Wish You Were Here

by Amanda McIntyre

  “Maggie, I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered. Drawing her close, he pressed his cheek to the top of her head. He felt her hands slip under his shirt, gripping the fabric. He hesitated, knowing that what he was about to do could change everything. “Maggie, I’m not sure,” he said, even though his body seemed to disagree.

  She moved her hands away. “You want to prove Justine wrong, don’t you?” Instead she lifted her T-shirt over her head, and he could see through the thin cami that she wore no bra. Did she think he was that shallow? That this meant nothing to him? Did it mean anything to her?

  “It’s just sex. Let’s call it unfinished business.” She stood in front of him, a challenge, a temptress—his best friend.

  His hand shook as he slipped a finger beneath one strap and let it fall off her shoulder. Swallowing hard, he asked himself if this was wise. How could he do this to Maggie? What about Justine? “Maggie, I can’t lie to you and say that I don’t want you. I wanted you that night long ago, too. But I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose what we have.”

  “It’s okay. No one has to know, and afterward you’ll be able to move on and so can I.” She took his hand and led him to the bedroom. The rain came down in a heavy downpour. A sultry breeze fluttered the gauzy curtains covering the partially closed windows. “You’re not going to lose me as a friend,” she said. “But you’ll be able to go back to Justine and tell her truth.” She carefully shed the rest of her clothes and stood before him, her dark hair swirling around her tanned shoulders. When he didn’t move, she stepped toward him and rose to her toes, brushing her mouth to his. “This would work better if you'd participate a wee bit, Josh.” She looked up at him, her eyes shimmering in the semi-darkness. Holding her gaze, he helped her unfasten his shorts and tug his boxer briefs past his hips.

  “What truth”--he sucked in a sharp breath as she touched him--“am I supposed to tell her?” Her mouth on his flesh aroused him. Her seduction, the beer, the storm--it all blended, challenging him to the brink of madness. “Aw shit,” he muttered and pulled her to her feet. In a frenzy of desire he kissed her for all the times he’d wanted to, all the times he’d missed the opportunity to tell her how special she was to him, long before he met Justine.

  She pushed her hands against his chest and he felt them trembling.

  “Maggie, what are you thinking?”

  “The truth that after tonight, I won’t have to wonder what it’s like anymore. And that you’ll know without a doubt the woman you’re meant to be with for the rest of your life.”

  He brushed the hair from her face. “Mags.”

  “Wait,” she whispered. “I’ll be right back.”

  He held her hand, not wanting to let go, afraid that he was dreaming. After she left, he looked down, seeing his erection and the shorts pooled at his feet. He swiped his hands over his face, stepped out of his clothes, and turned back the covers of the blue and yellow quilt covering her bed. Maggie’s bed. He sat down on the edge of the mattress, trying to convince himself that he was wrong. That Justine was wrong. And he couldn’t. God help him, but he couldn’t drum up one lick of guilt. He swallowed, feeling as though he’d been saved from toppling over a cliff. Jesus, how was he going to tell Justine? How was he going to tell his parents?

  And Maggie, poor Maggie, she was the most clueless of them all. Because the truth was, he didn’t want to stop this, even though he couldn’t understand how he could have fallen in love with her in a few short hours. And then it hit him as though he’d been hit broadside by a train. He clasped his hands, his gut clenching with need. “Maggie,” he called as naturally as he’d call her in any crisis in his life. He realized that he’d spent most of his life loving her and just not recognizing it until now.

  She appeared holding a glass vase filled partway with sand. Inside was a single lighted pillar candle. He watched her place it on the dresser, homage to their secret affair. Its glow flickered in the dusky room, casting shadows on the walls “I want to see your face,” she said, handing him a small foil packet.

  He chuckled softly and took the condom. “Expecting someone?”

  She crawled up behind him on the bed and kneaded his shoulders. “Never underestimate the determination of a woman trying to forget.” She wrapped her arms around him, laying her cheek on his shoulder. “Are you ready?”

  He turned and drew her down beside him on the bed. “Is that what this is about, Maggie? Are you using me to forget?”

  She touched his face, drawing him into a tender kiss. “No, this is for you to forget and for me to remember.” She turned him to his back and straddled him with her beautiful body. Her kisses were soft, unhurried, driving him to the point of insanity. Her skin was like silk against his hard flesh, sliding over him, setting him on fire.

  “You know, I nearly died when you stopped that night,” she whispered. “Don’t stop this time.”

  God, he had read her signals wrong. How might things have been different if he hadn’t? They had been so young. But what if kept rolling through his mind as gentle as her touch on his skin He sat upright and drew her into his lap, leaning her back to tease her luscious breasts. She was warm, responsive, and more than ready for him. “Are you sure, Maggie?”

  She held his face and looked into his eyes. “Are you?”

  Without answering, he tore open the condom and sheathed himself. Turning her beneath him, he knelt, poised over her.

  “I want you.” Her quiet plea drew him into another kiss. In a blur of gentle sighs and fiery passion, he sank into her. God help him, it felt so right, so natural. He fought the emotions stirring inside, tapping on the door to his heart, insisting he face the truth. Desire and fear whirled in his brain. He didn’t want to hurt Maggie. He didn’t want to hurt Justine.

  She fit him perfectly. So tight, accepting him thrust after thrust, her sighs driving him faster. This felt so right. Maggie, her luscious body beneath his. How could it be wrong? How long had he waited for this? His body tightened, and, squeezing his eyes shut, he blocked out everything, surrendering to the moment. Her gentle cry joined his groan as everything exploded in a million shards of light. He emptied himself, heart and soul, and when the world came back into focus, he opened his eyes and there was Maggie, his best friend, looking up at him. She wore a soft smile, and tears glimmered in her eyes.

  “Oh, Mags, sweetheart. Did I hurt you?” He leaned on his elbow and brushed a tear from her cheek.

  She shook her head and sniffled. “Not at all, but could you….”

  “Oh, sorry.” He rolled to his back and watched her dash from the bed, grab her robe, and dart into the other room. He lay there a few moments, staring at the dormant ceiling fan and listening to the wind whistle around the corner of the cottage. The sound of the front door opening jarred him from his reverie, and a draft from the open door tickled the candle, causing it to dance.

  He found her a few moments later, after he’d dressed. She was sitting in one of the wicker chairs on the porch, her feet curled beneath her. She didn’t look at him, but kept her gaze to the black ocean. The sound of the turbulent waves crashing on shore echoed in the silence.

  “Maggie?” He approached with caution, battling his own emotions and wondering what shape hers were in. “Maggie?” He eased into the chair beside her. “What is it?” He wanted to touch her, to her body close to his again.

  She didn’t say anything for a minute or two, then spoke without looking at him. “I’m fine, Josh.” He saw her smile briefly, but not at him. “At least now you can go back and tell Justine she has nothing to be worried about.”

  Her quick dismissal bruised his ego. “Was it so bad?”

  She chuckled, then and gave him a side-glance. “No, it was wonderful. Thank you.”

  Thank you? Like he’d done her a favor? “Mags, listen.”

  “Don’t, Josh.” She looked at him in earnest then. “Don’t say things you don’t mean. You owe me no explanation. I instigated this.”

&n
bsp; And there it was. His past, present, and future summed up in a few key words. It was up to him to do the right thing or one of these women he cared about—or worse, both--was bound to get hurt. “I need to ask you something,” he said softly, taking her hand and rubbing his thumb across her delicate skin.

  “Yes?” She looked at their hands clasped together, but refused to look in his eyes.

  “Did tonight mean something to you, Mags? Or did you think that by giving yourself to me, I’d somehow realize that Justine was prime rib and you were, I dunno, chopped steak?”

  “Leave it to you to make this about food.”

  “Answer my question.”

  “Okay, yes. That’s exactly what I thought would happen.” She faced him then, her expression determined.

  “And what if it didn’t work as you planned? What were you going to do then?”

  Her chin quivered and she looked away.

  “I have to know--if Justine wasn’t in the picture, would you still have wanted me to make love to you?”

  Breaking his grasp, she rose from the chair and leaned against the porch banister. Tufts of her hair lifted in the evening breeze. “Yes.” Her single responses wafted on the wind, slicing through him like a spear.

  “Why?” He moved next to her, perching his hip on the railing.

  She shrugged. “Maybe it’s me. Maybe I’m the one who’s been carrying around these feelings of unrequited love.”

  That made his head spin.

  “Why haven’t you ever told me this? Told me how you felt?”

  She snorted and glanced at him. “There’s a whole list of reasons, I suppose, but the biggest one is that I never thought I was good enough for you.”

  “Maggie, come on.”

  “What do you mean, ‘come on’? Our entire friendship was based on secrecy, Josh. I know your taste in females. They run along the lines of the svelte, girly-girl types who look like they’ve walked off the Victoria’s Secret runway.” She laughed. “And it’s clear I am nowhere in that league.”

  “I had no idea you cast me in such a snobbish role. That’s’ really not very fair of you.”

  “Really?” She turned to him with a look of challenge. “And what about you? You wouldn’t allow yourself to be seen talking to me in school and the one time you take me on a real date, we got drunk at a party and when you had the opportunity to show me how you felt, well…I guess you did when you walked away and left me in that backseat.”

  “Aw, Maggie.”

  She shook her head and held up her hand. “That was a long time ago, granted. I just wanted to see if you’d follow through if you had another chance.”

  The sound of rain landing in large splotches on the leaves indicated that the storm was about to pick up again, mirroring the one brewing inside Josh. The thought she’d betrayed him, that the moment meant so little to her, infuriated him--or maybe it was just bruised pride. “So, how’d I do, Maggie? Because God knows I wouldn’t want you to think any worse of me than you already have all of these years.” He started to walk away, then turned on his heel and pointed his finger at her. “Do you want to know why I stopped that night? Because I didn’t want something to happen that might change your life--or mine--forever, as selfish as that might be. I didn’t want to hurt you. I didn’t want to do anything that might change the great friendship we had.” He let his hand fall to his side. “Or thought we had.” He started toward the door, but paused. “I guess maybe you were right about one thing. There’s nothing between us to prevent us from moving on with our lives.”

  Chapter Three

  She sat processing his scathing comment. Hadn’t she deserved it? In her attempt to be carefree and untouchable, she hadn’t anticipated the crossfire of emotions. Their timing had never been good and she’d resigned herself to the idea that one night wouldn’t change anything.

  But it had. And despite everything, her actions had created more confusion than resolution for Josh. She had to find a way to make it right. Maybe she could invite Justine down and give them the rest of the week at the cottage to reconnect. That would be the noble thing to do.

  Josh lay sprawled on the blue-and-white ticking sofa, his arm tossed haphazardly over his face. She picked up an afghan and laid it across him, surprised when he caught her arm. She stilled, her hand grasping the blanket. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean what I said.”

  “Which part?”

  He sat up and pulled her down to sit beside him. Pushing a hand through his dark, wavy hair, he stared straight ahead for a moment, sighed, and turned a weary gaze to hers. “I don’t think I’m as ready as I thought I was to marry Justine.”

  Her eyes widened, and she shook her head. “No, Josh. You don’t mean that. Don’t do something rash based on this one incident.” She pressed her lips together. The guilt of her actions overwhelmed her. “You love Justine. You asked her to marry you.” She had to make him see reason. This was all her fault.

  Her searched her face, then reached up to touch her cheek. “That was before tonight, Maggie. You did nothing wrong. It opened my eyes. Maybe Justine was right, after all.”

  “No, you can’t do this, Josh. You can’t. It hurts like hell to love someone and find out they don’t feel the same.”

  He pulled her into his arms and leaned back on the couch, tucking her in under his arm. “Exactly, Mags. And I need to sort some things out, because I want to be sure. I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I have to be honest. Even without the sex--which I have to be honest was amazing, Mags, really--in the short time I’ve been here with you, it’s like I’m happy, genuinely happy. It’s made me realize that there are some things missing in my relationship with Justine.”

  “Oh, God.” Maggie covered her face, feeling nauseated. She’d only wanted to spend some time alone down here to regroup, find her strength and pride again. And in her convoluted attempt to prove she wasn’t his type, she’d somehow managed to screw up everything.

  “Maggie, I know you didn’t plan for what happened. But I need to know something.”

  She shifted, distancing herself from him, from his scent that lingered still on her skin, the taste of him on her lips. Instinct cautioned what he was about to ask. She wasn’t sure she could--or should-- answer.

  “I need to know how you feel about me.”

  “Well, we’ve known each other a long time. I suppose every friendship between a guy and a girl experiences these kinds of things from time to time.”

  “Maggie.” His voice was calm, his gaze unwavering.

  “Oh,” she said with a sigh. “And you know how I get when I drink.”

  “Maggie, the question.” He waited patiently.

  “You‘re my friend, Josh.” That part was true. What else could she say? “I want what’s best for you.”

  “Even if that’s you?”

  She shut her eyes, tears seeping from the corners. She felt his hands on her face, then the brush of his mouth to hers. She opened her eyes, meeting his soft, espresso-colored gaze.

  “I want to spend more time with you, Maggie. I hope you can see that, for whatever reason, the fates have brought us together--right here, right now. We owe it to ourselves to explore why. Maybe we’ll find out that’s there’s something more here than either of us realizes.”

  This wasn’t happening. “What about Justine?” It was only fair to remind him of his fiancée.

  He shrugged. “She suggested this. Maybe she did see something that I didn’t see myself.”

  “And if it doesn’t work? What then?”

  His eyes narrowed, his expression somber. “Then I guess we move on. It’s a risk I’m willing to take. What about you?”

  Maggie swallowed, searched the heavens for the right answer. “If I agree--and that’s if--can we slow things down?”

  “Absolutely.” He searched her eyes. “I know high school was a long time ago, but whatever connection we had has lasted. And seeing you again, it seems as strong as it ever was. We owe it to o
urselves to find out if—“

  He didn’t finish the sentence and she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear it completed. “You can stay until the end of the week and then we have to make a decision. Deal?”

  “Deal.”

  The lights popped back on, causing them both to look up. Josh dug out his phone and glanced at the time. “It’s only ten. You want to go see if we can find some food? Is there anything nearby?”

  “There’s a little bar and grill place up the beach, if you don’t mind the walk.”

  “Get dressed.” He stood, picked up his Nike gym bag, and started toward the bathroom. His steps slowed. “Uh, about finances….”

  “I got you covered.” She smiled before she closed her bedroom door. Intercepting ten minutes of his bathroom time, she freshened up and then went back to her room to get ready. There was a certain freedom in knowing everything was out on the table. And while she was unsure of Justine’s role in the whole of things, she reminded herself that it was his fiancée who’d suggested this trip. She slipped on a pale peach halter sundress, brushed out her hair, and dropped a white cardigan over her arm. Her sandals were by the front door.

  A knock sounded on her bedroom door and her breath caught when she opened it. Josh, clean-shaven and freshly showered, looked delicious in an oxford blue button-down shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows and khaki shorts. He’d embraced the tropics by wearing his leather flip-flops.

  His gaze heated as he looked her over. ”Or we could stay in.”

  She took his arm. “If we’re going to try this, we’ve got to see if we’re compatible in other areas.”

  The rain had begun to drift to the north. The remnant of storm clouds over the ocean had parted to allow slivers of moonlight to illuminate the now peaceful shoreline.