“I’m sorry, Scott. If there was something else I could say or do, I would. But there isn’t. So take me out back and throttle me.”
“I’m not in the habit of throttling women.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “But for God’s sake, Thea. I’ve been in the parenting trenches for twenty years. My kids are almost independent. To start all over—”
“I’ve heard that children keep you young,” she said.
He stared at her and hated the hope he saw in her eyes. “Twice I was robbed of choices. After that, I did something to make sure I was completely in control.” That was a laugh. Control was a pipe dream. “I had a vasectomy.”
“Oh. That’s what you meant when you said you were safe.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth trembled before she caught her top lip between her teeth. That told him she understood how much he didn’t want to be responsible for another child. But he couldn’t help feeling he’d drop-kicked a kitten and the thought ticked him off. He hadn’t done anything wrong.
“I can’t believe this.” He slammed his fist on the counter, ignoring the pain that vibrated up his arm and settled in his shoulder. “I finally connect with someone—with you—and now this.”
“Don’t feel like The Lone Ranger. I didn’t expect to ever have strong feelings for another man. Yet here I am.”
In spite of everything, pleasure shot through him at her admission, but he tried to ignore it. This was an impossible situation.
“Yeah, here we are. With a baby standing between us.”
She tipped her head to the side as she studied him. Anger flashed through her eyes and mixed with the pain. “You know, Scott, I never expected to feel alive again and didn’t care to. You were right. I’ve just been going through the motions. It never occurred to me that I would care for someone again. And it especially didn’t cross my mind that someone I liked and respected would view a new life as a negative.”
“Don’t you dare make this my fault,” he ground out.
“Nothing could be further from the truth. I’m just explaining that this child is the most important thing in the world to me. I lost two babies. The crushing pain of that taught me it’s not just about having a child. I learned how desperately I wanted to be a mother.”
“So what are we going to do?” he asked, frustration roiling through him.
“Under the circumstances, it might be easier if you found another caterer to do Kendra’s party. I can recommend some good, reputable ones.”
He shook his head and didn’t want to think about why everything in him cried out against that suggestion. “Time is getting short. And besides, Kendra wanted you. The party is about her, not us.”
“I agree. And there’s no way I would do anything to hurt her, but I had to offer.” She sighed. “And I understand if you want to back out of the house deal—”
“Why would I? To hurt you?” The thought never crossed his mind.
She lifted one shoulder. “I wouldn’t blame you.”
“No. That, at least, still feels right.” In fact, it felt more right than it did before, reaffirming that he was going to control his life if it was the last thing he did.
“Okay.” She nodded. “Then we’ll get through everything the best we can. After that, we don’t have to see each other again.”
As Thea turned away to pack up her things, Scott felt as if she’d already left. He hated the thought of not seeing her, of not having her in his life. The emptiness hit him low and deep. He hadn’t known he could feel so much so fast. Possibilities had dangled in front of him and now they were snatched just out of reach.
Maybe he was a selfish bastard, but he wanted time to think only about himself. Hadn’t he earned it? His head said yes. The tightness in his chest told him something else.
Thea checked the heat beneath the chafing dish to make sure the flame wasn’t high enough to dry out the lasagna. She’d set up the food for Kendra’s party on the kitchen island and dinette. All the guests had moved through, filled their plates and then filed out the slider to the tables set up around the pool in the backyard. Now she was checking everything to make sure the remaining food would hold up to second helpings. Sometimes they were better than the first time around. Other times, not so much.
Kind of like her and Scott. Both of them were each other’s seconds and they’d been a disaster. He’d been conspicuously absent today when she’d set up for the party. And tonight she’d managed to look extremely busy when he’d gotten his food. How could she have been so stupid as to think he might care enough about her that a package deal would be okay with him?
She thought about his vasectomy and wondered why she’d been so shocked that he’d taken the ultimate step to make absolutely certain he would have no more children. From the first moment she’d met him, he’d made no secret of the fact that his youngest child was almost on her own. He had mixed feelings about it but he couldn’t keep her from growing up. He was moving on and making the best of it.
For the record, she was never listening to Connie again about hoping for something she knew in her heart wasn’t going to happen.
From her vantage point in the kitchen, she surveyed the Matthews backyard. She’d messed up with Scott, but at least she’d done a good job for his daughter’s party. The decorations looked great. They’d strung white lights in the trees and set up tables on the brick deck surrounding the pool. Centerpieces were mortarboards and balloons—the sky’s the limit. Napkins for each place setting were rolled up and tied with a ribbon to look like a diploma.
Everyone seemed to be having a good time, she thought, glancing around at the group of relatives and friends. Thea recognized the Matthews clan. They’d all been very friendly tonight so she guessed Scott hadn’t clued them in on anything. She thought about the first and last time she’d seen them. Pain rolled through her and she knew it would be hard from now on to celebrate Mother’s Day without remembering how she’d had her heart broken for the second time.
As much as she tried not to, her gaze continually strayed to Scott. She’d caught him looking at her more than once. Every time, his mouth tightened and he looked angry as he immediately glanced away. She didn’t blame him for any of this. It was all her fault. He was right. She should have said something. But she’d thought she was doing the right thing. After losing her babies, it had been beyond painful when people had asked how she was feeling. She’d had to put on a brave face and say over and over what had happened. This time, keeping her condition to herself had been every bit as painful—in a very different way.
Kendra walked inside with her empty plate. “Wow, that was really good. Is there anything left?”
“Everything. What can I get you?”
“Actually, nothing. I’m stuffed,” the teen admitted. “I was just making an excuse to talk to you.”
“You don’t need an excuse. Why would you think that?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I’m glad you did. I wanted to thank you for the graduation invitation. I wish I could have gone, but…” She shrugged, unable to find the words.
“That’s okay. Thanks for the gift.”
“You’re welcome.” Thea had sent a very feminine, cloth-covered photo album that tied with a ribbon so that Kendra could keep memories of this time. But as she studied the girl, she realized something was bothering her. “What’s wrong, sweetie?”
She lifted one shoulder. “It’s just that everything feels different.”
“With your dad?” Thea asked. “Did something happen?”
Kendra shook her head. “No. At least not between Dad and me. But he’s been weird.”
“Weird how?” It was nothing more than a stall tactic.
“Grumpy. Testy. Crabby.”
“Sounds like three of the Seven Dwarfs from the dark side,” Thea commented.
Kendra laughed. “He’s like he used to be. Only worse.”
“Like he used to be?”
“Yeah. Before he met you.�
��
“He changed?” Thea asked, hating that she couldn’t stop the tiny little glow inside her.
“Yeah. For a while there he was happy. And cool. And he listened. Now he’s not happy. Ever since that Mother’s Day party.”
“Oh.”
“I was just wondering. Maybe that idea wasn’t so hot. Did I do something?” she asked, clearly confused and upset.
“No, of course not.” Thea touched the girl’s arm, feeling the need to connect and make her understand.
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because it’s me he’s angry at.”
The girl’s eyes grew wide. “That’s why he got so irritated when I wanted to give you an invitation to my graduation.”
It warmed her heart that this young woman she’d grown fond of had wanted her to be a part of her commencement day, enough to send the invitation against her father’s wishes. She also understood Scott’s negative reaction, but his daughter didn’t.
Kendra nodded. “Dad went ballistic and said I couldn’t invite the whole universe.”
Thea wasn’t that big with child yet. “Who else did you want there?”
“My mom.” Shadows lurked in her eyes. “He was mad, but I sent it anyway. It came back stamped Not At This Address.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, squeezing the girl’s forearm reassuringly. She was even sorrier she hadn’t attended the ceremony, even though Scott would have been annoyed. She’d let this girl down and that bothered her a lot.
One shoulder lifted in a careless shrug. “It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. And I think it’s unconscionable the way that woman treats her children.” Then rational thought returned. “I’m sorry. I should keep my opinion of your mother to myself.”
Surprisingly, Kendra didn’t look upset. “No. I think she’s pretty lame, too. But I’m sorry Dad wouldn’t let you come to the ceremony. What happened between you two? I thought he kind of liked you. And you liked him, too.”
Thea wasn’t going to tell this young woman that her father was giving up on a promising relationship because of the baby Thea carried. It would be too easy for Kendra to go to the bad place where she blamed herself for his not wanting more children. The issue was complicated and Scott should be the one to explain his feelings.
“I think that’s something you should ask your father,” she gently suggested.
“But he won’t tell me. He’ll just pat me on the head and tell me not to worry about it.”
“That’s his prerogative.”
“But it’s not fair. He butts into my life and it’s okay because he’s my dad. But it’s not okay to know what’s bothering him?”
“He doesn’t want you to be concerned.” His single-minded determination to protect his children was one of the things Thea liked best about him. That and his outstanding butt, she thought a little sadly.
“He wants me to be responsible. He wants me to be a grown-up. It would help if he started treating me that way.” Kendra looked confused and angry—and so much like her father that Thea’s heart ached.
“He has mixed feelings about you growing up,” Thea said, willing her to understand.
“No kidding. That’s why I asked you. You’ve never sugar-coated anything for me. You’ve always been straight even when it wasn’t something I wanted to hear.”
Except this was different. It concerned hang-ups of Scott’s that Thea wasn’t at liberty to be straight about. But she felt she couldn’t hang the teen out to dry completely.
“I can’t speak for your father—”
Kendra cocked her hip and jammed her fist on it. “Please don’t shut me down, Thea.”
“You didn’t let me finish,” she pointed out. “I can’t speak for him, but I can tell you how I feel. He’s a wonderful man. He’s kind, considerate, conscientious—”
“And hot?”
“Hard-working,” she went on, ignoring the interruption. “He’s a fabulous father.”
“And you think he’s really hot, right?”
“He’s reliable and caring.”
“Okay,” Kendra said rolling her eyes. “I’ve had about all the grown-up treatment I can stand. Do you or do you not think my dad is the hottest thing since green Tabasco sauce?”
Thea laughed. “Okay. You win. I think your dad is a very nice-looking man.”
Kendra shook her head. “Better, but no cigar. So you like him?”
“Yes.”
“Then what’s the problem?” she said, throwing up her hands.
“You’re going to have to ask him that question.”
The girl tapped her lip. “Then I have to assume you wouldn’t kick him out of bed.”
“What?” Thea’s cheeks turned hot and it wasn’t because the chafing dish flame was too high. Did this teenager know she’d slept with her father?
“Translation: you admitted you like my dad so that means he dumped you.”
“No one dumped anyone.” One had to be in a relationship for that to happen. She and Scott had sort of eased into something neither of them wanted to label and then they’d had mind-blowing sex. She didn’t know what to call it.
“Then you guys still have a chance?”
“You’re relentless,” Thea said, shaking her head.
“Dad says determination is a good quality in a grown-up.”
Like father, like daughter, she thought. He was the one who had refused to take no for an answer. If he had, neither of them would be in this mess now.
“Not being nosy is another admirable quality in an adult.”
Kendra assumed a pathetic expression—big, wide eyes and semi-pouting mouth. “C’mon, Thea. Tell me something. I think I have a right to know. I liked you and my dad together. It made me feel better that he wouldn’t be alone when I go away to school.”
Hah. Wasn’t that ironic. And Thea couldn’t tell her that alone is exactly what Scott wanted. She wouldn’t even tell her about being pregnant. It was the clue Kendra needed to put two and two together, but she might add it up to five. Scott needed to be the one to tell her and explain his feelings. He already blamed Thea for this lousy situation; and she’d accept a good portion of the responsibility. But she didn’t want his daughter to jump to wrong conclusions because of anything she said. Still, she felt compelled to give Kendra something.
She sighed. “All I can tell you is that your father and I have something standing between us. And before you ask, there’s no way for us to compromise on it.”
“But if someone bends—”
Thea shook her head. “Ask him to explain.”
“Why are all men dorks?” the girl asked, then heaved a big gusty sigh.
“Not all of them are. And when you meet a man who rings your chimes, I guarantee you won’t think he’s a dork.”
“I’m never falling in love.”
“Like I believe that.” Thea laughed. “Now go back to your party. It’s almost time for cake. And Connie worked long and hard on it.”
“Okay.” But the teen hesitated. “Can I call you? I mean, if there’s anything I need to talk over, when I get to UCLA?”
Impulsively, Thea hugged her. “You can call me anytime, sweetie. I sincerely mean that.”
“Thanks.” Then she walked outside and joined a group of teenage girls at a table under the trees.
Tears filled Thea’s eyes as her gaze automatically went to Scott. A profound, aching sadness filled her as she stared at his handsome profile, smiling at something his brother said. Soon the party would be over and their only connection would be their respective escrows. When they closed, any link to him would be history.
If, as the saying went, timing was everything, then she had nothing. She’d been lucky enough to meet another wonderful man and she found it unbelievably tragic that there was no way to resolve their differences.
She’d worked so hard to keep from falling in love with Scott because deep down she’d known her heart would get broken.
And this was
one time she hated being right.
Chapter 14
The day after Kendra’s party, Scott opened his door to the last person in the world he expected to see. The sight of Thea sent a jolt of joy arcing through him, followed almost instantly by a shaft of pain.
“Scott.” She backed up a step, obviously surprised to see him. “I’m sorry. I—I…Kendra said you weren’t home,” she finished lamely. Nervously, she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
So that was why his daughter had looked so funny after answering the phone and out of the blue said she was going to the mall. She was playing matchmaker. “Sorry. I still live here until escrow closes.”
He hadn’t meant to sound so abrasive. But it was hard to concentrate when his brain was busy memorizing the way the sun picked out the red in her brown hair and made it flash and sparkle with even the slightest movement.
She was staring at him, too. “I don’t mean to bother you. But last night I left some serving dishes and a few other things after the party. I stopped by to pick them up.” She met his gaze, then half turned away. “But it’s all right. I can do it another time.”
He shook his head. “Now’s fine.”
Even though it hurt to look at her. Deep inside, where no woman had ever touched him before, he ached. Watching her throughout the party last night had been a mixture of pleasure and pain. Pleasure because just looking at her did that to him. And pain because he couldn’t have her, not under the circumstances.
When she’d left last night, it was as if some light inside him sputtered and went out. He figured that was the last time he would see her. And he was resigned to that. The lie was bitter inside him, although he would make it the truth if it was the last thing he ever did. But at this very moment, he couldn’t make himself send her away.
“Come in.”
“Thanks. Kendra said she stacked the things on the island in the kitchen. I’ll just get them and be out of your hair.”
Just because she walked out of his house didn’t mean she would be out of his hair. Not as long as he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
Lone Star Millionaire Page 37
