If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1)

by Johnson, C. A.

  Perri was actually flattered, but said, “Should I, Barrington?”

  “You should, Perri.”

  “Why?”

  “It's the truth. Why would I lie about it? That would be plum stupid on my part, considering no one I knew was able to get word to you for me, and vice versa about your whereabouts. And I didn't know how you'd respond if I did find you.”

  “Why'd you wanna find me?”

  “You know why, Perri.”

  “Because you're controlling and used to having your way on all things,” she said.

  Barrington laughed out loud saying, “Nope.”

  “You’re sure about that?”

  He chuckled before saying, “Because I realized when I was already in the air that it truly was a real possibility that you may end up pregnant since we hadn’t used a condom our last time together, resulting in me failing to protect you the way I promised I would. I didn’t want you to face the possibility of motherhood alone.”

  Hearing him admit his knowledge that she could have been pregnant only managed to infuriate Perri. “So, you weren't as surprised as you feigned that day at the mall?”

  He knew he shouldn’t be surprised the way her mind processed newfound information, jumping to her own conclusions, wrong as they may be. Waiting for the stop light to turn green, he stared at her, and waited, wondering where she was going with that line of questioning; at the same time, knowing where she was going, and Barrington met up with her on the path of first-hand revelations. “I was, too, surprised, Perri.” He shook his head. “Now, that's a strong-willed man for you. I was so determined and sure we were gonna come full circle again, so I went ahead and strategically positioned myself for when the right time finally arrived, knowing it would hit me like a bull’s-eye. And where better to settle down and be close to you than right here in Charlotte?”

  “Oh,” she said, sorry her curious mind had thought to even ask.

  “What's wrong, baby?” He felt her uneasiness.

  “Nothing,” she lied. “Just nervous about meeting your parents, that's all.”

  Barrington knew that was not all, but let it go for the moment. Pulling into his parents' driveway, he cut the engine and turned to Perri, announcing, “Here we are.”

  Perri took in the lovely view. “This is definitely a mansion,” she stared at the huge house planted on at least twenty four acres of land. “It's beautiful.”

  “The folks love it, that's all that matters.” He got out, strolling to her side, and opened the door. Extending his hand, he said, “Shall we?”

  She blinked and stared at his hand but made no move to take it. “I don't know about this.”

  Sighing, he gently took hold of her hand, guiding her from the car. “It'll be fine, baby.”

  “How do you know?” She looked up at him for answers.

  Bending to kiss the tip of her nose, Barrington simply said, “Trust me, baby.”

  “I want to.” Perri looked up at the huge house, then back at him. “Do you promise not to leave me alone the entire time we're here?”

  Instead of laughing like he wanted to, Barrington agreed, “I do.”

  “Say it, Barrington.”

  He did laugh this time, then parroted, “I promise, Perri, I won't leave you alone, baby.”

  Before he could insert his key, Linda opened the door. “Hey, baby.” She hugged him tight. “She's beautiful,” she whispered in his ear.

  Barrington smiled, gently ushering Perri forward. “This is Perri Milan, Ma.” My future wife, he mouthed standing behind Perri.

  “Hello, Mrs. Knight.” Perri extended her right hand, forcing herself not to squirm when she felt Barrington’s familiar hand encircle her waist.

  “Will you let the girl breathe, boy,” Linda scolded her son. Then she surprised Perri with a hug. “Please call me Linda.”

  “Okay,” Perri awkwardly returned her hug.

  “Barrington, Linda, let the lady inside,” Bobby was now standing at the door.

  “Welcome to our home, pretty lady.” He also hugged her. “I'm Bobby.”

  “Thank you, Bobby.” Perri smiled, truly feeling welcomed.

  “Hello, Perri,” Crush greeted when they entered the formal living room.

  “Hi, Crush. Long time no see.”

  Crush hugged her and said, “It's good to see you, baby girl.”

  Relived he wasn't mad at her, Perri smiled. “Good seeing you also.”

  He grinned. “So, what's your girl up to tonight?”

  Perri laughed, hearing the excitement in his tone; he still had it bad for her best friend and that pleased her. “Journey's babysitting Imani for me.”

  He nodded. “Tell her I asked about her.”

  “Will do,” she promised.

  Linda gave her three men a get out of here look, but each pretended not to see it.

  Finally, Linda just said, “Will you all please excuse us? Perri and I need to talk.”

  Perri immediately tensed up and automatically looked at Barrington for help.

  Just as Barrington was about to come to Perri's aid, Bobby, who'd also caught the look said, “Baby, aren't we gonna eat now?”

  “Dinner won't be for another hour,” Linda informed them. “All of you are at home, so you can find something to do in it until dinner is served.”

  “Come on, Daddy, B, the game just got started,” Crush said, heading out. Bobby slid a glance at Perri as if to say ‘sorry, but it'll be okay’ just before following his youngest son.

  Barrington, however, remained glued to his spot.

  Linda glared at her son. “You can leave anytime, boy.”

  “Ma, I'd rather stay.”

  She tilted her head. “And when did I ask what you wanted?”

  Perri couldn't help it, she burst into laughter. No wonder Barrington could put up with her smart mouth. His mother had one, too.

  Trying not to laugh, Barrington admitted, “You didn't, ma'am.”

  “That's right, I didn't. Which means what, Barrington?”

  He did laugh then. “Ma, I can't leave,” he insisted.

  “I don't see no chains holding you down.”

  Perri laughed out loud and assured him, “It’s all right, Barrington.” She chuckled and looked at his mother. “I'm gonna be just fine.” And looking at Linda she knew it to be true.

  Barrington smiled, visibly relieved. He winked at Perri then said, “I'm out.”

  When he closed the door behind him, Linda returned her attention to Perri. “Honey, were you scared to be alone with me?”

  “A little,” Perri admitted, and felt bad when her face looked crestfallen.

  “Honey, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable because you're very welcome in our home, Perri. That goes for our grandbaby, too.”

  “Please don't apologize, Linda. You didn't do anything wrong. I was nervous from the moment Barrington informed me we were having dinner with you.”

  “Informed you?” She looked at Perri sympathetically. “Can I take that to mean my more than eager son didn't okay this meeting with you beforehand?”

  Linda didn't look too happy with her oldest son and Perri didn't know why, but felt the need to defend him, “Your son knows me well; he knew I'd say no if he'd asked me first.”

  “And it doesn't bother you that he accepted on your behalf?”

  “No. Well, it did at first. But now that I'm here,” Perri shrugged, “I'm glad.”

  Linda showed a beautiful white smile. “I'm glad you're here, too, honey.” She crossed her legs. “However, I must admit, I wasn't too happy with you in the beginning.”

  Perri nodded but wisely remained quiet.

  “Don't get me wrong, Perri. It wasn't you personally since I didn't know you. It was the way you went about handling the situation with Imani,” Linda said candidly. “As a mother, I could never condone you keeping her a secret. As Barrington's mother, I could never pretend to understand why you wouldn't want him to know he had a daughter.” Linda smiled
at her. “I hope you can understand why I would feel that way toward you when we were first told about you.”

  Perri nodded. “I understand, Linda. I am sorry for not telling Barrington.”

  Linda smiled. “Apology accepted. Now the worst is behind us.” She extended her right hand. “I really want us to be friends, Perri; not for Imani or Barrington, but because I got a good feeling about you and I truly do like you.”

  Perri smiled and accepted her proffered hand. “I'd like that, too, Linda.”

  “Great.” Unable to wait another minute, Linda asked, “When do I meet my grandbaby?”

  Perri laughed. “I'll make sure it happens real soon,” she promised.

  ***

  “Barrington, will you come away from that door,” Bobby chided his doting son.

  Barrington, who'd had his ear pressed to the door, trying to hear what his mother and Perri were discussing, finally joined his father and brother in front of the TV. “Couldn't hear anything anyway,” he complained.

  They laughed at him.

  “Ma is crucial, B,” Crush stated honestly, “but she won't intentionally hurt Perri.”

  “Thanks, Crush, but I'll wait for the verdict to come in on that one.”

  Bobby laughed out loud. “Crush is right, Barrington. Your mother is harmless. Trust me, I been married to that dear woman for thirty-two years, her bark is worse than her bite. You have nothing to worry about. Linda likes Perri. We all do.”

  “I'm not worried about the two of you, Daddy.” Thinking, he paused then said, “Ma, on the other hand, could mess this up for me without even trying to.”

  “Give her some credit, son. She knows you love Perri. And she's okay with that. As I said before, she likes Perri.”

  “How can you be so sure, Daddy?” he asked because he was not comfortable leaving his woman alone with his mother.

  “I know my wife like you know your Perri.”

  Barrington grinned wolfishly. “Enough said, Daddy. Thank you.”

  “Not a problem. By the way, son, she is one stunning woman.”

  “Yeah, she is.”

  “Do you think she'll let us meet Imani soon?”

  “I'll make sure it happens soon, Daddy.”

  Tossing the phone in his direction, Crush commanded, “Call Journey.”

  Barrington wrinkled his nose. “Why?”

  “Tell her you're coming after Imani. Invite her to have dinner with us.”

  Exchanging curious looks with his father after a long stretch of quietness, Barrington said, “You not slick, man. I know what you're doing, Crush. Don't use my daughter to get to Journey.”

  “Imani is my niece, man. I'm not using her; I really want to meet her. As for Journey,” Crush shrugged, nonchalantly saying, “I don't need you to get to her.”

  “So,” Barrington accused, “you are trying to score points with her.”

  “No, B, I'm not. Perri said Journey was babysitting Imani. It would be rude not to invite her to come along. That's all.”

  Bobby gave his youngest son a cautious look, but Barrington also noticed the amber of hope glinted in his eyes. There was no way he could not try to make the meeting happen tonight. Though he knew Perri might not agree, he heard himself say, “Okay,” and dialed Journey's number.

  ***

  Exactly an hour later, Linda and Perri emerged from the living room. “Let's eat, boys,” Linda announced, holding Perri's hand as they joined them in the family room. “Where's Crush?”

  “Right here,” Crush announced, as he along with Journey and Imani entered.

  “Hey, Journey.” Perri was surprised to see her and Imani, but glad just the same.

  “Hey, Perri,” Journey greeted nervously, not knowing what to expect next..

  She smiled and walked toward her, easing a curious eyed Imani from her arms. Perri kissed her cheek, cradling her to her chest feeling of all things, her breast engorged, and knew she had to let down soon, or risk soaking her blouse. “How's mommy's baby girl?” Imani grinned and Perri's heart melted. “Thank you,” she mouthed to Journey, who gave her a relieved smile.

  When Perri turned to introduce Imani to her new family, her heart broke, seeing tears in both Linda and Bobby's eyes. She looked at Barrington, who immediately joined her side, placing his arm around her trembling shoulders. “Bobby, Linda, meet your granddaughter, Imani.”

  Linda covered her mouth with both hands, tears falling from her eyes. Bobby placed a protective arm around her, giving her an affectionate squeeze, tears falling from his eyes.

  Perri gazed up at Barrington and at his nod, moved toward his parents. “Would you like to hold her?” she offered.

  Linda could only nod.

  Perri gently placed Imani in her eager arms and crossed back to where Barrington stood. He hugged her from behind as they watched the Hallmark moment between grandparents and granddaughter. Perri glanced at Journey and Crush, who both had tears in their eyes as well. And Crush's arm was intimately encircled around Journey's waist. If it hadn't been such a touching moment she would have commented. Instead, she leaned back against Barrington, reveling in his male strength. He lowered his head, resting between her neck and shoulder blade. Perri felt the moisture on his cheek and knew he was crying, which only caused more tears to spring from her eyes.

  Happiness was all in that room.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “So how long you gonna make that boy beg, Sugarplum?” Mattie inquired after hearing all about Barrington’s reappearance into her granddaughter’s life.

  “I’m not making him do anything. He can stop making a fool of himself any time he wants.”

  “Well, now, that’s a strong accusation and I don’t know if Barrington could be coined a fool for what he’s trying to go about doing. And what he wants is to marry you, be a father to his child, right?”

  “That’s what he said. God only knows with him; I for one don’t trust a word that comes out of his mouth. And I told him so.”

  “I’m sure you did. What I don’t know, Sugarplum, is why you won’t give him the benefit of the doubt.”

  “For what, Madear?” she said, annoyed. “All he’ll do is take advantage of the situation.”

  “Has he ever hit you?”

  “No, Barrington’s never raised a hand to me. I didn’t say he was crazy.”

  “He ever cheated on you in the past?”

  Perri opened her mouth to speak.

  Mattie raised her hand, shushing her granddaughter. “I’m not talking about the love affair he has going on with his music because you knew his chosen career when you met him so that’s neither here nor there at the moment.”

  “If you say so, but I don’t agree.”

  Ignoring her comment, Mattie asked, “Has he ever mistreated you?”

  “Well, he walked out on me, didn’t he?” she said matter of fact. “But according to you that’s not important either, huh?”

  “Wait a minute now, Sugarplum, there’s two sides to every story. And then there’s the truth, which is absolute. I’ve heard your side, but I’ve yet to hear what Barrington has to say. However, I’m more than sure it won’t be the same version as yours.”

  Perri huffed, “And that surprises you?”

  “To be honest, yes it does.”

  “I don’t know why.”

  “He asked you to marry him to give Imani a complete family.”

  “Like I said he can’t be trusted. He just wants the upper hand that’s all that is.”

  Mattie grunted, “Don’t act like you not enjoying his attention. I was young once so I know better. He’s putting on a mighty fine show, too, I might add.”

  “That’s his problem. I made it clear where I stand and he knows it’s not with him.”

  “Which I do not understand; that’s a mighty fine man, girl. And I don’t mean just his looks.”

  “So what? What are you saying?”

  “Mmm . . . mmm, granddaughter of mine, tell it to your head ‘cause your h
eart isn’t listening.”

  Perri immediately denied her grandmother’s accusation, “My heart doesn’t feel anything even remotely close to warm for him. Barrington doused that fire a long time ago.”

  “Honey child, please,” Mattie shook her head. “As long as there’s a spark, the flames can still be rekindled. You need to be honest and ask yourself if you willing to let Barrington light your fire again.”

  “Madear, please,” Perri complained. “Will you let me handle this?”

  Mattie snorted. “I would be glad to, Perri, if you were actually doing something to remedy the sticky situation that, by the way, you of your own free will placed yourself into by not telling him the truth from the start, and that’s precisely why Imani looks exactly like her daddy. Your sins will find you out because liars always get caught. It would have been one thing, Sugarplum, if you’d up and moved to another state, but you stayed right here in your home town and had the nerve to think your dirty secret would stay buried and Barrington wouldn’t find out about your deliberate deception.

  “Now, a sane person could look at that and say deep down you wanted him to find out even if you too stubborn to admit it. But here you sit still judging him for going on with his life, pursuing his career when, by not accepting his phone calls, refusing to open his letters, not listening to any message he'd tried to get word to you through Journey, you made it clear you didn’t want to be a part of his world. I don’t know what you were expecting, Sugarplum. Everybody needs a dream mate; a partner willing to support, nurture and help achieve dreams pursued. To do that you got to wise up where Imani’s daddy is concerned. Stop making him walk a tightrope, punishing him for past sins. Remember, Sugarplum, mistakes are made to be forgiven, but you must be willing.”

  “Madear, you haven’t even met Barrington. Why are you taking his side against me?”

  “He wants to take responsibility for his daughter, but you won’t let him. How’s him stepping up to the plate hurting you? The fact of the matter is it isn’t. So your pride is bruised because he wants to come through for the both of you. Seems to me, as the father of your child, you’d want him to be that kind of man. God knows the worlds full of single mothers who wish deadbeat fathers would take half the interest in their children as Barrington’s taken in Imani.”