Beyond Innocence

by Kit Rocha

  His cock stood as proud and shameless as he did, and she remembered the way she hadn't been able to encircle the base with her hand. She should be terrified, braced for the pain of taking him into her body.

  But she trusted him so much that she reached out. "Come back. I want to feel you."

  He climbed back onto the bed, this time with the lean bulk of his body looming over her. One leg nudged between hers, and he smiled slowly as she obediently parted her thighs to make room for him.

  When he was close enough, she reached up to cup his face, pressing her thumb to his lips. "I never thought I could want this so much."

  "You've been locked away." His voice was low, a little rough. "But now you're free—to be who you are, do what you want. Free to feel."

  Who she was—that was still a mystery. Right now she was fluid, liquid. The world was alive with potential, and Jared was right. Whatever form she solidified into would be her choice, and no one else's.

  This was her choice. To hook one leg around his hip, to tug him closer so she could feel him pressing her into the bed. She was safest like this, with him holding her together while pleasure broke her apart. "Show me."

  His hips settled into the cradle of hers, and he braced his elbows on the bed on either side of her head, careful not to catch her hair as he held his weight above her. The hair on his body rasped over her skin, a delicious tease, but nothing compared to the hot, slick glide as the shaft of his cock nestled against her.

  Jared sucked in a sharp breath that turned into a groan. "You feel so damn good."

  That was what she wanted. His pleasure. That noise that started deep in his chest and sounded as needy as she felt. "So do you."

  He flexed his hips, rubbing against her, and groaned again. "I should wait, but I don't know if I can."

  He could. She knew that in her gut. If there had been the slightest bit of fear left in her, he would have touched and stroked and soothed it all away, no matter how much he suffered for it.

  She arched up, shuddering when it only intensified the dizzying pressure against her clit. "You could," she gasped. "But you don't have to."

  His eyes went darker. "I know. You want this." He rolled his hips, circling them in one slow, controlled movement that brought her back to the edge. "You want it so much I can't even imagine how hard you'll come on my dick."

  Words so obscene, she squeezed her eyes shut against the shame of loving them. "That's—"

  "Hot?" He bent his head and nipped at her ear again. "Say it, Lili."

  "Dirty," she whispered. "Good."

  "How good?"

  She moaned, but he didn't relent. Her cheeks burned as she hid her face against his. "I want more. I want to know the dirty words for all the things you do to me."

  "Like how I'm going to pound your pussy?" He nudged her chin, forcing her gaze to his. "How I'm going to fuck you until you scream?"

  Harsh, rough promises—and they did harsh, rough things to her. The word that had balanced on the tip of her tongue unspoken last time spilled free. "With your cock."

  "That's right, love." He thrust against her again. Harder. "With my cock."

  She grabbed his shoulders as a shudder rocked her. She was close again. She knew it now, knew what was coming. "Now, please, Jared."

  His fingers slid into her hair again—twisting, tangling—but he hesitated. "Were you on any other drugs, Lili? Fertility drugs?"

  The sweet edge of safety slipped away at the reminder. "Y—yes. Only for a couple of weeks, but I don't know if that means…"

  "What kind? Implants?"

  "Pills."

  He stroked her temples with his thumbs. "The effects should have worn off by now. But I have condoms, if you want to use one."

  An unfamiliar word, but she could imagine the purpose well enough. To save her from her mother's fate, from ending up with a child that might trap her. "Please."

  He leaned past her and retrieved a small packet from the table beside the bed. It contained an odd little circle that didn't make sense until Jared lifted himself and fitted it against the head of his cock. His strong, graceful fingers moved hypnotically, dragging her gaze down as he unrolled it onto his shaft.

  "See?" He reached for her hand, lifted it to his lips for a quick kiss, then wrapped her fingers around his sheathed erection. "Safer now."

  Touching him brought back need. He was so hard under her fingertips, as ready for her as she was for him.

  And he'd keep her safe. Safe enough to be brave. "I want you." She tightened her fingers. "I want this."

  He climbed over her again with a shudder, moving too carefully to slide free of her grip. He seemed to relish it, a pleasure she understood when he grinned, dark and dangerous. "Show me where."

  It took a moment to realize what he wanted. Not for her to lie passively, but to take. Slowly, without looking away, she guided his cock to press against her. Jared took over the movement, his muscles taut and trembling as he braced himself above her and flexed his hips.

  The pressure was intense, but it wasn't pain. Not until she rocked up, taking more of him, but even that was manageable. An aching sting, and worth it for the way his teeth sank into his lower lip as his brow furrowed—as if holding back was an agony more intense than anything else.

  "Jared." She wrapped her leg around his hip again, digging her heel into his lower back. "I'm not afraid of pain, either. As long as I'm feeling."

  "It's not for you." His lips brushed her cheek. "For me."

  Because he didn't want to hurt her.

  That ache in her chest expanded. She turned her face to his, finding his mouth in a slow, sweet kiss as she relaxed and let him work deeper, bit by bit, moment by moment, until the pressure nearly overwhelmed her.

  He whispered softly, words that made no sense, words that weren't supposed to make sense, because all they meant was that he was there, that he had her. That they were together.

  When his hips settled against hers, he was so deep that was all she could feel. Him, filling her so completely that the slightest shift of her hips set off a riot of friction. She moaned into his mouth and clung to him, afraid he'd pull back if she let go.

  "I'm not going anywhere," he murmured, because he understood. Of course he did.

  "I know you have to…" She rubbed her cheek against his and closed her eyes. "I don't want to be overwhelmed. I want to be here with you."

  "Look at me."

  She did.

  The friction slammed into her again as Jared flexed his hips, nudging deeper before retreating just a little. He did it again, and again, turning friction into heat with each slow roll, until she was digging her nails into his back hard enough to break skin.

  And, through it all, his gaze never left hers. When the tension threatened to sweep her away, he held her with his eyes, forced her to feel, to savor, to claim each new sensation as his pace increased.

  "Don't," he whispered. "Don't slip away, love."

  She met his next thrust with a moan. "When do you fall apart?"

  "When it's enough. If it ever is." He drove into her again, harder this time.

  It jolted through her. Her toes curled as something vast rushed toward her, something she needed with a desperation that left her breathless. "Jared—"

  He covered her mouth with a noise caught between a laugh and a groan, and did something with his hips, something that hit every spot so perfectly she couldn't even scream when that wild tension snapped.

  It wasn't like the first time. It wasn't even like his fingers. There were so many ways to fall apart, and this was the most intense yet. He rode every wave of pleasure, driving into her hard enough to spark the next cascade, and the next, while her body clenched tight around a cock that felt larger and harder by the second.

  He went rigid above her, and she held him as he shuddered. He throbbed inside her, quick, hot pulses echoed and answered by her own body.

  Together. She sank her hands into his hair and dragged his head up so she could wa
tch his face, just like he'd watched hers. His parted lips, his furrowed brow, the hazy, dangerous hunger that even an orgasm couldn't touch.

  A new emotion stirred inside her, nothing so gentle as affection or even as vulnerable as love. It was dark, dangerous, something that made her tighten her fingers as satisfaction overtook them both.

  Mine.

  Beethoven woke him.

  The apartment was dark, and Lili had left his bed. Jared followed the soft strains of the piano out into the living area, and his dick went hard. Again.

  She was sitting at his piano, naked. Her hair spilled across her bare back, and the only thing touching her skin was the scant light bleeding in through the windows. Her face was in shadow, so he stood and watched her fingers move over the keys.

  She hit a wrong note from time to time but didn't stop. Not technical proficiency, maybe, but there was no denying she felt the music, so much that she was oblivious to his presence, even after the last note died away.

  "You play well," he murmured.

  Lili half-turned on the bench. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. It's such a beautiful instrument."

  "By all means." He crossed the room and leaned against the cool wood. "Why did you choose that piece?"

  She lifted one shoulder. "I always liked it. When I was on the drugs, I didn't feel, not really. But sometimes the music made me come close."

  "Moonlight Sonata. Quasi una fantasia."

  "Is that...French? Italian?" She smiled self-consciously. "I'm better with cooking vocabulary."

  "Italian." It fit this moment, even better than she realized. "Almost a fantasy."

  She turned back and slid her fingers over the flawless, polished wood of the piano. "It's a lot of work, isn't it? Being almost a fantasy."

  "Too much work." He didn't regret his life or his decisions, but it would be facile—maybe delusional—to insist that playing sex god to the repressed women of Eden hadn't left its mark on him. "But everything is a cost-benefit analysis, isn't it? 'Do I want this badly enough to pay the price?'"

  "I suppose it always is. 'Is the chance that tomorrow could be better worth living through today?'" She smiled up at him. "Now I'm glad I paid the price."

  His heart thumped, and he looked away. "You have another analysis to make, now that you know the truth about me."

  The bench creaked, and she touched his arm. "I made it before I took my clothes off, Jared. I'm not going to change my mind now."

  She wouldn't be the first. Hell, he wouldn't blame her. "Things happen, Lili. People say things in the heat of the moment, and I'd be some kind of asshole if I held you to them without giving you a chance to think."

  She rose, standing so close that her hair tickled over his shoulder and the smooth curve of her breast brushed his chest. But she moved before he could, sliding behind him to rest her cheek between his shoulders as she wrapped her arms gently around his waist.

  Her skin was warm against his. It would be easy to accept her acceptance and ignore the anxious pressure in his chest. He could lose himself in her, even tell himself nothing else mattered right now.

  Easy...but not right. Jared turned and grasped her hips, holding her just far enough away to maintain the illusion of decency. "I mean it. My life right now is dangerous. I need to know you've considered that."

  Her blue eyes weren't soft now. They were frozen and ancient, just like her expression. "I know I must seem sheltered, but I didn't grow up in a fairy tale. And I'm not trying to turn you into one."

  "I wasn't implying that you were." He tightened his fingers on her hips. "And I'm not trying to get rid of you, either. But there are things I'm only now realizing about my situation, so I'd be damn surprised if you'd managed to wrap your head around it all already."

  Lili covered his hands with hers, holding them in place, and took a step back toward the bed. "Then talk to me about what you have to do, and maybe we'll both understand better."

  "What I'm already doing," he corrected. "I've been passing information to Dallas for a few months now."

  "About the leaders in Eden?"

  About everything—leaders, followers, society, and politics. Economics and backroom deals. Anything and everything a woman might complain about over wine...or whisper into his pillow. "You never know which things will be useful."

  She nodded, still backing slowly toward his bed and drawing him with her. "Is it hard? Harder than it was before, I mean?"

  "Which part?"

  "Being almost a fantasy."

  "It's—" Yes and no. Trying to explain, that was the hardest thing of all. "At least I knew how to sell sex, you know? The fantasy? And I never pressed for secrets—anyone who spilled them, all I did was listen. It was passive, just...handing over whatever I might have learned. This thing now—the bar, being in Eden—it's different. I'm not an observer anymore. The information I get won't be incidental."

  Her eyes widened slightly, and then narrowed. "And that makes it more dangerous."

  Jared nodded. "If one of my clients let something slip, she'd have a vested interest in not pursuing it if that information made it out of my bedroom. The people I'll be spying on won't have that holding them back."

  "What will happen if you're caught?"

  If you wind up in a little room in Eden where there are no windows and no cameras, you'll wish all they'd done was set you on fire. Dylan's words echoed in his head, and Jared shook them away. "I don't know, Lili. I honestly don't. But I think we can safely say it wouldn't be pretty."

  She stopped as her legs bumped into the mattress. "For you. You're the one in danger. You're the one who needs to be protected. Not me."

  "That's a simplistic way to look at it." He couldn't suppress his smile as he sat on the edge of the bed, pulling her along with him. "You wouldn't be the one facing down the barrel of a rifle, but you can't say it wouldn't hurt you. I know it would hurt me, sweet Lili, if our positions were reversed."

  She leaned against him and closed her eyes. "Would I be worth it?"

  The question was low, hesitant, as if she needed the answer but wasn't sure she could bear it. "Absolutely, love."

  She exhaled softly and slipped her hand into his. "So are you. So stop asking."

  "All right." Her hand was small, her fingers delicate, and he gripped them tightly. Desperately. "It's easy to lose yourself when you're always playing a role. I've never had someone I didn't have to pretend with, ever."

  "Neither have I. I'm not even really sure who I am. Who I would have become, if I'd had a choice."

  "Who you will become," he corrected softly. "You have that choice now. Dallas and Lex will make sure of it."

  She smiled and shifted, sliding one leg over his until she perched on his lap. The light from outside was softer here, glinting off the wild curls that tumbled over her shoulders and down her back, leaving her face in gentle shadows.

  In silence, she traced her thumb over his nose and across his cheek. When she reached the corner of his mouth, her smile widened. "Thank you for trusting me with your secret."

  He'd trusted her with more than that. With everything—his hopes, his passions, all the things he'd spent too many years not considering because they were secondary to work. To the person he needed to be in order to be an ideal.

  With Lili, he didn't have to be perfect. He just had to be Jared.

  Chapter Twelve

  It was amazing what enough money could do in a relatively short period of time.

  The bar was coming together quickly. In the end, his chat with Gia about the benefits of grungy sector pastiche versus opulence had led him to his obvious answer—decayed opulence. If the people of Eden wanted a speakeasy, he'd give them one. A real one, just like the underground bars that had popped up in cities across the country back when Prohibition reared its ugly head.

  The ceilings were low, and it helped that the location was literally below ground. Exposed stone, dark wood, red wallpaper, and ornate gilt-framed mirrors completed the look. Anyone who walked
through the doors would feel as if he'd walked into the past, into a place of secrecy and illicit thrill.

  Which made it perfect for his purposes. A dim place made entirely of secrets was exactly where clandestine meetings happened. And he would be right there, listening.

  He was supervising booth placement when quick, decisive footsteps raised the hair on the back of his neck. Military police.

  "Mr. Capello." The voice was low and lacking in inflection, possibly because the use of Jared's little-known last name was threat enough. "I'm here to escort you to City Center, on Council orders."

  Jared took his time setting aside his clipboard. "Concerning?"

  "That's beyond my purview, Mr. Capello. I'm sure everything will be explained."

  "I'm sure." He held out both hands. "Well, I'm at your disposal, Officer…?"

  "Ashwin Malhotra." He paused, his dark eyes studying Jared's face. "Lieutenant."

  "Ah, yes. Russell Miller's replacement." He allowed himself a small smile. "How are you enjoying your promotion, Lieutenant?"

  Ashwin didn't return his smile. "Most loyal citizens wouldn't know who Russell Miller was."

  "Most loyal citizens don't get shaken down for bribes every fifteen minutes." He rocked back on his heels. "Or do they?"

  "Not the loyal ones." Ashwin pivoted. "This will go more smoothly if you come willingly."

  Of course it would. But Jared still got the feeling Lieutenant Ashwin Malhotra wouldn't mind shooting him in the fucking head, so he followed the man out the back, to the cramped alley behind the building.

  A black SUV was waiting, and Jared squinted at the thick divider between the front and back of the vehicle as he climbed into the back seat. "Nice ride."

  Ashwin slid behind the wheel. A moment later, the vehicle rolled smoothly and silently down the alley. No painstakingly manufactured biodegradable diesel for Eden's elite—just solar power and clean electricity.

  And tech. In spite of the thick polycarbonate wall between them, Ashwin's voice came to him clearly from invisible speakers. "There won't be any more bribes."