Uriel's Descent (Ubiquity #1)

by Allyson Lindt

  She stepped away with a frown. “I understand. You know I’ll do whatever it takes to figure this out, right?”

  He nodded. “I don’t blame you, and I won’t stop you. But I won’t help. I can’t choose between the two of you.”

  Her throat tightened, and her eyes burned. She turned away, blinking back the tears. It would be nice if this didn’t hurt so much, but regardless of the disagreements and fights over the past few months, he was still her mentor—her big brother. She swallowed and struggled to find her voice. “So, whatever happens from here on out, thanks for the good stuff, and I still hate you for the bad.”

  “Fair enough.”

  Ronnie pushed into the hallway, trying not to dwell on how much changed between them. She was a mistake. An abomination. Gabriel didn’t want her. He wanted the angel inside. She didn’t know why, but none of them was interested in Ronnie minus Metatron.

  Metatron was the power and glory. She was an original. Ronnie was a cherub from hell in the wrong place at the right time. Michael didn’t even know her. And Lucifer wouldn’t help her because she housed a memory.

  Maybe Ronnie should just give Metatron what she wanted.

  She turned the corner and smacked into Raphael with a sickening thud. A string of profanities rose to her lips, along with the urge to take her frustration out on the new target.

  “Get it done now, while you still can. You won’t be here much longer.”

  “Watch yourself, demon.”

  Everything inside snapped at once, and rage roared over her wounds. She sneered. “Fuck you. I don’t know what your problem is with me, but I’m sick of it. You don’t treat anyone else this way. You always have something obnoxious to say to me. Are you really so hard up that your only joy is being the office equivalent of an internet troll? Is life on Earth really that rough for you?”

  He gritted his teeth. “You know what my problem is with you. I’ve never made a secret of it. You were wedged into a job you didn’t earn. You drove out a cherub who should have received their name months ago. As of last night, you’ve cost me a better angel than you’ll ever meet again. And you’re fucking the boss.”

  Apparently everyone knew Ronnie was there last night. Big surprise. She was already so raw emotionally, he couldn’t make it worse. She drew on everything she held back when talking to Lucifer. “Fucked. Past tense. And I don’t know why you care. I do my job. I don’t get in your way—”

  “You flaunt what you’ve got. Your gifts, your connections.” He stepped closer, standing toe to toe with her. “Some of us are here to make a difference. To do what we were created for. You’re flitting along like it doesn’t fucking matter. You and every one of Gabriel’s star pupils who run through the revolving door. Here to get experience and then moving on to other things. While those of us who actually work are stuck here, almost impotent, helping those assholes gather numbers instead of going out and trying to make people’s lives better.”

  “I—” Ronnie’s angry retort stuck in her throat. She wanted to fling more insults, and he was a viable target. Except he made sense. He was as fed up and frustrated as she was, but for different reasons. She didn’t want to feel sympathy for him, but she couldn’t help it.

  “Growing a heart won’t make you a real girl, Dorothy.”

  Nice. Mixed metaphors. She looked Raphael in the eye. “I’m sorry.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” He handed her a folded piece of paper. “From Michael.”

  Ronnie took it, but didn’t know if she dared open it. She wasn’t sure what she wanted it to say. I’m sorry, let’s try again. Or maybe, If you send Metatron my way… She wanted resolution. Whatever that was. Even if it hurt more now.

  A door creaked behind them, and Lucifer said, “Raphael?”

  Raphael gave me a weak smile. “Wish me luck.”

  Ronnie did, and she meant it. She stared at Lucifer’s door for several seconds after it closed. This place was a wreck. She shook the thought away and forced her attention to the note. Was it an apology? A goodbye? A fuck you? She didn’t know which of the three would devour her the most.

  Her gut sank, and the tears she swallowed in Lucifer’s office rushed back when she read it. Relief and disappointment warred inside.

  It simply said: Izrafel. Room 213.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Ronnie walked away from work without hesitation to visit Izzy. They could fire her if they wanted. She didn’t know if she was going back to Ubiquity anyway.

  After the last twenty-four hours, it turned out she’d read pretty much everyone she knew wrong. But she still trusted and adored Izzy. He tried to help and didn’t use her feelings for him against her. It was her fault he was going through this. Ari might not have known he existed if it weren’t for his connection to Ronnie. The least she could do was make sure he recovered. Offer to help, if at all possible. It was too bad she didn’t know how to heal—most agents didn’t—but she could be there for him.

  The hospital wasn’t what she expected. Except for the occasional person in an open-backed gown, it was just another building. A map on the second floor told her which direction to go for his room, and seconds later she stood in front of the door. She gave a tentative knock and entered when she heard a grunting response.

  Izzy’s bed sat near the window, and he looked so pale. His arm was in a cast. Guilt surged strongest in the jumble of emotions in her head.

  “Just a few broken bones?”

  Metatron had a point. Why was he still here if that was all that was wrong?

  His smile stretched his face, and he nodded to the chair by the bed. “Hey.”

  “How are you?” She dropped into the seat, worry growing.

  “Eh. I feel like I’ve had my soul ripped out.”

  “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.”

  “Yeah. If you’d let me have control when I got here, this wouldn’t have happened.”

  “Whoa, no.” He rested his good hand on top of hers. “It’s not.”

  Metatron was right. Lucifer meant to bring her back. Ronnie only caused trouble. Now Ari was gone, and Izzy lay in a hospital bed, and Ronnie was still a wreck. Maybe Metatron could have done this better. “Thanks, but I know otherwise. I just came to check on you and say thanks for helping me figure things out.”

  “I don’t know what you’ve figured out, but it sounds final, whatever it is.”

  Ronnie hadn’t meant it to, but when he pointed it out, she realized the conversation with Lucifer stuck a new idea in her head. It was one she didn’t like, but it might be the only solution. “What was it like, sharing your thoughts with someone else? Did you ever argue?”

  “It didn’t work like that. I was it. It was me. We blended. But it didn’t hold much when it reached me. Really only a hey, wow, and neato.”

  That would be nice. Too bad that option didn’t pan out for her. “I’ve been thinking, maybe I should just let you have Metatron back. I think that’s for the best at this point.”

  He squeezed her hand. “Where did this come from? Are you all right?”

  Concern gnawed at her, and she almost felt Metatron’s smugness in her skull, waiting for Ronnie to finish. “Why would you ask me that? That assumes I was all right before. Is it just polite conversation? Do you really even care as long as you get her back?” She shouldn’t take this out on him. He was lying in bed broken and battered, and Ronnie was pouting like a child.

  He tightened his jaw. “Don’t. I understand confusion. I walked away from heaven, and now I’m a preacher. But self-pity? That’s bullshit.”

  The words stung, so she held back the rest of her thoughts. If he didn’t want to hear it, she could keep the conversation generic. Depression surged inside. No, really she couldn’t. “I’m tired. This takes too much effort, and no one wants me here anyway. Why am I trying?”

  “Good question. Why are you trying?” The sudden ice in his tone jarred her.

  “I could just leave right now. You don’t know me. You knew her
. Then you could have your friend back. You could check out guys together. You’d both be happier.”

  “Damn straight.”

  “I don’t know that.” His irritation detracted from the reassurance in his words.

  Ronnie didn’t want to be a brat about this, but it was too much. She couldn’t hide her sarcasm. “You’ve convinced me.”

  The edge in his voice increased. “That’s your choice. It’s true, she and I shared a past. First of all, you can’t hold that against me, and second, you and I are friends too. Even before I knew she was there. Remember that? All those days ago? I know what you’re going through, at least a little, remember?”

  He did, as much as anyone could, and she was shoving him away because of insecurity.

  “Or because you finally got smart.”

  And that might have something to do with it too. A girl could only take so much.

  Exhaustion raced in to replace the irritation in his voice. “We got to know each other when you first showed up, and I look forward to your visits. I enjoyed your company last night. I miss Metatron, but unlike those big badasses who have been around longer than the rest of us and still cling to her memory, I realize it’s been thousands of years. She’s in the past. Other than that, I’m really not liking this oh, woe is me side of you. Why do you care what I think, anyway? What anyone thinks but you? So what if you remind a few people of someone they used to know? Are you your own person or not?”

  “No,” Ronnie barked the word. “I’m not. That’s the problem. She’s living in my head. I don’t even have that to myself, and no one will tell me how to get rid of her. How to get my life back. Turns out it’s because no one wants me to do it.”

  “I’ll ask again, why do you care? It’s your life, right? You want it? I mean, unless you’re tired of it. If you don’t want what you’ve got, why should anyone else care more than you do?”

  Ronnie stomped to her feet, fury and hurt erasing every other emotion. “I never said I didn’t want this life.”

  “You said everything but.” He searched her face. “So how does wallowing get you what you want?”

  Wow, he’s an asshole. Except, she felt better than she had in days. “You’re a fucker for making sense. You know that, right?”

  He shrugged and dropped back onto his pillow, face pinched. “You wouldn’t be the first person to tell me that.”

  She’d drained him. And it was obvious Michael lied to her about how serious this was. She shouldn’t be surprised at this point. Apparently he was better at keeping the truth from her than she thought. And she came in here and made things worse.

  Even if she couldn’t heal him, and didn’t know anyone who could, Gabe taught her one thing. Izzy would know what to do with what she was about give him. She took his good hand in hers, and let the tiniest hint of power flow into his palm.

  His entire frame relaxed, and the tension vanished from his expression. “Neat trick.”

  “I’m sorry I can’t do more.”

  “Stop being sorry.” His voice was still tired, but the pain was gone. “Do something about it.” He made it sound so simple.

  “Like what?”

  “If you don’t like having her there, get rid of her.”

  “No. My life.” The roar echoed in Ronnie’s skull.

  She flopped back into the chair. “That’s not helpful. Don’t you think maybe I might have done that already, if I knew how? Speaking of, what did you people see in her? She’s whiny, childish, and immature.”

  “Oh, like you can talk. You’ve spent your entire remembered existence moping.”

  He shrugged. “I was the same way three thousand years ago. Or two decades ago. Or yesterday. Besides, you only know the her shoved inside your head. Would you be a good sport in that situation?”

  “Obviously not. You’d crumble in an instant. I’ve survived for millennia.”

  Great. Now Ronnie felt guilty about wanting to get rid of Metatron. Not fair. “That makes a new problem. Getting rid of her sounds so callous now that I know who she is and what she meant to everyone. Who am I to say she deserves to be shoved aside more than I do?”

  Izzy squeezed her fingers. “If that’s the choice you have to make, you’ll have to make it. I’m sorry I can’t help there. In an ideal world, you’d find a new vessel for her to exist in, and you could both stick around.”

  Something tickled her thoughts. “A new vessel…”

  “Without their own name, gifted by heaven or hell, cherubs can’t exist on this plane without a host. So they find inanimate objects if they can’t find anything else. They don’t have to stay there, right? Some even find dead humans. Not like an in-the-morgue kind of thing, but like passed-away-seconds-ago-and-has-already-moved-on kind of thing.”

  That was morbid.

  “You’re not sticking me in a fucking dead person.”

  Better a corpse than Ronnie. She didn’t mean that, but she liked the spite in the thought.

  “I’d say find an inanimate object, something to draw her into, but everything I’ve read says that could destroy you.”

  Exactly what Gabe told her. Ronnie sat straight up. Unless something existed that unmade things. Split them into their original parts. “You’re brilliant.” Could it really be that easy? She would have wondered why Gabe didn’t tell her, but at this point, she figured at least fifty percent of what came out of his mouth was bullshit.

  “What? What are you thinking? You’re not going to stick me in a doll or something. You can’t. I won’t let you.”

  But Ronnie learned something every time Metatron locked her memories away and from the way Metatron hid Ronnie’s power. She wrapped the thought up in a secure ball, chained and tucked it into a part of her mind labeled for my eyes only. If Metatron could keep Ronnie out of her thoughts, it worked both ways. At least long enough to make Ronnie’s plan happen.

  Gabriel’s spear. If she could use it to draw Metatron out—to unmake what Lucifer did—maybe she could find Metatron a new home. Then people could have their bitchy-dead-angel-friend, and Ronnie could still have her life. “Would you think less of me if I told Gabe I would work for him?”

  Izzy shook his head. “As long as you weren’t actually working for him. You got that from Lucifer, right? The double talk.”

  Maybe Ronnie could make this happen. She prayed she could. She pressed her lips to his cheek, letting a little more power flow into him. Not enough to recharge him or anything—she didn’t think a purely human form could do that—but enough to maybe help him heal faster. “Thank you.”

  * * * *

  On the street outside Gabe’s coffee shop, Ronnie paused in front of a window next door to check her reflection then ran her fingers through her hair. Her smile looked forced, even in the wobbly dark glass. A million questions and doubts raced through her mind, none of them receiving a retort. Metatron was still sulking because Ronnie figured out how to keep things from her. The sensation was odd and more disconcerting than Ronnie expected.

  Was she doing the right thing? The conversations with Lucifer and Izzy echoed in her head. Yeah. She was the only one who could do this. She didn’t have a choice.

  Gabe rested his hands at her hips, startling her. “Hey, sexy.”

  She whirled to face him, half her resolution evaporating in an instant. “Hey. I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier today.” The words tumbled past her lips.

  He stepped forward to cradle his hand at the base of her neck and wrap his fingers in her hair. He kissed her, mouth soft but hungry. She let out an involuntary groan, swept away by the rush of power. Even though she knew what he was doing, she couldn’t stop it. She didn’t want it to stop. Her composure faded before he pulled away.

  He put some distance between them, and a wolfish smile danced on his face. “You’re torturing me unnecessarily. I only want what’s best for you. For us. I need you by my side.”

  “This is a big change for me.” She pouted. An intentional—if awkward—de
ception. “And you lied about what I was.” Why was she arguing? She needed to convince him she wanted this as much as he said he did. His presence unnerved her. His power swept over and around her, making her doubt her resolve. Would he see through her? Subject her to a fate worse than Metatron?

  “I was scared.” He sounded genuine, but slime flowed in his aura.

  “I know.” She exaggerated her sigh. “But it still hurt.”

  “Give me another chance? I need you.”

  He was buying this. She was in. She let a smile flicker onto her face. “Maybe.”

  He stepped in again, pressing his lips to hers.

  Yeah, this was what she needed to do. A whisper of a memory threatened her determination. Hints of death, betrayal, and lies. She pulled back with a small frown.

  He tightened his grip on the back of her neck. Concern passed over his face, and then all emotion vanished. “What’s wrong?”

  Ronnie shook her head, trying to clear away the sick feeling doubt brought with it. “Nothing. I’m just…” She didn’t know what she was.

  He didn’t let go. “I understand. I shouldn’t have expected it to be easy. It’s my fault.”

  She needed to get to that fucking spear, and given where it was, there was no way it was happening unless he trusted her. She struggled for words. Metatron’s nagging was still gone, so Ronnie didn’t understand her hesitation. “I just… Maybe I need to take us more slowly, you know?” Now she was playing his game of deception full force, and terrified she was a noob compared to his lifetimes of experience.

  He looked wounded, but something about it wasn’t sincere. He brought a foot to rest between hers. “We’ve shared a lot. You know me.”

  Yeah, she did. Even without a voice whispering in her ear, she saw flashes of their encounters. His assumptions. The information he kept from her. His indifference for Ari’s fate. More.

  She tried to be subtle about taking a step back. Could she keep her distance and still win his trust? “Why is it so important I make a decision now? We have eternity.”