“But you’d be wrong, Perri.”
“I’m not so sure about that, Barrington.”
“Well, I’m sure enough for both of us.”
“So you say.”
“Just wish you’d give me the benefit of the doubt.”
“Why? So you can take pleasure in gaining the upper hand just to cause me more pain?” She shook her head. “It isn’t gonna happen, Barrington. So I suggest we change the direction of this conversation before we find ourselves sailing on some very shaky and bitter waters.”
“You can’t avoid this conversation forever. Sooner or later, you are gonna have to face it.”
“I opt for later.” By the look on his face she knew he was more than frustrated with her, but she didn't care because he pretty much used their daughter to gain entrance through the door, anyway. And since this was her house she refused to feel like a victim in it, no matter how much that pained look in his eyes pulled at the strings of her heart. She was going be strong and stand firm with him.
Barrington wished he could be that strong. “I’m sorry I rushed out on you like that,” he went on with his apology anyway.
Not bothering to pretend she didn’t know what he meant she half laughed and half grunted. “Rushed out?” she repeated not believing his skewed memory. “Is that what you’re calling it?”
“You knew my schedule was up in the air. You knew I was going back on tour and, you knew I had to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. I told you that much when you asked me.”
Perri scoffed. “Don’t you even try to use your stupid singing career as an excuse, Barrington; I’m warning you it won’t fly.”
“First of all, Perri, I take my singing very serious. Second of all, I’m not looking to use my career as an excuse.” He was tired of her constant accusations. “Look, Perri, I’m a grown-ass man. I don’t need to hide behind anything or anyone to do me.”
“Is that a fact?”
“It’s the truth, Perri, so help me God.”
“And the truth is only God can help you out of the mess of a situation you made, Barrington. So don’t be standing here in my face fully expecting me to just rewind my feelings and turn back the hands of time between us. The past is buried; let’s not dig it up now.”
“Is your love for me buried as well?”
Surprised by his quick retort, she only stared at him.
“Oh, no, don’t let the cat capture your tongue now. Are you truly over me, Perri?”
She'd heard enough. “The past is gone, Barrington, and so am I.”
“It’s like that, huh?”
“It’s exactly like that.”
“We’ll see about that.”
“No, you’ll see about that. It’ll just be confirmation for me. I already know where I stand on the subject.”
“You may think you have your mind made up.” He grinned sheepishly. “But I’m confident you’ll change it.”
“I believe that’s called cocky, Barrington and once again, you’re wrong about the outcome. When all is said and done you and I will still be through, done, and over.” She turned to walk away.
Grabbing her wrist, Barrington admitted, “I should have at least woke you up and gave you a proper goodbye. I wanted to. I really wanted to make love to you again, baby. But with it being your first time, and us already having gone a couple rounds, I knew you were gonna be sorer than crap the next day, especially since I overindulged on you anyway. You were resting so peacefully I didn't have the heart to wake you, so I didn’t. For that I apologize, Perri.” You have no idea how sorry I am.
Smiling inwardly, she wondered if he realized he said crap. Not willing to come undone in front of him, she simply said, “It doesn’t matter, it’s all water under the bridge now. It’s over with us, Barrington. You want to see Imani I won’t stop you. Long as we both respect the proper boundaries we’re good to go.”
“What boundaries?” Barrington asked thoroughly confused.
“We communicate about our daughter.” Perri swallowed a wave of desire. “Get this straight right now; I’m fine. I don’t need you. We are through. Beyond contacting me concerning Imani, you leave me alone, Barrington. Understood?”
There was a slight smile on his face as he challenged, “And if I don’t agree?”
She raised her head determined to show him she was in charge of her own mind and everything having to do with her life. “You don’t have another option, man. Agree to my terms; don’t agree to them. However, if you refuse to agree to my terms then Journey becomes the go-between for us.”
He scoffed, tossing her a hateful look. “I’m not going through Journey to see my own daughter, Perri. This is between me and you so let’s keep it that way.”
Without a flinch, she said, “Then you’ll respect the boundaries.” Freeing her wrist from his grasp, looking him in the eye, she said, “Goodbye and goodnight, G-Man.” She walked to the door, opened it, and stood back for him to exit.
Barrington was truly baffled by Perri’s take on their relationship and why it went sour all of a sudden, every bit to his surprise. And why was she acting like the innocent one? She wasn’t the victim, he was. She’d cut ties with him not the other way around, yet she sat right in front of him and twisted the whole situation around to be his fault with him looking like the villain. He wondered what was up with that.
A tender smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he recalled the powerful coupling between him and Perri the last time they made love. The impact of what they'd shared had been so explosive he could still feel the effects of it now. And as another part of his anatomy not so subtly reminded him, at this very moment, he still wanted Perri in his bed as well as his life. But she was so hell-bent on believing the worst in him. Why? It didn't make sense as he stood there mentally piecing the puzzle of their last night together—specifically the last hour of their time spent in each other's arms.
After sharing a very intense lovemaking session with Perri, when he'd finally come back down to earth, Barrington apologized to her.
She was half dazed. “What are you sorry for?” she'd asked him.
“I didn't mean to go this far into the water,” he said, still buried inside her.
“But neither one of us drowned.” She attempted humor to lift him back up.
It took him a moment to consider her response. He finally laughed.
Relieved, she joined him as they laughed until they were making out again.
“Just know this, Perri.”
“Yes?” Looking at him, she waited.
“I won't abandon you or anyone else that happens to be part of us.” He hoped she wasn't pregnant, but if she was . . . “I won't hurt you, sweet Perri.”
She smiled affectionately. “I believe you, baby.”
And the look she bestowed upon Barrington let him know she believed him with all her heart which in turn warmed his heart. He chuckled, thinking about her next comment, which totally threw him for a loop.
“Hey, what if I want you to hit me, Barrington?”
“Hit you?” he repeated, shocked by her words. What was she saying? Because it sounded to him like she might have a little FP in her. The pure male breed in him wanted to hoop, holler, and yell thinking he got himself a woman with freak potential.
“Yeah,” she said, raising her head, she looked into his eyes. “What if I want you to hurt me so good, I forget to scream your name?” She then winked at him.
Barrington realized then she was just messing with him. “Perri . . . girl . . . go to sleep,” was all he could get out; however, he spanked her butt and awarded her a big grin.
She laughed out loud. “Okay.”
“Three hours later, Barrington awoke to the sound of the ringtone on his cell phone. He quickly snatched it up before it woke up the beautiful woman nestled in his arms. “What?”
“Time to roll, Barrington,” Toby, his manager, informed him.
Barrington looked at the clock on his night stand. It’s thr
ee in the morning, the functioning part of his mind screamed. “Are you kidding me right now?”
“No, but we do have to go right now.”
He frowned, not caring that he was whining, “What’s the rush?”
“You've got a last minute guest spot appearance on Video Soul. Donnie Simpson is away on location and, since you're scheduled to be there day after tomorrow anyway, he thought it would be good exposure for you to fill in for him tomorrow night. And you know I'm inclined to agree.”
That information pulled Barrington fully awake. “Have you already talked to Crush? And everybody else, too?”
“Done deal; everyone's here at Charlotte Douglass Airport. All we waiting on is you. Crush contacted your pilot explaining the emergency. Take off time is in forty-five minutes, so hurry up and meet us here.”
“All right, man.” He paused, both excited and disappointed. “But you know what, Toby?” Barrington looked down at sweet Perri sleeping so soundly in his arms. He smiled at the slight smile she wore in her sleep. “You couldn't have picked a worse time.” He hung up the phone seriously thinking of waking Perri up to make love to her. She picked that moment to snuggle closer, resting her head on his bare chest and her soft, silky, curly brown hair tickled him as it lay spread across his stomach. Damn. He definitely didn't have the heart to wake her up now so he held her for ten more minutes, memorizing the feel of her in his arms; she fit so perfect he knew she was made for him to love. And he did love him some Perri.
Forty-five minutes later, Barrington sat staring out the window as his plane cleared for takeoff, carrying him thousands of miles away from the one woman he knew he'd love for the rest of his natural life. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as flashbacks of their heated and intense lovemaking filled every nook, cranny, and crevice of his mind. He felt the blood pooling in his lower region just thinking about it.
The smile was quickly replaced by concern for Perri, and contempt for himself. Remembering what he'd failed to do, again he cursed inwardly for his stupid mistake. After assuring Perri he didn't want to hurt her, Barrington may have gone and done just that. And though it wasn't intentional, he cursed himself anyway. He had to talk to Perri. But after giving herself to him completely each time they made love, he knew she was probably too spent to be awake yet.
He was definitely glad he didn't wake her up, deciding to write her a letter instead, with strict instructions for his housekeeper, Nia, to give it to her the moment she woke up. After writing the letter explaining to Perri why he wasn't there when she woke up, Barrington suddenly wished he could be there in person to apologize to her again for his mistake. At least if she then regretted him not pulling out, he could have eased her mind by reassuring her he'd never abandon her or any child they may have created together in their heated desire to devour each other like it was all right without making sure his glove was sealed tight before giving her good love the rest of the night.
He still couldn’t believe he’d been so caught up in the rapture with Perri that he got stupid and forgot to wear a condemn because he'd been so careful to suit up the first couple times. He knew he should have let her sleep. But no, he had to have more. He just couldn't get enough of her, and knowing he was her first and only, well . . . .
Barrington knew he had to talk to Perri. Soon!
Leaning his head back against the head rest, he closed his eyes, hoping Perri would forgive him for failing to protect her. He finally succumbed to fatigue and slumbered in deep sleep.
Bringing his thoughts back to the present, Barrington shook the fog from his brain still not able to piece together exactly what Perri thought he'd done so wrong she just up and ducked on him without any kind of explanation, reasonable or otherwise. His note explained in detail that he’d suddenly had to leave before dawn to do a guest spot appearance on Video Soul the following day. He left strict instructions with Nia to make sure Perri got it as soon as she was awake because he didn’t want her to be alarmed or upset about his absence and that he would call her as soon as he got a free moment. He’d put it all in black and white on paper for her to read. She had to know he would never run out on her without a good reason, and for sure, he wouldn’t let her think he’d used her like some meaningless groupie. They were a couple for crying out loud. She’d said every hurtful thing she could think to say, never once mentioning the letter he left behind. Why?
And in the following days, weeks, and eventually months that he’d tried to reach out to her she refused to pick up the phone and never bothered to answer even one of his numerous letters. Truth be told, he was the one who felt used by her. Not that being a man he’d ever admit that to her. Watching her wrap her arms about her body, Barrington studied her guarded profile for the longest time, knowing he wasn’t going to get any further with Perri tonight concerning the subject and decided to let it go for now. But in the not so distant future, he would pick their conversation—if that’s what you want to call it—back up where it left off. Perri could count on that much. And it would take place soon too, he reaffirmed to himself.
“Goodnight, Perri,” Barrington said through clenched teeth. He let his intense gaze roam over her body, fighting inwardly not to take her in his arms and make love to her right there in the open doorway.
His intense stare caused a major wave of desire to course through every inch of her body, resting the sweet spot between her legs that only he knew the secret to. Perri raised her head curiously. “Was there something else you wanted?”
Barrington smiled in spite of himself, knowing, feeling he’d caused her to come just as unnerved as she’d made him as far as human mating instincts went. “Just know, Perri, this is not the end of this conversation.”
“It is as far as I’m concerned.”
“We’ll see about that,” Barrington told her in a tone that let her know he meant business. Thinking of his sweet daughter, he said, “Tell Cupcake I’ll see her tomorrow and give her a big hug and kiss for me.” And he was gone.
Her accusing memory not giving his warning a second thought to marinate in her brain, Perri walked back in the living room and flipped on the TV. Picking up the empty food trays, she made her way to the kitchen. After tossing the mess in the garbage, she went to the cabinet and took out a glass, heading for the fridge. Halfway to the refrigerator, the glass slipped from her hand and shattered in a gazillion pieces around her feet; she ignored it and dashed back to the living room.
Mindlessly, she clutched her heart as she listened to Jan Jeffcoat reporting on the details of a robbery that had taken place at Captain D’s just over two hours ago. She swallowed back the fear along with bile that rose to her throat just thinking about the fact that Barrington would have been holed up in that place at the exact time the robbery took place. She remembered the sudden cold chill she got right before she suggested that Barrington come here so they could order in instead. Bringing a shaky hand to her mouth, she sent up a prayer of thanks that he had taken her up on her suggestion.
At that moment, she realized something that she had all but been willing to admit; she still cared deeply about Barrington’s well-being. More than cared; she was still in love with her first and only love. She wanted so badly to pick up the phone and call him and had to fight like the dickens not to do just that. She startled at the sound of the ringing phone, but she quickly snatched it up, somehow knowing exactly who was on the other end.
“Barrington . . .” the tears slipped past her eyelids.
“Yeah, how’d you know it was me?”
“I felt it,” she admitted, “and you were on my mind and . . .” A sob escaped her throat.
“Perri, are you crying? What’s wrong, baby?” he prepared to make a U-turn at the intersection and head back to her place quick, fast and in a hurry. “Perri?” he called her name again when she didn’t answer him. His heart slipped into overdrive when he heard her sniffling. “Baby, please?”
“I’m here,” she whispered on a sob.
“Wh
at happened?” He glanced at the clock on his console. “I haven’t been gone but a good ten minutes.” Barrington prayed it wasn’t something wrong with his daughter. “Where’s Imani, Perri?” He didn’t bother to wait for the oncoming car that was two feet away before he turned out ahead of it. He completely ignored the horn that beeped at him.
“Barrington . . .” was all she could say.
“Hold tight, baby, I’m on my way back now. Don’t open the door for anyone until I get there. You hear me, Perri?” Why wasn’t she answering him? He imagined all kind of horrible things that could have happened after he left her. When she didn’t respond soon enough for his liking, he felt tears stinging the back of his eyes as he pressed the gas pedal, determined to get back to her house as quick as possible. “Perri,” he repeated her name a second time.
“Um-hmm.” She sniffed.
“Hang tight for me, sweet Perri. I’m almost there; just two lights away.” Barrington’s heart was racing in his chest. “I’m coming, baby, I need you to wait for me, okay?”
Jumping out of his truck, he sprinted up her walkway.
“I’m here, Perri. Let me in, baby—”
Flinging the door open, she threw herself in his arms, knocking his cell phone to the ground, but she didn’t care. Barrington was there with her and she could see for herself that he was fine, and that’s all that she cared about at the moment.
Closing his eyes, Barrington wrapped his arms around her tight. He didn’t know what was going on with her but he knew he needed to be right there with her, in his mind nothing else mattered except his two favorite girls. “Is Imani sick?” He wanted to see her face, but refused to release her from his embrace. It was too soon. He needed to hold her; needed to feel her heart beat against his chest; needed her to feel his heart against her chest. He just needed his Perri.
Perri could only shake my head, no.
“Are you sick? You got another migraine?
Again, she shook her head, no.
Relieved, Barrington sighed and pulled her closer. “Perri, I’m running on empty here. Help me out. Tell me what happened when I left?” He made soothing circles over her back.
If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) Page 16
