by Allysa Hart
“Yes, Grayson.”
“Very good.” I leaned across her, grabbing the spoon from the nightstand. “Now stand up, and place yourself across my lap. We are not leaving this room until you have begun to learn to forgive yourself.”
Trembling, I blew out a deep breath, and forced myself to lay over Grayson’s lap. The truth was, his giant lap was my favorite place to be, just not in this position. And while I wasn’t afraid of him, a therapy spanking sounded scary, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to let myself go enough to get out of it what he expected me to. I was wound pretty tightly these days.
As soon as I was in position, Grayson locked me in place with one of his legs over both of mine, and began to rub my back with a giant hand.
“I know you’re nervous, little one. I can feel you trembling.”
I nodded, squeezing back tears. I hated to disappoint him. He was so good to me, but I was sure I wouldn’t be able to do what he needed today. A spanking was always harder to take when I was tense, not just physically, but emotionally.
“Let the tears out, little princess,” Grayson coaxed. “Letting out whatever emotions you are feeling will make this go a lot easier.”
“I can’t!” I wailed, clinging stubbornly to my control.
“You can,” he insisted, slapping my bottom with a huge hand. “I’m not going to allow you to cling to these harmful thoughts any longer. You will list them out now, one by one. I want to hear every single fear, and every single hurt, Ariana.”
I puffed out my cheeks and glared at a spot on the floor beneath me. He didn’t know what he was asking. “I’m not allowed to say those things,” I reminded him. “You don’t let me say mean words about myself or blame myself for her actions.”
Grayson’s breath tickled my ear when he sighed. “That’s true, but what happens when you do those things? You get a spanking.” He tapped my bottom, with one finger, and then gave my left butt cheek a resounding slap. “Guess what? You’re already getting a spanking, and it’s going to be a doozy. Far and away enough to cover anything you might say. In fact, I’d even go so far as to say, the less you say, the more you will get.”
“Ugggh! Not fair.” I could feel his body shift, and I knew that the spanking was about to start. “No, no, no! I’m not ready!”
“Too bad. You’re not in charge here, Princess. You are getting a spanking whether you like it or not, and it will be over when I say it is over. Not a minute sooner. The only thing you can do is to start talking.”
He lifted my dress, and pulled down my panties, and I held my breath when the cool air hit my backside. It felt like forever since I’d had a spanking. It hadn’t been. That was just testament to how much I needed one.
The bamboo spoon stung my skin wickedly, and I cursed my decision to buy him a spoon when we made our last online order. It had seemed like a good idea. Losing my virginity had made me all mushy and filled me with a longing that apparently warped my brain cells. He really liked that spoon.
It flew against my backside at a rapid-fire pace, and in a pattern that kept me guessing where it would strike next. There was never time to draw a breath before he struck again. Tears pricked the back of my eyelids, and I gritted my teeth, grabbing the fabric of his pant leg in my fist.
“Grayson! Stop!” I cried between jagged breaths.
“I’m not stopping, but I might slow down if you start talking.”
I hesitated, long enough to fuel a new barrage of swats raining down on my tender backside, hard enough to set me shrieking. “Okay! Okay! Um… I…”
He paused long enough for me to gather my thoughts, but I could sense the spoon, poised in the air above me, ready to connect.
“Sometimes I hate myself for believing anything she said.” I spoke the words barely loud enough for him to hear, but I could feel his relief at my confession as his body seemed to sag under my weight. My own chest seemed lighter, and I had to admit it felt good to put the feelings out in the open.
The spoon fell then, lighter than before, but with a rhythm that was slow and steady.
“Now, I want you to take that lie and replace it with the truth.”
My brow furrowed, and my throat felt as if it had filled with sand. Giving life to that lie had felt good, but I couldn’t seem to push the truth he wanted past my lips. Grayson picked up the pace, and all I could focus on the was the sting of the spoon against my bare skin.
“Ow! Ow! Ow, Graaaayson!”
“The truth, little princess.”
“I’m not stupid!” I cried, not believing a word of it, but hoping it would be enough to get him to slow down, and hit a little less hard. It wasn’t.
“Keep. Going!” Of course he punctuated his command with two sharp swats of the spoon across the crease of my thighs. The pain awakened something, and a barrage of truth fell from my lips before I even knew it was happening.
“I’m not stupid; I was brainwashed and under a spell. The queen came to me at a time I was at my most vulnerable and used my weakness against me that day and every day thereafter. She was never good to me, she gave me just enough kindness to keep me under her thumb, always reminding me how beholden I was to her for that kindness.”
The truth rushed from me, each word heavier than the last, but when I was done, my chest seemed to open, and my heart lightened. I wanted to keep speaking aloud the things that I had held to so tightly for fear of upsetting the queen with my traitorous thoughts.
“Very good, Ariana. Very good. I’m so proud of you.” Grayson’s affirmations washed over me like a healing balm. I could feel his pride, and I wanted to feel more of it.
He continued to spank, the spoon cracking heavy and methodically against my backside. I used the pain to focus my thoughts, opening up in a way I never had. I was so used to pushing aside the truth, and replacing it with blind devotion, and now those things that had been buried for so long were free to be spoken, and freeing me as they were.
“I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome when it comes to her,” I whispered sharply, tears springing to my eyes when I realized it wasn’t just a feeling.
“Yes, Princess.” The spanking paused and I could tell from the crack in Grayson’s voice that he was barely holding it together. My heart swelled with love and guilt simultaneously at the image of my big bad ogre daddy shedding tears while whaling on my ass with his trusty wooden spoon.
We had been through so much together, even when we were apart, from the moment that the sea swelled up underneath us to right here, right now in this room, crying as we re-hashed the past few years and searched to make a happy ending from the desecrated rubble we had to work with.
There was more to say, but I found myself unable to speak. Grayson wasn’t talking either, nor was his spoon. He heaved a sigh so deep and heavy my body shook, and I had to brace myself to stay in place to keep from falling off his lap. The spoon clattered to the floor, bouncing against the wood and landing right in front of my line of vision. The sight of it should have made me happy, but I only felt confused and bereft as Grayson rested his large hands on my bottom, completely covering my throbbing backside.
Goddamn my honesty, I thought, wincing because I knew what I was about to say. It was screaming in my brain, taking over my being, and I couldn’t not say it.
“Grayson, please,” I wailed desperately, my eyes trained on the stupid spoon. “I’m not done.”
“Oh, little princess,” he said with a chuckle. “I know you’re not done. Neither am I. But I am going to switch to my belt now.”
My stomach dropped into my toes. I had known it was coming. I had been warned. And I wasn’t afraid of the pain, or the man wielding the dreaded stretch of leather. I was only afraid that the pain would be so different it would take my breath and my words away with each and every lash, impeding the progress I was making in my heart.
Grayson evidently knew these things, instinctively. He had become very adept at reading my thoughts and body language. He made no move to get up, tap
ping my bottom with two large fingers.
“I thought, little bit, going into this, that it was all about you. That you needed to heal, and that my only role was to allow you the release you needed to do so. But, I can see now, that we went through this together, in a lot of ways, and we need to heal together. Speak if you need to. Say whatever you need to say, as I plan to do the same. My belt may also have a bit to say.” He added that last part with a chuckle. Even mid-spanking, with tears in his eyes, Grayson always tried to make me smile. He worked hard to lighten any situation, and I was as thankful for his humor as I was for his heart.
It didn’t stop me from trembling with trepidation when he grabbed me underneath the armpits, hoisted me into a sitting position in his lap, and pulled me into a brief but gentle hug before taking my hand and helping me stand. He held on, walking me over to the bed, and nodded as I folded myself over the side without waiting for his instruction.
I watched from the corner of my eye as he lifted the wide strap of brown leather off the nightstand, folding it in his hands, so that it was doubled over. The folding made it less ominous. Without the length, there was no comparing it to the queen's whip, and I felt myself breathing a little easier.
Until the first lash of leather against my already tenderized rear end that is. The unique pain brought every lick of anxiety I had rushing to the surface, and I reared up from the bed, howling as I clutched my backside, glaring at Grayson.
I nearly lost my shit when he merely rolled his eyes and guided me back into position. I would have too, if I hadn’t caught a glimpse of his expression and saw the pain and love embedded in every square inch of his oversized face. His words about us both needing to heal came back to me, and I swallowed my panic and fear. To steady myself, I grabbed a pillow from the head of the bed and pulled it over, burying my face in its softness, reminding myself that this could work. It was working. I felt lighter, and understood more, and felt a love for Grayson that was more encompassing than I had ever felt before, even after losing my virginity to him.
As painful as this was, physically and emotionally, we had to do it. It was that important. It was helping us to bleed out far more than anything else had. The pain and the act of causing pain were freeing us to say the words we had both kept hidden in our hearts. And as much as the belt stung, I had more to say, and more to hear.
This time, when the leather struck, I barely quivered. I welcomed the pain, breathing it in, and the healing with it. I strained my ears, hoping that Grayson would speak and give me something to focus on other than the pain.
He didn’t. The belt struck across the middle of my ass a grand total of ten more times before he even spoke a word. When he did speak, it was to order me to.
I was supposed to be spitting out the lies that hammered away at my brain every second of every day, the ones I usually weren’t allowed to speak. But they weren’t there anymore. Somewhere between the unyielding rhythm of Grayson’s spoon, and the realization that he loved me as much as I loved him, the defeated voice had gone silent. In its place was one of empowerment. I knew I had been hurt, and I knew I had been wronged. I knew it wasn’t my fault, and more than that, I knew I was going to be okay. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but Grayson was the only one around to hear.
When I opened my mouth, only one sentence came out. “I’m going to be okay.”
“Yes, little princess, you are,” I whispered, my voice thick with tears. Pride overwhelmed me. She had gotten the message in far less time than I had expected. I knew she wasn’t faking it, but I needed to make sure she got it fully. The emotional rawness we had in this moment was not something we would be able to replicate down the road. This had to take. Besides that, I had more to say. And I needed to make sure she said all the things she needed to as well.
Pulling back my arm, I lashed the belt across the crease of her thighs, smiling when she squealed and jumped. “Sweetheart, I’m glad you are feeling good, but I really need you to say anything else that you might be holding in. I only want to do this once. After today, we are going to put the hurt she has caused behind us and move forward, looking only to the future.”
It was a tall order. I couldn’t even imagine what it would look like, and I knew there would be hiccups along the way, but that needed to be the goal. For both of us.
Ariana drew a shaky breath, and I let my belt fall hard and heavy across the fleshiest part of her rear three more times for good measure.
Finally she spoke. “I didn’t remember my family. She stole that from me, but I still knew I missed it, if that makes sense. She took the memories, but left the yearning. And she used that need against me. She said we were a family. The other girls were my sisters, and she was our queen, but also, the closest thing any of us had to a mother. When she really wanted to get to us, she would refer to herself that way, prey on the most basic instinct we had, our want of a mother.”
“And did she act like a mother?”
“No, not a good one,” Ariana scoffed. “It was all part of a game. Just another tool in her arsenal that she could use to manipulate us.”
“Very good,” I murmured, letting my belt tell her what my thoughts were on the subject. “Keep going.” Her voice was starting to crack, and I could see that she was on the verge of tears. On the verge wasn’t good enough. This spanking had to break her. I had to break her wide open so that I could truly begin the process of building her back up, into something amazing.
“Grayson!” she cried. I could hear the frustration in her tone as she struggled to hold back tears. “I really think I’m okay!”
She wasn’t okay. She was still holding onto things, and I knew that whatever it was she was clinging to would pop up and cause problems for us down the road.
Trying to force her to talk wasn’t working. It was time for me to have my say. I lashed the belt across her taut skin, watching her cheeks turn from a deep pink to a nearly angry red under my ministrations. She laid there silently taking in the pain, with only the occasional whimper to let me know she felt it. When I was sure she was close to her breaking point, I began to speak.
“Little princess,” I began. “There comes a time in every ordeal where we have to learn not only to forgive those who have wronged us, but to forgive ourselves. There is a difference between taking responsibility and taking blame. You can take responsibility, and I won’t fault you, but you can no longer take the blame. I won’t let you. You will end up in this position every time.”
“Yes, Grayson.” It came out in a quiet sob, and I closed my eyes, sighing in relief. Almost there.
“The best way I have found to put something behind me is to find the silver lining. That thing where I can say if this wouldn't have happened, then I wouldn't be this, or I wouldn't have done this, or this wouldn’t have occurred. Sometimes finding it is the hardest part of the journey, but it is always there. I challenge you, my princess, to find your silver lining. To turn the most horrible thing that has ever happened to you into a positive, and grow out of the ashes of your pain.”
Her back heaved with sobs, but she didn’t make a sound. I hoped that meant she was hanging on my every word, focusing on the lesson and therapy I was trying to impart. Flexing my wrist, I flung the leather lightly across the crease between bottom and thigh, catching it with just enough force to leave a good sting, and lull her out of her trance.
“But what if I can’t find it?” she finally cried. “What if there is nothing good?”
“There has to be,” I insisted. “There always is.”
“The only thing I can think of is you!” She was shaking now, her entire body wracked with the strength of her cries. “And I already had you in my life. Far before I had her! And I don’t want to give her credit for you, Grayson! She doesn’t deserve it!”
“So pick something else.” I shrugged, dropping the belt onto the nightstand, and kneeling behind her, caressing her hot bottom with one hand, while I hung my head, and listened to her pithy cries.
“There is nothing else!” Her voice rose to a scream.
There was something else, I was sure of it. I just didn’t know what it was. I didn’t want to end on a bad note, so I let it go. Helping her stand, I pulled her into my arms and kissed the top of her head, talking softly in her ear while I rubbed what I was positive had to be an aching bottom.
“If it’s simply that we have each other, Ariana, know that I have never been more grateful for anything in my life. But as you stated, we don’t want to give her credit for something that is not her doing. So just think on it for a bit.”
“Yes, Ogre Daddy.” She looked up at me from behind lashes wet with tears, and I could see on her face that her heart was lighter and her mind was clearer than it had been in a long time. She pouted slightly at my instruction and then sighed, leaning her head against my broad chest. “Are you going to spank me until I figure it out?”
I chuckled. “No, little princess, your spanking is over, and you took it very well. Come along now, let’s get a snack, and head to bed. I want you in my bed with me tonight.”
Magic! I shot up in bed, my brain pounding with the remnants of a fuzzy dream that had me reeling. If it proved true, it would change everything. It would be my silver lining that Grayson had talked about, and possibly the solution that would break the spell!
I had slept restlessly, as if my brain had been subconsciously searching for the answer that was there all along. When I woke, I was naked and squashed between Grayson and the wall, curled into the far corner of his massive bed. It took some tender acrobatics on my part, but I managed to make it out of the bed and across the room without waking him.
My ass throbbed from the therapy spanking and I chose to forgo panties. Pulling a soft flannel nightie over my head, I tiptoed from the bedroom and into the kitchen.
Now what? I winced as I took my seat at the kitchen table, and prayed Grayson slept for a while. I didn’t want him to know what I was up to, in case it didn’t work.
