My Soul Laid Bare: Book 4 (The Soul Keeper Series)

by Solis, Melissa

  “What? Do I have something on my face?”

  “Um, no,” he says before looking back at his menu. I take his non answer as a sign he's on the right track with this plan.

  “What's it gonna be hon,” the waitress asks as soon as she comes back.

  He looks a bit flustered by something, my question perhaps. “I'll have a cheeseburger and fries,” he orders.

  “And for you sweetie?”

  “I'll have the same.” She takes our menus up and shoves them in the holder behind Sam.

  “Look at you ordering red meat,” Sam chides.

  “I ran fifteen miles today. I could use a little protein.”

  “Fifteen miles and you didn't get bacon? Come on now,” he teases drawing a spark of life to my smile.

  “I know right? I don't know what got into me this morning. I was just really upset about…” I trail off thinking about what Emily endured just for knowing me. A tear manages to escape and rolls down my cheek as hot as lava. “And I didn't sleep at all last night.”

  “You used to sleep so good when you were in my arms.” He bites down on his lip as soon as the words leave his mouth regretting his choice no doubt.

  I have to keep him on this path, let him know there’s a possibility for us once again. Lexi’s life depends on it. Maybe I can pretend I'm wooing Elijah instead. God, I only hope I never say his name on accident. This has to be killing him right now. I fight back another round of tears and draw strength from the fact that he promised me a thousand times his love was unconditional.

  I meet Sam’s gaze across the table. “I wish I could sleep in your arms again every night until forever.”

  Sam's honey brown eyes stir with hope. He searches my face for any sign that my words are genuine. A loud clamor erupts behind us. The shattering of a half a ton of ceramic has every head in the tiny café turning in the direction of the sound. The waitress emerges from the back and finds that an entire tray of stacked coffee mugs has been over turned. She looks as if she's confused by this yet shakes her head as she bends down to clean up the wreckage. But I know it was Elijah. I can feel the surge of anger rising like bile deep from within me. It's his anger I feel.

  I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I cry out in my head.

  “Someone's getting a short check,” Sam says under his breath.

  “I hope not. It wasn't her fault.”

  The waitress returns a moment later with our food. My appetite is gone now, replaced by heartache. I pick at a few fries.

  “I can pick you up tomorrow, for the funeral if you like. We could go together.”

  “That would be great, thanks.”

  “What's wrong? You haven’t touched your burger.”

  “I'm not hungry anymore.”

  “I wish there was something I could do to help you get through this,” he says softly. Just outside the window, the hawk lands on the hood of a truck and perches on the side mirror. It blinks its yellow eyes at me as if daring me to infringe on our deal.

  “You’re here. That's all I need, you by my side.”

  At my words, Sam slides out of his side of the booth and moves next to me. “You keep saying all of these things Brennen, but I don't know if I should believe you or not.” He's conflicted about the girl. I gather Cat is her name from the way he keeps rolling the feline term around in his mind like it were a bag of glitter. He's falling head over heels for this girl and as he runs through the memories of her, I can see how perfect she is for him. She adores him. She mumbled I love you after their first time together. A bevy of curse words fly through my mind, and I yell each one to Malphas just in case he's listening. I'm not only screwing up mine and Elijah's love but Sam's too.

  I caress Sam's cheek in my hand and gaze into his eyes. “I'll never let you go again.” My words drip with truth, and I look right into his eyes when I say it. Doing what I swore I would never do, I use my gift of influence on him. I see the shift in his eyes. He dips his chin down and cups my face in his hands drawing closer to me by the second.

  He begins to wonder if he ever really got over me. He begins to wonder if Cat was nothing more than a rebound.

  He softly kisses me as if I were made of glass. Sam is so kind. I hate that my feelings aren't completely heartfelt. I know over time I will grow to love him again the way that I used to. Elijah is just so fresh in my heart. He slices through my mind as Sam's lips release mine. A screech just outside the window snaps my head back, and I turn just in time to see the hawk fly off in the distance.

  I excuse myself to go to the restroom. I need a breath. As soon as I burst through the stall door, I think I'm going to be sick. My head is swimming, and I knock my shoulder on the side of the stall door. I lean against the surface and try and steady myself.

  “I'm so sorry Elijah. Forgive me,” I whisper out loud. I at least owe him an apology. None of this is his fault. What we have is a once in a lifetime love and yet evil keeps forcing us apart. I hate who I am. I hate that everyone I care about is in grave danger just for knowing me. I wish I could just be a normal nineteen year old girl whose biggest worry is grades or what dress to wear. No, on my list of biggest fears there's demon stalkers in the form of yellow eyed birds and accidents that aren't accidents at all; they're crime scenes. Bless me now!

  A ball of paper rolls into the stall just under my feet. I un-crumple it and recognize Elijah's artful handwriting right away. I blow my nose into a wad of the cheap scratchy toilet paper and begin to read the note.

  My Dearest Brennen,

  I know Malphas put you up to this. I know where your heart lies. I can feel it still beating for me. Our souls have completed the bond. We will forever share it. I know exactly what you’re feeling at all times because I feel it too. Remember the inscription on the watch you gave Sam, your mother wrote it for your father. It read, “Two will forever be one.” That is what happens with our kind. We are forever one now.

  I know that it makes it harder to do whatever he has put you up to, but just know that I understand. I do forgive you, and as soon as Malphas is captured, I will come back to you. Until then, do what you feel is right. We've been through so much, and one day, this will have been just a long forgotten memory. I love you now. I'll love you always.

  Forever yours,

  Elijah Morgan

  Elijah always knows the words that will mend my heart. I pray right then and there that Malphas doesn't catch on that Elijah knows this is all a ruse. I pray for Lexi and everyone that is on Malphas' radar.

  We are bonded souls. I can feel him too. He's holding me right now– I know he is. I splash some cold water on my face to soothe the red splotches that make me look like a polka-dot printed Rudolf. I take a deep breath and clear my head before heading back out to Sam. I can do this.

  Chapter 6 ~ Amazing Grace ~

  I've made the choice to proceed with this plan, and I'm going to follow through. I keep chanting this in my head hoping if I say it enough I'll actually believe it. Sam will have to sacrifice his new relationship for the sake of a greater good. There is no measure to how much I loathe myself right now. I hate myself for manipulating him into loving me again and for lying to him about it. I hate myself for breaking Elijah's heart by not allowing myself to see him. I slide back into the booth and rest my head on Sam's shoulder. He slides his arm behind me around my waist and kisses the top of my head. My thoughts keep wandering to Cat, and I wonder how we should handle that. I didn't plant those doubts in his head, so maybe it's something that's been weighing on his mind.

  On the way home, I decide to see what he's willing to tell me about her. The coast line bobs in and out of view as we drive, and I remember that Lexi will be back in the morning. She and Asher left for the Outer Banks for a couple of days to give Elijah and me some time alone. Yet another issue I have to resolve. When they return, I'll have a new boyfriend by my side. I glance up at the moon and wish it had the power to suck me up and never leave a trace behind.

  “Sam thank you for being here for
me. It means a lot. All this time, I thought you hated me.”

  I catch a glimpse of concern on his brow as we pass under a street lamp. “I could never hate you. I won’t lie though. I'm still really hurt. I just came to realize that you and Elijah must have had something going on long before that night. In fact, I think I figured out that you and he go back as far as prom when he bought you that dress. Right now, I just want some real answers from you. I think I deserve that much.”

  I hadn't picked up on that little tidbit of information when I raided his brain earlier, and now I'm left speechless as I'm hung out to dry.

  “I'll tell you everything if you really want to know.”

  “Did you cheat on me with Elijah before you asked if we could see other people?”

  I try to unscramble my two realities and answer his question truthfully. In the reality that he's in, no. I only had an idea, a few memories of what Elijah and I shared before. At the time, he was a fallen angel, and my body wasn't as convinced as my memory that I was head over heels for him. It wasn't until after I told Sam I wanted to see other people in college that Elijah and I finally kissed. That was the night I managed to evade both Elena and Inara with Lexi’s help. I met him under the live oak tree.

  “No, he wanted me back then, but I was so in love with you. I never cheated on you.”

  “But when you asked to see other people, was it so you could see him?”

  “No, I meant what I said. I didn't want us to go to college so far away from each other as a couple. I didn't think it was a good idea.”

  “So then, when did it start?” he asks sounding like he's just trying to put the puzzle pieces together, not angered. I wish we were face to face, so I could get inside his head.

  How can I tell him the full truth without telling him about all of the supernatural details? I lean my head against the window and let the road vibrations dull my aching brain.

  “I'd have to start from the beginning for you to understand. Do you want to come inside?”

  He nods, and we finish the rest of the drive in silence while I wrap my head around what the hell I'm going to say. I have to steer clear of letting him in on the real truth, but I want him in on at least some of the bits and pieces. I mean the guy just got an exorcism a few months ago. He knows there are evil forces in this world. I know I can't even begin to tell him about Malphas and the league of demons that have tormented me my entire life. I can't tell him that I fell in love with the Keeper of my soul. I can't tell him that he's really my soul mate, and sorry Sam, but you'll always be second in my book. My reflection in the window is slated in shades of pewter and lilac, and I feel like the corpse staring back at me is my true identity.

  Sam eases the car in my long drive way, and I remember the day he backed his truck up after ending things with me for being with Elijah on my eighteenth birthday. He accused me of sleeping with Elijah, and I slapped him. Then Elijah preceded to tell me I was going to have to marry Sam one day. He told me this knowing even then that he loved me. Hell! He even helped me win Sam back for the greater good of humanity. Now I know he was ordered to do so by Nehemiah who has since been demoted to a Greeter in heaven.

  Why do other people always have to wreak havoc with our love lives? I cling to my mother's promise that one day this will all be a distant memory. Once inside, I grab us each a bottle of water, and Sam follows me to the back porch. I need to hear the ocean waves rolling in while I bare my soul to this man. The sea is part of who I am, and I'm more myself when I'm close to it. I try and stay out of Sam's head for now as I begin my story.

  “Elijah knew my dad. He's sort of a friend of the family. I've known him my whole life growing up, but I had forgotten about him because I hadn't seen him since I was a little kid. When he started coming back around, it reminded me of my dad and the times we used to share. Elijah was at almost all of my important life events. He's a couple of years older than me, and I guess he always seemed like a big brother who watched over me.”

  Wow, I made it through so far without lying, but not without a sadness washing over me and Elijah as well.

  “When I started my freshman year at Harvard, Elijah showed up there and got an apartment. I tried to stay away from him at first because I was still so in love with you. I knew you were waiting for me, so we stayed just friends. Then you decided to change schools and go to Yale. I was so happy that we could finally see each other more. But during the semester, I really got to know Elijah again. Then he showed up at Christmas. He knew we were together, but he still showed a romantic interest. I think he was waiting for you to slip up, so he could be there to catch me.”

  I sink down in my chair feeling Elijah aching inside. I’m so sorry. Tears begin to fill my eyes, and I look up trying to stave them off.

  “I never should have lied to you and said he was my cousin. Emily, God rest her soul, told you about someone buying a dress for me because she thought it was a surprise from you. Elijah bought me the dress, and I knew I would have a hard time explaining him to you. I took the easy road and lied to you when you asked about him. I didn't want you to worry that some old friend was sort of flirting with me because you had my heart completely. You've always had my heart.”

  “I believe you,” he admits. Part of me feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Part of me knows the story I just told is layered with omissions and more lies. I feel physically drained. Malphas has syphoned the last of my tears into his vat, and now there are none left to cry. There is only going forward.

  “This whole time I had been thinking you had cheated on me. I understand why you lied. I wish you hadn't, but I know you were just scared of losing me.”

  “What about you? Have you found someone else?”

  “When I came home this summer, Dad had a new stable manager. We went on our first date on my birthday a couple of weeks ago.” He weighs the significance in his mind of whether he should confess he's falling for her or dismiss it as a rebound. Even now he's comparing the magnetism they share, and he wonders why he doesn't feel that draw to me. The feelings that he's thinking about sound exactly like the ones Elijah and I share. The first time our fingers grazed, I needed to touch him again and never let go. I always crave his touch. I always want to be near him.

  I blink back as I search Sam's amber eyes for more clues. I also find Cat to be wildly amusing, and I think if the circumstances were different we'd be great friends. But then I hear her take on the way she feels when Sam touches her, and it might as well be me talking about Elijah. Holy of holies! Cat and Sam are soul mates. I had prayed the night we broke up that Sam would find someone to love him the way Elijah loves me, and God came through. He plopped Cat right in Sam's lap, and now here I am screwing it all up again.

  Right then, I pray a hundred times that God bring Emily back. Let it have all been a case of mistaken identity since He seems to be inclined to answering my prayers lately.

  “You like her a lot don't you?”

  “She's not you Bren.” This guy's good. I'll give him that. “In fact, she left me a couple of days ago, said she was going home after all these years. I thought we had something real going on, but I was wrong. I seem to be wrong about a lot lately.”

  I find the memory of the scene in his mind. He’s with her in the small house, and she’s packing her bag. He’s pleading with her not to leave. His eyes are turned up in agony, and he doesn’t understand why she’s leaving. His phone buzzes in his pocket. It’s me calling to tell him the terrible news about Emily, but he ignores it. The fact that it was me at that exact moment only worsens his angst.

  Cat’s not crying. She doesn’t even look upset. At the door, she reaches for his face but drops her hand down before she touches him. She hurries past him, and he watches with a heavy heart as she backs out of her driveway. He closes his eyes, and the tears roll down his face as he stands alone on the porch, nothing but the sickly yellow glow of the bug light illuminating his silhouette.

  How did I not see th
at curve ball? This is sort of good news for the plan, if anything can be called good news I feel bad that Sam's hurting right now, but I'm glad there's one less complication thrown into this bowl of Fruit Loops.

  I cut my losses and decide he needs a good night’s sleep to think about what he wants to do. I could use ten years of sleep myself. Wake me when I'm president. I stretch my body up toward the sky and sink down into Sam's arms. The familiar rise and fall of his chest lulls me. The ocean laps softly in the distance, worshipping the sand with its constant bow. The moon hovers low in the sky as if it were tempted to take a dip in the sea. I picture it sinking below the water. Its light growing weaker as it sinks. Finally it sputters out like the filament of a bulb taking its last breath.

  The cry of a gull startles me awake. The morning is here already. I must have fallen asleep on Sam's chest out here on the porch swing. “See I told you, you always sleep well in my arms,” Sam says rubbing my back.

  Lexi and Asher are due back this morning. I need to get their minds ready to accept my new reality, or there will be hell to pay later at the funeral. I wish Elena would get here already; I have no idea if I'm on the right track with all of this.

  “Thank you for staying with me last night.”

  “It was my pleasure. I've got to go to the hotel and change clothes before the service.”

  I nod and see Sam to the door. He lightly brushes a kiss across my cheek, and I manage a small smile. My body still feels so weak, and I don't know why. I glare up at the stairs like they were a torture device put in place just to be the root of my agony. Elena pops in behind me, and I jump three feet in the air. “Good God!” I shriek out.

  “Yes He is, and good morning you little havoc wreaker, you.” She points her finger on my nose and in dramatic fashion, sweeps it away again.

  “Hey Elena. Good to see you too. Wish it were under better circumstances.”

  “Honey, so do I. I'm so sorry that evil monster caused Emily's accident, and I'm sorry he's threatening you.”