Trick Play (Mavericks Tackle Love Book 3)

by Max Monroe

  I guessed the one and only positive of the situation was that Deluva had received ramifications for his reckless actions. Not only was he suspended from working on the street for the next three months and stuck manning the drunk tank, but he also had to sit through fifty hours of police protocol-based classes with newbies in the academy.

  To say he was pissed about it was an understatement.

  “It’s not safe for you to be on the street. Not undercover. And definitely not in a Hoboken PD uniform,” Sarge informed me, and I gripped the armrests of my seat for what I knew was going to be one hell of an impact when he gave me the rest of his words. “I hate to be the one to break this to you, Lana, but we’re putting you on a paid leave of absence.”

  I clenched my fingernails into the leather of the chair, and my knuckles turned white from the intense grip. “What?” I nearly shouted. “Are you serious, Sarge?”

  I knew it was a big deal, but fuck, I’d thought he’d at least leave me with shitty desk work.

  “Yes,” he nodded, resolute. “You’re going to be on a minimum three months’ paid leave.”

  Thanks a fucking lot, Chastity and Deluva.

  “A minimum of three months?” I questioned, and the frustration was evident in my voice.

  “Lana, I know you live and bleed for this job, but I’m not going to fuck around with this media shitstorm that’s surrounded you,” he explained.

  I didn’t much like his stupid explanation.

  Sure, one newspaper article had turned into three, which had turned into six, and once national media had latched on to this case, it had become a wildfire our department couldn’t put out.

  The only thing I could do was sit back and wait for it all to pass.

  But, still, this was the very last thing I wanted right now.

  I didn’t need a paid leave. I needed to dive back into another assignment.

  I needed to stay focused.

  I needed to forget.

  I need anything to make me feel like what I did to Cam had a purpose. Anything to distract myself from thinking of him.

  God, it was completely fucked up.

  “This feels like I’m being punished for doing my job.”

  Sergeant Miller shook his head. “It’s not a punishment.”

  “Then what the hell is it?” I spat.

  My attitude unleashed a little of his. “It’s paid fucking time for sitting on your ass and doing nothing.”

  My eyes narrowed, and he sighed.

  “It’s what’s right for you and this department, and it’s just temporary. The job, the badge, your next big undercover assignment, it will all still be waiting for you when you get back.”

  “What if I don’t want to take it?” I questioned. “Don’t I have a say in this?”

  He shook his head again. “The chief met with the board yesterday, Lana. And everyone unanimously agreed that this was the safest and smartest option. Including me.”

  “This is bullshit,” I muttered. “What in the hell am I going to do for three months?”

  He searched my eyes, and a soft smile lifted his mouth at the corners. “You want to know what I’d do?”

  No, not really, I thought, but he told me anyway.

  “I’d enjoy my paid time off. Live my life. Take a vacation.”

  Live my life? What life?

  This job was my life.

  Because of this job, I’d let go of everything else.

  And now, for the next three months at least, I didn’t even have the job.

  I just had time. Endless fucking time to wallow in the nothingness.

  I’d left the station two hours ago, and without any destination in mind, I’d just driven.

  With my hands to the wheel and my foot on the gas, I’d found the open road and let myself get lost in my thoughts.

  Somewhere, nowhere, everywhere, I just drove.

  I cried and I drove.

  I screamed and I drove.

  And it wasn’t until I reached Jersey City, after about 200 miles of mindless detours, that I decided to stop.

  I pulled into my dad’s driveway, cut the engine, and sat in the car for five, ten, who-the-fuck-knows how many minutes until I gained enough emotional composure to walk inside and find solace in my childhood home.

  My dad jolted awake from his nap in his favorite recliner in the living room at the sound of me coming inside. “Well, I’ll be damned!” he greeted with a wide grin. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

  I shrugged and plopped down onto the suede sofa across from the television, and for the first time in months, I didn’t even try to give him anything but the truth. “Sarge forced me to take a paid leave of absence.”

  “Oh.” He searched my face for a long moment before adding, “And I take it you’re not happy with this.”

  I shook my head. “Pretty damn pissed about it, actually.”

  “Well, I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear, but it’s the smart and safe choice,” my dad replied, and I groaned in annoyance.

  “Yeah, that’s definitely not what I want to hear.”

  “There’s been too much hoopla in the media, and it’s wise to let that shit peter out before you take on another assignment,” he added. “Deep down, Lana, you know it’s the right thing.”

  Even though he was right, that didn’t mean I actually had to like it.

  I sighed and stared mindlessly at the television.

  An old western movie played across the screen in black and white, and ironically, the lack of color fit my mood to a T.

  A cowboy on a horse rode through the desert, and the vast, mostly lifeless land that lay ahead of him felt like one hell of a metaphor for my current future.

  I tried to focus on the movie. Tried to listen to the dialogue between two men with gun belts slung across their waists, but it was useless. The screen blurred and my vision lost focus, and my scattered, racing thoughts hopped into the driver’s seat and took me for a ride.

  I wished I could just shut it all off, but sadly, I had no say in the matter.

  I thought about my job.

  I thought about my life.

  And, like a broken fucking record, I thought about Cam.

  I wondered how he was doing and hoped he was okay.

  And mostly, I just let myself stagnate in regrets and what-ifs.

  I had no idea how much time had passed before my dad’s voice grabbed my attention.

  “Lana, I have something I want to say to you, but I need you to hear me out, okay?” I looked up to meet his eyes, and the earnest plea in them kept me from smarting off.

  “Okay.”

  “This is a conversation we should’ve had years ago, but I guess now is as good a time as any.”

  I sighed. “I know how sex works, Dad.”

  He smirked. “Shut up, Lan.”

  For the first time that day, I really smiled. “I’ve learned a lot of lessons in my life, and I’ve sure as shit made a lot of mistakes,” he said quietly. “Losing your mother was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to live through. And I hate that you didn’t know her. I hate that you never got to see us together, in love and so damn happy it was stupid. But the truth is, she’d been my whole fucking world, and when she was gone, I felt like someone had yanked the sun out of my life.”

  A small, sad smile kissed his lips. “But I moved forward. I picked up the pieces. I had to be strong for you.”

  “And you did,” I quickly interjected. “You were. You still are. You provided me with nothing but a happy, healthy childhood, Dad.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed on a soft sigh. “But I know I gave you a serious disadvantage when it comes to understanding what’s most important in life.”

  I opened my mouth to disagree, to assure him he’d instilled me with values worth celebrating, but he cut me off with a shake of his finger.

  “After your mother died, besides taking care of you, I lost myself in being a police officer. I ate, slept, and breathed the job. It was
important—I was doing important work—just like you’ve been. But it wasn’t healthy, and it wasn’t fair to you. I set a shit example.”

  “Dad—”

  “I did, Lana,” he stated firmly. “I didn’t see it then, but I see it so clearly now. Taking pride in my job as a police officer was important, but it shouldn’t have been the most important. My baby girl—seeing to her and that she knew what it meant to have a fully rounded life—should’ve been my priority.”

  Thick emotion clogged my throat, and I could do nothing more than sit there.

  “I should’ve given you a better example, but I can’t take that back. All I can do is tell you now what I know to be the truth. When it comes to life, loving someone like your mother and I loved each other and family are the most important things you’ll ever have.

  “It’s those things that’ll get you through the sad moments, the tough moments, and everything in between. Those are the things that will bring happiness into your life. Those are the people who will hold your hand through the hard times and rejoice with you in the good. Without them, a badge is just a fucking badge.”

  God, I didn’t know what to make of it all.

  I’d never seen him as anything but a good dad.

  He’d worked hard. He’d taken care of me. Sure, I hadn’t really had any female figures in my life and I’d spent most of my childhood surrounded by his cop buddies, but he’d done his best.

  But my dedication to the force had, in fact, come by example. When I looked at my dad and all he’d built of his career, I’d felt pride. Wanted to feel it for myself.

  It’d seemed simple at the time.

  Now, my mind fixated on something else—the part where he’d said bring happiness into your life.

  A perfect picture formed in my mind.

  Me and Cam. On the back of his bike. In the sheets of his bed. In the pool in his yard. In the ocean at the beach.

  It didn’t matter where we were, it just mattered that he was there.

  The last time I’d felt really, truly happy had been when I was with Cam.

  Hell, before his big, charming presence made its debut into my life, I don’t think I’d known what happy even meant.

  If anything, I was mostly just going through the motions. Living each day with laser-sharp focus on being the best detective I could be, without allowing time for anything else.

  God, that’s a pretty sad fucking life.

  “Your family will always be more important than anything, Lana, and I hope, one day, you’ll find someone who makes you happy, someone you see a future with, and eventually, have a family of your own. And I hope when that day comes, you’ll understand that your job as a detective, while important, should never be the most important.

  “Because I can tell you with certainty, nothing will bring you greater joy in life than a love like your mother and I had.”

  “God, Dad,” I responded softly. “I don’t really know what to say to all of that.”

  “You don’t need to say anything, sweetheart. I just want you to think about it and let it sink in.”

  A comfortable silence stretched out between us, and with my father’s wisdom rolling around inside my brain, inside my heart, I couldn’t not think about Cam.

  I remembered his smile and his laugh and the way he made me feel.

  God, I miss him.

  I did. I missed Cam. I missed every-fucking-thing about him.

  Sadly, no amount of missing could change the way I’d treated him. The truth I’d withheld. The recklessness with which I’d dragged him along.

  He deserved better than what I’d given.

  He deserved my truth. He deserved the best.

  “What are you thinking about right now?” my dad asked, and I lifted my eyes back to his warm gaze.

  “I don’t know. Nothing. Everything.” Cam.

  “You know,” he said, a grin settling across his lips. “Steve and I had a nice long talk not too long ago. He came over here pretty worried about you and, maybe, told me a few things.”

  I raised my brows in suspicion. “What kind of things?”

  “I don’t know,” he said with a shrug. “A little of this, a little of that, but all in the name of being worried about you and trying to make sure you were okay.”

  “No need to beat around the bush, Dad.” An annoyed laugh left my lips. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me what you two gossiping hens chatted about? I can already tell you’re having a hell of a time holding it back.”

  He chuckled. “Am I that transparent?”

  That question urged a smile to my mouth. “Is the sky blue?”

  “Okay, you little smartass,” he responded and raised both hands on a laugh. But shortly after that, the smile left his lips as his words grew a little less playful and teasing. “He might have told me a little bit about your relationship dilemma.”

  “Well, I can assure you that’s no longer an issue, seeing as I’m no longer in a relationship.”

  “Lana, honey, I can tell something’s changed inside of you,” he said, and the concern in his voice made my heart ping with discomfort. “I can tell you’re floundering right now.”

  “Well, I have been outed to the public and forced to take a leave of absence, so…”

  He flashed a knowing look. “You and I both know that’s not what’s causing this. Sure, it’s adding to it, but it’s not the cause.”

  I didn’t have a response to that. At least, not one I liked the sound of.

  “Do you love him?” he asked, and instantly, my heart answered with a silent but resounding yes.

  Wait…what?

  My eyes went wide of their own accord. I loved Cam?

  The answer was easy.

  Yes, I loved him. Still loved him.

  “It doesn’t matter if I love him, Dad,” I responded. “It’s too late.”

  “It’s never too late,” he retorted with soft eyes and an even softer voice. “And trust me, life’s too short to live with regrets. If you love Cam, you need to tell him.”

  “Wait…” I narrowed my eyes. “How’d you know his name was Cam?”

  My dad just grinned.

  “Jesus,” I muttered. “Fucking Steve. Tell me, when’s he planning on auditioning for the reprisal of the Dan Humphrey role?”

  “I don’t know who the fuck Dan Humphrey is, but you deserve happiness, Lana,” my dad said. “And your happiness isn’t rooted in that badge. It’s in your heart.”

  Happiness. There was that word again.

  Cam.

  I wasn’t sure if I’d screwed things up beyond repair, but I knew he wasn’t a losing battle. We, us together, weren’t a lost cause.

  We were a battle worth fighting.

  It was my turn to show him I was ready to fight.

  Time sped up and slowed down at once, like an old VHS tape struggling to fast-forward and rewind at the same time.

  I’d been here before, walking to my front door at the sound of a car door and Lucky’s excitement, but I’d been other places since then.

  The bottom of heartache, the cold reality of truth, and the fruitless disappointing images of what could have been.

  I’d explored them all and ended up nowhere but on the sofa in my house, my dog in my lap, and the ever-reliable friend of old football film on my TV.

  I could see Lana through the glass window of the door as I approached it, as she climbed the stairs like a vision of my past and a forever stolen future.

  My heart beat inside my chest like a kick drum.

  It’d been nearly three weeks since that dreadful fucking day she’d ended things, and still, I was so damn affected by the sight of her.

  She was gorgeous, as always, but her clothing had an entirely different vibe.

  In boyfriend jeans and a plain white T-shirt, she was a simple girl with simple values. She was the girl I’d seen in her eyes that first night at the club, but even at that, she was a stranger.

  I paused briefly with my hand on the
knob, wondering what I would be opening myself up to at the swing of the door.

  More lies and defeat, or the truth I’d wanted all along?

  As it turned out, I was just curious enough to give in to the urge.

  She chewed at her lip as the barrier between us faded to air, and she stepped as close as she could without challenging my boundaries.

  It was ironic, really. I might have been the bigger body, the obvious muscle, the likely aggressor in the situation, but in reality, I was as I’d always been. Completely at her pint-sized mercy.

  I steeled my face and my heart, hoping that pathetic fact wasn’t quite so obvious to her.

  “Can I help you, Detective?”

  Her head jerked with hurt at the strike, and I told myself not to feel bad about it. She’d played a game with me, and the least she deserved was a little tough love from my end.

  I almost convinced myself.

  She recovered quickly with a swallow and a nod, and I was impressed with how steadily she held my eyes.

  Hers were fierce and blue and focused, and if I hadn’t been burned so much already, I might have been tempted to fall right in love with them all over again.

  Good thing I knew better.

  Good thing.

  “I guess it’s safe to say you saw all the media attention…” She paused, and her fingers nervously bounced at her sides.

  “Yeah,” I shrugged and slid my hands into my pockets. “It was kind of hard to miss it.” My words had a little more bite than I’d intended, and she frowned.

  “I’m sorry you had to find out that way.”

  “Me too.” I nodded. “So, is there an actual reason for this visit? Or…?”

  “I was in my car, and I don’t know…” She shrugged, and nerves shook her entire body. “It just kind of drove me here.”

  God, she looked so damn vulnerable, and I couldn’t do anything but stand there and look at her.

  My chest squeezed as she settled in, letting her arms hang to her sides and giving in to what was on her mind, what had brought her here.

  “Cam, I know how I treated you was wrong. I know I messed up something I might never get back. But the thing is, I really only know now.”