“It’s so beautiful here. There is a need to put a few tables here for vacationers,” Sherry said.
“There’s nothing interesting here for people to come see, unless they want to have a barbecue with the Hezbollah,” Eyal said.
After driving for 10 minutes, Eyal stopped in a place hidden by the heat of the sun. “This is not the best, but it’s the best in the area.”
Eyal and Ofek opened the coolers, tasting everything that came while talking about military matters.
“Oh, there are so many flies. No, don’t eat this, Shahar. See how many flies there are in there? Throw it out, and don’t touch the food. Wait, I have wet wipes.” She put some food on the plates of Eyal and Ofek and swayed her hand to drive away the flies from Ofek’s plate.
“It’s okay,” Ofek said quietly when she didn’t stop to sway her hand over his plate.
She returned with Shahar to the car. “It’s better for the two of us to stay here. There are so many flies outside.” After 10 minutes, she found herself looking at Ofek through the windshield and explored the feelings that enveloped her the night before. He was a fine young man, no doubt. She followed the dialogue between him and Eyal and noticed that the love that existed between them was no longer a distress for her. Deep in her heart, there was space to contain them both. She got out of the car and sat down beside them, but the flies came back to bother her. She went back to the car, leaving the door wide open. “Eyal, let’s go somewhere else, there’s a lot of flies here.”
“Will you shut up?” Eyal lost his patience.
“What happened to you? Why are you angry?”
“Because you can’t stop saying flies, flies. Enough, close the door of the car, turn on the air condition and shut up!”
“Well, okay, I’m just saying that the flies are really disturbing.”
“You are more disturbing than them,” he said, and added quietly, “It was a stupid idea to bring you here.”
Ofek released a little smile and apologized that he caused this mess.
“Tell me Ofek, is this the Lebanon border, this fence?” she asked while the car door was half opened.
“Yes. Beyond this fence, it’s Lebanon.”
“What’s that building over there?”
“That’s the United Nations building.”
“So the Hezbollah and the UN are on the same side?”
“Literally,” Ofek laughed. “Sometimes you can see how Hezbollah visits the United Nation soldiers and sometimes Hezbollah soldiers are inside the UN vehicles. We don’t have a relationship like this with the UN soldiers that are on the Israeli side.”
“Just for me to understand, the Israeli soldiers go in this side of the fence, but the Hezbollah couldn’t come close to the fence, right?”
Ofek gave his father a warrior smile. “It’s the contrary. They are the ones who always try to heat the atmosphere and come close to the fence.”
Sherry and Ofek continued talking, and Eyal didn’t interrupt. It was a rare occasion that he had the chance to see them in such a long conversation.
“Wait, I do not understand. What happens if Hezbollah decides to break the silence?”
Eyal and Ofek, as well-informed men, smiled because Sherry probably wouldn’t understand.
“Can you share it with me?” she begged.
“There’s no way they would dare to do such a thing,” Ofek said.
“And if they dare?”
“Get over it,” Eyal said. “This is the most peaceful area today. Gaza is more frightening.”
“My son is not in Gaza. He is here,” she said angrily, putting Eyal into silence. He looked at her puzzled. She looked at Ofek and saw a smile of satisfaction. How he reminded her of Eyal so much, in his clothing and his smile. He had Eyal’s smile. This was the first time she noticed that when he smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkled at the edges. Maybe she just didn’t notice it before because they never had pleasant conversations that caused Ofek to smile.
“Get out from this movie. We have an agreement with them and until now, they stood by it,” Eyal replied.
“They are standing by it until they accumulate enough weapons and fire the first shot. Besides, why don’t they stop threatening to abduct soldiers despite the agreement?”
“Do you understand what would happen if they let women operate the army?” Eyal turned to Ofek with chauvinistic humor and added, “Don’t worry, at every minute, we know what’s happening at the border.”
“Of course you know. The question is what will you do with this?” Towards the nightfall, Ofek departed from his father with embrace, approached Shahar, lifted her up and begged her not to touch his things, especially the laptop. Shahar opened her eyes with amusement, because it was exactly what she was doing every day when he was away from home. He looked at his mother. “Do you want a hug?”
His question was enough to cause tears to fall freely, wiped by Ofek’s cheek. Ofek would have to say that he must move to let go of her embrace. “Take care of yourself. Do not let false peace or a certain Brigadier General with a huge ego play tricks on you,” she said, returning chauvinistic war to the words of Eyal.
She looked at Ofek until he disappeared from her sight. Suddenly, without warning, she burst out into unstoppable crying.
Sherry entered the car with continous tears rolling down her face.
“Sherry, what happened?” Eyal asked, anxiously. He had never thought for a moment that Sherry would cry out of longing for Ofek.
“I’m so worried about him. Suddenly, I’ve realized that I cannot protect him, and I didn’t do so when I had the chance to do it. I wish I could turn back time.”
Eyal hugged her. “Do not torture yourself. There are mothers worse than you,” he joked. Although it was a joke intended to ease her, the words were true. She definitely had a respectable place in comparison to bad mothers.
Five minutes after they started to drive, she found herself dialing Ofek.
“Who are you calling?” Eyal asked.
“Ofek.”
“But we just parted from him. Did you forget something?”
“Yes.”
Eyal stopped the vehicle on the side of the road, thinking that if she forgot something, it was better not to go far in case she wanted to go back.
“Hey Ofek, I wanted to tell you I love you,” she whispered while her voice was on the edge of tears. “Forgive me for everything. I love you.”
“What happened?” Ofek asked anxiously.
Sherry cried and couldn’t utter a word anymore.
“It is okay, relax. I have to go, bye.” He hung up the phone. ‘Just like Eyal,’ she thought.
She looked at Eyal. “He doesn’t even know how to say, ‘I love you too.’”
“I think there is a bigger problem,” Eyal said, while she looked at him questioningly as he was driving back onto the road. “He doesn’t know how to say ‘Mom.’” Eyal laughed.
“Thanks for the encouragement.”
“Always here for you. How’s our daughter?”
“She fell asleep.”
“Then we can do something together when we get home.”
“Like what?”
“It starts with this.” He got close to her and kissed her lips.
When they arrived home, Sherry was still emotionally charged. Only that this time, there was an agony of guilt about a mother’s love that she deprived from Ofek. Eyal put Shahar in her bed and Sherry went towards her easel. She knew that this was her place of escape. Usually, when Eyal saw her next to her easel, he allowed her to be with herself. At that moment, she was loaded with emotions and did not want to make love with him.
She held the brush. She felt that it moved on its own. She didn’t give the thoughts and didn’t choose them. They took control over her. They did the soul-searching. She arrived in Israel and searched for her self-identity. Her mother died and within all the chaos, she found herself pregnant. Eyal did not want the pregnancy. She wanted to have an abortio
n. She was emotionally crashed, emotionally disabled. Sherry felt the tears running down her face. Those were not tears from what she had gone through, but rather, they were tears of joy. Despite everything, Ofek was born. She looked at the painting and smiled with gratitude. There was a womb, there was a baby, there was acceptance, and there was a mother’s love.
Eyal approached her. “You intend to paint all night? I thought we had plans.”
“I’m done,” she smiled at him.
He looked at the painting. “Womb?”
“Renewal.”
She lay beside Eyal, enjoying the pleasure of her farewell from the torture of guilt that she felt all these years and the connection to the mother’s emotion that wrapped her. She always hoped that this day would come and the feeling of remorse would allow a space for maternal feeling. Suddenly, it was released in a blow. She knew now that she had to keep her secret until death and not feel any remorse for it. No more. The picture of her son serving in the northern border instilled awareness in her that Ofek was susceptible to pain. This startled her and made her feel a kind of concern that she never felt before.
30
Sherry stood in front of the easel, trying to paint again, but everything in her mind was blank. She tried to impose herself onto the canvas and think about a subject to paint. Except for a terrible headache, she didn’t create a thing. She went down from the workroom and sat frustrated in the kitchen with Eyal.
“Is something wrong?” he asked.
“No, I wish. I can’t paint anything valuable. It’s driving me crazy.”
“It’s really time for you to do something for yourself,” Eyal responded. “You became a housewife with no ambitions. Muses are not born by just sitting at home and staring at the walls.”
“But, you can’t blame me for not trying. It just doesn’t work.”
“Your world of painting reflects your life. You’re sitting at home doing nothing, so what do you expect to come out from you? Even your last painting looks like an advertisement for shoe polish.”
Sherry was offended by his words. His cell phone rang and she hoped that he would answer and let her relax from the insult.
“So, for me, you can work in galleries or anywhere else, as long as you do something with yourself. I’m sick of you walking around the house like a wounded animal.”
“I thought I would get a little encouragement from you.”
He looked at her with contempt.
Eyal picked up the phone and looked at the screen. He raised his eyebrows in astonishment.
“Who is it?” Sherry asked.
“Gilad.”
“Who’s Gilad?”
“The Major General of the Northern operations. But, I don’t have any idea why he is calling me, unless war broke out. I wonder what he wants,” he said while dialing. “Yes Gilad, I’m home, I’ll wait for you.” Eyal closed the phone, thinking. IDF affairs were never easy, but to come to his house? Eyal hoped that it wouldn’t be bad news. “Gilad is on his way here,” he said to Sherry.
“Then I’ll go upstairs,” Sherry said.
“Sorry, we will continue the conversation later.”
“It is not necessary.”
Eyal smiled.
After five minutes there was a knock at the door and Eyal opened it for Gilad, and he noticed the serious look in his face. He went straight into the living room and sat on the couch.
“Would you like some coffee?” Eyal asked.
“No, come sit down.”
Eyal sat on the single couch, moving it to face Gilad and waited to hear what he had to say.
Gilad looks at Eyal and took a soft and a deep breath, begging that he didn’t have the need to say anything and Eyal would understand whom the subject was about. But, Eyal did not guess and continued to look to Gilad, waiting to hear the news.
“It is about your son, Ofek,” Gilad said, looking into the face of Eyal. “He fell from a height in a combat operation. His condition is serious. He is in Rambam hospital.”
Eyal did not say a word. He bowed his head and held it with both hands, feeling his limbs screaming inside his body. He wanted to release a huge scream from the inside. His heart was beating him, threatening to burst out of his body. Blood bubbled up inside him. He remained frozen for a while. His mind was paralyzed, unable to digest the depth of the tragedy that was inflicted on him. He raised his head.
“How is his situation?”
Gilad looks at Eyal and took a deep breath. “Very, very serious.” Gilad told him the details of the incident.
Gilad put a supporting hand on his shoulder. “There are representatives of the Medical Corps outside. Do you want me to let them in?”
“No.”
“Maybe your wife will need them?”
“I’d rather talk to her alone.”
Gilad nodded. “So, I’ll wait for you in my car outside. I think we should go together.”
Eyal took the stairs to the bedroom where Sherry was lying. His heavy breathing made it difficult for him to go up to the second floor. He sat in bed, supported by the headboard and held Sherry close to him without uttering a word.
“Is everything okay, Eyal?” she asked, when she noticed his strange behavior.
Eyal shook his head. “No, it’s not okay. Something terrible happened to us.” The words that came out from his mouth released the lump that suffocated his breath.
“The worst that has ever happened to us, Sherry.”
Sherry pulled away to look at his pale face, “Has something happened to Ofek?”
Eyal nodded.
Sherry remained stunned. “What happened to him?” Eyal embraced her, but she did not feel the hands that held her. She released herself from his arms. “Eyal, what happened to him?”
Eyal looked at her, but still couldn’t say the words. He was afraid to break in front of her. He wanted to be a strong support for her.
“Is he dead? Answer me,” she asked, scared.
“He is in serious condition in the hospital.”
Sherry was in shock. “Maybe they made a mistake. Maybe it’s not our son.”
Eyal stared at the wall in front of him. His hands were caressing her hair and his tears were held-back inside. “Come on, we better rush to the hospital. Gilad is waiting for us. With his siren, we will get there in the fastest possible time.”
“What about Shahar?”
“I’ll ask Ronit to come and take care of her. We have no choice. Tomorrow, we will assess the situation and see if I should bring my mother here. Right now, I’d prefer to have fewer people around me.”
Ronit arrived within 10 minutes. Sherry and Eyal entered Gilad’s car that was parked near the house. Time seemed to stop. Despite the siren and the late evening hour, they didn’t seem to be moving. Instead of getting close, they seemed to be getting away from Ofek, whose life was on borrowed time.
When they got to the hospital, they were informed that the doctors were in a dialogue. “When the doctor gets out, he will explain all to you,” the nurse informed them, allowing them to enter Ofek’s room.
Eyal and Sherry watched their son lying in bed, connected to a respirator. His body was swollen and he looked twice his size. Ironically, she thought, she didn’t take care of him all his life and now in his condition, she needed to take care of him 24 hours a day. She felt that she could not cope with the emotional burden and wanted to flee from the room. She had no right to stand by Ofek’s side, to touch him, to pity him, and to feel a mother’s instinct for him. But, she was hurt like she was never hurt before. Nothing in the successive trials in her life was compared to the pain she was feeling now. She held the hands that were stuck with needles and looked at him helplessly. A nurse came and informed them that the doctor was waiting for them in his office.
They sat down in the office of the doctor who introduced himself as Dr. Elimeleh. “You already know that your son fell from a great height during a military operation. Due to the fall, he is injured in the neck, in
the back, and immediately lost the ability to move his legs. When he arrived here, he was already in the state of quadriplegia. From the imaging that we did, we found a displacement in the cervical spine in the C5-6 vertebrae. There is considerable pressure in the spinal cord. He is on a respirator right now.”
“I want to know if I understand you. What you’re saying is that Ofek will be crippled?” Eyal asked anxiously.
The doctor nodded. “Until he arrived at the hospital, his condition had deteriorated, and we feared that the paralysis reached the respiratory system, so we hitched him to a respirator. Right now, we are fighting for his life, and the question of disability is not occupying us. I wish it was our problem now.”
Sherry and Eyal were silent for a while.
“So, will he remain like that, or is there a treatment that can improve the situation?” Eyal asked.
“We are considering doing a stretch with weight machines to return the vertebrae into place and ease the pressure on the spinal cord. But, based on the CT scan and the MRI, his condition is not good, and we’re afraid that we will not be able to put the vertebrae back in place.”
“And if we do try to return the vertebrae through the device, can it be harmful? Could it make things worse?” Eyal asked.
“There’s always a concern, but there is no choice. Due to the vertebral fracture, there is considerable pressure on the spinal cord, which will aggravate the situation. So, it’s important to put the vertebrae back in place and prevent the deterioration of the condition. In the consultation with the other doctors, we decided to do the stretch. But, it will take a few hours to know if his situation will improve.”
Sherry and Eyal were sitting in suspense in the waiting room. The doctor approached them from time to time to update them about the process of the treatment. Tension was evident in his face. A nerve-racking five hours had passed over Sherry and Eyal until the doctor approached them for the last time and informed them that the stretching machine was not able to put the vertebrae back in place. But, the pressure on the spinal cord became less and the bleeding stopped. “We just need to stabilize the condition,” he concluded.
Colors of the Shadow Page 23
