31
When they arrived home, she got out from the car hurriedly and went up to the bedroom. She heard Eyal’s footsteps climbing the stairs. She felt the bedroom walls closing over her. Everything around her became small: small walls, a small door, a low ceiling. Everything was coming closed together, threatening to crush her.
Eyal lay down in bed, resting his head on her knees with his face towards the ceiling. She looked at him. How she loved this man so much. She put her hand on his face. She wanted to touch him and enjoy a little longer with him before he would tear himself apart from her. How she would hurt him in a little while. She knew that she might lose her son as well as Eyal in exposing her secret, but it would be a moment where she could finally shed off the old Sherry. For the first time, she would give up her love for Eyal for the sake of her love for Ofek and herself. Afterwards, she would be freed from lies.
“About the words you slammed me today, I’m sorry if you felt that I look down on you. I did not mean to. Perhaps life really prepared you more than me for such situations like these.” He raised his head from her lap and laid it on the headboard. Sherry was pleased by his words. She felt that he relented a little, and maybe she would not need to reveal the truth to him. She sat across from him so she can look at him in the eyes. “So, do you agree to a surgery?”
“I can’t, Sherry. I can’t take even one chance that something will happen to him. You may talk about it a thousand times and the answer will still be the same.”
“You’re pushing me into a corner. Please sign the papers for the surgery. I beg you.”
“What language do you want me to tell you that I do not agree to the surgery? Besides, there’s also a financial problem. You can’t pay the money for the surgery, at least not right now.”
“That’s not a problem. I’ll take money from my sister.”
“Where will she get that amount to give you?”
Sherry thought that it was time to tell Eyal about the secret of the diamonds. “She is not giving me anything. It’s mine.” Sherry looked into the amazed face of Eyal. “She found the stolen diamonds.”
“What?!” Eyal was stunned. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s a long story. My mother was probably, after all, the one who stole them. She gave them to Tamar before she died and asked her to share them with me.”
“How many diamonds are we talking about?”
“A lot of money.”
“How much?”
“Several millions.”
He looked at her in disbelief. “I’m shocked.”
“I can imagine.”
“How long have you known this?”
“From that day that I met her in Egypt.”
“Wait, I’m confused.” He made a calculation in his head. “You’ve had the diamonds for almost 15 years? How come you never told me about it?”
“This is not the time to dwell on this subject.”
“What do you mean this is not the time to dwell on this subject, where is this money?”
“I left it to my sister.”
“Why?” he wondered. With no reply, he realized. “Oh no, not with your nonsense again.”
“Eyal, leave this topic now. I just wanted you to know that we have the money for the surgery.”
He gave a smirk. “That’s not what bothers me. If I were sure that the surgery would bring my son back to me, I would sell everything I have for it. Believe me, you’ve been lucky that my head now is focused on Ofek. Otherwise, this whole thing about the diamonds wouldn’t pass you in silence.”
“Eyal, you don’t understand the difficulty that Ofek has to deal with. He’ll have difficulty in breathing and phlegm that will disturb him to breathe and to eat. Ofek can’t eat alone, can’t walk alone or express himself verbally. The only thing that will remain healthy for him is his thinking. He wakes up everyday and dies everyday. So, what can be worse than this? Is this life? Do you think it is easy for me to send him to a surgery that only God knows if he can make it? But…”
“You’ve already made your point more than once, and I made mine, so enough with this.”
“Then, I’ll do the surgery without your consent,” she whispered.
He looked at her questioningly. “You can’t do it.”
“I can.” She looked away from him.
He turned her face to him. “What’s wrong with you, Sherry? I really do not know you anymore.”
She held his face with her two hands. “I hope that you will find the strength to forgive me.” She bit her lower lip.
“What now?” he asked, knowing that when she bites her lower lip, she has something uncomfortable to talk about.
“Do you want to know the reason why all these years I acted to Ofek the way I did?” She took her eyes away from Eyal and looked straight forward, staring at the walls.
“Sherry, this is not a good time to talk about these things.”
“For me, there will never be a good time to talk about this.”
He surrendered. “Okay, if this will make it easier for you, then speak it out.”
She was silent for a while. It had never been so difficult for her to speak. “Do you remember when I went to Istanbul to meet the family who took care of my sister?”
Eyal nodded.
“It was the beginning of our relationship. Actually, I went to see Amir, my friend from Iran, as I told you. We spent three days together. We talked about many things from our childhood.” Sherry felt the suffocation in her throat. “Because of our friendship, he persuaded his family to take my sister to his home, to adopt her. He was definitely a good friend of mine in the past, so meeting him in Istanbul alone didn’t make me feel afraid or reluctant.” She bit her lower lip again.
“We were of course in two different hotels.” She noticed that Eyal opened his eyes and looked at her quizzically. His face was tensed. “I really loved you, so much. You were always the person I loved the most, and therefore it’s hard for me to talk to you about it, but you left me with no choice. I know that you will think that the timing I chose is the worst. Amir raped me.”
He squeezed his eyes tightly, but this time it was not from fatigue, but from shock─from the profound insight into what happened over the years in front of his eyes. His face wore a serious expression that frightened her. He no longer possessed the gentle look that she was used to, the loving look. “Ofek is not my son. He is his son?” Eyal asked, in a voice that shook her.
“I do not know.”
He held his head with both hands. “How could I be so stupid all these years?” he said quietly, accompanied with an expression of rage that frightened her. If there was a fire in his eyes, he could wipe her out in just a moment. “You are the most disgusting person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”
His words pierced her like a knife. “You lied to me for 20 years. You can at least be faithful to your son, Ofek. If you had chosen not to tell me this, not now and never, you would still only be faithful to yourself. When it’s convenient for you, you hide, and when it’s not convenient for you, you simply take out, as long as Sherry feels good about herself.”
“It was not easy as you think. When I came back from Istanbul, I tried to break up with you more than once, but you didn’t let me leave, and I didn’t know you enough to share my rape experience with you.”
“In 20 years, you were not close enough to me?”
She twisted her hands tightly. “I couldn’t hide it from you anymore.”
“Why not? You did it for 20 years with great success.”
“In order to win you. But now, I want to win my son’s life. You didn’t leave me a choice.”
Only now that Eyal realized where she was heading, She wanted him to sign the document for the surgery, and if not, she would have to declare that he was not Ofek’s father and sign alone. He was shocked to tears. “You are the most disgusting woman I’ve ever met. If there is someone who deserves to decide for the fate of Ofek, it’s me. You didn’
t do anything for him all your life…” He thought for a moment. “I will not fight against you for the right to decide, and it’s not because I’m not ready to fight against you, but because I do not want the truth to be revealed to Ofek. It shocks me when I think how easy it is for you to send him into a very dangerous surgery.”
“I’m sorry, that’s what I feel needs to be done.”
He threw a grin. “It’s hard to believe, but my mom exposed you from the beginning. I should have listened to her.” He took a suitcase from the top of the closet.
“What are you doing?” she asked in a desperate voice.
“What I should have done 19 years ago, when I saw your sickening behavior towards Ofek. What were you thinking when you told me the secret, specifically at this difficult timing? Do you think that if I were not the real father, my feelings for him would just disappear? What do you think, that everyone has a switch just like Sherry, to switch it off and the feeling is gone? Ofek remains my son, and not only because of the fact that he had no one else except me. He lost his mother long before he was born, and who knows if that’s not what you want to do now.”
“He lost me because I put my love for you before my love for him.”
“And your love to yourself before anyone else.” The sight of Eyal putting his clothes into a suitcase without order depressed her. She stood in front of him with sadness, not sure if he felt sorry for her.
He threw the electric shaver into the suitcase. “It’s driving me crazy. I have rights to Ofek much more than you do. I love him so strongly. You’ll never know how to love.”
“That’s not true. I love him, and I’ve always loved him.”
“You had a very special way of showing it.”
“Where are you planning to go?”
“It’s none of your business.”
She wanted to stay strong, but the sight of Eyal packing his clothes and getting ready to leave caused her to lose her balance. Despite the awareness that he would leave the house, she never imagined that the experience would be so difficult. She lost her best friend. How could she go through the surgery of Ofek and everything that will come after without Eyal? “Do not go, please do not go,” she begged. “We should be together at these moments. I’ll go insane if I am alone now.”
“If I stay with you after this discovery, it is a sign that I am insane.”
She approached him, but he pushed her and she fell at the foot of the bed. He looked at her, making sure that it didn’t cause her damage, and then kicked the closet door in frustration, the mirror was shattered, just like Sherry’s heart.
She saw him closing the suitcase, and she rushed to lock the door, taking the key in her hand. “I will not let you go.”
He opened her hand with force and pulled out the key. He went down the stairs lightly, as if the fatigue that he felt before had disappeared. Sherry heard the engine of the car sawing her heart.
32
Morning light was penetrating slowly through the shutters, carrying a future without Eyal. Sherry looked towards the olive tree. Some parts of the branches made their way into the house through the open shutters.
“Mommy, are you sick?” Shahar asked, when she saw Sherry taking a pill. Sherry nodded. “What have you got?”
“Headache.”
“Where’s Daddy?”
“In the army.”
Shahar picked up the phone from the table to call her father to tell him that her mother was sick, but he did not answer. “Why did he not answer me?” Shahar asked. “He always answers me when I call him. Maybe your phone is not working, Mommy?”
“Maybe.”
Sherry stepped into the shower. She came out naked and rubbed her body with cream. Suddenly, she noticed Eyal standing in the doorway with Shahar in his arms. He was looking at her body. She noticed his eyes and covered her body with a sheet.
“Is Shahar not going to the kindergarten today?” he asked.
“I’ll take her later, unless she wanted you to take her.”
“No, I want you to take me.” Shahar said firmly, looking at her father with an apologetic smile, as if she were caught in a prohibited act.
“Ok, I’ll just take some things and I’m going,” Eyal said.
Sherry nodded. “I’m already vacating the room for you.”
The pain was evident in her face. He went down to the kitchen and made himself a cup of coffee. Then he went into the bedroom to take his things. He heard her crying softly behind the door, wondering whether to go inside or wait downstairs for her to get down. Finally, he decided not to let her tears delay his visit to Ofek. He opened the door and found her quickly wiping her tears.
She was about to go out from the room, but paused for a moment.
“Eyal, Shahar will probably suffer a lot from our separation. I don’t want you to make it hard for her. If you see a call that comes from my cell phone or from home, answer it please. I really don’t know how to explain to Shahar why you are not answering her anymore when she wanted to talk to you from my cell phone. Today, she tried to tell me that my phone was not working.”
“I need to be sure about your real motives before I will let you bother me.”
She looked at him, amazed. “So, for the sake of Shahar, you need to take the risk.”
“Leave my relationship with Shahar to me.”
She was sitting in the kitchen when Eyal came down the stairs with another suitcase. The pain was excruciating. He kissed Shahar and left without saying goodbye to her.
Sherry called her sister, but there was no answer. She went to the computer and sent her an e-mail ‘that she forgave her mother’—the code that they agreed on in Egypt in case Sherry wanted the money from the diamonds. She enclosed the number of her and Eyal’s joint account, and the number of the bank as additional numbers, hoping that her sister would decipher the code. Then, she took Shahar to the kindergarten and went to visit Ofek. When she came back home, she checked her mail, but there was no reply received from Tamar. She felt a terrible headache. Her thoughts raced back and forth, searching for a reason why Tamar did not get back to her. Followed by these thoughts, fears came as to why her sister did not get in touch with her. What if she couldn’t transfer the money to her? Or maybe, heaven forbid, she didn’t have it anymore... These were all good enough reasons to deprive her of the chance of saving Ofek.
How she needed Eyal so much at this moment. She assumed that he believed that she was not suffering from Ofek’s condition. She couldn’t blame him for this. Anyone who had seen her attitude towards Ofek would assume that the case didn’t affect her. Even Ofek must be thinking at this moment that his injury really didn’t interest her.
She recalled the various events in her life. There were times that her soul went out to Ofek and she wanted to embrace him, but her soul had gone back and was locked, refusing to allow her to do so. At 8:00 in the morning the next day, Sherry called her sister again.
“Good morning Sherry,” Tamar answered her.
“I sent you a message.”
“Yes, I saw it just now. What happened?”
“Ofek is very sick.”
Tamar was silent for a moment. She knew that Ofek was a soldier and preferred not to ask too many questions. “Sherry, I’ll talk to you later. I’m here alone with the children and Amir is abroad. I’m sure our mother is praying for you in heaven and will send you her blessing.”
Sherry hung up. It was clear to her that her sister figured out the message. Usually, they talked about everyday topics for at least 15 minutes, but in the sensitive issue of the diamonds, Tamar preferred to cut it short. Sherry was sure that her sister would not delay the money even for a moment, and the fact that Amir was abroad would certainly expedite the process.
Sherry went to the hospital and found Eyal in the waiting room. After half an hour, she was allowed to enter Ofek’s room. The swelling in his face and his body was less. He lay perfectly still and stared at her with an expression that Sherry interpreted as full
of admonition for not keeping her promise.
On her way home, she got a phone call from the bank. The teller told her about the large amount that was deposited to her account. It was clear to Sherry that this was the amount that her sister transferred for her.
She immediately called the clinic of Professor Bar-tov to set an appointment. Since Ofek needed an urgent surgery, the secretary made an appointment for that same day. Sherry arrived at the office of Professor Bartov at the appointed time.
“Is it a done deal for you and for your husband?” Professor Bartov asked.
“Done and closed,” she replied firmly.
“Why is your husband not here?”
“He’s a little afraid...”
“You are aware that his signature is needed for the surgery.”
“It’s okay, he will sign.”
He looked at her for a moment. “I understand your husband. It’s a very difficult surgery with big risks...”
She sealed herself from fears. “Do your best. When can you do the surgery?”
“The sooner the better, in two or three days.”
She felt her heartbeat. Suddenly, it was so close. At this span of time, she was already aware of her responsibility.
“It can be cancelled if it’s hard for you,” the professor said.
“It’s hard for me, but I’m not going to withdraw,” she answered in a very weak voice that she couldn’t even hear herself.
“All right, I’ll take care of the procedure that is related to the surgery and you can arrange with my secretary about the payment. Call your husband now to come and sign. Don’t waste time.”
“I’ll do it. Thanks.”
An end-of-May breeze was blowing outside. It was still cold at night, but Sherry felt the hotness in her soul. She called Eyal. The attachment of numbers that thrilled her heart in the past made her anxious now. She waited for him to answer, hoping that he would have the brain to understand that if she called, then it was probably urgent, but he did not answer.
She sent him the text message, ‘the surgery will be in three days, get to the office of Professor Bar-tov to sign the documents.’ Immediately, her phone rang. Suddenly, he was available. “That fast?” he asked.
Colors of the Shadow Page 25
