If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1)

by Johnson, C. A.

  “Was it the same dream?” he asked, knowing it was.

  Perri nodded. “It was so awful, Barrington.” She dissolved into tears again. When able to speak audibly again, she said, “Imani needs me; she needs me now and I can't get to her because I don't know where she is.” She shook her head. “I don't know where my child is,” she said to no one in particular. She snuggled closer to her husband's chest and cried some more.

  “Baby, tell me again what you see in this dream.”

  She shrugged. “I don't know how else to explain it to you, Barrington. All I know is I'm in what appears to be a museum or something. I mean, it's not exactly like a museum; it's more like a maze of some sorts. And I'm going around and around in circles, searching for Imani, following the sound of her voice as she's calling out, 'Mommy', only I know she can't talk. So really, none of it makes sense. But it's driving me insane that I can't figure out the right door to enter into and it's like I hear wicked laughter taunting and jeering at me every time I get it wrong.” Perri involuntarily shuddered, just thinking about it.

  “We're going to find her, Perri.”

  She nodded.

  “I promise, baby, we're going to find our daughter, because you're right. She does need you; she always will.”

  Perri nodded, holding back the fears that always caused more tears. She winced, feeling a stabbing pain in her breasts.

  “What is it, baby?”

  Jumping from the bed, she announced, “I'll be back,” and quickly headed for the bathroom.

  Fifteen minutes later, Perri still hadn't returned to their bed and Barrington got worried, going to see what the holdup was. He lightly knocked on the bathroom door, stood back and waited. When Perri didn't answer; placing both palms on the door frame pressing an ear to it, he called out to her. When she still hadn't said a word, Barrington slowly opened the door and poked his head inside. His heart froze on the spot. Perri was doubled over rocking back and forth like she was in pain. It only took two long strides for him to reach his wife and he knelt down in front of her.

  “Perri, what is it, baby? Are you in pain?”

  She sobbed in reply.

  Barrington lightly rubbed her back. “Is it your stomach?”

  She shook her head.

  “You got a migraine?”

  She sniffled and shook her head.

  Carefully lifting her head to meet his gaze, he went to speak but stopped when he saw how contorted her face was from pure pain. “What's hurting you, Perri?” he asked softly.

  “My breasts,” she said on a sob. “They're engorged and it hurts so badly. I need Imani, Barrington. I need to feed her; s-she needs t-to eat. And I need t-to let d-down.” She heaved and sobbed.

  “Do you want me to get you the breast pump?”

  “No.” She shook her head. “I only want my baby girl to nurse like it’s supposed to be.”

  Barrington pulled her close to his chest but not so tight that her sensitive breasts would pain her more. “Let me help you, Perri.”

  “You can't,” she wailed, and started coughing from the ongoing sobs.

  Barrington patted her back. “You need to calm down, baby. This is not helping you or Imani.” He must have seen the confusion in her eyes because he said, “If you get sick you can't take care of her when we bring her home.”

  “But it hurts so badly, Barrington. God . . . it hurts . . . so bad.”

  “Hold on, baby.” He rose, went to the sink after grabbing a hand towel, and soaked it in hot water. Kneeling before his wife, Barrington applied the towel to her breasts. He wanted to kick himself when she winced in pain. “Feel better?”

  “No. If anything it hurts more,” Perri managed to say without sobbing.

  Barrington thought for a moment. Only one thing came to mind, but he knew Perri would have a hissy fit. He heard her cry out in pain again, hugging her chest harder and it didn't even matter anymore if she got mad. He was going to do what he felt needed to be done because he could not take seeing his wife in so much pain and him not be able to help her.

  Focused on nothing but the stabbing pain in her breasts, Perri didn't realize Barrington had removed her arms from her chest. But she sure did know it when she felt his mouth on her right breast. Shocked, she shouted, “What are you doing?”

  “Helping you,” he answered.

  Perri watched in horror as his mouth enveloped her nipple again. “That's Imani's milk,” she snapped, and wanted to push his head away, but she couldn't.

  Her comment gave Barrington pause. He looked up at her for several seconds, then said, “Do you want relief or not?”

  “Yes. But—”

  “Then shut up and let me help you,” he ordered, immediately going back to the task of helping her the only way he knew how. It surprised the hell out of him that Perri actually didn't say another word as he continued to suckle the sweet milk from her right breast, and then from its twin left breast. He figured she was probably contemplating how many different ways she was going to make him suffer later. He didn't care; he just wanted her well. Satisfied his job was done, Barrington gazed up at his wife, witnessing a sparkle in her chocolate brown eyes. He was about to ask about it, but heard her speak.

  “Don't stop.”

  Watching her eyes glaze over with a lovemaking calling card, he asked, “You sure?”

  At the same time she nodded, she said, “I want you, Barry. Now.”

  Though he was already half aroused, he became fully hard hearing her words. Sure the steamy look in his eyes matched the glazed one in hers, but still allowing her ample time to change her mind, Barrington waited for Perri to make the first move. But when she impatiently pulled his head back to her right breast, he laved the tip, her cries fueling him more. He repeatedly suckled the hard peak with the heat of his tongue, no intention of stopping, even when she begged him for mercy. Instead, Barrington regarded her other breast with the same time, attention, nurture and love as he had its plump twin. It was only when she shouted his name around an orgasm that he stopped, watching her as she gave herself over to her release. He loved her more than he thought, as he eased her on the floor and made slow, sensual love to his wife until she cried out his name, and he hers when they simultaneously reached the state of blissful orgasm.

  When Perri finally recovered, he asked, “You okay, baby?” He chuckled.

  Perri smiled like the satisfied woman she was. “I'm happy,” she laughed. “You made me a very happy wife, baby boy.”

  “Bet you not as much as my happy meal made me.” He gently cupped her breasts. “It was nice babysitting my twins for a little while.” He lightly squeezed her nipples. “And it was nice as hell nursing them again.” He kissed each one.

  “Thank you.” Perri smiled up at her husband.

  “For what, baby girl?” He was going to make her say it.

  Perri wasn't going to put up a fight if that's what he expected, “For helping me.” Reaching out her right hand, she lightly kneaded the back of her hand against his soft cheek. “My breasts don't hurt anymore.” She shrugged. “Thank you.”

  Barrington smiled affectionately at her. “You're very welcome, sweet Perri. Hold tight, baby.” He rose, got another hand towel soaking it with warm water and knelt to clean the sticky evidence of their lovemaking from Perri's inner thighs, lastly gently wiping her still wet core. Helping her to a sitting position, he kissed her forehead, noticing the creases and asked, “What are you thinking?”

  “I wonder what Imani's eating. I don't want her on that nasty formula.”

  The comment gave them both pause and made them think.

  “Nia will make sure Imani eats. She knows what it's like to grow up hungry. I'm not taking up for her,” he said, feeling Perri tense up. “She'll feed her well, baby.”

  “She doesn't know what kind of formula to give her,” Perri snapped. “They're dozens of brands, Barrington. How's she supposed to choose the right one? I don't even know what kind she'd need since she's never had to b
e on it. And if that's not bad enough, unfortunately, there are some markets and stores that keep and sell outdated baby formula and medicines. Now that's just abuse.” Perri waved her right hand. “Before you try to dispute it, I have seen it on the shelves for myself. So what if Nia gets a hold of one of those? She doesn't have any kids; she may not even know she's supposed to look at the dates. She could unintentionally give or feed our daughter something that's very harmful. What then, huh? She kidnapped our child. Is she gonna have enough sense to put herself aside and get our baby medical attention before it's too late?” Perri paused, her chocolate brown eyes held a fiery contempt. “So, no, Barrington, I'm not gonna stock my trust in a woman who's completely certifiable, okay.”

  Having listened to all her arguments, though justifiable, at this point they were still unwarranted and Barrington knew Perri wouldn't like what he had to say, but told her the truth anyway. “The important thing is that she eats, baby.

  She was quiet for a long time, thinking, as her eyes filled with tears. “I know,” she whispered, closing her eyes to ward off the pain.

  They were silent for several more minutes.

  Then Perri said, “I just keep thinking about those billboards. You know the ones that say '1 in 5 kids are exploited online'?”

  “Don't, Perri.” He pressed an index finger to her lips. “Nia's sanity is in question, but she's not a pervert.”

  Perri kissed his finger and that caused his own emotions to erupt.

  “I could kill her for what she did to us, baby.”

  Knowing the feeling, Perri agreed, “Me too. But it won't help us get our baby back, will it?”

  “We are gonna get Imani back though,” he assured her.

  “Chief Morris said the first twenty four hours a child goes missing are the most critical.” She studied his eyes for reassuring answers—answers she knew he couldn't provide simply because there were no guarantees. “I don't feel like she's dead, Barrington.”

  “Because she's not, baby, and, please don't say that again.” Barrington didn't believe in striking any woman, but if Nia hurt his little girl in any way . . . .

  “You're right. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that.”

  “Don't you apologize, sweet Perri; just keep the faith. We both have to.”

  She nodded, tears welling up in her eyes and once more the ache of missing her daughter set in. Perri thought it funny how life goes around. All the wasted time she spent lashing out at Barrington, thinking he was going to be the one to take her daughter away from her, when all the time, it was that crazy Nia who dared to do something so cruel.

  “This is my fault.” Perri burst into tears.

  Hugging her, Barrington said, “No, baby. It's not. You couldn't have seen this coming; none of us could. If anything, I should've just trusted your instincts about Nia and this wouldn't be happing. Don't you dare place blame on yourself because Lord knows there's enough to go around.”

  Perri pulled back, pushing at his chest. “That's just it. Don't you see? I'm reaping what I sowed. What goes around comes around. I hurt you by keeping the truth about Imani from you. Now I'm hurting because of the evil deed I done and again, you're suffering because of me. I'm sorry, Barrington. I mistreated you, and I'm so sorry.”

  “Stop it.” Barrington embraced her waist and kissed her forehead. “I said it's not your fault, and it's not.”

  Perri pushed at his chest again.

  Barrington’s hold became firmer. “And don't even think about shutting me out because it's not gonna work. Forget the past; sweet Perri, I already have. Baby, what we've got to do from this point on is focus our energy on bringing our little girl home.”

  “I know and you're right. Imani is our main concern. We have to be ready when she comes home.” Hot tears coursed down her cheeks. God, please protect Imani; let Nia be good to her. Perri laid her head between her husband's neck and shoulder blade, inhaling his manly scent in an effort to draw strength from her strong G-Man.

  Feeling the same pain, with burning tears that matched hers, Barrington hugged his wife and whispered in her ear how much he loved her over and over again until, resting her head against his chest, she fell asleep. Having drawn much needed strength from Perri, Barrington carried her to the bedroom, tucked her in bed, climbed in beside her, held her to his chest and silently sent up a prayer of thanks for God's endless grace and mercy, ending it by thanking Jesus for Imani's safe and speedy return.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  “Tina? What are you doing here?”

  Glancing around the neighborhood, Tina said, “May I please come in?”

  “Sure.” Perri stepped back allowing her entrance. Once inside the living room, she repeated, “What are you doing here? I thought you were gonna hold down the fort for me?”

  Tina nodded. “I will. I am.” She took a deep breath. “Is your husband here?”

  “I'm right here, Tina.” Barrington joined them, not liking the vibe he picked up.

  Perri didn't have a good feeling. “What is it, Tina?”

  The tears Tina had been trying to hold back gushed forward. Perri went to hug her, which only made Tina cry more.

  “Barrington, get her some water please,” Perri instructed like a concerned mother.

  “No, no.” Tina shook her head. “It's okay.” She sniffled. “I just need to tell you guys something and, you're not gonna like me very much once you hear what I have to say.” She took a deep breath and plunged into the whole saga of Nia and the twisted plan she'd plotted against Barrington and Perri from the start.

  “Why the hell didn't you tell us this before?” Barrington demanded.

  Perri shook her head at him. He knew it meant to calm down, so he rolled his eyes going to the patio to stare out at nothing in particular. She wanted to go to him, knowing her husband needed comfort, but she had to get answers first.

  Still stunned by Tina's revelation, she turned to her. “How long have you known this?”

  “Since the day before Nia kidnapped your baby.” Tina blinked back tears. “I tried to tell you, Perri. You remember at the office the same night, I was going to tell you about Nia's plan. I swear I was.” She looked at Barrington and then Perri.

  Disgusted, Barrington arrested her with a hard stare.

  Perri thought back to the night in question. She remembered Tina saying she needed to talk to her. She also remembered telling her it would have to wait until tomorrow because she just wanted to go home to her family, purposely leaving off the part about her husband waiting for her so they could make love into the early dawn.

  “You have no idea how much I wish I'd listened.”

  Tina shook her head. “Perri, this is not your fault.”

  “You got that right!” Barrington shot at her.

  Going to stand in front of her husband, Perri encircled his waist. “Please calm down and let her talk, baby.”

  Barrington nodded but still wore the scowl as he stared at Tina. Now he really wished he hadn't talked Perri into hiring her.

  Turning back to face her assistant, Perri asked, “Would you be willing to tell the police everything you told us? Please?”

  “Of course she's gonna tell them,” Barrington barked. “Aren't you, Tina?”

  Intimidated, Tina blinked several times before saying, “Yes, of course I will.”

  “Thank you, Tina. I know this wasn't easy for you to come here today. I respect the fact that you found the courage to do so. I don't hold you accountable for Nia's actions, not when I know for myself the woman is completely certifiable.” Perri squeezed Barrington's hands as they rested upon her belly. “We both thank you, Tina. Don't we, Barrington?”

  He only nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

  ***

  “This is the craziest thing I have ever heard in my life,” Hunter was saying. She looked at Usher who nodded in agreement, taking her hands inside his own to comfort his wife.

  Both families and friends had gathered at Barrington's ma
nsion to receive the updated news at one time.

  “Tell me about it,” Tyler said, still dazed from the horror story. Kane kneaded her arms up and down as a gesture of comfort, and she rested her head against his strong chest as tears rolled down her face.

  Journey was silently crying as Crush held her in his arms, fighting back emotion of his own.

  Mattie hugged Tina as she silently wept on her shoulder.

  Bobby was holding Linda as she cried in his arms.

  Barrington held Perri, rocking her as she sat between his legs. They were each all cried out for themselves. But seeing the pain their loved ones were in caused them both to cry for them. Mostly, though, they cried for their baby girl.

  No one knew what to say. How could anyone wrap their brain around such crazy madness? All of them inwardly prayed Imani was safe and would be coming home very soon.

  “And you say she had your sperm stored at the bank?”

  Perri couldn't help it, she burst into laughter. Everyone looked at her like she was crazy. “Madear, it's a sperm bank.”

  Mattie looked at her granddaughter with questioning eyes. She explained to her grandmother exactly what that meant.

  “Oh.” Mattie chuckled. “Well, that's a relief. I guess. In a way; sort of way,” Mattie said, shaking her head in disgust. “I suppose in a way that's akin to chopping off a man's testicles and keeping them in a jar on top of your fireplace mantle, which depending on how you look at it, is just as bad as what I thought.”

  “What were you thinking, Madear?”

  “Honestly, Sugarplum, you don't wanna know.”

  “Yeah I do, Madear. Tell me. What did you think sperm bank meant?”

  Mattie chuckled. “I thought the poor child had done gone to her bank, bought a safety deposit box and hid the sperm inside.”