Colors of the Shadow

by Nava Dijkstra

  “No,” Amir smiled, “I wanted to meet you.”

  The next day, the three of them made their way to school together. When they arrived, Nahid was waiting for Amir at the gate. He waved her hello and continued to walk with Esther and Sherry. They sat with him in the yard until the bell rang, taking them to their first class.

  Sherry noticed the glances that Nahid was throwing her. They looked like two flamethrowers directed straight at her body. Sherry was in her best mood. Nahid’s behavior hardly bothered her. A lot of good things happened to her from the last couple of days that lifted her spirit. She found a boy who was willing to be her friend, despite the family economic situation. He accepted her as a guest in his house. She even got an opportunity to earn some money to support and help the family. Most importantly, Esther’s mood improved dramatically.

  During the next few days, the relationship between Sherry and Amir became stronger. Sherry found herself spending more time with Amir. After school, Amir started joining Sherry at the hidden plot in the lake. Along with her relationship with Amir, Nahid’s harassment escalated. At first, her eyes followed Sherry everywhere she went: in the classroom, in the yard, and on her way home. Sherry’s tolerance prompted Nahid to start a verbal nag related to the way Sherry dressed, about the warehouse where they lived, and of course, her Jewish heritage. All the other girls conspired with her and laughed at her words.

  After two weeks of constant harassment, Sherry told Amir about the annoying behavior of Nahid. She explained to him that Nahid’s behavior was worse than before.

  “Maybe it annoyed her that I stopped being her friend and became a good friend of yours.”

  “This probably intensified her hatred, but this was not the cause. Even before she saw you talking to me, she already threatened me not to move from her without her permission.”

  “She feels a lot of self-confidence because her father is a member of the Iranian parliament. So, she allows herself to behave the way she wants. Let me be her friend again, and I’ll check it out,” Amir said firmly.

  Sherry shrugged and they walked to the house without saying anything.

  The next day, they made their way to school together and split up near the front gate.

  During recess, Sherry sat on the ground with her sister. Their togetherness emphasized their isolation from the whole world. Sherry did not know what was more difficult: Nahid’s bullying or Amir’s withdrawal.

  “Amir decided to stay away from me and went back to be friends again with Nahid so she’ll stop bothering me,” Sherry told Esther.

  “And did it help? Did she bother you this morning?”

  “No.”

  “So, it is really the best.”

  “I hope so.”

  The bell rang and Esther stood up. “Do not worry. It’s a little bit difficult at first.”

  Sherry smiled in response. She knew that Esther was trying to be funny and to cheer her up using the same words that Sherry used in the past to pacify Esther. She went back to the classroom while the smile was still on her lips. But it vanished right away when she saw that all the girls were whispering. Nahid approached her, pervasively threatening Sherry’s private space. “I do not know how the Jews educate their children, but here... going into the bushes with a man is considered an immorality. I can imagine what you did with him there.”

  Sherry felt bad that they knew about her own private plot. Accusing her of having sex with Amir in the same plot was far worse. It is considered in every religion and in every society, as worthy of condemnation and boycott. Although this was not true, Sherry knew that most girls in the class believed Nahid’s story. She knew that her life in the classroom was going to be much more difficult now. She doubted she could handle it.

  Nahid tacked her hands together authoritatively. “I’ll make sure that the principal will know about this. He will kick you out of here.”

  Sherry looked around. It was obvious that all the girls saw in her the scum of the human species. And why won’t they think so, if they really saw her getting into the bushes with Amir?

  On the way home, she found Amir waiting where they agreed to meet. She couldn’t resist putting the blame on him. “There you are! Staying away from me didn’t help. Today was the worst experience of my life! Someone saw you coming with me to the plot and told everyone that you and I did something there.”

  “What?” Amir was shocked.

  Sherry nodded. “You have no idea how I felt there. Everyone believes Nahid. She said that she would tell the principal about it in order for me to be kicked out. Did you talk to her?”

  “Yes. Today I learned that her uncle, her father’s brother, is a member of the PLO, an organization in Lebanon that fights against Israel. I guess she really hates Jews. I think I should seek my father’s advice regarding the matter. He knew her father. Until a year ago, they lived near us. Maybe my father can talk to him about his daughter and ask her to treat you better.”

  Sherry was happy. She thought that if Amir’s father knew Nahid’s father, then the problem would be resolved peacefully.

  “Thank you, Amir. You are a very good friend,” she said to him before heading to her house.

  The next day, they went to school together and Sherry insisted not to separate by the entrance gate. If the harassment wasn’t going to end, it was best to go through it with Amir by her side. Immediately on her entrance to the classroom, she noticed a big ‘Sherry is a whore’ message scribbled before her eyes on the blackboard.

  The worst happened on the day that Amir was sick and did not arrive at school. Throughout the class hours, Nahid and her friends verbally harassed her, and at the end of the class when Sherry thought that another long and tiring day was gone, she was horrified to find Nahid and Mina standing at the classroom door, refusing to let her go. Her attempts to open the door made Nahid push her down and beat her hastily again and again until Sherry lost consciousness. Vaguely, she heard them discuss how to escape without anyone noticing.

  “What happened to you?” Her father was horrified when she came home.

  “I fell on my way from school,” she said smiling, convinced that he couldn’t help her. No one from the class would dare to accuse Nahid, the daughter of Ali Valid Dg’lil, a member of the Iranian parliament. Even the school guard who found her lying on the floor and saw the girls running away from the place refused to do anything.

  Her father took a towel and wiped her face. “It doesn’t look like you fell. Did you get a punch from someone?”

  Sherry shook her head and released a convincing laugh.

  Sherry had not slept all night, looking for words that would relate to Nahid, but in the morning when she arrived at school, she only managed to extricate one sentence from herself. “What do you want me to do in order for you to stop bothering me?”

  “Don’t you know?” Nahid grinned. “Everyone knows what I want from you except you. Mina, tell Miss Painter what she should do for me to back off.”

  “Leave the school,” Mina replied, while looking for something in her bag.

  Sherry was ready to do anything to stop the harassment of Nahid, but to stop studying? This was absolutely unacceptable to her father, and she was ready to stand and absorb all the abuse just for him. For his sake, she continued to go to school everyday and absorb the never ending daily meal of abuse. However, she felt her mental powers declining and dwindling day by day.

  One morning when she went to school with Amir and Esther as usual, Sherry felt for the first time that she could no longer go through the suffering and sorrow. She had no strength left to please her father. She grabbed her bag and headed to the hidden plot. She set all her best into painting the blue sky that was covered with two lanes of clouds and a cruising plane. She recalled the family trip to Euro Disney that seemed so long passed. She imagined that she and her family were flying to the United States, far from the threats of Nahid. Flocks of birds passed over her head and brought her back to reality. Her chances to reach Amer
ica were as far away as the distant clouds.

  For a week, Sherry visited the lake instead of going to school.

  “Did you also go to your lake today instead of going to school?” Amir asked when she went to his house as she used to do everyday.

  Sherry was silent for a while.

  Amir opened the drawer and handed her a brown envelope.

  “What’s this?” she asked.

  “An envelope from my father─money,” he smiled.

  Sherry wanted to tear the envelope and count the paper bills inside, but she didn’t feel comfortable doing so in the presence of Amir.

  “By the way, my father talked to Nahid’s father. She will stop bothering you.”

  Sherry was happy. “Really?”

  “Yes!” Amir smiled.

  She ran home happily. She met Ester at the door.

  “I have good news to tell you. I will go back to school tomorrow. Amir’s father talked to Nahid’s father and she won’t bother me anymore.”

  “That’s great news.”

  “Very.”

  “And I have something more.” Sherry took out a bunch of paper bills from her pocket. “I received money from Amir’s father for the paintings. What if I paint you and then sell? So, you too can earn a little, let’s say 50 percent.”

  Esther leaned her elbow against the wall and slightly shook her heel to create the pose of a model. “Can you give me something in advance?”

  Sherry laughed and opened the envelope, staring at the bunch of paper bills with so much delight. She pulled out one bill and gave it to her sister. “Just tell me when it will suit you,” Sherry said.

  Esther nodded and stuffed the money in her pocket.

  Sherry smiled at her and walked towards her father. She sat at the other end of the sofa and kissed her sister, Tamar, who was sitting next to him. “Esther agreed that I will paint her,” she told her father.

  “Really?” her father was enthusiastic. He was happy that they finally got along.

  “I’m paying her, so that she will have a justifiable reason to cooperate with me. Speaking of fees...” Sherry handed him the envelope that she received from Amir’s father.

  “What’s this?” her father asked in surprise.

  “I did some paintings for Nazir. He loves my paintings.”

  “How can your paintings be loved? He bought them only to help us,” Esther joked. The truth is that ever since she and Sherry started to be in good terms, she began to love Sherry’s paintings and was happy that Sherry decided to paint her.

  Sherry was back to school and was happy to discover that the conversation of Nazir with Nahid’s father changed the attitude of Nahid towards her. The following days, the harassment stopped as if it never existed. Although most of the girls kept a distance from her, it was just like a drop of hot water that added to the cold and delicate water that Sherry agreed to sip during the day. Sherry took a month to get over the top grade scale, and her spirits soared. Every day after school, she sat in the woods and painted. Since the girls did not bother her anymore, she was not afraid for Amir to accompany her. For hours, Amir would sit quietly beside her, trying to guess the name of the painting to impress her and win her love. One time when Amir sat beside her as usual, he heard voices and put his finger to his lips for her to be quiet. “Did you hear something?” he whispered after a while.

  Sherry looked around, but saw nothing.

  “I guess it’s the wind,” Sherry said.

  “I heard whispers,” Amir continued.

  “You must be dreaming,” Sherry laughed. “You sat too much under the sun.”

  Amir looked around. “Something is wrong.”

  “Amir, everything is all right. Stop with your scare tactics.”

  He again became tense. “Are you sure you didn’t hear anything?”

  “Yes, I’m sure I did not hear anything.” Sherry continued to paint, but Amir got up, a little agitated.

  “Remember that the girls in your class saw me and you coming here. They might follow us again.”

  “Good, then they will see that we are not doing anything.” She dismissed his words.

  “Let’s get out from here. I’m not at peace here.” He didn’t wait for her to agree. Rather, he approached her belongings, helped her to fold them, and hurried out of the clumps of weeds and reeds.

  “We’ll meet here tomorrow after school,” he said as they parted near the house.

  “No. Tomorrow afternoon I’m coming to the lake with Esther. I want to paint her beautiful and unique.

  “I’ll sit without disturbing. You know I can do it.”

  “Yes, certainly, but I want to be alone with Esther. Right now we’re getting close, and I want to take this opportunity for other things besides painting. Please Amir, don’t hide in the weeds, and do not watch us. Let me be alone with her.”

  “Well, see you in school then. Remember that even if I am not with you, you are always with me.” He smiled at her.

  Sherry smiled back at him and headed to her house.

  Although Sherry didn’t feel anything more than friendship towards Amir, she admitted to herself that this friendship held a special place in her life. So far, her father was the closest person to her. Suddenly, she found Amir taking his place. There was a sense of gradual detachment from her father and from the small Jewish community that she used to mingle with. Amir was the bridge in which Sherry could move safely towards independence. She managed to do this with the person who knows no religion, status, or nationality borders.

  4

  Sherry pushed the bush for Esther and walked into the hidden plot. She was surprised to see the excitement and anticipation in the face of her sister. “I want you to paint me like an actress. Do you know how they look?”

  “Do not worry, I will paint you in oil. The color takes a long time to dry, so I will be able to fix it a couple of times until you are satisfied. I’m sure you will not need repairs.”

  They arrived at the lake and Sherry arranged her painting equipments. “Now, get into the lake, and I will paint you.”

  “Wait,” Esther said. She took her dress off and got into the lake in a bathing suit.

  “You brought a bathing suit?” Sherry was surprised.

  “So how do you want me to get into the lake, with clothes?”

  “Well, feel comfortable doing whatever you want.”

  Esther got into the lake and tried to stage a model’s pose.

  “Esther, I’m not doing a photo shoot, I’m painting you.” Sherry lifted up her skirts and went into the lake. “I want to create one character from two different stages. Come sit in the water at an angle like this.” She held Esther’s head and moved it a little bit to the left. Their faces were close to each other.

  “You have a very delicate face with so much serenity, just like this lake. That’s why they always say that you are sweet and I’m a disturbance, isn’t it?” Esther said.

  “You’re not a disturbance, you love to laugh and do stupid things. Older people do not really understand your head,” Sherry smiled.

  “Because they prefer quiet children, like you,” Esther smiled. “That’s why you always get compliments, right? How I hate those times when they tell me to learn from you how to behave.”

  “I also did not like when they were making comparisons between us.”

  “But for you, it was more convenient. You were always successful, talented, and beautiful.” She put her hand on Sherry’s cheek. “That’s why I did not like you. I envied you.”

  Sherry was embarrassed. She was not used feeling such closeness with her sister. Esther’s hand was on her cheek. How she longed for this. However, the feeling was strange. “You’re also very beautiful, and I’m sure you’ll be a great actress. You’ll show everyone what you are made of.”

  Esther pursed her lower lip and looked down.

  “What happened?” Sherry asked curiously.

  Esther raised her head and smiled uneasily. “Do you think Ami
r also thinks that I’m beautiful?”

  Sherry looked at her sister tenderly. She had no idea that Esther was in love with Amir.

  “Yes, I’m sure that he thinks you’re beautiful.”

  “Do you think that the day he called us to do homework together was because he has a crush on me?”

  Sherry did not want to lie to Esther, but she did not want to break her heart either. “Maybe... actually, yes for sure.”

  Esther smiled broadly and spread her hair. “Let’s go back to painting.”

  Esther took her hair up with her fingers again, bent her head down, and then lifted it in a full backward swing. Strands of hair remained in her face, making her look wild and unique. Sherry threw a few branches around that made Esther giggle. “The lake is too peaceful,” Sherry explained. “Anyway, I will create a painting in which the shadows will break the rays of the sun and the light will appear to be coming from the lake. I will make your face look like a double─one side of radiance and happiness just like the lake, and the other side hidden and dark like the shadows that I will create.”

  “Sounds interesting.”

  “I have to process the idea in my head. It’ll take me half a minute and then you can do anything you want until I need you again.”

  There was a magical silence as if the nature protected the two sisters who shared their time together for the first time. Esther sat in the water, her black hair rumpled. Sherry’s delicate face became serious, as if she was glorifying the beauty of her sister. Time passed without sensing it.

  “Put your hands into the water,” Sherry said. She wanted to create some sort of vibration in the water. “Now, lay your head backward in the water. I want to see your face as part of the lake.

  “No, I do not want to wet my hair. I prefer dry hair, so l will look better.”

  “I’ll make you the most beautiful in the world─trust me. I’m thinking of how everyone will love the painting, not just Esther.”

  “Do you need help?” Sherry heard the voice of Nahid that intensified her heartbeat. Nahid walked towards them together with Mina and two other girls whom Sherry didn’t recognize. They approached Esther and Sherry feared that something terrible would happen. “Esther, get out of the water, run away!” She screamed to her sister, but Nahid was already holding Esther’s hair.