Denying the Dragon

by Rinelle Grey

  Somehow though, even though the picture was perfect when it was just the two of them, she couldn’t imagine his clan accepting her. Not like they would accept Wayrian. The look in their eyes would always be doubt. There would always be a hint of the fact that they felt things would be better if she wasn’t there. He might not care about his clan’s disapproval in this moment, but long term their censure would be a constant weight on the relationship.

  That, she could probably live with. She’d never depended on outside acceptance for her choices.

  What she couldn’t handle was Taurian feeling that way.

  He loved his clan, even though they weren’t even the same people as they had been when he’d left. They were a part of him, an integral part. That much was obvious. Even when he asked her to mate with him, he’d talked about how it would be better for his clan.

  She hadn’t realised that until she saw him here. This was his life. An irrefutable part of who he was. She could never separate him from them. If she accepted him, she had to accept this too.

  She’d always known that, it was what had held her back from committing. Until now, it hadn’t occurred to her what it would mean for him to choose her.

  He knew it. He had to. Yet, it hadn’t held him back at all. If anything, it had made him more determined. Karla’s heart fluttered in her chest, and longing stirred deep inside her. A love that strong, that determined, it could last a lifetime.

  But she couldn’t say yes. Her heart ached at the fact that she had to refuse him. Even if her own heart and mind had been in complete agreement, the conflict between her and his clan would tear him apart, and force him to make choices he should never have to make.

  Every breath she drew hurt, as though she would never be free of this pain again. She was sure that her heart would never be whole again, but she knew she was making the right decision.

  “I’m sorry, Taurian. I can’t,” she said softly. “I can’t take you away from your clan when they need you most. We’ve had a lot of fun, but it’s over now. We both need to stop pretending, and go back to our real lives.”

  Karla forced herself to look into his eyes. Suddenly, this was reminiscent of telling Bruce that things were over. Except far harder, because this time it wasn’t just guilt that swamped her, it was real, honest, gut wrenching pain. Almost enough to double her over.

  Denial was written all over his face. “No, I won’t let it be over. We can do this, Karla. We’ve already beaten Ultrima together several times, and we can do it again. I’m sure we can. Then the clan will have to accept you as my mate.”

  He had this crazy thought that she could help him and his clan, more than this all powerful life dragon that had everyone in awe. But she knew the truth. Escaping from Ultrima and Edtrima had been pure luck. She couldn’t do that on command.

  “That was a game of chess, Taurian. I beat him at a game of chess. That’s just a matter of knowing the rules. But I’m not a dragon, I don’t do battles and fights.”

  “We beat him at his lair too,” Taurian argued. “If it weren’t for your help, he would have killed me there,” he insisted. There was desperation in his tone. A desperation Karla could understand only too well, because she felt the same thing. But it wasn’t going to work.

  She wasn’t a leader. She never had been. And he had to be, whether he wanted to or not.

  He was already stepping up to the plate. She could see it in the set of his broad shoulders and the angle of his jaw. He thought he needed her, but what he didn’t know was that he had the ability within himself.

  “You will find a way, Taurian. I know you will. I’m only going to get in your way, and distract you from the things you have to do.”

  She could see it in his eyes. The understanding of the truth she spoke, even though he didn’t want to believe it. Fire swirled through them, and Karla knew how easy it would to be lost in their depths. She wanted to do anything she could to relieve that pain.

  But she made herself stand up straight and not avoid it. At least this time she had no reason to feel ashamed. She was making the right choice—for both of them.

  “You need to… to mate with Wayrian. It’s the right thing to do, and you know it.” Karla swallowed, trying to keep the tears at bay. Once he mated with Wayrian, the bond would make them care about each other, wouldn’t it? Taurian’s pain would fade, and he would forget about her.

  That wouldn’t help her.

  Damn him, she’d been coping just fine until he came out here and found her. She’d even convinced herself that this was for the best, that it was what she wanted. Why did he have to go and ask her to mate with him?

  She could see the sadness and acceptance in his eyes, dampening his golden fire into a dull yellow. “I don’t want it to be.” His voice was flat and hollow. “I wish there was some other way.” He caught her hand and held it, the warmth seeping into her.

  She wanted to stay like that, holding his hand forever, because she knew that once she let go, it would be over. Then his fire would fade away, and she wasn’t sure she’d ever feel warm again.

  None of the others said a word, though Karla could feel their eyes boring into her.

  Karla drew in a deep, shaky breath, and let the dream go. Time to move on. “Then it’s better if I go. Then you can do what you have to, without regrets.” There, that was more like it. Her voice was stronger now, more certain. It hid the fact that her heart was breaking.

  She hoped.

  She could see the indecision warring on Taurian’s face. She understood it, because it was what was happening in her own mind.

  There wasn’t anything more to say. She’d told him. Both of them understood now. Karla turned towards her friends, trying to ignore the shocked and concerned looks on their faces. “Let’s get out of here,” she said quietly. “I’ll explain on the way to the airport.”

  Movement in the bush to her left distracted her. Surely it wasn’t those damn shadows again? Jayrian had said that once they were gone, they wouldn’t come back.

  This wasn’t a shadow. Silver scales flashed gold in the sunlight.

  Karla was aware of a movement behind her and spun around just in time to see Taurian transform, his clothes tearing from his body as his scales formed. Gasps of surprise echoed behind her.

  Taurian leapt into the air, the wind from his wings rushing over Karla as he flew after the silver dragon.

  Karla’s heart beat as though it, too, needed the adrenalin to chase an enemy dragon.

  Both of them shot off over the trees at an incredible speed. Karla hadn’t known Taurian could move that fast. She watched, her heart in her throat, as they disappeared out of sight. She should do something, call Taurian’s clan and get them to help him, but she couldn’t make herself move.

  Gretchen though, was already moving. “Come quickly, a dragon!” she shouted at the top of her lungs.

  Her actions spurred Karla to move, running towards the lair, calling for the others to follow.

  Even before they reached the entrance, Taurian’s clan was pouring out of it. “What’s going on?” Kyrian demanded.

  “There was a silver dragon, just here in the trees,” Gretchen said, her voice breathless.

  “Ultrima?” Mesrian asked sharply.

  Karla found her voice. “No, I don’t think so. Too small.”

  Their eyes shifted to her. “Where is Taurian?”

  “He went after it.”

  Karla tried to calm her breathing, and bring her heart rate back to a normal beat. Taurian would be fine. The other dragon had been smaller than him, he could defeat it easily. But that didn’t stop her from worrying. Worrying that it had friends with it. Worrying it was leading him straight to Ultrima.

  Worrying that if he was injured in the fight, he would sleep with Wayrian to heal.

  As he should. But she didn’t want to watch them walk into his chambers hand in hand. Didn’t want to imagine what they’d be doing. Why couldn’t this have happened after she’d left, when s
he wouldn’t have to know? Another fifteen minutes and she would have been blissfully unaware.

  “He’s back!” Jayrian called out, pointing behind her.

  Karla turned in time to see Taurian land gracefully behind her. She scanned his body, but could see no sign of injury. Relief filled her.

  Taurian shifted before her eyes, returning to his human form. Naked.

  Karla tried not to stare. Her friends averted their eyes, though Lisa did so rather slowly. His clan didn’t seem to notice.

  “What happened?” Kyrian demanded.

  “A Trima dragon was scouting the area,” Taurian said shortly. “I chased him to the edge of the scrub, but he was too fast to catch. I know where he’s going though.” His voice was hard and angry.

  Karla could guess what he wanted to do—gather his whole clan and go after the dragons. The thought both terrified her, and at the same time filled her with exhilaration.

  There was no exhilaration in the crowd around her though. Their feet shifted, and they looked from one to the other. Parents scooped up children, and couples clutched at each other. Eyes were wide, and whispered voices shrill.

  “There’s no need to panic.” Taurian raised his voice so that everyone could hear it. His voice was so calm, so controlled. “I fought with one of Ultrima’s dragons yesterday, and after I defeated him, he admitted he was there against Ultrima’s wishes. Ultrima is not after us right now.”

  His words seemed to have no effect. “Maybe that’s because he wanted to follow you back here to find out where we live,” a dragon near the back of the crowd called out.

  Karla saw Taurian wince as guilt twisted her own stomach. It was entirely possible. What if they had led the Trima clan right to them? She could imagine how much pain that would cause Taurian, whether it was true or not.

  “We need to leave,” Kyrian said immediately. “Before the rest of the Trima clan finds out where we are and comes after us. We can’t risk losing everything now.”

  Taurian stared at him. “You want me to run?” His voice was as cold as ice.

  Kyrian didn’t seem to realise the mood he was in. “Yes,” he agreed eagerly. “You need to run, quickly. We all do. Your responsibility is to protect the clan. We can’t defeat Ultrima now. We need the rest of the princes and princesses and a strong plan before we can do that. Running is the only choice.”

  Karla could see the refusal in every bone of Taurian’s body. Running went against his grain. He had hated it, even when he hadn’t been at full power. He would hate it even more now. But he had to see that it was the only option.

  “Where are you planning to go?” Taurian demanded. “How many times are we going to run before saying enough is enough?”

  “Until we have a chance of winning,” Kyrian said.

  “Until we have a life dragon,” Ostrian said at the same time.

  Taurian glared at them.

  He wasn’t going to listen. He was going to get himself killed before he’d had a chance to wake any of his brothers and sisters.

  Karla couldn’t let that happen. Even if she left, she wanted to know he was safe, and perhaps even happy.

  She put a hand on his arm and he reacted instantly, turning to her, his eyes burning into hers.

  “You can’t fight him, Taurian,” she said gently. “You need to be there to protect your clan, wherever they go. They need you. If your clan is important enough for you to walk away from the feelings we have for each other, then it’s important enough for you to suppress your need to fight Ultrima.”

  She heard a couple of indrawn breaths, and wasn’t sure if they were from her friends, or Taurian’s clan. It didn’t really matter.

  Her eyes were locked onto Taurian’s, and she almost felt like they were having a conversation in her head. She knew that he could do that, but this wasn’t talking directly, it was more a shared understanding.

  She could see the indecision warring on his face. “They need you,” she said quietly. “And they need you alive.”

  In that moment, she admitted all her feelings for him. Let them fill her up, knowing that they could never be. Somehow, it didn’t matter. All the jealousy faded away. Her love for him was greater than that somehow. At this point, she just wanted the best for him, and his clan. Even if that best didn't include her.

  Just as long as he stayed alive.

  Taurian nodded slowly. “I know.”

  *****

  Taurian stared into Karla’s eyes as she spoke, and she looked more beautiful than ever before. He could see her love for him reflected in their deep depths, even though she hadn’t spoken of it. Her acceptance of what he had to do was greater than his own. She didn’t seem to burn with a need to change things, to find a way to make it work. And it wasn’t a reflection of her lack of feeling, quite the opposite in fact.

  She had moved past where he was. She could see that there was no way to make this work, not and stay true to who they were. She knew that as a prince, his first responsibility had to be to his clan, no matter how much it hurt him personally.

  Ostrian had offered him a way to save his clan. Quite a good way, even if it would take time. If it weren’t for his personal affections for Karla, he wouldn’t even be hesitating.

  Taurian had never expected to be put in a position where he had to choose between his own personal wants and the good of his clan. He was the youngest of six. That was his sibling’s responsibility. Sarian, as the eldest, had spoken often about her own struggles with these sorts of decisions, and Taurian had never really understood.

  Now he understood only too well. He understood how much it hurt to have to turn away from something you wanted with every part of your mind, body, and soul, because it could not be. Giving up Karla wrenched at his soul in a way he never could have imagined if he hadn’t experienced it.

  He struggled to find any kind of acceptance, even though he knew what he had to do. Instead, he drank in the sight of her, letting her love fill him up as full as he could hold.

  Because once he took a mate, it would be unacceptable to ever look at her this way again. Once he was mated, he would lose all desire to anyway. Somehow, the thought of losing those feelings was even more painful than he imagined losing her would be. He wouldn’t even be able to pull these feelings out to comfort himself on long, lonely nights.

  If only he could bed her, one last time. But even that comfort was denied him.

  His hands clenched. He was wallowing in self-pity. That was no behaviour for a prince. If he was going to make this sacrifice, and it seemed he had no choice, then he was damn well going to do it properly.

  Karla was right, his clan needed him, and they needed him alive.

  He could see the understanding in her eyes, and though it made what he had to do easier, it couldn’t completely erase the pain. Nothing could.

  But it gave him the strength to turn to his clan and say, “Pack up your belongings, we only have a couple of hours to get out of here before Ultrima returns. I need two dragons to scout the area and check to see if there are any more Trima dragons around. If we’re going to run, we need to make sure we aren’t followed this time.”

  “Time for us to go.” He heard Karla’s quiet voice behind him.

  His heart clenched at the thought of her leaving, and not just because a piece of him was being torn out. He turned and caught her arm. “You can’t go,” he said quietly. “It’s not safe. Ultrima is on his way.”

  “He has no interest in me,” Karla argued. Determination was a poor cover for the flash of fear in her eyes. “Things are over between us.”

  “He doesn’t know that.”

  Her eyes stared into his, and he could see the reluctance in them, swallowed by the pain. It would be easier for her to leave, but he couldn’t let her. “I know you want out,” he said softly, “but you have to wait until this is settled. Once we’ve moved, and we’re sure Ultrima isn’t following us, then you can go.”

  “How long will that take?”

 
“I don’t know.”

  She stared at him for several long moments, then her arm went limp in his. “Okay.”

  He’d expected her to argue more. Taurian searched her face for a moment, but could see no sign of anything other than acceptance. The panic released a little of its hold on his heart. He nodded slowly and let go of her arm.

  He wanted to stay and comfort her, to tell her he would wait to mate until she was gone, so she didn’t have to watch it, but there wasn’t time.

  He turned way. He needed to be a prince right now. “I need to talk to the elders in my chambers, now. Everyone else, get packing.”

  Without looking back, he headed for his chambers. The elders better have a plan.

  Chapter 8

  Karla stared after Taurian’s retreating back, feeling like she was trapped in a bad dream.

  How had it come to this? How had it come to watching the man she loved with someone else, unable to leave because a dragon that wanted to kill them could show up at any moment? She hoped this would all be sorted before the mating ceremony, whenever that was.

  His clan followed him, hanging off his every word. They were counting on him to save them. And he would come through, she had no doubt of that.

  “That was quite a sacrifice you made there.” Her father’s voice was quiet at her elbow.

  Karla fought back tears. Her heart felt like someone had trampled it in the sand. She was pretty sure she’d done some of the trampling herself. She didn’t want to talk right now. “It wasn’t that big a deal.” She kept pretending, even though she could hear her voice giving her away as soon as she spoke. “Taurian and I have only known each other for a couple of days. He’ll get over me.”

  Bruce’s eyes reflected her pain. He knew what it was like to lose someone you loved, and to accept it because it was best for them. He backed away, taking Lisa’s arm and practically dragging her back near the cars.