Disorder

by Martha Adele

  Mavis clenches her jaw and takes a breath. Another tear escapes her eye but doesn’t make it too far before she wipes it with her sleeve.

  I take the hint that she doesn’t want to talk and pretend I don’t notice the tears. “Can we stay behind and talk to Janice?”

  She nods while trying to steady her breathing. I rub her shoulder for a moment and let my hand fall as I walk over to the front of the room.

  Janice turns her attention from her hologram cuff to Mavis and me. She chuckles at us. “Well, I was wondering when you two were going to talk to me again.”

  In silence, I brush off her infuriating comment and sit in the student desk closest to her. After a moment, Mavis takes a seat back in her original desk, which lies a few desks behind Janice and me.

  I clear my throat and fold my hands in my lap, trying to speak to Janice calmly. “Eric.”

  Janice closes her hologram and leans back in her chair. “What about Eric?”

  “Why did you let him off with no punishment?” I ask without hesitation.

  Janice pauses. Without ever breaking her eyes from me, she gives me a little side smile. “There are certain things that should probably remain confidential.” She straightens up and leans toward me a bit, folding her arms on her desk. “Do you trust my rulings?”

  “I used to!” I spout. “But then again, I used to believe you had a higher moral standard than this. I mean, letting someone who attacked me go just because he is part of the Taai?”

  “Sam …” Janice tries to calm me, but I’ve already started.

  “What if it had been Mavis? Would you have reported him then? Is it just a ‘boys will be boys’ thing? No, it isn’t. It is a special treatment thing!”

  Janice takes a deep breath and rises to her feet. She calmly walks over to the door and places her hand on the handle. “Will either of you get into trouble for being late to your shifts?”

  Neither of us answers.

  “Okay then,” Janice says as she closes the door. She makes her way back over to her chair and takes a seat. “Sam, tell me what happened.”

  I pause. “What happened? What do you mean? What did Eric say?”

  “Please, Sam, tell me your side of the story.”

  I take a deep breath and pop one of my knuckles.

  “Calmly,” she adds.

  Though I am facing Janice, I can feel Mavis staring at me from behind. I haven’t told anyone what happened. Only what I said in the dining hall is what is known by others, and that wasn’t even the full story.

  “What all do you want to know?” I ask Janice.

  “What happened. What happened in your eyes.”

  I take another deep breath and finish popping my other nine knuckles. I calmly explain to the two that I stepped out of the orange room to go to the restroom when I was confronted by a bunch of thugs. The big one with a zigzag pattern shaved into the sides of his hair started it, and they all started shoving me around, calling me names.

  Calling me “retty.”

  They told me that there was a reason Bestellen didn’t want me, and it wasn’t because I was special. Once they had pounded on me a good bit, the big dude took one of my vials and stuck me in the leg with it.

  “And then what happened?” Janice asks me.

  “What?” I scoff. “Why does that matter?”

  “It matters. Just finish the story please. Tell me what happened up to you coming back to the orange room.”

  “Eric, who I didn’t know at the time, stayed behind and took me to the restroom. He didn’t want his victim just lying around,” I growl.

  “Did he stay in the restroom with you?”

  “No.”

  She nods to me. “Why not?”

  I pause. “Don’t you twist this story! That attack was not my fault.”

  “No,” she pleads. “Sam, this wasn’t your fault. I am asking you these questions so that I can make sure Eric was telling the truth.”

  I pause again.

  “Why didn’t he stay in the bathroom with you?”

  I look back to Mavis. Though she has stopped crying, her facial skin is blotchy, and her eyes are still slightly glazed over. She continues to stare at me until I finally answer Janice. “Because I told him to leave.”

  Janice nods. “Okay. Thank you, Sam.”

  “What did he say happened?” I ask her.

  “Exactly what you said happened. Just a different point of view.”

  “What?” Mavis and I ask in harmony.

  Janice pulls her chair forward to get closer to me, and she pats the seat behind me for Mavis to come. We wait awkwardly as Mavis approaches and takes a seat.

  “Sam, I’m not going to treat you like a four-year-old and ask you if you remember Eric ever actually hitting you or if you remember him ever laughing with the other guys. I’m not going to ask you this because what you suffered should never have to be suffered by anybody, and I’m so sorry that happened.”

  “Then why didn’t you do something about it?” I half shout.

  “I tried to do something about it that day, but you wouldn’t let me.”

  “Well, how about now? How about now that you know who did it!”

  “Sam …” Janice sits up straight in her seat and meets my eyes. “The man who did all that to you is dead.”

  “What?” Mavis interjects. “Eric is dead?”

  “No, I mean Uri Thomson. The one you described with the zigzag haircut.”

  “Yeah!” I fume. “I realize. He died when we had that bomb in the tunnel.”

  Janice nods. “Yes. The other boys in the group were all military and are all out fighting in Bestellen right now.”

  “Okay,” I dismiss. “Well, why didn’t you do something when they were here if you know what happened?”

  “They were already loading up for their assignments when Eric told me their names. It was too late. I will speak to them when and if they get back.”

  When and if.

  They may die out there never having received their punishment. I don’t know how I feel about that statement. The men who almost killed me may die rather than receive a minimal punishment …

  “What about Eric?” I ask. “Why didn’t you punish him?”

  Janice clears her throat. “Because he has already received his punishment for being involved with that group.”

  “How so?” I ask. “You just found out about this.”

  “Do you really want to know what happened, Sam? What actually happened?”

  I nod with an annoyed look on my face. Why else would I ask her what happened?

  “Okay,” Janice answers. “That day, Eric was walking with Uri because they were both coming from the same place and heading to the same place. On the way, they ran into some of Uri’s old roommates. One of the roommates decided to take a detour, so everyone followed, including Eric. That is when they ran into you.”

  I nod, waiting for the rest of the explanation.

  “You know what all happened from there until the restroom, but the one thing you may not have noticed was that Eric, from behind the group, tried to get them to stop.”

  “What?” I shout. “He barely tried! And he only started after I almost blacked out!”

  Janice nods her head and speaks to Mavis and me in a calm tone, hoping to somehow calm me with it. “After Eric left the restroom, he stayed in that hallway until you came out just to make sure you were okay.”

  “Big whoop!” I mock. “He stood around. Good for him.”

  “And after that came the punishment. Eric confronted Uri and his roommates right after you made it to class. He told them off.” Janice clears her throat again and looks to Mavis and then back to me. “Uri and the others ended up beating Eric worse than they beat you.”

  The room fills with silence. An uncomfortabl
e silence.

  I rise to my feet and leave the room without another word.

  I listen to the sound of my footsteps as I walk down the empty hallway. The sounds coming from the other classrooms are a mixture of joyful chatter and unenthusiastic teaching.

  Confused.

  That’s all I am.

  Confusion.

  That’s all that’s in my mind.

  I am still upset, but not as much. I am upset that I got bullied and beaten, but I am slightly happy that Eric did too.

  Why would I be happy that Eric was beaten? He was the only person who defended me.

  Why was I happy to hear that the roommates were shipped off to fight only to hope they live through it? Sure, they bullied me. Sure, they beat me. Sure, they beat up Eric, the only person who seemed to have a shred of morals. But why would I be happy that they may die?

  Confusion.

  That’s all I feel.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  Sam

  The walls shake around us as another bomb drops.

  I stand by my bunk, watching Mavis hold her knees to her chest on the bottom bed. She wraps her arms around herself and rocks, keeping her head in between her knees as she moves back and forth.

  Everyone else piles in like we have been doing every other time we needed to come down here. This is the ninth set of bombings since we freed Bloot. It has been weeks since we sent our armies over there, and we only have four out of the six states taken over, not counting Metropolis.

  When we captured Bloot so easily, many people felt a large boost of hope. When we captured Hout, Bouw, and Meer all in one day, the hope of Bergland grew even more. But now? Weeks later? Verwend and Minje are both in lockdown and are now pure military camps with thousands upon thousands of civilians being held captive, and Metropolis hasn’t even been touched.

  The deep roar of the planes overhead interrupts my thoughts. Another bomb falls and shakes the bunker. Mavis continues to hold herself under my top bunk as I continue to stand by the feet of the beds.

  As I look around, my eyes fall upon two guys all huddled in between bunks a few yards away. One of the men catches my eye as I realize I recognize his neck tattoo. With Mavis preoccupied with calming herself, I decide to head over.

  “Hey!” Bram calls out the moment he notices me coming over. “Look who it is!”

  “I’m surprised you remember me,” I tell him, earning a confused look from Bram’s friend.

  “Well, how could I forget ol’ Sammy boy?” He pats me on the back and smiles to the man standing across from him. “Marky, meet Sammy.” Bram turns back to me and smiles again. “Sammy, meet Marky.”

  The other man rolls his eyes and shakes my hand. “I’m Markus.”

  “Sam.” I nod to him and release his hand.

  “Cool,” Markus replies.

  “Sammy here,” Bram says as he pats me on the back again, “has got something that provides him with an unlimited amount of vials.”

  Markus excitedly chuckles, “Whoa! Really? That’s so cool.”

  “What? How so?” I ask the two. They both shoot each other a funny look before a smirk rises upon their faces.

  “How so?” Bram asks me. “What do you mean how so? You can take as many as you want without having to worry about running out!”

  I shrug. “Yeah, I guess that’s nice.” But it would be nicer if I didn’t have to take them at all.

  “It is,” Markus agrees, pouting. “I have to go and buy more if I want more than they give me per month.”

  Bram nods. “Except for down here. Down here is where we come to ‘enjoy the bombs,’ if you know what I mean.” Bram snorts as he elbows Markus playfully.

  “You know it,” Markus chuckles back.

  “What do you mean?” I ask them both, earning another look of confusion and amusement.

  Bram scoffs at me as another bomb drops, shaking the room again. “What, are you new here, Sammy?”

  I nod and chuckle back. “Yeah, actually.”

  “No way!” Markus’s jaw drops. “When did you get here? You’re from Bestellen?”

  I nod again, feeling a little overwhelmed by their excitement.

  “Are you from Bloot?” Markus continues.

  “No!” Bram nudges Markus. “I met him before we freed Bloot.”

  “No you didn’t,” I tell Bram. “We met the day the people from Bloot came in.”

  “What? Really?” Bram looks down to the floor for a few moments as he thinks. I can almost hear his brain cramping from overexertion. He looks back up at me and nudges Markus in the arm again. “Yeah! I did! So you are from Bloot!”

  “No. I’m from Bouw.”

  Markus’s jaw drops once again while Bram looks at me with confusion. “But everyone from Bouw is still in Bestellen.”

  “I came here a few weeks ago.”

  “What?” Bram asks me. “How did you get—”

  Markus slaps Bram’s chest with the back of his hand. “Dude, he came here through the woods. When Bestellen threw him out.”

  Bram looks to me with an expression of awe. “Oh man, that makes total sense.”

  Markus rolls his eyes at Bram and looks back to me. “So you don’t know anything about Bergland, do you?”

  I shrug as another bomb drops. This one causes the lights to flicker and a few kids on another hall to scream. I quickly look back over to Mavis, who has not changed positions since I left, and shake off my own fear. “Well, I’ve been here for a few weeks, so I guess I know a little.”

  “Ah.” Markus nods slowly with a smirk curling up on his face. “But you don’t know the good stuff.” He takes a few steps past me and points at one of the nurses at the end of the halls. This nurse appears to have the same clothing as the ones who originally came in and administered the medicine to Mavis when we spoke with Emily Hash.

  “These nurses will give you vials for free if you ask for them and if you are on the list.” Markus looks back to me and chuckles. “And with whatever you have that gets you unlimited amounts of vials, you are definitely on the list.”

  “Yeah.” Bram takes a seat on his bottom bunk and looks back up to Markus and me. “Down here is one of the only places in Bergland where we can take the vials with no questions asked.”

  Markus climbs up and lies down on the bed above Bram. “They think we need it,” he snorts.

  “Well, don’t you?” I take a seat on an empty bunk beside them just as another four bombs drop in a row. The floor shakes, a few pieces of ceiling crumble and rain down, and the lights flicker once again. I try to shake off the fear in my stomach and turn back to the boys.

  “Yeah,” Markus chuckles and points over his shoulder. “But it looks like your friend needs it more.”

  My eyes follow his gesture over to Mavis, who has her head in between her legs as she is frozen in fear on the bottom bunk. Immediately, I rise to my feet and make my way over to her. I listen to Bram and Markus chuckle about something as I walk off, but I don’t pay enough attention to understand.

  The moment I take a seat beside Mavis, her head pops up, and she looks at me with a few tears falling from her eyes.

  “Hey.” I place my hand on her back and see her relax a small amount. “Are you okay? Do you want a vial?”

  “No,” she sniffles as she places her head on her knees.

  “Mavis.” I scoot a little closer to her as the actions of Logan come to mind. The first time we met Mavis, she was having an anxiety attack. Logan hugged her, and she calmed down.

  My arm wraps around her as she loosens up but doesn’t move. I don’t really know what to do when the person you are hugging won’t hug you back.

  She has always wanted to comfort me when I was anxious and panicked, and I want to do the same for her. Mavis is like my sister, and I absolutely hate seeing her scared.
<
br />   I hate it.

  She hates it.

  I have to help her.

  I unwrap my arm from around her and make my way down the hall to the nurse.

  “Excuse me, sir,” I say hesitantly, not really knowing how to approach. “May I please have a vial or two for my friend?”

  The nurse looks at me with confusion. “What’s your friend’s name?”

  “Mavis Wamsley.”

  The nurse pulls up his hologram and types something in. A picture of Mavis pops up, along with written information I can’t read backward.

  “Okay.” The nurse rises to his feet and places his bag over his shoulder. “Where is she?”

  I point back over to our bunks but stand in front of the man. “She is over there, but she would much rather me bring her her vial. She wouldn’t want someone she doesn’t know administering it to her.”

  The nurse narrows his eyes at me. “What’s your name?”

  “Mine? Um … Samuel Beckman.”

  The nurse pulls up another screen, this time with my picture and information. He nods as he reads and looks back to me. “You know, if you wanted the medicine, all you needed to do was ask.”

  I nod with a sense of relief. “Yes, sir, I know. But this really is for my friend.”

  He nods and pulls out a vial in each hand from his bag. “Will she be needing the full dose or a small one?”

  I look to both vials. The size difference between the two is almost laughable. One is about as large as the full length of my thumb, while the other is the length from my wrist to the top of my middle finger.

  “Could I please take both?” I ask the nurse. “Just in case?”

  He shoots me a suspicious look but hands them both over. “If you need anything else, come ask me. Got it?”

  I nod and walk back over to Mavis as another bomb drops. Other than her, nobody else in the bunker seems affected by the bombings. When I get back to our beds, I find Mavis sitting with her fingers in her ears and humming the Diligent’s anthem.

  “Hey,” I say to her as I retake my seat from earlier. “Mavis.”

  Her shaky breath becomes even harder to steady as she looks up to me. Her crying has stopped, but she is still obviously having a hard time.