As they sat for dinner, Ronit was vibrant and happy and declared with excitement that tomorrow, they would be moving to Sinai.
“Well, did you throw up again?” she asked Sherry.
“Why would she throw up?” Eyal asked Ronit with a serious face and looked at Sherry, who didn’t touch the food on her plate. “Why are not you eating?” he wondered.
“I have no appetite.”
“Of course you’d feel nauseated if you didn’t eat. You need to eat healthy foods. I’ll bring you vegetables.”
“I do not like vegetables.”
“We’ll see if you don’t like the vegetables that I’ll bring you.” He got up and walked towards the buffet.
Eyal came back with a vegetable salad, seasoned with sauces that in appearance gave Sherry heartburn. Ronit noticed and kicked her under the table, causing Sherry to squeeze out a few words of thanks to Eyal. She tried to taste the salad he served. She was glad that it didn’t cause her to vomit. The holiday she had been waiting for had turned to a nightmare. Sherry wanted it to end quickly so that Eyal would return to the army, and she could manage her footsteps.
When they came back from a night out, Eyal informed Ronit and Eran that he decided to stay in Eilat because he thought that Sherry was sick. He suggested that they will go to Sinai alone, and they chose to do so. Sherry tried to convince Eyal that she felt good, but he insisted that he didn’t want to take the risk that something could happen to her while they were in a foreign country.
Indeed, in the third day, when they were on the beach in Eilat, she fainted.
Eyal sat beside her in the emergency room concerned. He looked older than twenty-six and in many ways, he shielded her like a loving father. She enjoyed his presence, until she saw the doctor arrive with a smile. She was frightened and wanted to ask the doctor to order Eyal to leave, but it was too late.
“Are you the husband?” the doctor asked, without noticing the pleading look of Sherry.
“Yes,” Eyal said laughing.
“Congratulations, your wife is pregnant.”
Eyal was attacked by irritating coughing.
“Is everything okay?” the doctor asked.
“Wow!” It was all that came out from Eyal.
“I’ll leave you alone,” the doctor said, as he realized that no one was up for the news.
“Don’t worry, I will have an abortion,” she said, when she saw Eyal’s head hanging between his hands.
“I’m in shock,” he said in a half smile.
“I know, me too,” Sherry replied weakly.
Eyal raised his head and ran his left hand on his short hair, leaving it there. He smiled sheepishly. “How did you not notice that you didn’t have your period?”
“My period was never regular.”
“And nausea?”
“I thought it was related to weight loss.” She bit her lower lip. “I know it was very stupid of me.”
“Anyway, I thought you were using birth control. It can’t be from the first time that we were together.”
Sherry hoped that it was not, otherwise she wouldn’t know from whom the pregnancy was, Amir or Eyal. “Why not?” She asked, trying to hide her fear.
He was silent for a while, “You knew that you were pregnant…that’s why you refused to eat. Why did you try to hide it from me?” he asked in a low and a blaming voice.
“It was just during the flight that I began to suspect that I was pregnant, not before, and I had to digest it myself.”
She got off the high bed, realizing that Eyal was not a help to her.
They stayed all day in the hotel room, each in their own way, immersed in their own selves. The atmosphere was frigid and nerve-wracking.
On their flight back to Tel-Aviv, she vomited again and Eyal helped her politely. She was glad when they reached the apartment so she could occupy herself with other things besides the cold attitude of Eyal. But, he told her that he intended to end his vacation in Haifa.
“Well,” he said, as he stood at the door puzzled and confused. “We’ll be in touch.” He kissed her lightly on the lips.
The next day, Sherry started with abortion-related preparation, long and humiliating procedures. She moved from committee to committee that explained to her the situation of being a single mother. Finally, she sat in front of the doctor who was supposed to perform the abortion. He looked at the images carefully. “You’re at the end of your fourth month. You can’t do an abortion.”
“I need to. I was delayed only because of the whole procedure.”
“It does not matter, even two weeks ago was too late.”
Sherry cried. “Do you know someone who could do this to me anyway?”
The doctor gave her a stern look. “I’m not the one to ask that question.” Another look at Sherry and his face wore a softer expression. “Do you want an abortion because you want it or because someone is pushing you?”
“I need to.”
The doctor sat across her. With his soothing voice, he explained the possible complications if the abortion were done through dubious elements, unattended.
Sherry wanted to tell him what happened to her in Istanbul, but she thought that no story would make him approve an abortion that would endanger her life. She left the clinic with mixed feelings. The desire to please Eyal was big, but on the other hand, risking her life would leave Tamar alone in the world, and she could not let that happen.
The phone rang. She was surprised to hear Eyal’s voice after more than a week that he didn’t contact her. “How are you?”
“I’m okay.”
“What happened with the abortion?” he asked.
“I’m doing some tests. I’m afraid it’s already too late for an abortion.”
“If you do an abortion, let me know. I’ll come with you.”
“Do you want to come with me to make sure that he is dead, or because you’re worried about me?”
Her answer made him angry. “It’s good to know that you also have a venomous side,” he sneered. “Don’t act as if I’m the bad one in this whole thing. You can’t convince me that you got to the fourth month of pregnancy without realizing it.”
“I understand you, and I won’t impose any unwanted pregnancy on you,” she replied coldly.
On Friday afternoon, Sherry sat in the kitchen while she marked the low-rent apartments in the newspaper. Eyal’s aloofness was a blessing to her. Since she could not have an abortion, her only option was to break up with him. She wouldn’t allow Eyal to raise a child without knowing that it was his son. She dismissed the possibility of living with roommates. Nobody would want a roommate who was about to give birth within a few months. She would shoulder the cost of the rent and the added expenses of the childcare alone. Life was not economically promising.
All through the week, she visited apartments that matched her economic capacity—small apartments in a crowded housing that had no place to put a flower. The apartment over the Carmel Market was not in a good area, but from her window, one could at least look at the wide- open spaces and feel the peace, especially in the evening when the market was closed. She found an apartment in a bad neighborhood and in bad shape, but the rental conditions were good and it suited her. The landlord agreed to accept the rent every month and without any guarantee. Sherry did not hesitate to sign the contract.
When she returned that same day to the apartment, she felt a release. She didn’t need to hide the secret of the pregnancy from Eyal anymore. She was the master of her fate now, taking responsibility for what happened and will happen to her. She didn’t know if Eyal would come on Saturday, but she decided to bother him less with her presence. She decided to stay inside her room and go out only when he would not be in the apartment, so he would have privacy. After all, he was the one who paid the rent and barely stayed in the apartment. She took her easel to her room so she could paint there, leaving the roof vacant for Eyal. She began to pack the things that she was sure she wouldn’t need until Sunday.
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On Saturday, she woke up early and planned to go for a walk instead of sitting alone in the suffocating room in the company of large-sized boxes. She decided to wait for Eyal to wake up and explain to him that she was leaving and that she was not angry with him. She waited in the kitchen, spotted him coming out from his room towards the shower, trying hard to open his eyes. Then she heard the water, imagining it sliding down his body and was hurt that she was not anymore a part of his life. He came out from the shower and made himself coffee. “Do you want some?” His question surprised her.
“No,” she smiled slightly.
He sat besides her, still fighting to open his eyes.
“Do you have a few minutes? I need to talk to you,” she said.
“I’m listening.”
She played with her earring, “I’m sorry that I was not alert enough to know I was pregnant. I know it’s my responsibility, my own negligence. I dragged you to a place where you didn’t want to be.” She saw him raise his eyes to her. “I really understand your attitude towards me and I’m not judging you, I even justify you. Like I said, I will not impose on you a pregnancy that you don’t want. The pregnancy is a fact that I can’t change. I tried, I was even willing to compromise myself and the baby’s life, but I was afraid it would be worse than I imagined. I decided not to do it and end the...” Her eyes were filled with tears, but she smiled at him, noticing the change in his face. His impassive gaze turned to an expression of surprise.
“End what?” he asked.
She went to her room because she couldn’t talk anymore without bursting into tears. Eyal followed her, contorted his forehead to the sight of the boxes in the room.
“Are you leaving?” he asked in surprise.
She did not answer.
He sat down beside her. “I never said that I wanted you to leave.”
“You don’t have to pity me. Wherever I go for the past couple of days, they immediately pitied me. I’ll be fine.”
“You will be fine, but I won’t. I can’t manage my life without you.”
The temptation to surrender his love was strong, but on the opposite
was the temptation to raise her child without the pangs of her conscience and to feel the relief that she felt during the last couple of days. “No, Eyal, I don’t love you, I don’t want to live with you. During the last few days, I realized that we are not meant for each other.”
“From what movie did you quote this nonsense?”
“It’s not a movie. It’s your attitude towards me from the time you learned that I was pregnant.”
“What do you mean? I called you from the base and I offered to accompany you to an abortion, but you threw me a sentence like a confirmation of death? Do you expect me to call you after that? Yes, I panicked when I found out that you’re pregnant, so what? Am I not allowed a moment of weakness? Do you know how many times you found out your weaknesses within four months that I’ve known you? Do you think that it’s because you look fragile that you are allowed and others are not?” He spoke in a firm and accusing voice, and immediately, his voice became soft and caressing. “I even took five days vacation to make up with you, and believe me, it was not easy.”
She looked at him in surprise.
“Well, it’s not exactly for you. I have to do my stuff for the college.”
“I did not know you were going to college.”
He smiled. “It fell on me by surprise. Anyway, I have some plans for the next three years.”
Sherry looked at him with question. He held her face and moved his tongue gently into her mouth, leading her to the bed.
“You had a call from a lawyer,” he suddenly remembered. “He left a number so you can call immediately. It’s in my room.”
“What did he want?” she asked, savoring every moment in his arms.
“I don’t know.”
“Did you not ask?”
“Actually, I asked him, even pressed him. I was very curious and I couldn’t ask you because you were mad at me!” he added, with a half-smile. “But the stupid lawyer did not want to tell anything, leaving me in suspense. I told myself, ‘how crazy Sherry is that she went to a lawyer to hold me responsible for her pregnancy?’”
“Did you think that I was going to sue you?” she laughed.
“What connection do you have to go to a lawyer, especially at this time?”
“I have no idea.”
On Sunday, Sherry woke up early and called the number that Eyal gave her. The secretary answered and she asked to speak with the lawyer named Israel Sade. She heard his voice on the other side, a thick, deep voice. After a few words of introduction, with an authority in his voice, he asked her to come to his office urgently, in two hours if possible. Sherry wrote down the address wondering why or who would harm or benefit to such an extent like this that it would require an urgent treatment of a lawyer.
“He wants me in his office within two hours,” she told Eyal, and rushed to the shower. He followed her and opened the shower door with a cup of coffee in his hand, “Did he tell you what was all about that he wanted to see you? I’m really curious!”
“He said that it’s not through the phone, but it is very important.” She saw him taking off his shirt. “No Eyal, I will not get there in time.”
“Why do you panic? You have two hours. If you go by foot, you will still get there before time,” he laughed. “I’ll take you there,” he said, while he was underwater kissing her body, knowing that now she was ready to give up the whole meeting. He looked at her belly that slightly bulged, and ran his hands over it.
They entered the spacious office that was located in a high-rise tower. The secretary took her to the lawyer’s room. He was a large-sized man in his fifties. His face was serious when he began to speak, and Sherry couldn’t tell if his intentions were good or bad. “I was told that your mother and your sister live in Iran and you’re alone here.” He waited for a confirmation of his claim from her.
Sherry was speechless. She couldn’t understand where he got the information about her history. After a long moment, she replied, “My mother died a year and a half ago. My sister still lives in Iran.”
The lawyer slightly shook his head as a gesture of sympathy to her sorrow. “Now, it’s even more difficult for me to tell you what’s in my mouth, but there is no choice.” He was silent for a bit. “Your grandfather who lived in Los Angeles, died last week.” He looked at Sherry, afraid that she couldn’t stand the terrible news.
Her face remained frozen.
“He left a will and you’re one of the beneficiaries. Actually, you are the beneficiary of your father, but because of the circumstances, you are his successor at the moment.”
Sherry opened her eyes wide. The lawyer continued to talk about the laws of inheritance in the United States and ended with a sentence that brought her back to focus. “There’s an envelope here with a plane ticket and cash that you will need for the entire period of your stay in Los Angeles.
“Do I need to fly to Los Angeles?” she asked in surprise.
“Yes, your flight will be in three days, and you will stay there for a week. The rest of the information, as of the date of the reading of the will, you’ll get from your cousins when you get there.”
“What was that all about?” Eyal asked, when they reached the parking lot.
“My grandfather died and left me money.” Sherry released a big smile.
Eyal looked at her in question. “Why are you so happy that your grandfather died?”
“I’m glad that he’s not angry at my family anymore and included me as a beneficiary in the will and testament.”
“Heiress,” he corrected. “Sounds nice. When will you know how much you got?”
She showed him the envelope, pulled out the ticket and the cash. “I’m flying to Los Angeles in three days and then I’ll know all the details. Wow, look how much money there is.”
“You’re kidding me. Don’t tell me that you intend to fly when I�
�m on vacation.” His resistance flattered Sherry.
“Can you imagine that I don’t need to work as a waitress anymore?”
“In any case, in a few months, you’ll have to stop working as a waitress.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck.
“Will you wait for me?”
“What do you think? I was with you when you were poor. Now that you inherited a lot of money, will I leave you?”
20
Sherry went to the closet and pulled out the portrait of Esther. Although she didn’t have the courage to look at it all through the years, it was clear to her that she needed to take the painting with her to Los Angeles. She needed to take Esther to the place where she wanted to be─Hollywood.
Sherry boarded the connecting flight from London to Los Angeles. She would spend 12 hours in first class. The woman next to her wearing a traditional Indian clothing noticed Sherry’s efforts to open the leg support and helped her fix it. “Is this your first time flying?”
“My first time in first class,” Sherry smiled.
“I travel in first class for long trips. For short trips, I have no problem sitting in the economy class. Are you a first timer in Los Angeles?”
“Yes, I am going to visit my family.”
“Me, too. I’ll go to see my son, Kumar Baht. He is a movie actor. The movie he is playing in is having a premier.” Sherry showed a great enthusiasm despite of not knowing who he was. “Is this your son?”
“Yes, this is my son,” the woman said, beaming with pride. The woman continued to tell Sherry how her son dreamed to be an actor all his life. During his first visit to Los Angeles, the first audition, the first job ... The woman talked and Sherry saw the image of Esther in her eyes, as if the woman was talking about her and not about her son.
Sherry fell asleep with a feeling of reconciliation. When she woke up, they were only an hour away from landing. She looked out the window, hoping to see America from above, but left disappointed. The famous city looked like Tel Aviv from the rooftop of towering buildings. Even the sight of the airport was disappointing, and it was hard for Sherry to believe that this was the airport where all Hollywood stars passed by.
Colors of the Shadow Page 15
