Myth-Ing Persons m-5

by Robert Asprin

  "What leads you to that conclusion?"

  The troll pursed his lips as he organized his thoughts.

  "Consider what he's accomplished so far. The entire time we've known of him, he's been on the run… first from the Deveels, and then from Aahz, who's no slouch 'Stalling people once he sets his mind to it. Now, assuming for the moment that Vic is actually the brains of the group, he was quick enough to take advantage of being left alone in your waiting room to escape out the back door. He couldn't have planned that in advance, even knowing about the door. He probably had some other plan in mind, and formulated this new course of action on the spot."

  We paused for a moment to let a small group of vampires cross the intersection in front of us.

  "Now, that would have sufficed for an escape in most instances, but they happened to pick an exit route that left you and Aahz responsible, which set your partner on their trail," Chumley continued. "With nothing to go on but your reputations. Vic not only correctly deduced that he would be followed, but he also managed to spot Aahz's weakness and exploit it to frame him and make it stick… again, not the easiest task, particularly realizing it involved convincing and coaching his two accomplices in their roles."

  All of this was doing nothing for my peace of mind. I was having enough difficulty forcing myself to believe that we were really hunting a vampire, the sort of creature I normally avoid at all costs, without having to deal with the possibility that he was shrewd and resourceful as well. Still, I had learned that ignoring unpleasant elements of a caper was perhaps the worst way to prepare for them.

  "Keep going," I urged.

  "Well," the troll sighed, "when you stumbled on his hiding place at the Woof Writers, he didn't panic. He waited to hear as much of your plans as possible, all the while taking advantage of the opportunity to assess you first-hand, then timed his escape so as to catch you all flat-footed."

  I digested this distasteful addition to the rapidly growing data file. "Do you really think he was sizing me up?"

  "There's no doubt in my mind. Not only was he gauging your skills and determination, he was successful enough at second-guessing you, based on the results of his studies, to be waiting to sound the alarm when you busted Aahz out of jail… a particularly bold move when one realizes that he was running the risk of being recognized, which would have blown his frame-up of your partner."

  "Bold or desperate," I said thoughtfully. "That's probably why he waited until we had actually sprung Aahz and were on the way down before he blew the whistle. If we had gotten away unscathed, then the frame would be useless, so at that point he really wasn't risking anything."

  "Have it your way," the troll shrugged. "The final analysis remains that we have one tough nut to crack. One can only wonder what he will do when we catch up with him this time."

  "If he's performing up to par, it could be rough on us."

  Chumley shot me a sidelong glance.

  "Actually, I was thinking it could be rough on your lady fair… if he has managed to observe the feelings you have for her."

  I started to protest, then the impact of his theory hit me and my embarrassment gave way to concern.

  "Is it really that apparent? Do you think he could spot it? If so, he might already have done something to Luanna for having contacted us."

  "It stands out all over you to anyone who knows you," Chumley said, shaking his head. "As for someone watching you for the first time… I just don't know. He'd be more likely to deduce it from the information you had… such as his name. That kind of data had to come from somewhere, though there's an outside chance that with your current reputation he'll assume that you gleaned it by some magical source."

  I barely heard him. My mind was focused on the possibility that Luanna might be hurt, and that I might indirectly have been the cause. A black well of guilt was rising up to swallow me, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

  "Don't tune out now, Skeeve," Chumley was saying, shaking me slightly. "First of all, we're going to need you shortly. Secondly, even if Vic's figured out that you're in love with her, I don't think he'll have hurt her. If anything, he'll save her for a trump card to use against us."

  I drew a deep ragged breath.

  "… and he'll be just the bastard to do it, too," I said. "I don't know what I'll be able to do, for us or for her, but I'll be ready to try. Thanks, Chumley."

  The troll was studying me closely.

  "Actually, I wasn't thinking that he was such a blighter," he said. "More like a clever, resourceful person who's gotten in over his head and is trying his best to ad-lib his way out. Frankly, Skeeve old boy, in many ways he reminds me of you. You might think about that when attempting to appraise his likely courses of action and how to counter them."

  I tried again to weigh what he was saying, but all I could think about was what the consequences of this hunt could mean to Luanna. It was difficult enough for me to accept that we would have to force Luanna and her cohorts to answer to the authorities for their indiscretions, but the thought of placing her in physical danger was unbearable.

  I looked around for Aahz, fully intending to put an end to this hunt once and for all. To my surprise, the rest of the group was assembled on the corner ahead, and my partner was beckoning us to join them. "What's going on?" I asked, almost to myself. "Just off-hand," Chumley replied, "I'd say we've reached our destination."

  A cold wave of fear washed over me, and I hurried to the rendezvous with Chumley close behind.

  "We're in luck," Aahz announced as I arrived. "Guido here says he saw Vic entering the building just as we got here. It's my guess they're all inside right now."

  "Aahz, I-I want us to quit right now," I blurted, painfully aware of how weak it sounded.

  "Oh?" my partner said, cocking an eyebrow at me. "Any particular reason?"

  I licked my lips, feeling the eyes of the whole group on me. "Only one. I'm in love with one of the fugitives… the girl."

  "Yeah. Now tell me something I didn't know," Aahz smirked, winking at me.

  "You knew?"

  "All of us knew. In fact, we were just discussing it. Remember, we all know you… and me probably best of all. It's already been pretty much decided to let your love-light go. Think of it as a present from us to you. The other two are ours." Five minutes ago, that would have made me deliriously happy. Now, it only seemed to complicate things.

  "But Chumley was just saying that there's a chance they might hurt her if they find out she helped us," I explained desperately. "Can't we just let them all go?"

  "Not a chance, partner," Aahz said firmly. "In addition to our original reasons, you've just mentioned the new one. Your girlfriend could be in trouble, and the only way to be sure she's safe is to remove her partners…Fast."

  "Believe him, Skeeve," Tananda urged. "It may not be nice, but it's the best way."

  "Really, Boss," Guido said quietly. "Unless we finish this thing here and now, you're never goin' to know if she's safe, know what I mean?"

  That almost made sense, but I was still worried. "I don't know, Aahz…"

  "Well I do," my partner snapped. "And the longer we stand down here, the more chance there is that they'll either get away or set up a trap. If you're uncertain, stay down here… in fact, that's not a bad idea. Massha, you stay down here with him in case they try to bolt out this way. While you're waiting, watch for the witnesses that Vilhelm's supposed to be sending along. Tananda, you and Chumley and Guido come along with me. This is a job for experienced hard-cases. Pepe, we appreciate your help, but this isn't really your fight."

  "But of course." The werewolf grinned. "Besides, I am a lo-var, not a figh-tar. I will wait here to see the finale, eh?"

  "But Aahz…"

  "Really, partner, you'll be more help down here. This isn't your kind of fight, and we need someone to deal with the witnesses. You're good at that kind of thing."

  "I was going to ask if you had given the signal to Vilhelm."

  "Signal?" Aahz bl
inked. "How's this for a signal?!"

  With that, he tore off his wig and threw it on the ground, followed closely by his dress.

  "Think he'll get the message? Besides, no way am I going to try to fight in that get-up."

  "Now you're talkin'!" Guido crowed.

  In a flash he had discarded his cloak and was pulling on his now-familiar trench coat.

  "Where did that come from?" I demanded.

  "Had it with me all the time," the bodyguard said smugly. "It would have been like leaving an old friend behind."

  "Well, if you and your old friend are ready," Tananda murmured, "we'd better get started.

  "Itching for action?" Aahz grinned.

  "No. More like eager to get off the street," she said. "Since you boys have shown your true colors, we're starting to draw a crowd."

  Sure enough, the vampires on the street had ceased whatever they had been doing before and were gathering in knots, whispering together and pointing at our group.

  "Umm… we'd better finish this fast," Aahz said, shooting a nervous glance around. "All right, gang.

  Let's go for the gusto!"

  "Go for the what?" I asked, but they were already on their way into the building.

  I noticed they were all moving faster than normal. I also noticed that Massha, Pepe, and I were the only ones left on the street… and now the crowd was pointing at us!

  Chapter Eighteen

  "I didn't come all this way to sit out the fight!"

  -R. BALBOA

  "WHAT'S going on?"

  I looked around to find that one of the vampires had detached himself from his group of friends and was addressing me directly.

  "Beats me," Massha interceded. "A bunch of offworlder types just took off into that building with blood in their eyes. I'm waiting to see what happens next."

  "Far out," the vampire breathed, peering toward the structure. "I haven't seen that many off-worlders in one place except in the flickers. Wasn't one of them that escaped murderer, Aahz?"

  I really didn't want this character to join our little group. While our disguises seemed to be holding up under casual inspection, I was pretty sure that prolonged close scrutiny would reveal not only the nonlocal nature of Massha and myself, but also the fact that we were trying to hide it.

  "You may be right," I said, playing a hunch. "If so, it's a good thing you happened along. We're going to need all the help we can get."

  "Help? Help for what?"

  "Why to catch the murderer, of course. We can't let him get away again. I figure it's our duty to stop him ourselves or at least slow him up until the authorities arrive."

  "We? You mean the three of you? You're going to try to stop a murderer all by yourselves?"

  "Four of us now that you're here."

  The vampire started backing away.

  "Ummm… actually I've got to get back to my friends. We're on our way to a party. Sorry I can't help, but I'll spread the word that you're looking for volunteers, okay?"

  "Hey, thanks," I called as if I believed him. "We'll be right here."

  By the time I had finished speaking, he had disappeared into the crowd. Mission accomplished.

  "Nicely done, my friend," Pepe murmured. "He does not, how you say, want to get involved, no?"

  "That's right," I said, my eyes "on the building again. "And to tell you the truth, I'm not too wild about the idea either. What do you think, Massha? It's awfully quiet in there."

  "I'll say," my apprentice agreed. "I'm just trying to figure out if that's a good or a bad sign. Another ten minutes and I'm heading in there to check it out myself."

  I nodded my consent, even though I doubted she saw it. We both had our eyes glued to the building, memorizing its every detail. It was a four-story structure… or it would be if it weren't for the curved peak that jutted out from the roof fully half-again as high as the main building. It looked as if the builder had suddenly added the adornment in a last-minute attempt to have his work stand as tall or taller than its neighbors. From the number of windows in the main structure, I guessed it was an apartment building or a hotel or something. In short, it looked like it had a lot of little rooms. I found myself wondering exactly how our strike force was supposed to locate their target without kicking in every door in the place… a possibility I wouldn't put past Aahz.

  I was about to express this fear to Massha when a loud crash sounded from within.

  "What was that?" I demanded of no one in particular.

  "Sounded like a loud crash," my apprentice supplied helpfully.

  I forced myself to remember that no one out here knew any more about what was going on inside than I did.

  After the crash, everything was quiet once more. I tried to tell myself that the noise might have nothing at all to do with the strike force, but I didn't believe it for a minute. The crowd was talking excitedly to each other and straining to see the various windows. They seemed quite confident that something else would happen soon, much more than I, but then again, maybe as city dwellers they were more accustomed to such vigils than I. Suddenly, Tananda appeared in the doorway. "Did they come out this way?" she called. "No one's been in or out since you went in," I responded.

  She swore and started to re-enter the building. "What happened?" I shouted desperately. "We nailed one of them, but Vic got away. He's loose in the building somewhere, and he's got the girl with him."

  With that, she disappeared before I could make any further inquiries.

  Terrific.

  "Exciting, eh?" Pepe said. "I tell you, I could watch such a chase for hours."

  "Well, I can't," I snapped. "I've had it with sitting on the sidelines. Massha? I'm going in there. Want to come?"

  "I dunno. Hot Stuff. I'd like to, but somebody should be here to plug this escape route."

  "Fine. You wait here, and I'll…"

  I turned to enter the building and bumped headlong into Vilhelm.

  "What are you doing here?" I demanded, not really caring.

  The Dispatcher shook his head slightly to clear it. Being smaller, he had gotten the worse of our collision.

  "I'm here with the witnesses, remember? I was supposed to bring them."

  "You were supposed to send them. Oh well, where are they?"

  "Right here," he said, gesturing to a sullen group of vampires standing behind him. "This is Kirby, and Paul, and Richard, and Adele, and Scott… some of the most respected citizens in town. Convince them and you're home free."

  Looking at the group, I suddenly realized how Aahz had ended up on death row. If the jury had been anything like these specimens, they would have hung their own mothers for jaywalking. While I didn't relish the thought of trying to convince them of anything, I found myself being very glad I didn't have to deal with them on a regular basis.

  "Okay. So we're here," the one identified as Kirby growled. "Just what is it we're supposed to be witnessing? If this is one of your cockamamie deals, Vilhelm…"

  I interrupted simply by taking my sunglasses off and opening my eyes wide, displaying their whites. The bad reputation of humans in this dimension was sufficient to capture their undivided attention.

  "Perhaps you recall a certain murder trial that took place not too long ago?" I said, trying to work the toothblack off with my tongue. "Well, the convicted murderer who escaped is my partner, and right now he's inside that building. He and a few of our friends are about to show you one surprisingly lively corpse… specifically the fellow that my partner is supposed to have killed. I trust that will be sufficient to convince you of his innocence?"

  While the vampires were taken aback by my presence in their midst, they recovered quickly. Like I said, they were real hard cases and didn't stay impressed very long.

  "So how much time is this going to take?" Kirby said impatiently. "I'm giving up my sleep for this, and I don't get much of it."

  That was a good question, so, not having an answer, I stalled.

  "You sleep nights? I thought…"
<
br />   "I'm a day owl," the vampire waved. "It's easier to get my work done when the phone isn't ringing every five minutes… which usually means waiting until everyone else is asleep. But we're getting off the subject. The bottom line is that my time is valuable, and the same holds true for my colleagues. If you think we're going to just stand around here until…"

  There was a sudden outcry from the crowd, and we all looked to find them talking excitedly and pointing up at the roof.

  A figure had emerged, fighting to pick his way across the steeply sloped surface while dragging a struggling girl by one arm.

  Vic!

  This was the first time I had gotten a clear look at my foe, and I was moderately surprised. He was younger than I had expected, barely older than myself, and instead of a menacing cloak, he was sporting a white turtleneck and sunglasses. It suddenly occurred to me that if sunglasses enabled me to pass for a vampire, that they would also let a vampire pass undetected among humans.

  The vampire suddenly stopped as his path was barred by Tananda, who appeared as if by magic over the edge of the roof. He turned to retrace his steps, only to find that the trio of Aahz, Guido, and Chumley had emerged behind him, cutting off his retreat.

  "I believe, gentlemen and lady, that up there is the elusive body that started this whole thing," I heard myself saying. "If you can spare a few more moments, I think my colleagues will have him in custody so that you might interrogate him at your leisure."

  "Don't be too sure of that. High Roller," Massha cautioned. "Look!"

  His chosen routes of escape cut off. Vic was now scrabbling up the roof peak itself, Luanna hanging in his grip. While I had to admire his strength, I was at a loss to understand what he was trying to accomplish with the maneuver. It was obvious that he had been exposed, so why didn't he just give it up?

  The answer became apparent in the next few moments. Reaching the apex of the roof, the vampire underwent a chilling metamorphosis. Before the strike force could reach him, he hunched forward and huge batwings began to grow and spread from his back. His plans gone awry, he was getting ready to escape.