My Summer of Magic Moments

by Caroline Roberts

  They were all too well aware of the shadow of ill health. She could tell it still hung around in the corners of their minds.

  ‘Cheers! And thank you all so much. For everything.’ Claire smiled. Boy, was she ready for her new start.

  25

  Precious Prosecco moments with friends

  ‘Surprise!’ Andrea and Lou were on the doorstep beaming at her, dressed in training shoes, shorts and tees, each bearing a bottle of Prosecco.

  ‘First, we run as planned. Then we party. Happy new home!’ Andrea announced.

  It was the following Friday evening, the end of the first week in her new flat. The last thing Claire felt like at that moment was going jogging – she’d not long been home from work and she was absolutely jiggered – but once she got going, she was usually fine. They had got to two and a half fairly comfortable miles now, with two weeks to go to the Big Race.

  Andrea looked down at Claire’s work clothes. ‘Had you forgotten the Friday training session, lovely?’

  ‘Might have done – sorry, guys. It’s been a topsy-turvy week, with moving in.’ She had in fact envisaged a night in with feet up, TV on and a box set at the ready, possibly with a trip to the Co-op for a tub of ice cream. It had just been such a busy week, with work as normal and unpacking every evening. But she rallied. ‘It’s fine – I’ll get changed in a flash. And thank you. Come on in. Welcome to my humble abode.’

  ‘Ah, it looks lovely,’ said Andrea as she entered the hallway, which was painted a pastel green – not Claire’s favourite colour, but she could live with it for now. She’d hung up an ivory shabby-chic-style mirror to give it a sense of space.

  ‘The living room is really sweet.’ Lou had popped her head in through the open doorway. Claire had more or less sorted that room out. Her comfy beige sofa was installed with a couple of new cushions, taking up much of the space. And she’d kept the small wooden coffee table and matching TV stand from the old house.

  Andrea was already through into the kitchen. ‘Hmm, now this is nice.’

  The kitchen had been recently done out with light oak-style units and a dark-grey marble-effect work surface. It did look good, and was Claire’s favourite room. It was fairly compact, especially with the kitchen table and chairs in it, but it was proving easy to work in. She’d give the oven a go soon and try out some baking; see how it handled cooking a loaf or two. It had only had to deal with warming up a pizza so far.

  ‘Okay, I’ll nip upstairs and quickly change. Let’s get this run over with, then we can chill out with that bubbly. Go ahead and pop them in the fridge, if you like. Thanks so much, guys.’

  A quick trip round the corner to the shops once they got back would soon sort out some nibbles, she mused on her way to her bedroom. She’d get some spring rolls and starter-style treats to heat up, and she’d do some cheese and biscuits too. That would serve as supper for them all. Other than the ice cream scenario, she hadn’t even planned what she was going to have for tea up to that point, anyhow.

  Sal turned up five minutes later in running gear with yet another bottle of Prosecco and some gorgeous-looking Belgian chocolate truffles, obviously having been kept in the loop too.

  Five minutes later, Bella’s Babes were grouped on the pavement outside Claire’s new home.

  ‘Right, ladies – quads, squats and pods!’ Andrea was making up her own exercise terms for good measure, which made them grin. Lou started off the warm-up routine she insisted they do to ensure there were no pulled muscles before the big day.

  The stretch they were currently performing involved balancing on one leg with the other leg pulled up behind as you held onto your ankle. As they were wobbling like a gaggle of half-drunk flamingos, two lads pulled up beside them on chopper bikes, smirking. They looked about twelve. ‘All right, ladies?’ One of them gave a cheeky grin. The other winked, then burst out laughing, before they scooted off.

  ‘Great, thanks,’ Andrea shouted after them. ‘Cheeky little gits.’ She turned back to the group.

  ‘All for a good cause,’ reminded Claire. ‘Let’s set to it.’

  And they were off.

  Twenty-seven minutes and forty-three seconds later by Lou’s Garmin measurements, they were staggering back up to Claire’s front gate.

  ‘Hah, we did it. And in under twenty-eight minutes. Well done, ladies!’ Lou congratulated them.

  ‘Blimey – that last bit nearly finished me off. I’m sure you were speeding up, Lou.’ Andrea was still out of breath.

  ‘Might have been just a teensy bit – I saw that we might do our best run yet. And we did!’

  ‘Yay!’ cheered Claire. ‘Right, time for showers, then Prosecco. Actually, did you lot think to bring a change of clothes?’

  ‘Ha-hah, yes indeed, we’re not daft, you know. All organized. There’s a bag of stuff we left in the hall,’ said Andrea.

  ‘Perfect. Don’t want you lot all smelly in my new lounge,’ Claire teased.

  ‘Well, you know who your friends are,’ quipped Andrea. ‘We’re doing all this for you, and what do we get for it?’

  ‘A shower, Prosecco and chocolates, and when I get back from the shop in a mo, you can have some supper too. I’ll nip for some nibbles while you lot get cleaned up.’

  ‘And what about you? God, I feel sorry for the checkout person. Are you going like that? You’ll be all stinky,’ her sister added.

  ‘Well, we can’t all shower at once.’

  ‘Might be fun.’ Andrea was on full form.

  Sal looked horrified.

  ‘Don’t mind her, she’s only joking.’ Claire was accustomed to Andrea’s quirky sense of humour.

  ‘Might not be.’ Andrea kept it up with a cheeky grin.

  ‘Behave, you nutter. There’s no way I’m getting in a shower with you.’

  The popping of corks sounded fabulous. Precious Prosecco moments with friends. They had a lovely evening chatting, griping about their aches and pains from their training, and discussing the impending run and the implications of the Pretty Muddy event.

  ‘God only knows what you’ve got us into, Andrea,’ Claire laughed.

  ‘Ah, it’ll be fun. We’ll just throw ourselves into whatever. And boss Dave from the office is fully backing us. He’s even sending a photographer from the paper on the day to get some action shots.’

  ‘Jeez,’ groaned Lou. ‘I can’t wait to see those plastered all over the newspaper. Us lot looking like a load of mud wrestlers!’

  ‘It’ll raise a load of cash.’ Sal was looking on the bright side.

  ‘And plenty of laughs,’ added Claire.

  ‘Oh well. In for a penny, in for a pound,’ Andrea said, trying to look excited.

  ‘And let’s hope we make loads of pounds for Cancer Research,’ said Lou.

  ‘Absolutely.’

  ‘Well, if all those poor people can get though their surgery and their scars and the chemo and everything else, then I’m sure we can all put up with a bit of mud,’ Claire said bracingly.

  ‘Exactly,’ Sal agreed.

  ‘Well said, that girl.’

  ‘Cheers guys.’

  ‘To Bella’s Babes,’ they said together, raising their glasses.

  ‘To Bella’s Babes and the mud wrestling!’ added Andrea.

  26

  A hug

  Boom! Just when you thought your world was settled.

  Claire was showering before bed, rubbing her hands over her abdomen, frothing up her favourite mint and ginger scented bubbles. It was tiny, a bump in her groin area. She felt again, probed slightly deeper into the skin. It was hard under her fingertips, the size of a pea. She went cold. It was always there, that fear, once you’d already had a cancer. Any lump or bump sent an icy dread through you. You tried to put the thought away, close it down, but it was there just below the surface, the feeling that you were on borrowed time.

  It was probably nothing, she rationalized. But she’d better get it checked out to be on the safe side. She’d ring the do
ctor first thing in the morning, get an appointment. The doctor had been great with her through the whole thing the last time. The last time … She hoped to God this wouldn’t be the next time.

  In bed, she wished it wasn’t too late to phone the surgery. She wanted to act on it, now. She couldn’t tell anyone about this scare, not yet. Not till she knew what she might be facing. It was just a lump, a tiny little lump. There was no point worrying her mum or Sally with it, no point three of them worrying. That would be unfair on them.

  Whoa, how sodding typical. A new start, new home. Things were really on the up. Or they had been.

  Okay. Stop it! Banish all negative thoughts. Carry on tomorrow as normal. Get your work done at the newspaper. Then go and get checked out. Do not worry about it until you know it’s something to worry about.

  Claire pulled the covers up tighter across her. Shame she hadn’t got her new kitten yet. She could really do with a cuddle. She’d phoned the animal rescue centre and asked if they had any kittens ready to go, but had decided to get herself settled in properly in her new flat first. She was thinking of going along in a couple of weeks’ time, knowing for sure that she’d fall in love with a cute bundle of fluff and take it home on that first visit. But hey, this could change everything. She’d better make sure she wouldn’t be to-ing and fro-ing to hospital before she committed herself to getting a pet.

  Oh no, this could have all sorts of implications. She tried to rein in her fears. She so hoped she could still do the charity run with Bella’s Babes. She couldn’t let them down, let alone all those people who had now sponsored them. She was all trained up and ready. It should be okay to do, surely, whatever might be wrong with her; she only had to get to Saturday and get round.

  Lying in bed on her own, her thoughts and fears buzzed in her mind. Boy, she could do with a big hug right now. She found herself picturing Ed’s warm, strong arms around her on the beach. Remembered that night dancing on the sand. She closed her eyes and began to play the movie in her mind. She could pretend they had just met, that there was no history. The memory was still so clear – trying to feel it again wasn’t as good as the real thing, but it helped – just her and Ed and the music. So very close. Safe in his arms on a beautiful Northumberland beach with the sand under her feet and the stars up above. She’d hold tight to that memory, that magic moment, keep it with her to cheer her up, hold on to Ed in her mind until she knew what she had to face.

  The next morning she booked an appointment with her surgery for straight after work. They knew her history, and said they’d fit her in that same day.

  Somehow she got through the working day, but it was hard to settle, though she tried her best to get her head down and focus on the task in hand. Five o’clock couldn’t come soon enough. She got the bus back as far as Jesmond and then popped into the flat for her car keys and drove the five minutes to the surgery at Gosforth.

  ‘Okay, Claire. So you say you’ve found another lump?’

  Claire was sitting opposite Dr Reynolds, her lady doctor at the surgery. She had been great with her eighteen months before when Claire had first found the lump in her breast. Dr Reynolds had made sure she was seen quickly, and since then had always made it clear she was available to chat with about any concerns, even when Claire had been under the hospital’s treatment programme. Dr Reynolds was in her fifties, and her black hair and olive complexion suggested a Mediterranean background. Today she was smartly dressed in a black suit and green blouse.

  ‘Yes, I spotted it just last night. In my groin area. Here.’ Claire pressed her fingertips against it.

  ‘Right, let’s run through a few questions. So you first spotted it just last night?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And, how big is it, and has it grown at all overnight?’

  ‘Pea-sized I’d say, not big, but quite hard. And it’s the same size this morning.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘And how have you been feeling?’

  ‘Oh …’

  ‘Tired at all?’

  ‘Well, yes, I have been tired, more so than normal in the past couple of weeks. But I’ve had a recent house move and been really busy.’ She didn’t add about the running regime she’d been on as well. ‘I just put it down to that.’

  ‘Okay, well that links in. There’s a chance you might have an underlying infection. Now then, I’ll need to give you an examination so I can check out the lump. I’d also like to feel your other main gland points. It could well be lymphatic, being in that area.’

  Claire must have paled. Lymphomas – lymph nodes. They were near your breast as well. She’d had a couple of nodes taken out from her armpit area as a precaution at the time of the mastectomy.

  Dr Reynolds continued, ‘Look, we both know your history, but try not to worry too much at this stage – there are lots of reasons why there could be a lump.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘So if you could just undress for me, down to your underwear, and pop yourself onto the examination bed behind the curtain there.’

  ‘Right.’ She stepped behind the curtain. Trousers down, blouse off. A little prayer sent to heaven for a good result. ‘Okay, I’m ready.’

  The doctor appeared and began to probe her right groin area. ‘Okay, I’ve got it. Sorry if that’s a little uncomfortable.’

  The fingers digging into the tender skin of her groin did make her squirm a bit. Claire tried her best to relax. The doctor went on to check her left groin area, then stomach, armpits and the glands each side of her neck. ‘And you’ve been doing all your breast checks regularly. Nothing of concern there?’

  ‘Religiously, morning and night. Not found anything at all, and I did a really thorough check in the shower this morning.’

  ‘Okay. Good.’

  The doctor finished her examination and Claire got dressed as the doctor went back to her desk. She came out from behind the curtain and sat down.

  ‘Right, I’d like to send you for a CT scan. Just to be on the safe side, especially with your history. And they may then want to do a biopsy. I’ll also inform your oncologist.’

  ‘I see.’ So this was how it all began. Oh God. Shush, you’ll be okay, another voice in her mind soothed.

  ‘I have a strong feeling this is more likely to be an infection. Something’s set off your lymph nodes. But we’ll err on the side of caution. Though it may well just settle down by itself. I’d like to take some bloods while you’re here so we can test for infection, and I’ll also ensure we do a complete blood count.’

  ‘Okay.’

  She readied herself for the needle in her inner elbow; she was used to it – needles became the norm after a while in hospital. Putting the line in for chemo. All those blood tests.

  ‘I’m going to prescribe some antibiotics so that if it is bacterial, we’re already countering it. And in the meanwhile, I’ll refer you immediately for a CT scan and put it on fast-track. You should hear directly from the Freeman Hospital in the next day or so. Can I just check your contact details are up to date?’

  So, Claire confirmed her mobile and email address. And then she would have to wait.

  ‘Thank you.’ She stood to go.

  ‘You’re welcome. And if there are any changes or concerns in the next few days, pop straight back in to see me.’

  The worry of waiting. And then it was all a whirl. Two days later and she was in hospital for a scan. Drinking her cup of contrast dye. Being laid out on the flat bed, then moved slowly through the scanner, trying her best to stay totally still. It felt like she was in a sci-fi movie. Then another wait for results and a chat with the consultant – inconclusive on the nature of the lump. Her emotions were in roller-coaster mode. And, she had to keep feigning tooth problems and trips to the dentist to cover her time off from work.

  A biopsy was booked for the following Monday, after race day. Another wait. Another few days of hiding her fear from her family, her friends. She nearly caved in and revealed all to Andrea at work on the Thurs
day, but she really didn’t want to worry them all unnecessarily. And it was nearly the day of the Pretty Muddy race. At least that would keep her busy over the weekend. Training was all done. They’d had a gentle jog midweek as a wind-down, and now Bella’s Babes were as ready as they’d ever be for their big charity event. She was a bit tired, but there was no way she was missing out on this, and if it was bad news from the biopsy, then it would mean more than ever to have done this. She wanted to kick cancer up its horrid arse.

  27

  Doing something to help someone else

  Saturday – the Pretty Muddy Race for Life day. Bella’s Babes are coming at ya!

  ‘Oh my God, look at that!’

  Claire was driving them into the car-parking field for the event. Women were staggering back to their cars clarted up with mud – it was in their hair, all over their faces, caked on to clothes that were hardly distinguishable, drying on their bare legs. It looked like something from an apocalyptic movie. The last of the walking dead or something.

  ‘Whoa! Okaaay.’

  ‘Looks like we’re in for some fun …’

  It was head-to-toe with the brown stuff.

  ‘Right,’ Andrea announced, ‘so we’re on at ten-thirty, and it’s now a quarter to.’

  ‘Time for some pre-run limbering up,’ Lou said chirpily.

  ‘How the hell do you limber up for this?’ Sal asked wryly.

  They all got out of the car. They had numbers to safety-pin onto their bright-pink T-shirts. Claire had had the tees taken to a printer’s and got ‘Bella’s Babes’ stamped across the back. Though if the other runners were anything to go by, no one would be able to read anything printed on them after a few minutes.

  They did a few hopeful stretches, including their flamingo move, propped against the side of the car.

  ‘Ready?’

  ‘Not really,’ Andrea responded.

  They spotted two more women heading back to the car opposite. They smiled across at them, and the women gave a grin back – at least they were still smiling from beneath the mud.

  ‘Ready as we ever will be,’ Lou added.