughed. “I have no idea. Enough to fill at least three shoe boxes, maybe even four.”

  They rocked in silence for a minute, enjoying the cool breeze of spring. “Should I tell him to stop?” Leah asked, a bit of worry in her voice.

  “Why would you do that?” Esther asked surprised.

  “Well, Eli and I talked about it and the kids are getting older now. Matthew is fourteen and Emma is thirteen. It seemed ok for him to write her little notes when they were younger, it was cute even. But they will soon be of the age when they will start thinking of getting a spouse.” She paused, feeling like she was rambling on and not making any real sense.

  Esther rocked in her chair, a soft creaking sound breaking up the silence. “I don’t think you should tell him to stop writing the notes. Emma enjoys getting them, and she’s kept every one he’s ever written. But it’s up to you and Eli.”

  Leah thought it over. “I don’t know what to do. It’s so hard being a parent, isn’t it? You try to raise your children in a way that they hear Gott’s small quiet, voice. And you have to make sure your own voice isn’t so loud it drowns Him out.”

  “Leah, what are you really worried about?” Esther asked her friend. “What is really troubling your heart?”

  Leah sighed. “Since Matthew was really little he imagined himself married to Emma. He writes to her and tells us the plans he has for the two of them and their life together. What if he’s getting his hopes up for nothing? What if Gott has a different spouse picked out for Emma? Matthew will be crushed.”

  Esther took in a deep breath. It was hard being a parent. She had always tried to be mindful and prayerful when dealing with her children. “I think we both need to pray about this,” she finally said.

  Upstairs Emma unfolded the note and read it to Hannah.

  “He’s so nice and sweet,” Hannah said as Emma took the lid off a shoe box and added the note to the others. “Are all of these from him?” she asked.

  “Jah,” Emma said. “And all of these!” She pulled out three other shoe boxes and sat them in front of her friend.

  “You’re so lucky!” Hannah said wistfully. “I wish a boy would pay attention to me like Matthew pays attention to you.”

  Emma laughed. “Hannah you just started being interested in boys! A month ago you thought his notes to me were silly!”

  “That was a month ago,” Hannah said with a little bit of hurt in her voice. “I’ve matured a lot since then.”

  Emma stacked the boxes neatly on a shelf in her closet then closed the door.

  “Do you think you will marry him?” Hannah asked eagerly.

  Emma shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  “Is there any other boy you like?” Hannah asked, not yet ready for the conversation about boys to be over yet.

  “Well, there is one person,” Emma said to Hannah’s surprise. “Levi Bontrager,” she added shyly.

  Hannah sat quietly for a moment, deep in thought. Finally she said, “Emma Bontrager or Emma Christner….nope, you’re definitely going to marry Matthew. His last name sounds much better.

  Chapter 4

  Dear Emma, I had fun playing volleyball with you at the social yesterday. Your volleyball skills have improved since last time! I think you were one of the best ones there! It was so nice of you to show the younger girls how to serve the ball. I know every time Gott looks down on you he smiles. I know every time I look at you it makes me smile.

  Hannah giggled as Emma finished reading the note. “That boy is in love with you!” Hannah said taking the note from Emma and reading it again herself. “Are all of his notes like this?”

  “They are all sweet if that’s what you mean,” Emma said taking the note back. Suddenly she felt protective of the note and its author.

  “Do you ever write back?” Hannah asked.

  “Neh, I haven’t.”

  “Why not?” Hannah asked, surprised.

  “It just didn’t seem appropriate. What would I even say?” Emma blushed just thinking of herself writing a letter to Matthew.

  “Well, you could thank him for his hundreds of notes,” Hannah started. “And you could compliment him on something like he compliments you. What is something you like about him?”

  “I don’t know,” Emma said wishing the conversation would end. “I don’t feel comfortable writing back to him and it seems silly since I see him all the time.”

  “If I was writing him a letter,” Hannah said in a dreamy voice. “I would tell him that he’s handsome and strong. I would tell him that I love how much he loves Gott…”

  Hannah stopped talking but Emma could see she was daydreaming about Matthew.

  “If you like him so much why don’t you write him a letter.” The words slipped out of Emma’s mouth a little too harshly but thankfully Hannah was still in dream mode so she didn’t notice.

  “Well, I am fifteen now,” Hannah said when she came back to reality. “I should be thinking about a husband. But I don’t want to steal yours.”

  “He’s not my husband,” Emma reminded her.

  “Maybe not yet,” Hannah replied. “But everyone knows you belong together.”

  Hannah�
��s words swam around Emma’s mind. Do we really belong together, she wondered. Yes, Matthew was a very nice Christian boy, but she didn’t have the same strong feelings for him like he did for her.

  She opened the box to add the latest note to the others. She couldn’t help but smile as she saw the pile of notes inside. God hadn’t told her yet that Matthew was the one she was supposed to marry, but she decided she would give Him more time.

  Chapter 5

  Dear Emma, Tonight I had planned on asking you if I could give you a buggy ride home from the singing. When I looked for you I saw you get in someone else’s buggy. I think my heart stopped beating for a minute as I watched you drive away with someone else.

  I asked your friend Hannah who you left with and she said Levi Bontrager. He seems like a nice guy. I hope he will be kind to you.

  I will not give you this note. I don’t want you to know that I saw you or that I was hurt. Gott has a plan for your life and I still trust that His plan includes me.

  Matthew folded the note and put it in the small box his bible came in. He put it in back in the drawer of his desk and put his head down and prayed. His heart was heavy. Why did love have to be like this? How did Emma not know they were supposed to be together forever?

  Chapter 6

  Dear Emma, I enjoyed our lunch by the pond together. Can you believe we’ve been having lunches there for over ten years? I can’t believe I’m eighteen already and you will join me in just a few months.

  I am glad you told me you and Levi were courting. I am thankful to hear that from you instead of someone else. But it’s with a heavy heart that I tell you this will be the last letter I write to you. I don’t think it’s right for me to write letters to another man’s girl.

  I have always treasured our friendship and I hope it can some how continue. I pray for Gott’s many blessings on you Emma. Levi is very blessed to have you. But I’m sure he already knows that.

  Emma read the note and tears filled her eyes. She was thankful he had come to this decision on his own but for some reason her heart still broke a little. She sat on the floor in front of her closet and pulled out all the notes Matthew had written her over the years. There were hundreds of them. She read each one; some made her cry and some made her laugh.

  As she finished reading them and started to put them back in their boxes her sister Sarah knocked on her door.

  “Everything OK in here?” she asked as she peeked into the room.

  “Jah,” Emma answered. “I was just rereading these old notes from Matthew.”

  Sarah walked in and sat on Emma’s bed. “How did he take the news yesterday that you and Levi were courting?”

  “He seemed to take it well. He had his mom give me this note when she came over today.”

  She handed the note to her sister and joined her on the side of the bed. Sarah read it silently then folded the note and handed it back. “It’s like the end of an era,” Sarah said with a sigh. “Can you imagine not getting any more letters from him?”

  Emma hadn’t thought about that before. Now that the thought was in her mind she would miss the letters. At least once a week she had been excited to receive his special notes full of compliments and encouraging words. Now she would have to rely on Levi to lift her up and encourage her. Did he even do that now?

  “I have to admit something,” Sarah said not making eye contact. “I used to be a little jealous of all the notes Matthew wrote to you.”

  “You were?” Emma said surprised. Her sister never once acted like that was the case.

  “I was,” Sarah admitted. “And when Luke and I started courting it was hard for me at first because he didn’t talk to me the way Matthew talked to you. And he never wrote me a love letter. But I learned to see the other ways he tried to show me he loved me.”

  “Luke would do anything for you,” Emma added.

  Sarah nodded. “Every one shows love in a different way. It took me a little while to see how Luke showed it but now that I know I see it every day.”

  “I can’t believe you two have been married for a year all ready,” Emma said in disbelief. “Where does the time go?”

  Sarah laughed. “I have no idea. It seems like just yesterday you and I were walking home from school together I was reading you the very first note Matthew ever wrote you. Wasn’t it about a tomato?”

  The sisters laughed as they recalled the memory. “It was,” Emma agreed. “I actually just read the note a few minutes ago. I’ve kept every note he ever wrote me.”

  They sat in silence for a few minutes. Sarah liked Levi and he treated Emma well, but just like every one else that knew them, Sarah was sure Emma and Matthew were made for each other.

  Chapter 7

  Dear Emma, I found out today you are engaged. I want to say congratulations but my heart won’t let me. My maemm told me when I came in for lunch. I knew there was something wrong as soon as I walked in the door. At first I thought she had gotten news that someone had died. She sat me down and broke the news to me gently. My heart broke instantly.

  I want you to be happy. Your happiness is more important to me than my own.

  I am so confused by God right now. I want to pray but I don’t know what to say to Him. I honestly felt I heard him tell me you and I were going to be together forever. God doesn’t lie so that means that I misheard him, or maybe I didn’t even hear him at all. Maybe it was just what I wanted and I made myself believe that God wanted it too. It makes me question what else I’ve misunderstood or gotten wrong in my life. How many other times did I think I was doing God’s will but really it was my own?

  These are questions I’ll have to figure out as I move forward without you. I love you Emma Mast. I always have and I’m afraid I always will.

  He folded the note and slipped into the box in his desk. This would be another note he would not give her. The little box was filling up fast. There were at least two dozen notes stuffed in there already.

  He had told her he wouldn’t be writing to her anymore but he continued to. He felt close to her when he wrote her letters and, since he knew he wouldn’t be giving them to her, he could completely bare his soul and not be afraid he was writing something that might make her feel uncomfortable.

  Matthew sat in his chair and looked down at his lap. He would have to go on with his life. He couldn’t imagine how to even begin to do that. No other girl had stirred his heart like Emma had, and still did. He wanted to pray but he didn’t trust himself. He knew that if he did he would still feel in his heart that he and Emma were meant to be together. He didn’t want to confuse his own voice with God’s.

  Chapter 8

  Dear Emma, I know I said I would not write to you any more but since it is your wedding day I wanted to wish you well. I imagine you will look beautiful as you take your groom’s hand and say your vows. I’m sure your voice will sound like an angel’s.

  I will not be coming to your wedding today. I am tempted to be dishonest and say that I am sick or busy. But the truth is, as much as I want to be there for you as your friend, I cannot watch you marry another man. I know that is selfish and I’m terribly sorry that you have a lifelong friend who thinks only of himself on your special day.

  Hopefully you will be so busy enjoying your day and your new husband that my note and my absence won’t even be noticed.

  I pray for a lifetime of happiness for you and Levi.

  Emma read the note in the privacy of her bedroom. Sarah had handed it to her just moments before. Emma was already in her wedding dress spinning around asking her friend Hannah how she looked when Sarah had walked in, a serious look on her face. She had handed the note to Emma then motioned for Hannah to leave the room with her.

  Emma sat on the edge of her bed and reread the note several times. After a few minutes Sarah and Hannah opened the door and asked if it was ok to come in. Emma, with tears in her eyes, waved them in.

  “Is everything OK?” Hannah asked.

  Emma handed over the note for
them to read. Both girls sighed at the same time.

  “I don’t think it was right for him to give this to you on your wedding day,” Hannah said handing the note back to Emma.

  “I don’t know,” Sarah said quietly. “They have been friends their entire lives. I think he just wanted to explain why he wasn’t going to be there for the wedding. What do you think Emma?”

  Emma wiped another tear that started to slide down her cheek. “I love Levi and I want to marry him, so why does this note bother me so much?”

  “Maybe it’s because you know Matthew is hurting right now. Even though you love Levi, you and Matthew have been friends for a very long time. It must bother you a little that your friend is upset.”

  Emma thought it over. That must be the reason. The thought of Matthew being heart broken did upset her. She wished he hadn’t given her this note on her special day, but she didn’t blame him. She knew how he felt about her.

  “Hannah,” Emma said to her friend. “Would you mind going downstairs and checking on the wedding preparations for me? I want to make sure everything is coming along as it should.”

  “Of course!” Hannah said, happy to be of some help, especially when her friend was so upset.

  When Hannah was out of the room Emma looked at her sister. “Will you take me to Matthew’s house?” she asked her. “I want to talk to him before I get married. I want to be there for him as a friend and let him know that I know he’s hurting.”

  “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Sarah said with a worried tone.

  “Please,” she begged her sister. “I need to do this for both of us.”