“No Elijah! I think Brennen and I need to have a serious discussion right now.”
I move out from behind Elijah. Elijah's jaw clenches so hard I fear he may have just shattered every tooth in the process. When Sam see's my face, he reads my grim expression. Every doubt he ever felt that I could ever love him as much as he loves me has just been reinforced with steel. Now that I've deceived him with a lie as audacious as mine and Elijah’s familial bond, he can never trust me again.
“It's okay, Elijah.”
Sam gives Elijah a cold hard glare as I move past him. Sam tells his buddies he'll catch up later, and we move to a park bench. Elijah leans against the car never taking his eyes off of us. The heart of Boston is just as busy as New York City, alive with the sounds of traffic and bustles of people out partying their Friday night away. Vendors every few hundred feet are offering last minute rose bouquets as their fragrant scent fills the air. It mingles with the exhaust fumes and creates a pungent combination. Sam’s lips form a hard line as he runs through the worst scenarios in his mind.
“How long Brennen?”
What words will spew from my lips this time. I want to say forever. I want to say since I was that frightened ten year old girl on the plane because that's how long Elijah’s loved me. Not in a romantic way, but in a protective big brother way. From Elijah's journal, I gathered he didn't really know he loved me until that fateful first kiss. So much has happened since then. I don't even know where to begin to explain to Sam.
“Does it really even matter?”
He scoffs at my words, hurt more than anything. “I thought we mattered. I thought I mattered.”
There was never an easy way to let Sam down. This was always the inevitable. Someone was going to get hurt. Of course Sam meant a lot to me, but I let my feelings for Elijah over run my good judgment. Oh who am I kidding? When Elijah’s involved, judgment is null and void in my mind. Our love is catastrophic to reason and sensibility.
“At least tell me if he was the reason you broke things off with me?” He glances back at Elijah then back to me. The wind catches his honeyed hair and caresses it through her fingers as if she were trying to temper the situation.
“He wasn't the reason.” That is the truth. I wasn't completely sure of my feelings for Elijah when he was fallen. The weight of my love for him didn't sink in completely until I woke up from the attack on New Year’s Day when we were in Amorous. Elijah had his grace back and my heart, all in one fell swoop. “He makes me feel safe Sam.”
“And with me, you'll always wonder if I'll hurt you again?”
It's more like the other way around, but I don't say that. I simply nod and watch as he gets up and begins to walk away. He can't promise me that it would never happen again and he won't because he's wholly good that way. He's putting my feelings above his own, and it's taking every ounce of strength he has to leave me right now.
I have to let her go. I did this to her. She’s afraid of my hands. All I’ve ever wanted was to shower her with affection, caress her with these hands – she will always see me as a monster. But still, I can’t believe she looked me in the eye and lied to me about him. Cousins!
“I'm sorry I ever hurt you Brennen.” He walks away but then he stops only after a few steps turning back and reaching out for me as if he’s not conscious of his movement. He glances down at his outstretched hand and turns away.
“I'm sorry I kept Elijah from you.”
He nods once as if he is drained of all his physical strength to do so. He doesn’t turn back. I watch as he disappears into the crowded streets and out of my life. I wanted to say more. I wanted to ease his suffering, but I know there is not a string of words that could have lessened the blow. I should have done this the day I told him about the attack. I should have ended things then. Instead I led us down a path of destruction that will forever scar our hearts.
Over time I hope he will heal. If I know Sam, he’ll focus on swimming and school and cut himself off from everything else. Maybe one day, he’ll find a girl who will pull him out from that slumber, that she will become his everything. I close my eyes and pray for Sam to find his soul mate in this lifetime. Destiny threw us together for some reason. If it’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that there are no coincidences in life. The people in our lives are placed there for a reason. I pray that he stays true to his path, and finds the cure despite his heartache.
Elijah quietly sits down beside me and holds my ice-cold hands. The adrenaline must have numbed me. I can’t feel the cold any longer. I stare off down the street half expecting Sam to come running back to me, but I know he won’t. He lifted me up on a pedestal that I never deserved to be on, and I fell a long, long way down.
“Do you want to go to the In-Between for a couple of days to reflect?” he asks lowering his head while looking up at me from a set of thick lashes. Elijah is so understanding. I caress his cheek and run my thumb across the drop of blood on his lip to clean him up.
“Yes I do, but not to reflect. Amorous is our home. Sam has no place there. I just want to be in your arms for days – to heal.” Elijah gaze washes over my face and a look of longing filters through after a long moment, mingling with his own guilt, guilt for stealing my heart, for helping to deceive Sam? I don’t know which.
I’m filled with an overwhelming feeling of love for this man who holds my heart and deserves so much more from me than to be the one to carry what should be my guilt. I won’t let my crushing Sam’s heart ruin this day for us. Elijah is not going to pay for my transgressions. It’s Valentine’s Day, and I still have my secret surprise… I will still follow through with my gift for Elijah. It is his turn to be on the receiving end for once.
Chapter 4 ~ Sam’s Story ~
Five months later
Sam
My truck speeds down the highway as if it too is excited to be getting back home – that Texas heat is baking its tires once again. I’m just glad to get out of Connecticut and put Brennen as far behind me as I can. Maybe I should keep driving, reach California, and plunge this beast into the Pacific along with what’s left of my heart. Mia’s face lights up on my phone as if she knew what I was thinking. It dances in the cup holder for a few seconds before I finally shake off the bad mood enough to answer it. “Yeah sis, what’s up?”
“Oh nothing much, just chatting up the new ranch manager Maci hired a couple weeks back at the start of summer.” My father allowed the girls to have the final say on who gets the manager position since the last one turned out to be mistreating the horses, something we do not tolerate in the least bit.
“So? What is he older than Moses? No wait, knowing Maci, does he have Wrangler branded on his ass and a barely justifiable tank top?” They just turned thirteen and have a borderline unhealthy obsession with One Direction and as of lately, young wanna-be bull riders.
Mia giggles out and warms my heart like only she can. “No. Sheee, is sweet and pretty and actually pretty darn funny. I think she’ll fit right in around this side show.” The way she draws out the word she, lets me know that Mia is in match maker mode– again.
“I know what you’re thinking and don’t even go there sis.”
My sisters have both been trying to fix me up since they heard about the break up, but I can’t deal with anymore drama in my life right now. They don’t know it, but I’ve been fighting to keep my scholarship because I let my grades fall to hell after Brennen decimated me. On the bright side Coach said I gained two seconds on my time, my best yet. He thinks I must be running on fury. I think he may be right. I barely squeaked by this year. I let swimming consume my life. Its vital distraction kept her from consuming my every thought. I’d better use this summer to wipe Brennen from my mind all together, or next year I’ll be bailing hay for the rest of my natural life.
I have resigned myself to the fact that I did this to her. I pushed her into Elijah’s arms when I hurt her even though I have no recollection of it. Which damn well sucks! I’d give anything to e
rase whatever ef’d up thing happened to me that day, all the times I blacked out for that matter.
Father Max assured me it won’t happen again. He acted like he’d seen it a million times before, and I was just another simple case of easily possessed asshole on the loose. I don’t know how they figured it out, but since he did the exorcism, I haven’t had a black out yet. I pray he’s right, but it scares the shit out of me knowing he might actually be.
It’s a rude awakening knowing there are things on this earth that are maleficent by their very nature. Now that I know it’s a possibility, I’m afraid for my sisters even more so. I wish I’d stuck closer to home. Stupid love, making me move half way across the country just to be in her presence. God I’m an idiot! I shake the thought out of my head. No, she did love me. I know she did. I could see it in her eyes. What we had was real. I need to quit telling myself it wasn’t and accept the reality that I screwed our perfect love up.
I pull into our property and see the sign Dad had made is finally up over the entrance. “Montgomery Creek Stables,” A new name for a new start. That’s what I need, a fresh start. Maybe I should give real thought to transferring back here. I’ll mull it over this summer and see how I feel before the next semester. Baylor would have me back in a second with my new record times.
My dad emerges from inside as I walk up, and he wraps his arms around me. “Good to have you home son.” He pats me on the back as if I’d collected dust while I was away at Yale.
“It’s good to be home Dad.”
He slides his arm over my shoulders and guides me through the door. The smell of something savory cooking, wafts from the direction of the kitchen, and a flash of Brennen cooking Thanksgiving dinner flashes through my mind unwanted, and unprovoked. The memories of her still haunt my days and stir me in the night, and I’m tired of it. A young woman steps into the archway leading into the kitchen. She leans against the casing and lifts a coffee mug to her lips.
She’s stunningly beautiful, and I fight noticing with every ounce of my being. But I’ve somehow managed to drift nearer to her in the last ten seconds, and my dad is suddenly nowhere in sight. I didn’t even see him slip out. I need to get my head on straight, not notice the new hire. She has warm glossy brown hair and tan skin. Her legs go on for miles, and her jeans fit her in a way that leaves nothing to the imagination. They look soft like she’s lived in them for years, and my fingers long to know just how soft they actually are. Her eyes are a sea glass green and have captured my attention like two giant gems sparkling just for me.
“You must be Sam.” She extends her hand out toward me. “I’m Cat Emerson.”
There's a gentleness to her voice that could coax a wild mustang into the saddle with just a whisper. I can see why the girls like her. There's no denying she's got a way with her eyes that puts fears to rest, a quality sought after by stables near and far. Liam our first stable manager had that quality, and it's what helped put us on the map. I shake her hand and feel a surge rush through me like nothing I've ever felt before. “Welcome to the team. I'm sure you'll fit right in. Everyone here is pretty nice. But I'm sure you've already found that out for yourself.” As soon as I get the words out, I make a break for the back porch, eager for some fresh air all of a sudden.
Dad is sitting in the rocker fiddling with something in his hands. I ease down in the creaky metal chair across from him. The wind chimes play sweetly with the occasional breath of wind. “Are you actually whittling something?”
My father doesn't say a word just keeps toiling away at whatever's in his hands. “So where'd you find this Cat girl? She hardly looks experienced enough to be the manager of such a large stable.”
Just as my words leave my mouth the screen door slaps shut. The girl in question comes sauntering out and steps down the stairs like her whole life has been one giant carefree moment. Cat’s long mane of hair catches in the breeze like it was on cue, and now she turns back to face me looking like some hot supermodel on the cover of Cosmo. My face flushes with color. I'm sure she must have heard my questioning her skill level. My father still keeps his mouth shut tight. The girl looks humored as she turns back and heads toward the barn.
My dad has always been a man of few words especially when he doesn't know the right ones to say. I wish I could tell him everything I've been going through. I wish I could tell him why Brennen and I ended. Part of me wonders if he has any clue how long this had been going on.
“By the way, she's staying at the small house by the lake, so I hope you didn't have any plans for the place this summer.”
My sisters emerge from the house looking like they’ve aged years since I last saw them. And I hate it. They take turns hugging me, and I squeeze the daylights out of each one. They are just the right touch of familiarity I needed at that moment. They dull the edge I’ve been walking on for the past few months, just enough for me to finally catch my breath.
“So did you meet Cat yet?” Mia asks in a sing song voice. Maci just rolls her eyes. She is the one who is more like me. It’s scary how alike we are sometimes.
“Yes Mia, and I’ve been trying to find out more about her, but dad won’t answer my questions. Maybe he’s the one with the hots for her,” I tease, tapping the bottom of his boot with my own. He huffs in a silent protest.
“Maybe he just wants you to find out for yourself,” Mia suggests.
“Uh huh. That’s why we’re not telling you a thing either.” Maci says with a huge smile on her face. They band together thick as thieves in a river of pudding. If I didn’t know better, I’d think all three of them were playing cupid.
“Well who says I care anyway?” I pass off like I could care less because really I could. Who cares if a beautiful girl is living in the home I had planned on sharing with Brennen one day? Who cares if she’s qualified or not? It’s dad’s ranch anyway. In three months, I’ll be back to swimming and studying and not much else for the next decade.
“Um, you may care because she just took off on Clancy’s gelding, Night Fury.” Alarm bells ring in my head, and I turn to watch in horror as she leaps over a tall fence with our most valuable horse. I’m off the porch in seconds and running toward the fence line waving my hands like some kind of lunatic.
I hear the cackle of laughs from the porch as Cat cuts the horse sharply left and takes another leap back over the same fence coming straight towards me. She lands the large steed with ease and hops off just as I reach her, running at full speed. Night Fury bucks up, frightened my hasty approach, but settles once he recognizes me.
“Are you crazy? That horse is the only thing that’s going to save this sinking ship.” The horse jumps up again not liking my tone.
She eases back the reins and calms the horse with just a sleepy-eyed glance. Once he’s settled, she turns back to me and tries the same look on me. I back away a good two feet as my lips form a hard line.
“If he is to be the best, he has to get trained by the best. And that training started two weeks ago while you were off cramming for finals.” It’s only then do I realize she has an Australian accent and it catches me off guard for a moment. How self-absorbed am I to miss that? She continues on her tangent.
“He’s got the potential and the willingness. I only saddled him to get him used to the tack. He’s the one who took off toward the fence. I just got him over it. He’s as stubborn as his father, this one. If you don’t get him used to beginners training now, he’ll be just another flashy show pony for some spoiled brat to drain her daddy’s wallet with.”
“And what makes you the best?”
Her eyes flash to the ground and back up to me filled with resolve. “My resume is on file. Go look it up if you really want to know. I’ve got nothing to prove to anyone but the Lord above.”
Her accent is so adorable when she’s angry. The corners of my mouth pull up fighting for a chance at a smile.
“Well let’s see the damage you’ve done.”
She huffs out but keeps hold of the rein
s while I run my hands over the horse. He’s grown considerably since the last time I’ve seen him. It kind of bothers me that Brennen chose his name, and I try to shake her out of my thoughts yet again.
“We typically don’t saddle anything under three. You could have ruined him with that stunt.”
“This ox could run clean through the wall of the barn and not get hurt.”
She’s probably right but I can’t seem to get enough of her angry Aussie accent. Her perfect little nose is all scrunched up, and she’s rocking back on her heels like she’s ready to lay into me. It reminds me of that little kitten in the old Looney Tunes cartoon that spits and hisses at the bulldog ten times his size, and I fight the urge to snicker.
“He probably took off because he heard me. I was there the night he was born, and he’s always had a bond with me.”
“Well, he needs to get bonded with me since I’ll be his trainer from now on. You need to steer clear of the stable, or your back porch for that matter.”
“He knows the sound of my truck too. You want me to ride my bike into town?” She bites down on her lip and fights the urge to laugh.
“I give up on you Samuel Montgomery. You’re a hopeless case.”
“My mother was the last person who ever called me Samuel, and it was only when I was in deep shit.”
“So I'm right on the money, you're saying?” She glances at me from the corner of her eyes and I go to refute her, but that look melts something in me. Instead, I follow behind like I'm her trained puppy. She goes to return the horse to its stall. Clancy bobs his head up and down as soon as I walk inside letting out a barrage of snorts to get my attention. I grab a lead and take him out of the stall.
“Has he been out today?”
“No, I figured you’d want to ride him when you got home.”
I nod and take his tack out and ready him for a ride. “Mind if I come along?” she asks.
“I suppose. I won’t be much company though.” This day has been lived in a fog along with the past few months. I can’t stop thinking about how she lied to me about Elijah. I’ve figured out that the first time she mentioned him was before our high school prom. She said he bought her the dress she wore that night. That night was so magical for us. I would have never guess she had someone on the side back then. That whole weekend I behaved like the perfect gentleman because I knew she wanted to wait until she was married to make love. Now, I’m still a virgin and waiting for marriage is not on my moral compass, far from it in fact.
My Soul Laid Bare: Book 4 (The Soul Keeper Series) Page 4
