The Merry Lives of Spinsters

by Rebecca Connolly

  “They’re cousins,” Hugh replied. “And Miss Allen is living with the Lamberts while her parents enjoy the continent. I think Miss Lambert’s good opinion would allow you access far more easily than anything else.”

  It was a good thought, and certainly a strategic one.

  “Think of it as an attack from the side!” Hugh suggested, brightening at the idea. “You’re a soldier, you know how to maneuver when you see opportunity.”

  Tony didn’t need his cousin, who had never even managed to play soldiers successfully, to tell him how to maneuver or that he could accomplish this task because of his training. He knew full well how strategic he’d need to be, and while he might not know the particulars of what he would do, he had a fairly good idea, and a knack for acting on his instincts.

  And his instincts were always infallible.

  Hugh sobered, looking speculative. “How long do you think it will take?”

  Tony raised a brow at his cousin. “Are you anxious for the Spinsters to be disbanded for some reason? Is there a young woman you are being prevented from pursuing?”

  His cousin shuddered, and he looked almost offended. “I should say not. I am in no hurry to be tied to a wife of any sort. I would rather enjoy several years of sowing my wild oats like any other gentleman.”

  “I think you’ll find that there is nothing gentlemanly about sowing wild oats,” Tony informed him, disapproval rife in his tone. “No matter how popular the idea.”

  Hugh tossed back the remains of his tea. “You spend your time in your way and leave me to mine.” He nudged his head towards Miss Lambert, who was preparing to sit for another game, though they were in want of another set of players. “Get to it.”

  “I make no promises,” Tony warned him. “I cannot ensure anything.”

  Hugh scowled grumpily. “Convenient.”

  Tony put a hand on his cousin’s shoulder. “Come, I have need of you.”

  That got his attention and Hugh looked at him with a mixture of horror and confusion. “For what?”

  “Introductions,” Tony said with a smile, “and whist.”

  Much later, Tony reentered his apartments with a tired sigh, rubbing at his eyes. He hadn’t set up a house for himself yet, and he saw no need to do so in haste. As things stood now, he only had to greet the porter at the gate and perhaps say a word or two to his valet, Rollins, and that would be the end of all required conversation at the conclusion of a particularly long day.

  Tonight, he didn’t even have that.

  Rollins had asked for the day to visit his sister in Richmond, and Tony had allowed it without a second thought. Rollins had served him the entirety of the war, and beyond. He had been an exemplary soldier as well as valet. Tony considered him more a friend than a servant, though Rollins would balk at being referred to as such. He was a bit particular about the distinction of rank, and while Tony had assured him that there was no rank to his name or his family, Rollins insisted that it remain.

  At any rate, it was a relief to have Rollins gone for the evening.

  Tony removed his jacket and draped it over the bed, loosened his cravat, and unbuttoned his waistcoat before dropping himself into a chair by the fire with a groan. The card party had not gone on long, but Hugh had dragged him along to his club and forced him to meet several other gentlemen, most of whom Tony had not been particularly impressed with.

  It occurred to him now why his cousin seemed so changed from when he’d known him before. He’d spent too much time with these puffed up fops who had no idea of the ways of the world and only cared for their own interests. There was nothing of substance to any man there.

  Now Hugh had become one of them.

  But all of them, every single one, had spoken to him about the Spinsters. If he had any interest in pursuing a woman, he would need to be cleverer than the Spinsters, they’d warned him.

  He thought it best not to tell them that he would have kept each and every one of them from any respectable young woman himself, with the conversations they’d been having.

  Copious amounts of alcohol had never made a man better than he was, and it was never more proven than when combined with other men under the same influence.

  Tony had kept his opinions to himself on several subjects, especially in conversation with his cousin. Hugh was so delighted that Tony was going to take on the Spinsters that it was as though there were no further problems in his life and he had nothing else to wish for.

  Pity Hugh had no notion that he would derive no satisfaction from Tony’s efforts.

  He could not say for certain until he met the Spinsters as a whole and had gained their trust, but he was of the opinion that there was no need for such a strongly bound group of women to be forced to give up their amusements, particularly when there was no harm being done. Harm to the pride of fools did not count, nor was it worth the breath to even say the words. And he saw no need to get in the middle of the affairs of young ladies of Society, nor did he think any man ought to.

  More than once since he’d told Hugh he’d get involved, he’d thought better of it. There was nothing to be gained by it, not for him. But he was curious, and for a man with no desire to find a wife for some time, there was not much else to do but indulge in his curiosities. Until he was more settled in his post-military life, this would be it.

  He was a misfit in Society at present, so why not look into another group of misfits and see what could be gained by it?

  Tony grunted a humorless laugh to himself as he reflected on his card playing this evening with Miss Lambert. Hugh had remained for only two rounds, then begged leave to associate with others in the room. Miss Lambert’s partner, the second Miss Wilton, had also abandoned them, but at the behest of her mother, which had made the girl roll her eyes and smile indulgently. Left without partners, Tony and Miss Lambert were able to begin a real conversation without any pretense until other guests came to join in the card playing.

  It hadn’t been anything extraordinary, he’d had dozens of similar conversations with young ladies before. He’d found Miss Lambert to be a charming girl, warm and kind, exceedingly polite, yet in possession of a hidden wit that made very brief appearances. She was absolutely without cynicism and knew every single person in the room.

  He’d been completely upfront with her about not knowing very many people, now he was returned to London, and she had most kindly given him names and pertinent details of every guest without saying a single negative word about any of them. He suspected she knew less than savory details about some from the way her mouth quirked at times when speaking of them, but such words never crossed her lips.

  And this young woman was supposed to be part of a group of meddlesome, bitter spinsters who were unable to mind their own affairs?

  The idea was absolutely ludicrous.

  Which only made everything more confusing for Tony, and, unfortunately, convinced him that his course of action was something to see through to the end.

  Whatever that end was.

  He would not be breaking up the Spinsters, he could say that without reservation. But it was entirely possible that he could diminish the extent of their meddling, if they truly were doing anything of the sort. Having made the acquaintance of both Miss Westfall and Miss Lambert, he highly doubted it. But having seen Miss Wright with her suitors, there were some questions. He could say nothing for Miss Morledge or Miss Allen, he only knew what he had been told, and nothing he had witnessed had supported the more outrageous claims.

  He was undoubtedly mad for even considering this, and his fellow officers would have laughed in his face had they any knowledge of it. Was this what he had come to? Using the skills he had so proficiently honed through his years of service to investigate a passel of females because they bothered a few would-be rakes?

  It sounded pathetic, even to his ears.

  Tony rubbed at his eyes with another sigh. Tomorrow, if Miss Lambert’s careless words were correct, she and her friends would gather for tea.
He would pay a call upon her, as if it were no more than that, and let events unfold as they would.

  He did not suppose that Miss Allen would be as naïve as her cousin, having seen the calculating expression she wore, as if he could see her mind whirling. He knew that she would be the greatest obstacle for him for even gaining admittance into the company of the Spinsters, let alone their trust or confidence.

  He needed to be sharp and be on his guard, and he needed to be perfectly above reproach. One did not have opportunity to undo a first impression most of the time, and while his conduct with Miss Lambert and Miss Westfall had been near perfection, they were only two out of the five. And most likely the easiest to sway.

  It shouldn’t be too difficult to accomplish. He wasn’t much of a rogue even on his most wicked days, and he wasn’t stuffy enough to be intolerable. He was, by all accounts, the perfect man for the job.

  All because he was bored and in need of a purpose.

  Only time would tell if the Spinsters would be the cure for such an affliction.

  Chapter Four

  A gentleman with honorable intentions has no need to be false in any circumstances. He has no need of secrets. A young lady, however, is destined to have many secrets and cannot be expected to be fully forthcoming. Any man who takes issue with the discrepancy, which this author is fully aware of, ought to take his concerns to his mother and see how she responds to his complaint.

  -The Spinster Chronicles, 24 October 1815

  “You do not mean to refuse him, do you, Charlotte?”

  “Of course, I do. Are you mad?”

  Georgie groaned and leaned back against the divan, shaking her head in disgust. They’d been over this repeatedly, but Charlotte was unmoved. She had so many suitors and did not discourage any of them unless they were truly distasteful for one reason or another, yet when any of them proposed marriage, she turned them down with swiftness and certainty.

  All in the name of love, it appeared.

  “Charlotte,” Izzy tried in her most placating tone, “we all approve of Mr. Dale immensely. He is a perfect gentleman and is very well set up. He is handsome and kind…”

  “And yet my answer will still be no,” Charlotte replied, looking thoughtful. “Hmm. I wonder why that could be.”

  Izzy looked around at the rest of them in desperation. “It’s hopeless.”

  “That’s exactly what I thought,” Charlotte said with wide eyes. “It’s hopeless. How can I consider marrying a man when it would be a perfectly hopeless match?”

  “I highly doubt that’s what Izzy meant,” Grace muttered, shaking her head.

  Izzy laughed softly. “It’s not.”

  “Why is Mr. Dale hopeless?” Prue asked with an innocent look of concern.

  Charlotte huffed irritably and adjusted her skirts. “He isn’t hopeless, to be sure. He’s a good man, and a kind one, but there’s no affection between us. I’m fond of him, but I can hardly marry a man I’m only fond of. I would be destined to dislike him within a week.”

  Prue’s brow furrowed, and she looked at Georgie with a frown. “I’d like to marry a man I’m fond of. I think that would be delightful.”

  “It’s not good enough!” Charlotte protested.

  “It would be for me,” Prue admitted. “It’s more than I expect.”

  “Me, too,” Grace murmured as she picked up her embroidery. “In our society today, that is all we can hope for. Affection, desirable as it is, is not a requirement.”

  “No!” Charlotte half-shouted, her color rising. “No, I refuse to accept that! We should expect love, not just affection! No more polite matches or eligible matches or fortunate matches. We should demand love!”

  “Hear, hear!” Elinor echoed passionately from her chair near the corner.

  The rest of the room seemed to sigh in resignation. “Not all of us can afford such luxuries, Charlotte,” Georgie said as gently as she could manage.

  It was as if the thought had never occurred to Charlotte before. She blinked slowly and stared at each girl in turn. “What do you mean?” she asked carefully. “Do you mean that you… you don’t expect to find love?”

  Each of them seemed to shrug, and Elinor looked astonished by the revelation. Charlotte frowned and looked at Georgie expectantly, as if she were somehow supposed to resolve this issue.

  “I’m sorry, Charlotte,” Georgie told her, as she sat up, smiling for effect. “I don’t expect anything anymore. But I think I would take a good match if I could.”

  “I’d need a man to be interested before I could even think about matches,” Izzy broke in with a laugh. “Let’s start with the basics, shall we?”

  That broke the odd tension that had filled the room, and they all laughed in relief.

  Georgie exhaled slowly, grateful her cousin had such a way with people. Charlotte had never come out and said it, but she had little patience with the others for not seeing the world in the same way she did. She had a fortune and a family that indulged her whims, she had no need to marry at all, if she chose not to.

  The rest of them, apart from Grace, perhaps, would come down in the world rather sharply with no husband to provide for them. It was harsh reality, but they all lived with it. Being a spinster was not something that one ought to envy or idolize, as Elinor had begun to. It was a miserable existence, if one thought about it too much.

  Which was why Georgie never did and continued on as she always had done.

  “Pardon me, Miss Lambert,” a maid asked from the door to the parlor. “But you… have a caller. A gentleman caller.”

  A hush fell over the room and everyone stared at Izzy with wide eyes.

  She had… a what?

  Izzy’s mouth worked soundlessly, and she looked at Georgie in complete and utter bewilderment.

  Georgie felt her pain. Izzy was a bit helpless when it came to things like this, having such limited experience, though she was warm and comfortable enough with anybody in social situations. But callers she did not have, especially of the male sort, and the idea that one should suddenly be at her door was nothing short of terrifying.

  “Who is it, Bessie?” Georgie asked, putting a hand over Izzy’s soothingly.

  “Captain Anthony Sterling, Miss Allen.”

  Charlotte barked a surprised laugh, then covered her mouth quickly.

  Georgie looked at her cousin very slowly. How, exactly, had her cousin come to know a man well enough for him to call upon her without telling her about it? They lived together, for pity’s sake! They had adjoining bedchambers!

  Izzy shook her head quickly, her eyes still wide and her skin paling.

  “Did he say what he wants?” Grace asked with all politeness, eyeing the cousins curiously.

  “No, ma’am. He did say he understood it to be a little against custom, but as he is newly returned to London, he thought he might prevail upon Miss Lambert for a brief time this afternoon, as he knows nobody else.”

  “He knows his cousins,” Georgie snapped. “Why not prevail upon them?”

  “Now, now, Georgie,” Charlotte soothed with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “If our good captain has taken a fancy to Isabella, we mustn’t restrict his attempts.”

  “I’ve only met him once,” Izzy whispered, still looking a bit windswept. “He was… he was very polite, very kind, and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. But it was never anything to suggest… He wanted to know about the other guests, and I told him. And then we played whist, and that was it!”

  Charlotte clapped her hands, then rubbed them together. “Send the man up, and let us see what we have.”

  Georgie shook her head at once as both Izzy and Prue looked utterly terrified at the thought. “No, he has come to call upon Izzy. I will accompany her as chaperone, and the rest of you will stay put until we return.” She looked at her cousin for confirmation, which was given in a brisk nod.

  They rose as one and Izzy turned to Bessie. “You may show Captain Sterling into the drawing ro
om, Bessie. Georgie and I will see him there.”

  Bessie bobbed quickly with a soft “Yes, Miss Lambert,” and then turned to do as she was bid.

  Georgie took Izzy’s arm and the two of them moved from the room while the other girls began to titter softly amongst themselves.

  “Steady, Izzy,” Georgie murmured. “It’s only a call, not a proposal.”

  Izzy snorted a soft laugh. “This is true. Poor man probably thought I expected it. I shall have to disillusion him slowly.”

  “And very gently,” Georgie added. “These soldiering types may not understand propriety. He might be very confused by all of this.”

  Izzy gave her a scolding look. “Now you’ve made him sound pathetic.”

  She shrugged one shoulder. “He might be, you never know.”

  “I’ve met him, remember. He’s not.”

  Georgie bit her tongue and restrained a sigh. There was no point in pressing the matter, and Izzy was no longer nervous, so she had accomplished what she’d intended. Whatever Captain Sterling wanted, it was bound to be something to tell the other girls about, one way or the other.

  They waited only a few moments for Bessie to bring Captain Sterling to the drawing room, and Georgie was surprised by the sight of him.

  He was handsome, almost remarkably so, and very tall, which she had always appreciated. He wore the usual garb of a gentleman rather than his uniform, which instantly made Georgie more inclined to approve of him. Soldiers who had resigned their commission ought not to pretend to still be in possession of it, particularly when the sole purpose was to attract young women who were easily swayed by regimentals.

  He bowed very smartly, and wore a small, polite smile, but nothing out of the realm of politeness.

  Very odd.

  “Miss Lambert,” Captain Sterling said in a warm tone, “I hope you’ll forgive the impertinence of my calling unexpectedly like this. I know it is not done, but I hoped I might further our acquaintance, and I did not know how else to go about it.”