“Yes, I was surprised, too.”
She gave him the details of her conversation with the professor.
“...I understand that this is final for you.”
“And also for you. After you sign the papers, he will start the procedure for the surgery.” She held her breath for a moment, afraid that despite this, Eyal would still be hard on her. “I’m still near his office. Do you want me to wait for you?”
“No need. I’ll be fine.”
She went to pick up Shahar at Ronit’s house and went to her house exhausted. It was a long day, with no moment of rest, and now she also noticed that she had eaten nothing but an apple. She ordered pizza and sat to eat it in the kitchen together with Shahar. Now that she got rid of all the obstacles and managed to perform the surgery, she no longer had other thoughts that would divert her from the main thing—Ofek. From the first bite, she lost her appetite. She put the pizza aside and looked at Shahar cutting her share of pizza. Her small fingers were smeared with red nail polish that she applied at Ronit’s house. Sherry pulled Shahar’s chair and held her body close to her. Shahar and Sherry both fell asleep right away.
33
A few hours before the surgery, Eyal felt like an animal in a cage. He drove aimlessly and finally found himself stopping near their house, where only Sherry and their daughter lived now. He sat in the car for several minutes, trying to wonder what was going on with her behind the door. Finally, he got out and rang the doorbell. Right now, all he wanted was to be around Shahar and Sherry, two people close to Ofek, but there was no response. He looked up towards the bedroom and saw the lights on. He assumed that Sherry heard the doorbell, but did not open it because she didn’t think that he was behind it. He went back to the car and drove away.
Zero hour arrived. Sherry and Eyal stood at Ofek’s bedside and waited for the attendant who would come to transport him to the operating room. A dreadful and a quick thought crossed Eyal’s mind that this might be the last time he would see his son alive. It was clear to him that if something happened to Ofek, he wouldn’t forgive himself for giving up his right and not fighting against Sherry. He looked at her. She revealed nothing of what was going on inside her. Even when Professor Bar-tov came in and shook her hand goodbye, she remained impenetrable. She just bent over Ofek and whispered something. That was it.
They went into the waiting room and Eyal exchanged a few words with Eran on the phone before approaching his mother and explaining that he couldn’t stay in the hospital because he had to perform a certain operation in the army. He stood near Sherry for a moment without a word. Sherry looked up at him, but he just said, “good luck,” and left.
Sherry knew that Eyal preferred to stay away from the hospital and spend the waiting hours at work. He preferred to go to a military operation than to sit idle in the hospital.
The waiting room was very large and the sparse furniture created some sort of empty and hollow atmosphere. Inappropriate rows of benches were placed along the walls with large windows. There was a small and scratched table that spent long hours saturating pain; it signified most of all the stress and anxiety that dominated all who waited. Another family was waiting for their daughter to come out from the operating room. Eyal’s mother conducted a friendly conversation with them. Sherry got up and walked back and forth, away from them. Time didn’t pass. The clock dozed off, as if unable to carry the time. Sherry stared at it again and again, but it didn’t move forward…Three more hours until the end of the surgery. Will Ofek be able to hang on? Would she hug and kiss him again? She sat in the television room without looking at the screen. On the news, she heard of the tension in Lebanon again and thought how she pitied Eyal for having to deal with it.
She saw Eyal’s mother entering the room. She served her a cup of coffee, then sat beside her and held her shoulders. “Do you mind if I sit next to you?” she asked
“You can sit next to me, thank you,” Sherry replied.
They sat together without exchanging words.
Two hours were left from the estimated end of the surgery.
Again, the clock was not moving.
Sherry saw Dr. Bar-tov approach her with a vague face. According to what he told her, there was one hour left until the end of the surgery. Anxiety increased, and a chill spread through her body. “Is everything all right? Is he alive?” Sherry asked. She was unable to wait even for a second for what the doctor had to say.
“Yes,” the doctor smiled. “The operation went well. He is alive. I put the vertebrae back in place and set them. We just need to wait until he awakens.”
Sherry released a sigh of relief. At least she did not kill him by forcing the surgery to happen. “Thank you, I owe you so much.”
The doctor smiled at her again. “I suppose that from now on, his condition will get better.” He left the room, and Sherry felt that she needed a few minutes for herself. She leaned her head against the wall and closed her eyes. She felt how the tears drained out from them.
“Would you like to inform Eyal, or should I?” his mother asked.
“You inform him,” Sherry replied, still with closed eyes, knowing that for Eyal, as long as Ofek was alive, it was already a success.
After an hour, Eyal arrived and found Sherry sitting with his mother in the waiting room. His mother got up and hugged him. “He’s in the recovery room.”
He nodded. “What did Dr. Bar-tov say? Will his condition get better?” He turned to Sherry.
“He thinks so.”
A week after the operation, Ofek could already talk in a weak voice and move his hands, but it required much effort. The professor touched his knee, but Ofek did not respond. He did some more tests and then asked Sherry and Eyal to join him in his office.
“Generally, I am very pleased with the results of the surgery. Your son will undergo additional treatments in the various departments at the hospital that will maximize the improvement of his condition. I believe that in a few weeks, he will talk more easily, eat alone, breathe without the danger of suffocation, and even get out of bed and move his wheelchair with his hands and without help.”
“And after some time he will get out from the wheelchair?” Sherry asked.
“I’m sorry, the chance is very slim. Let’s put it this way─a lot depends on your son now, and only time will tell us with certainty about the rate of the recovery.”
Sherry nodded. “So, let’s not tell this to Ofek until we see where the rate of the recovery is heading.”
The doctor looked at her for a moment, considering her words.
“Maybe if he knows that he can’t walk, he will invest less effort to make himself better,” she explained.
“But if he asks me, I need to tell him the truth,” Professor Bar-tov said.
“What does it matter if he knows the truth now or in two months? If we tell him this now, maybe it will damage his motivation, right?”
“I also prefer it that way,” Eyal said.
The doctor nodded in agreement.
Sherry came home and planned to finally clean the house. She was surprised to see that the door was open and the yard was clean.
She went inside and found Ronit and Shahar sitting on the carpet in the living room. “Who cleaned the house?”
“My cleaner,” Ronit replied. “It’s interesting that I only thought about it today, stupid me.”
Sherry smiled. “It’s okay. Let’s say that it’s not what bothered me.”
“I guess it’s not me either,” Ronit replied, and went to make two cups of coffee. Sherry took advantage of the time to send an email to her sister where she continued to update her about the condition of Ofek as well as the further treatments.
“Today, he was able to talk and move his hands,” Sherry told Ronit happily.
“I know, Eyal called us. You have no idea what he had gone through those two weeks.”
“I do know. But now he has another concern─how to inform Ofek that we’re not together anymore. He will need
to tell him somehow, right?”
Ronit was pensive. “You’ll have to talk about it with Eyal and decide how you will do it.”
“Meanwhile, we will leave it this way,” Sherry said. “At least until his condition improves.”
“Maybe you’ll get back to living together.” Ronit smiled and Sherry looked at her doubtfully.
The following week, Ofek was transferred to the trauma unit where he had undergone physiotherapy and hydrotherapy treatments. Sherry visited Ofek every day and spent many hours in the hospital. There were long moments where she felt that her presence embarrassed him. He behaved to her politely, but seemed unable to believe that she was able to adapt herself to motherhood overnight. But, she didn’t let his embarrassment stop her from loving him and showing him the emotions of a mother. She arranged his pillow a dozen times, hugged and kissed him all the time and bought different kinds of devices that activated his body.
On one occasion, a nurse approached them and put her hand on Sherry’s shoulders. “You have a very special son. He knows that I’m his fan.” The nurse gave Ofek a supportive look. And when Sherry went out for a moment, the nurse approached her. “You don’t have any idea how hard he works. Two days ago, I saw him undergoing his hydrotherapy treatments. It was so difficult for him, but he did not give up.” The nurse smiled. “When he got out of the pool, all the therapists applauded him. You should have seen them. Not a lot of people with a fighting spirit like him.”
Sherry felt proud.
Ofek was transferred to the rehabilitation department after three weeks. Sherry headed to his new room. On her way, she crossed a nice and small coffee shop where patients and visitors sat together. She didn’t find Ofek in his bed. “Try to check at the dining room,” a man lying near Ofek’s bed said. “It’s down the hall.”
Sherry was sure it was a mistaken identity. Her son couldn’t get out of bed yet. She went down the hallway and entered a large hall. One end was a sitting area with television, and at the other end was where all the patients sat and were eating. She looked for Ofek. He sat there in a wheelchair and was eating. She walked towards him and sat beside him happily. “It’s so nice to see you out of bed.”
“Yes, for the first time. Can you cut my bread?” he asked her. “I have some trouble with my left hand.”
She cut the bread into small pieces.
“Now, put the fork between my fingers,” he said. It was still hard for him to move his head towards the direction of where she sat. She put the fork between his fingers and he collected the food with great difficulty. “I must make an effort with this hand until it surrenders,” he smiled slightly. “You can go watch TV until I finish eating. As you can see, it will take me a long time.”
Sherry wanted to sit next to him and serve him in case he needed help, but on second thought, she realized that it was better to leave him to manage by himself. She went to rest in the sitting area. When Ofek finished his meal, he sat down beside her and explained his situation in a few words. Only when Eyal arrived, Ofek suddenly had so much to talk about. He told him about the progress of the treatments, about the doctors and the nurses, about his success of sitting in the wheelchair without help and even joked about the wayward hand that couldn’t hold a fork properly.
A month after Ofek was transferred to the rehabilitation department, Sherry saw Ofek and Eyal sitting in the coffee shop with their backs to her. The first thing she noticed was the missing wheelchair near Ofek. Instead, there was a walker. She kept standing in place and tried to interpret what she saw. ‘Is Ofek released from the chair?’ she asked herself. But, she had no courage to ask Ofek. Negative response was more disappointing to Ofek than to her. She recovered a bit and was about to approach them when she saw Ofek rise slowly, holding the walker. She returned to her car and began to release her happiest cry.
After 10 minutes, she returned to the ward. Ofek was lying in bed and Eyal sat beside him.
“What’s that?” Sherry asked, looking at the walker.
Ofek smiled. “It’s a bit hard, but I do not want to give up on myself. Now, my goal is to move to crutches.” Eyal raised a meaningful look at Sherry and released a slight smile. Sherry sat with them for half an hour while she mostly listened to the conversation between Eyal and Ofek. Finally, when she realized that Eyal planned to stay with Ofek at least another three hours, she decided to leave them alone and spend time with Shahar. She hadn’t spent enough time with her lately.
The next day, Sherry came to visit and brought Shahar with her. She stopped at the entrance of Ofek’s room, and he gave her a puzzled look. “Why don’t you come in?” he asked when he saw that she continued to stand at the door.
“Oh, it’s your sister who is holding me up.”
Ofek straightened in bed. “What a surprise!” Ofek said when he saw Shahar come in. “Hey little girl, I haven’t seen you in a while.” Shahar was a little shy. “Come and sit here next to me,” Ofek said. Sherry put her on bed where Ofek was lying.
“So tell me, are you taking care of my laptop?”
She nodded shyly. It seemed hard for her to recognize her big brother lying in a hospital bed. Then in a moment, she was back to herself. “I’m not touching his laptop, right Mommy?”
Sherry smiled.
Sherry’s smile irritated Shahar, as if her smile was disclosing her.
“Shahar, you can have my laptop as a gift,” Ofek said, causing Shahar to smile happily. “But, I have to copy out a few things from there and I’m afraid that you will delete them accidentally, so try not to play with it too much.”
“So, when will you copy?” That was it. She returned to her chutzpah that everyone knew.
“The next time you come here, bring it with you. I have a lot of free time here.”
Shahar was beaming.
“Daddy’s here.” Ofek turned to Sherry.
“Where is he?” Sherry asked coldly.
“He went to talk on the phone, as usual. Oh, here he is,” Ofek said.
Sherry looked towards the door. Eyal lifted Shahar and kissed her.
“Ofek, do you know that daddy is not living in the house anymore?” Shahar said unexpectedly.
Ofek looked at Eyal questioningly. And Eyal regretted not talking with Shahar about it. It was not fair that he left home without explaining to her, and now Ofek also had to hear about it in the wrong circumstances and timing.
“I’m sorry that you hear this now and in this way, Ofek,” Eyal apologized.
Ofek did not respond.
34
Ofek returned home. He walked independently with the help of crutches, still with measured movements. His left hand worked well and the movement range of his head got better and better. He started treatment at Levinstein Center where Sherry drove him twice a week. The treatments had improved his condition as well as his relationship with his mother.
Many times, after Ofek finished his physiotherapy, they would sit together to eat in a restaurant area next to Levinstein Center, while Sherry was thinking of the reformation that she got in the form of a new opportunity to love Ofek in an exceptional intensity and accompany him to the treatment. Was there a need for this horrible journey in order for her to reform?
“I think you can stop troubling yourself by accompanying me to Levinstein hospital.” He surprised her on one occasion that they were sitting in a coffee shop as usual. “I’ll go to the treatment alone tomorrow.”
Sherry opened her eyes in astonishment. “Are you sure? I mean, I’m glad that you’re independent, but I want to be sure that you can drive safely and carefully. Maybe we should put this on hold for a while?”
“I consulted Daddy. He also thinks that it’s time to get back to normal. I’m back to driving and you can go back to your paintings,” he smiled slightly.
“Okay,” she agreed reluctantly.
“What happened?” Ofek asked when he was not able to figure out her disappointment.
“I enjoyed being with you.”
“But it’s more pleasant to paint than taking care of a disabled person, right?”
“It has already been several years that painting was not working for me.”
“Do not exaggerate. You are absolutely a well-known figure in the world of painting. I even saw an article written about you in a magazine when I was waiting for my treatment in Levinstein.”
“A small article in the magazine was forgotten, and it didn’t indicate success. I’m stepping into the place for a long time. Do you know how many times I sat in front of the canvas and couldn’t get anything out of myself?” She felt so lost and desperate.
“It’s frustrating.” Ofek took her out from her reflections. “I know the feeling when something you used to do easily suddenly requires a great effort from you. It does not always work.”
Sherry suddenly did not feel comfortable complaining about muse’s problems in front of Ofek and his problems. “I’m sorry to bother you about my small problems while you...”
Ofek interrupted her “Let’s put some of my problems aside. Why don’t you have the urge to paint?”
“I wish I knew why it doesn’t attract me just like before. The desire to succeed seems dissolved. The heat is down. Sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong profession. I could have chosen any field that I wanted, so, why did I choose a profession that is difficult to succeed with and that requires a lot of investment?”
“It’s maybe because you prefer a profession that will challenge you and will always stabilize a new standard for you, and not a profession with a safe runway where you will surely be bored to death. In recent weeks, I learned to appreciate frustration, to see in it some sort of setting a new challenge. It’ll come back to you. If I came back, then everything can go back,” he encouraged her.
Sherry smiled at him lovingly.
Ofek began going to Levinstein Center by himself, leaving Sherry to wait anxiously for his return. After a few times driving there and back alone, Sherry relaxed.
She went to her workroom and tried to paint. The last time she was in the room was long before Ofek’s injury. Since then, she had not touched a brush. Only a few months had passed, but it seemed like so many years to her. So many events were packed within those months! She worked without knowing what she was going to paint. Pictures were running in her head, one after the other. Her son lying immobile in a hospital… her father lying in bed in the warehouse in Isfahan… saying a prayer for a girl that was buried not far away… she and her mother sitting under strawberry trees… Each painting was a memory from her past. She was flooded, and all her thoughts were thrown to the canvas in a stream of consciousness.
Colors of the Shadow Page 26
