“Hey, my husband is also an officer in the army. What a coincidence that we both married officers.”
Tamar opened her eyes wide in surprise.
“So, your husband’s job allowed you to leave Iran. We can see each other as much as we want?” Sherry asked with hope.
“No, not as much as we want, but I certainly will not let you run away from me just like you did in the past.”
Sherry kept on touching the tips of Tamar’s hair while Tamar was telling her about that morning she found out that Sherry was gone. “I remember getting up and looking for you. Our mother said that you went to Israel, and I thought you were dead just like our father. I cried a lot, especially when I was in bed and you were not there to hug me.”
“I’m sorry. But, I left you with our mother. What happened to her after I left?”
“Mom continued to work painting. She was giving them to Nazir and he was selling them for her in the galleries. She was actually making good money, even lots, and she didn’t need to work hard. It turned out that Mom didn’t have asthma, but a cancer than developed in her lungs. It killed her,” Tamar cried.
Sherry cried, too.
“When our mother was sick,” Tamar paused, “She handed me a bag and explained that inside was something very expensive. I was sixteen. I never really understood what she was talking about. She opened the bag and showed me plastic necklaces with glass stones embedded in them. She told me that they were diamonds. I understood that it was something good, but how could they be something good when everything around is bad? She explained to me that they were worth a lot of money, and that I needed to hide them so no one would know about it until I ran away to Israel to find you and share it with you. She cried a lot when she talked about you. She made me promise to give you half. She missed you so much. She talked about you all the time.”
Tamar took out a small cloth bag that she hid under her black clothes and pulled out a hard plastic chain where the diamonds were embedded.
Sherry took the long necklace and looked at it closely. There were very large stones in it, enough to pay the mortgages on their homes. Sherry examined one of the stones. “These are real diamonds,” she said shockingly. Were these the stolen diamonds? Was her mother, after all, the one who stole them?
Tamar noticed Sherry’s pale face and interpreted them as astonishment. “It’s just a small portion of what I have.” She was happy to boost the happiness of Sherry. “I couldn’t take more than that with me─I was afraid of the inspection. But do not worry, we’ll meet again or I’ll find a way to give them to you...”
Sherry put her hands over her head, running her palms with pressure through her forehead. This can’t be. It can’t be that their mother was ultimately to be blamed for the death of Esther and her father. “Where did our mother gets the money, Tamar?” Sherry tried to escape the insight that fell over her. “Where did she get the diamonds?”
Tamar moved back slightly. The sight of Sherry’s angry face deterred her. “I do not know; I told you I was sixteen. Do you think it was easy for me when she stood in front of me, dying, and said: ‘I will leave you the diamonds in case something happens to me’?”
“I wish you didn’t bring me the diamonds. How many necklaces are we talking here?”
Tamar was startled. “What’s wrong with you, Sherry? You’re scaring me. I was sure that you would be happy to have the diamonds.”
“Tamar, how many necklaces are we talking here?” Sherry pressed her.
“Six,” Tamar replied in a low voice. “And three bracelets.”
Sherry closed her eyes. This was the first time she understood the anger of her grandfather and the dimension of the loss. “I’m sorry Tamar, but did you know that because of these diamonds, every tragedy in the family happened? That’s why the whole family died?”
Sherry relayed the story to Tamar about the burglary that brought disgrace and loss to the family. She also told her about the difficult emotions that accompanied her in her visit to a family in Los Angeles. She described the humiliation that she felt when it turned out that her grandfather left a half percent of his property to the daughters of Shlomo.
Sherry’s story hit Tamar with shock. She did not remember much from her childhood, except a life beside a loving and sick mother. Although the story she just heard touched the strings of her heart, she felt the need to defend her mother. “I don’t agree with you. Our mother wouldn’t have let us live in poverty. She was pure and will always remain pure in my eyes. I will never suspect her in such a thing.”
“Tamar, don’t be naive. Where did she get so much money to buy all those diamonds?”
“So, why did we not flee with you?”
“I do not know, maybe because you were a little girl and she thought that you would not be able to pass the difficulty of the escape. Tell me, does Amir know about the diamonds?”
“I told him a year ago. And since then, he couldn’t rest. He kept telling me that it was not fair that you were living in poverty when there was enough money for you. He was the one who took the risk and hid the diamonds. He is a military man in Iran. They don’t inspect him like other people.
Late in the evening, Sherry lay in bed and looked at the diamonds. There were lots of things she could do with the help of the diamonds that were in her hands. She could pay the mortgage balance of their house, which after the help of Eyal’s mother was deducted mostly from his salary to promote her painting. She could replace her old, scratched 1981 model car with a new, 1991 model car. The temptation to take the money was huge, but she was alerted by the realization that those were bleeding diamonds. They were stained with the blood of her father and her sister, and she couldn’t enjoy the money. She fell asleep as she concluded that she should not touch those diamonds and wouldn’t tell Eyal.
The next evening, Sherry and Tamar met in Sherry’s room. Tamar apologized that she was not able to see Sherry all morning because she went for a walk with Amir.
“Why didn’t Amir come with you?” Sherry could not conquer her curiosity.
“I asked him to come and see you. He didn’t want to. Maybe it bothers him that you’re Jewish. And now that we know that you’re married to an officer, I prefer to keep him away from you.”
Sherry was certain that the reason was different, but she said nothing.
Tamar continued. “Let’s talk about a way where we can keep in touch. There is no possibility of calling from Iran to Israel, but it is possible to call from Israel to Iran. I know many Israelis who are calling to Iran. Basically, we can talk on the phone without a fear to the authorities, but because Amir is a senior officer in the Iranian army and you are married to an officer of the Israeli army, we should be a bit more careful in our conversations. We must not talk about your husband. But, any normal conversation is okay.
“One more thing,” Tamar said. Sherry noticed that Tamar wanted to tell her something, but had troubles getting the words out from her mouth.
“What happened?”
“I don’t know if I should tell you this.”
Tamar took a long pause. “Listen, I’m sure that our mother did not steal the diamonds, but there’s something that I remember when I was little.” Tamar was silent again for a while. “Nevermind, it is better not to tell you.”
“Is it something to do with the diamonds?”
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“I have the right to know.”
“But, it’s not fair for our mother because I’m sure that what I saw was not what happened.”
“What did you see?” Sherry asked softly.
“I’ll tell you, but promise me not to tell something bad about our mother. I just don’t feel good with this...”
“I promise.”
“Around the time we left grandpa’s house…I saw the door of our mother’s room slightly open and Hannah was peeping inside. When she saw me, she moved away. I opened the door and saw our mother and Uncle Shmuel hugging.”
Sherry w
as left stunned for a while, couldn’t digest things.
“Are you sure that’s what you saw?”
“I don’t know... I was eleven and a half. But after your suspicion of our mother, I tried to look for logic. Let’s say if our mother and Shmuel worked together, then they should have shared the stolen goods, right? It means that half of the stolen goods are in our hands. So, if you can check with Hannah or with one of our uncles on how many necklaces there were and find out that only half is with us, I guess what I saw was true.”
“No need─this is the exact stolen amount. Shmuel told me when I was in Los Angeles, and the day we moved to Nazir’s warehouse I also heard our mother telling our father that she made six necklaces and three bracelets.” Sherry handed the diamonds back to her sister. “I can’t take them.”
Tamar looked at her in shock.
“I could never use them or enjoy them.”
“But you need them.”
Sherry shook her head. “Bury them in our mother’s grave, so she’ll enjoy them where she is now.”
“I beg you! Don’t make me feel sorry for telling you, you promised,” Tamar scolded her.
“Do not judge me. You have no idea what I went through.”
Tamar put the bag back in her pocket. “I’ll keep them for you until you calm down.”
“I’m calm.”
“I’m not sure,” Tamar said. “Anyway, today, Amir and I talked about the rest of the diamonds that we have and we decided that it would be best if Amir takes advantage of his exits from Iran to take with him a quantity of diamonds each time. He will sell them abroad and deposit the money in a bank for you. That way, you will have money available anytime you want.”
“Do what you want.”
“We do not want this quantity of diamonds in our house. It is not smart or secure. It is better to get rid of them and hide the money somewhere outside the country. Don’t you think so?”
“I think that regardless of me, it would be very smart of you to do so.”
“So, let’s decide now. If you want the money, talk to me and tell me things related to our mother. I need a mother’s love, her forgiveness, her blessing, those kinds of things. That way, I’ll know that you need the money.”
Sherry did not respond.
“And by the way, Sherry, about what you told me on your visit to the United States and the quarter percent that our grandfather left for me. You can take my share for yourself.”
“If I take my share at all.”
In the bus that brought her back from Eilat to Tel Aviv, Sherry’s thoughts were centered on the painful discoveries about her mother. Did she have an affair with Shmuel? Did they plan the burglary together? No, it didn’t make sense. Even after her father’s death, her mother worked hard. Thoughts ran pell-mell in her head. When she arrived home, she already made up her mind and decided to take the money that her grandfather left for her and her sister. After an hour, she was already on the phone calling the attorney in Los Angeles, who explained to her that the amount that she would receive turned out to be higher than she thought, nearly $320,000 dollars. It was a big fortune for Sherry.
When Eyal called her in the evening, she was happy to update him about her decision to take the money that her grandfather left for her and her sister. “When I was in Egypt, my sister told me that she didn’t need the money and that I could take it.”
“Are you serious? I had no idea that it was about a lot of money. So, what are you going to do with it?”
“We’ll sit together and decide.”
“For me, you can put it in savings for Ofek.”
‘No surprise,’ she thought. “We’ll talk about it. Part of it will surely go to Ofek’s future.”
“Good, Sherry, I’m glad that you decided to take the money,” he said, without knowing the real reason behind this move. If he only knew what she had given up…
PART III
Motherhood
27
Sherry stood near Ofek, who was delivering his speech at the Bar Mitzvah. She listened to the warm words of love that Eyal put into his mouth; words that were far from reality. Sherry wondered what Eyal felt when he wrote them. She was sure that the task was hard for him, which emphasized how much she was completely opposite from all the beautiful words written about her. This increased his anger and frustration.
What did Ofek feel when he was reading the speech? There was no outward sign to indicate that Ofek had difficulty reading the warm words about his mother. But, the hug that he gave to his father after reading his speech and his avoidance of her hug reflected his position more than a thousand words.
She tried to persuade Eyal to have just a modest celebration because of her inconvenience to big gatherings and luxuries, but also because of her ambivalent feelings towards Ofek. But, Eyal refused “to do a little something” when it came to his only son. He told her that his own Bar Mitzvah party had been celebrated modestly, as if his mother tried not to annoy his father who was not present. He remembered his Bar Mitzvah as a source of grief and not as joy, as if it was a memorial day for his father and he was the monument.
Anyway, she was happy. Nothing could spoil her happiness. Since this morning, she wanted to tell Eyal about her pregnancy, but chose to do it right after the Bar Mitzvah so as not to arouse any suspicion from the hearts of Ofek and Eyal; for her happiness was not the feast day of Ofek.
Oh, how much she missed Tamar. Nine years had passed since their last encounter in 1991 in Egypt. In the meantime, Tamar had two children. Ofek was celebrating his Bar Mitzvah. Not only did they not see each other, but they also didn’t have the chance to get to know each other’s children. They compensated through phone calls every two weeks. Despite physical distance, they were tied to each other and used many words of affection within their conversation.
She looked at the guests who were present in the lounge, most of which were members of Eyal’s family and his friends from the army who were in a certain way also his family, with whom he spent many holidays and weekends. Eyal’s handsome face was beaming with joy, and his forty years of age were not evident. He roamed around the tables and sat down many times to talk with guests. He approached her every now and then to pull her to one table or another and introduce her to people who had accompanied him throughout his promising career. His most recent position as a brigade commander, a colonel, proved beyond any doubt that he was very resourceful and a great chargé d’affaires in terms of training for military operations and their implementation on the ground. Now, the army sent him to earn a master’s degree and it was clear that even in the future, the army was not planning to give up on Eyal for the benefit of Sherry. She was only left with the consolation that during his schooling, he would be coming home every day.
Compared with Eyal’s career, Sherry’s career was moderate. Although Yonatan’s gallery helped her to sell her paintings, it did not advance her career, even after her painting was donated to the charity and was sold for $20,000. This was not the recognition that she desired.
The deejay called her to dance with Ofek, who was almost her height. She looked at him with a smile of embarrassment and they stood for a moment facing each other, waiting for the other partner to make the first move. The gap established between them couldn’t be bridged. Sherry took two steps towards him, afraid that if she didn’t do it right away, he would leave the dance floor and reveal all the flaws of their difficult relationship. Today, it was wrapped in Bar Mitzvah gifts, full of false grandeur.
She danced with her son to the tune of a song that praised a mother who did everything for her children. It was a ridiculous way to remind her of her inappropriate parenting. Listening to the lyrics of the song was enough to make her feel their alienation. But most of all, Ofek’s touch was hard for her. They were not hugging each other inside the four corners of their house, and now they would do it in front of all the guests as well as with the discordant music.
The music sounded longer than usual to Sherry, and
when the deejay began to play another song about a mother’s love, she felt that she was going to faint. Eyal’s arms were wrapped around her just like a coiled wire. Ofek’s face was smeared with an expression of liberation. Sherry wondered if Eyal felt the same harsh feelings. Did he come to her aid or to Ofek’s?
“You’re shining today,” he said.
“Of course. My son is having his Bar Mitzvah.”
“Our son,” he said, while a sly smile poured in his face. “I know you. It’s not because of the Bar Mitzvah. Nothing related to Ofek will arouse happiness in you.”
She laid her head on his shoulder, trying to prevent him from extracting the secret during these moments that belonged to Ofek. Her son didn’t get adequate attention, anyway.
“What are you hiding?” he whispered softly in her ear.
“The last time that I told you about similar news, you took it very difficultly. I do not want to ruin your happiness.”
He pushed her head away from his shoulder and looked into her eyes. Happiness was in his face. “You’re pregnant!” He took her close to his body, his fingers were stroking her hair and his lips were on her lips in a deep kiss.
* * *
The birth of Shahar forced Sherry and Ofek to create a communication channel between them that was mainly focused around the baby and her needs. She requested help for things like baby-sitting and running errands to the supermarket. After each task, Sherry would give Ofek compliments. He did not get compliments on academic excellence or his basketball ability, but was complimented when washing the pacifier for his little sister.
Despite Ofek’s help, taking care of Shahar didn’t leave Sherry time for painting. It made her empty, and she was worried that her dreams and aspirations for success had ended. She suspected that these depressing thoughts originated from the bursting of hormones created during her pregnancy and childbirth. She hoped that after a while, she would be back to herself and to her passion. But, months went by, and along with them was the downturn of her enthusiasm from the world of painting, the exciting factor that accompanied her throughout her life. It was an unfamiliar feeling, as if she were separated from a part of herself.
Colors of the Shadow Page 21
