If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1)

by Johnson, C. A.

  Taking the pen in hand, Barrington snatched the papers from the center of the table. “Damn it,” he swore and quickly scribbled his signature, knowing it was a lie, because he didn't agree that they were rightfully separated.

  With tears in her eyes, Perri whispered a heartfelt, “Thank you, G-Man.” Accepting the pen from her attorney, she signed her name, pushing the papers to the center of the table.

  “Perri, I—”

  “Not now, Barrington. Please, not now.” Perri turned to her attorney. “Would you mind walking out with me?” Feeling Barrington hard stare on her, she avoided eye contact with him altogether.

  Raging jealousy coursed through Barrington's veins, the thought of another man taking his place sickened his stomach. Not because he thought no other man would desire his wife; they would without a doubt. It was because it hurt too much to think that Perri might desire a man other than him; after all, he had been her first in every way, memories he'd shared with her, no one else could replace. In Barrington's mind, she would always be his sweet Perri, and damned if he was about to share that space with any other man on the face of the earth, living, breathing, or otherwise. Watching his wife leave with her attorney, taking his unborn son right along with them made him furious. Barrington couldn't help wondering who else, what other man would come along and at least try taking care of what he considered his home, and what was most definitely his family.

  ***

  “Come on, boss lady, you've been looking at those same galleys for the last half hour. You can't really be seeing anything different about them,” Tina suspected as she watched Perri go through the designs for the hundredth time.

  “No, Tina, I was just . . . . Just what? “Okay, you caught me,” Perri confessed. “I was lost somewhere in the past.” She shook her head. “Not that it'll do me any good. But hey, a girl can still daydream.” She tried smiling through the pain.

  Tina's heart went out to her friend. “Perri, if you're having second thoughts, it's not too late to change your mind; you know nothing would make Barrington happier, except . . . well, you know, having you sleep in his arms, only not so much the sleeping part.

  They laughed out loud.

  “Tina, please. Don't remind me. I've rather been trying to forget that part.”

  “How’s that working out for you?”

  “Terrible.” She chuckled and fanned herself, sighing dramatically. “Not to put our personal business on front street; but, Tina, my husband is not a man any woman can easily forget once she's been in his presence.”

  “You don't have to convince me, Perri. I've met him, remember. You two as a couple were my hope for my own future relationship, whenever God decides it's time for me to have one.”

  Perri smiled. “It'll happen when it’s supposed to, Tina. But I implore you don't be in too big of a rush. And, please, don't base it on what you've seen Barrington and I go through; all relationships aren't that hard pressed, I assure you.” She shrugged. “Just because it turned out difficult for me in no way means it won't be a lot smoother for you and whomever God sends to love you through. Keep the faith, period.”

  “Is that what you did?”

  “I don't follow?”

  “Did you keep the faith until you felt it was no longer of any use?”

  Perri blinked, surprised by the question. She'd never thought about it that way and quite frankly, it more than unnerved her. “I'm sorry, Tina, I don't mean to look so dumbfounded, but I wasn't expecting a mind boggling question like that.”

  “Never mind; I'm sorry, Perri, I shouldn't have asked.”

  “It's all right, Tina. It's a legit question; I’m not sure I have the right answer for you.”

  A tall, attractive man entered the boutique just then. “Special delivery for Perri Knight,” he announced looking back and forth between the two attractive women.

  “I'm Perri.” She signed for it, and tore open the package as soon as she'd tipped the delivery guy and he was gone. Flipping through the portfolio she knew belonged to her, she asked, “What's this all about?” She looked at Tina. “Are these the designs you said you misplaced over six months ago?”

  Coming to stand beside her, Tina said, “They are. But how—”

  “Nia!” Both women said in unison.

  “I don't believe her,” Tina fumed.

  Perri shook her head and sighed deeply. “I guess I should just be glad she didn't use them. She studied the designs carefully, or altar them in any way.”

  ***

  Still dazed by Tina's question, Perri sat in her car for thirty minutes, staring at Barrington's mansion, trying to come up with the correct answer; if one existed.

  Perri started her engine and was about to pull away when the DJ’s voice on the radio snagged her attention.

  “That's right, all you die-hard music lovers in radio land, this is the new cut from our homeboys Barrington and Crush; you know them better as Blue-Eyed Soul. This is a sneak premier so call us up and let us know what you think of their latest cut entitled, Sweet Perri.

  Perri gasped in surprise and her heart soared to the clouds in the sky above.

  Sweet Perri, you're my whole world

  Sweet Perri, you own my heart, girl

  Sweet Perri, you're deep in my soul

  Sweet Perri, you're my lifeline, baby girl

  Sweet Perri, my heart beats for you

  Sweet Perri, my soul soars straight to you

  Sweet Perri

  My sweet, sweet Perri

  Sweet Perri

  You're my sweet Perri

  My sweet Perri, girl

  Sweet Perri

  I'll do anything you want, my baby

  Go anywhere you wanna go, sweet Perri

  Sweet Perri, my search is over

  I found my home in you, baby girl

  You're my haven, my strong tower

  Sweet Perri, my world is yours,

  I was made to love you, girl

  Sweet Perri, I love you, baby girl

  You're my wife and I'm lovin' you for life

  My whole world is you, Sweet Perri

  “That's right radio land you heard hear first, Sweet Perri by Blue-Eyed Soul.”

  Perri cut the engine and for the next five minutes allowed herself to have a good cry, as unchecked tears flowed down her face. Sighing heavily, she finally got out of the car and headed up the walkway. She knew Barrington wasn't home because he'd taken their Imani to visit his parents' so Perri let herself inside using the key she never gave back. Not that she'd tried to give it back, but, also, not that he'd accept it if she had. She smiled and admitted to herself how much she missed her husband and the life they shared as a family. Those were the most precious memories she pondered in her heart.

  Sifting through memories she'd collected of them over the years, Perri crossed to stand in front of the fireplace, picking up the picture frame on top of the mantle of her and Barrington two weeks after they'd first met. She smiled, as she had forgotten about that photo. She hadn't seen it in years and wondered why Barrington thought to even put it out now that they were no longer . . .

  Instead of finishing that thought, Perri replaced the frame on the mantle and carelessly knocked over an antique vase. She unsuccessfully tried to catch it before it hit the floor and shattered around her feet in a million pieces. “Great!”

  After collecting the broom and dustpan, not wanting to mess up her suit Perri reluctantly reached for Nia's old apron, slipping it over her head. She cleaned up her mess in the living room and replaced the broom and dustpan in the proper place. Thinking it a good idea to explain the freak incident, Perri automatically reached into the front pocket of the apron, pulling out what she thought was some scrap paper. She blinked several times, rereading the front of what turned out to be an envelope with, of all things, her name written on the front, in Barrington's handwriting. Finally turning the envelope over, she saw the seal had been broken and unsuccessfully resealed. With shaky hands, Perri opened the env
elope, removing the letter inside sure it had seen better days. It was wrinkled, like it'd been balled up then straightened again.

  Sweet Perri,

  I'm sorry, baby, but Toby just called; I have to head out in forty-five minutes to do a guest spot appearance on Video Soul. I hope you'll watch when it airs day after tomorrow. I'll carry the memory of what we shared here tonight as my good luck charm. I want you to know, Perri, you mean everything to me. I cherish the gift of your virginity that you gave me tonight, and I'll never take it or you for granted. Baby, we are part of each other now; that will never change no matter how far the physical distance between us. Once again, baby, I must apologize for not protecting you the last time we made love. Remember what I said, Perri, if you are pregnant, I will be right by your side every step of the way. I don't want to scare you, baby, but for some reason I'm not turned off by the thought of you having my seed—not that I'm wishing an unplanned pregnancy on you—but truthfully, I wouldn't mind it. At any rate, please forgive me, sweet Perri. I'll call you as soon as I get settled in the hotel. I love you, my baby.

  Barrington

  Fresh tears streaked Perri's face as she reread the letter three more times. “I'm so sorry, Barrington. I should have believed you would never abandon me.” Going back to the living room, Perri cradled the letter to her chest, staring up at the oil painting of Barrington, Imani and herself—her family—that she loved more than her next breath.

  “Perri?”

  Startled, Perri swung around, holding her chest tight.

  “Easy, baby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.” Barrington carried a sleeping Imani to the couch, carefully laid her down and surrounded her with throw pillows.

  “Did you two have a good time?” Perri asked, swiping the residual tears and plastered a smile on her face before Barrington turned back to face her.

  “We always have a good time. Cupcake is the highlight of my days.” His gaze swept up and down Perri's body. She was absolutely a beautiful woman; but as a pregnant woman, she was breathtaking in a whole other beautiful way. “I did come by the house first to drop Cupcake off, but obviously, you weren't there.” His eyes slid to the letter in her hand. “What are you doing here, baby? Not that I mind.”

  Perri swallowed hard, trying to think of an answer. Unable to think up anything, she rushed over to him, throwing herself in his arms, almost knocking them both to the floor; she didn't care. She only wanted to be held by him.

  “Whoa, baby girl.” Barrington didn't hesitate to hold her tight; he had been dying to do that since the day they separated. He pulled back slightly, seeing tears swimming in her beautiful eyes. “What's this, sweet Perri?” He used the pad of his thumbs to wipe her tears.

  “I'm sorry, Barrington.” She sniffled. “Please forgive me,” she said around a sob. “I was wrong. I should have believed you when you swore you didn’t run out on me. I didn't and I'm so sorry. God, baby, please forgive me.” She clung to him and cried some more.

  “Nia strikes again,” Barrington complained after hearing his wife out. “I can't believe she took my letter and hid it from you when I specifically asked her to give it to you as soon as you woke up. And to think she even read it!” He shook his head. “My baby, that was meant for your eyes alone,” he said and hugged his wife. “I'm sorry, sweet Perri.”

  “It's not your fault, baby boy. It doesn't matter anymore; I have it now. We both know the truth of what happened back then and now we can move on.”

  “Together?” He couldn't hide the hope in his voice.

  She smiled and said, “Oh, God, yes, together forever, G-Man.”

  They shared a passionate kiss.

  To change the subject, she said, “I heard Sweet Perri on the radio tonight. Thank you for my song, baby, I love it. I love you, Barrington.”

  “You're welcome, sweet Perri. I love you, baby.”

  Perri watched their sleeping daughter. “What do you say we put Imani in her bedroom upstairs, and you and I go have our own makeup session?”

  “I thought you'd never ask.” Barrington kissed his wife then carried his daughter upstairs to her bedroom, carefully placing her in her crib. Scooping his wife up in his arms, he announced, “Let's get it on, baby.”

  “You just wanna get me on my back.”

  Barrington’s cock jumped. “You damn straight, baby girl.”

  Perri giggled, tracing his lips with her tongue before kissing him tenderly. Then she whispered in his ear, “Hit me, Barry.”

  Kissing, licking, stroking her up and down twice, Barrington feasted on Perri's body like it was his last supper, enjoying the pleasurable sounds she made. He treated her like it was the first time he'd ever known her intimately. With expert fingers, he explored her warm, wet core until she creamed all over his hand. With the expertise of his mouth, he suckled her breasts until she melted against him, her body begging for more. With a well-placed tongue, he feasted on her sex until he swallowed the last of her bodily juices as she screamed out his name over and over. Saving the best for last, he entered the tight center of her garden and tilled every inch of her love zone until she reached the land of sweet ecstasy, screaming so loud, Barrington was sure she woke Imani. Taking her back to that familiar place two more times, Barrington went with her the third time as he gave in to his release, her name on his lips.

  ***

  Perri's fashion show was a big hit, landing her a whole spread in five of the top leading fashion magazines. The after-party was a smash hit, too, and Perri was a woman in love with life—her family life.

  The last week had been a busy one for Perri's Boutique, and this was a rare night when she actually got to spend it at home, waiting for her husband to arrive. She heard the front door open and close.

  “Hey, baby.” Barrington came and sat beside her on the couch. “You okay?”

  After studying his face, Perri kissed his cheek. “I should be asking you that. You look worn out, baby. Are you all right?”

  “I'm good.”

  “Liar. What's going on, G-Man?”

  He snorted and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, okay, I do have something to tell you and you're not gonna like it.” For the next little while, he relayed the latest turn of events surrounding Nia.

  Perri stared at Barrington for a long time, processing the information. “What are you gonna do?” she finally asked her husband.

  He shrugged. “Don't know yet.” His cell phone rang. Looking at the caller ID, he cursed. “What does she want now?” he asked of no one in particular.

  Perri knew it could only be Nia so she waited to see what Barrington's next move would be. He looked at her then his phone, back to her and then his phone, back to her again. Tired of waiting, Perri nodded impatiently. She ignored the tightness in her chest as he took the call.

  “Nia, are you sure about this?” Barrington waited for to finish speaking then decreed, “So help me, if you're playing me, you will regret it.” He sighed heavily and said, “All right, Nia. I'll be there shortly.” He watched his wife, saw the eye of the storm brewing in her chocolate browns as he disconnected the call. “Nia's water just broke; she needs to get over to the hospital, the contractions are ten minutes apart,” he explained, knowing it was useless. “I have to take her.”

  Perri made to stand up.

  “Hold on, baby, let me help you.”

  “No,” she held up a hand, “I got this. Perri rocked her weight until she got to her feet and paced the living room.

  “Are you gonna say anything?” he asked, knowing the direction his wife’s mind was going.

  “What should I say?”

  “You can always come with me, you know.”

  “Are you kidding me right now?”

  Barrington lowered his eyes to the floor. “I don’t want you to worry about this situation with Nia, baby. I’ll take care of it.”

  “Take care of the situation per se, or take care of Nia?”

  “The two are connected, Perri.”

  Perr
i stopped pacing. “Apparently, you’re connected to it, too.” She resumed her pacing.

  “What do you want me to say, Perri? Because I got nothing right now,” he said honestly.

  “I want you to say you won’t go to Nia.”

  “Perri, I understand that, but she has no one else to call on, baby.”

  “Who is at fault for that?”

  “Nia,” he said truthfully. “But still, what would you have me to do?”

  Perri leveled her eyes on him. “I really have to answer that for you?”

  “I guess so.”

  “Barrington, please, please think about this—all the way through first. I'm standing here and I'm begging you, please listen to me, see this whole situation with Nia for what it is; the sham that it is. She's only trying to trick you again. She already cost us time and a life together once. Please don't let her do it again.”

  “Perri, I'm not stupid, I know Nia can't be trusted as far as her actions go. But at the same time, I cannot turn my back on her baby—”

  Frustrated, she screamed, “Your baby, you mean!”

  “Yes, Perri, my baby,” he said. “No matter what either of us feels for the mother, I can't and you shouldn't want me to turn my back on the . . . my baby,” he corrected himself this time. He could have kicked himself for the pained look shone in his wife's eyes; eyes that before now shined with pure love for him. Now, well, now all Barrington could see in his wife's eyes was fiery contempt, and at the moment he was unsure if the contempt was addressed toward Nia or him.