Valentines Say I Love You

by Denise L. Wyant

  Hailey picked up a red construction paper heart and absently turned it over. A vanilla candle burned on the living room table. Her stomach growled, reminding her she hadn’t eaten since early that morning when they left Kansas City. Kaitlin scarfed down both her breakfast and a sandwich at the airport, but Hailey had been too nervous to eat. She glanced at the grandfather clock in the living room. It was just after three o’clock—too early for dinner, but not too early for a snack and a cup of hot chocolate. Hailey peered around Kaitlin and into the dining room. A large oak table set for eight sat in the center of the room. A matching sideboard leaned against the deep burgundy-papered wall. A silver tea set with a cream and sugar pitcher sat on the red tablecloth. Grandma always kept an assortment of teas, hot chocolates, hot water, and a plate of cookies for guests. But, today, the sideboard was empty. Hailey frowned. Had Grandma forgotten to set out the afternoon snacks?

  In the dance hall, next door to the living room, Hailey could hear tables and chairs being moved. Grandpa’s deep voice carried through the wall as he instructed where to set up each table. Above Hailey’s head, Grandma’s footsteps tread lightly on the hardwood floors as she opened room doors, searching for something. From the time Hailey was ten until she was sixteen, she attended International Schools. But, she loved nothing more than returning to her grandparent’s hotel for holidays. She’d been thrilled to move back to the small village of Eaglewood for her senior year of high school and everything went well until that fateful moment during the senior graduation party. After that night, everything changed. She’d gone from being her father’s beautiful daughter, with her whole life ahead of her, to a shame and a disgrace.

  Tears gathered in Hailey’s throat and she brushed away the painful feelings. She turned away so Kaitlin wouldn’t look up and see her tears. Snow fell outside the large bay window of the living room. Thick heavy green drapes were tied back with gold-tasseled ties. The lawn was already covered by at least ten inches of snow. Piles of shoveled snow lined the driveway, and a new cover of snow covered the black asphalt. It’d been snowing all afternoon, but Hailey didn’t worry about the weather canceling her grandparent’s party: it snowed all winter in western New York. Everyone managed to make their way around without problems. In elementary school, Hailey could count on her right hand the times she had a full day off from school for a snow day. Hailey wiggled her toes inside the too large, red, fur-lined slippers. Grandmother always kept a box of items guests left behind. This afternoon, when Hailey and Kaitlin arrived, Grandma dug the slippers out of the box and insisted Hailey wear them. Kaitlin was thrilled to dig inside the box and hunt for a pair of thick socks as if it was a treasure hunt.

  Turning her attention back to her daughter, Hailey leaned close and in a tone that sounded more like best friends conspiring said, “Do you know what we could use to make this moment absolutely perfect?”

  “Tissue paper to decorate the Valentines?” Kaitlin asked hopefully.

  “Well,” Hailey said. Her light laughter danced around the room. “Yes, we could use some tissue paper, but this box of construction paper, dollies and scissors was all I found in Grandma’s office.” Hailey reached over and touched her daughter’s long, silky blonde hair. Kaitlin’s hair was so unlike her own and so like…Hailey stopped herself. She wasn’t going to think about Kaitlin’s father. He was only a memory. He was a high school picture she kept tucked away in her nightstand. A picture she pulled out when it’d been an extremely long day and she wanted a listening ear. “I think we need some hot chocolate,” Hailey said.

  “With marshmallows?” Kaitlin asked. Her face shone with an inner glow of childhood optimism.

  “Yes,” Hailey said. “I’m sure we can find a marshmallow or two in the kitchen.” She once had the same hopeful spirit as her daughter, but ten years of hard work and making ends meet, while being a single parent, had worn away at the edges of that optimism. Hailey pushed back her chair. Her slippered foot touched a threadbare piece of carpet. Hailey stared down at the thinning carpet and frowned. Grandpa always kept the Elmheart Hotel in pristine condition. It had been listed on all the best travel sites for years. Grandpa proudly displayed each’ best travel site ‘sticker on the glass door in the entryway. Hailey stood with her hands braced on the card table and listened. Other than her grandpa’s work in the dance hall, and her grandmother’s steps above her head, she hadn’t heard guests all afternoon. She assumed the hotel would be packed with her grandparents’ friends attending the anniversary party. Hailey remembered Grandma and Grandpa always hosted holiday parties. Everything from large Fourth of July barbeques to New Year’s Eve dance parties in the ballroom. The parties were some of the best attended in the area. Grandma often hired musicians from the local university who performed everything from harp solos to the sounds of the Big Band era. People talked about the parties for weeks afterward while waiting eagerly for the next invitation to arrive. If guests were arriving to check in, a few of them should have arrived by now. Hailey made a note to talk to her grandmother about the hotel. She hoped nothing was wrong.

  Hailey leaned over and kissed Kaitlin lightly on the head. Kaitlin looked up at her mom. Her eyes widened in surprise. “What was that for?”

  “Because I love you,” Hailey said, and squeezed her daughter’s shoulder.

  “I love you too, Mom,” Kaitlin said. She placed a pink paper cut-out heart in the stack. “This is going to be the best Valentine’s Day ever!”

  Hailey turned away from the living room and stepped lightly toward the kitchen. She felt happier than she had in a long time. She was glad to see Kaitlin so cheerful about Valentine’s Day. Kaitlin had been having problems with the other girls in her class teasing and bullying her. They met with her teacher, but the problems still hadn’t stopped. Girls could be so cruel- sometimes. Hailey dreaded thinking about what Valentine’s Day might be for daughter. Thankfully, she was here and Kaitlin wouldn’t have to suffer a Valentine’s Day in a classroom full of kids who decided not to give her Valentine cards.

  Hailey pushed open the swinging kitchen door and bumped into a very solid body standing on the other side. “I’m so sorry,” Hailey said quickly. “I didn’t realize anyone was in the kitchen.” She stepped away from the door and looked up into the face of the one man she swore she’d never see again.

  “Can I help you with something?” Patrick asked. He wiped his hands on the white apron tied around his waist. The apron covered black jeans and he wore a white sweatshirt with SUNY, Albany written across the front. His hair was still the same sandy brown Hailey remembered from high school. She knew exactly how that hair felt when she’d run her hands through it— smooth and fine-textured, and when Patrick picked her up for a date, his hair was never quite dry and curled around the edges of his shirt collar.

  Hailey inhaled sharply. She´d spent years remembering him; years of seeing Patrick when Kaitlin looked at her with the same bright blue eyes. Now, here he was, in front of her. But, did he even remember her? They only dated for six months at the end of high school. It was ten years later. How would she tell him about Kaitlin?

  Flustered, Hailey quickly headed for the far left hand cabinet. “I’m just going to make some hot chocolate. I won’t be here long.” Hailey reached up and swung open the cabinet to find a stack of cups and glasses. “Oh! I guess things have changed a little bit.”

  “The food is in the pantry.” Patrick opened a door covered with chalk paint, the same kind Hailey used on Kaitlin’s bedroom room wall when her daughter wanted to color on the walls at age five. On the other side of the pantry door, there were floor-to-ceiling shelves with canister and box sizes in every shape filled with tomatoes, sauces, and rice. “The hotel doesn’t serve a breakfast anymore. It only caters special events. We moved the pantry to make more room for the larger food items needed for special events.”

  “I guess I won’t be able to find a packet of hot choco
late in those large cans?” She kept her eyes focused just slightly to the left of Patrick so she didn’t have to meet him in the eye. Hailey hoped her voice sounded light and not filled with the anxieties that plagued her stomach.

  “There might be some in here.” Patrick stepped half-way into the pantry. Hailey couldn’t help noticing Patrick was as fit as he’d been as a high school baseball player. But, now he’d filled out and become a man. His broad shoulders filled his sweatshirt and she knew that underneath the jeans she’d find toned legs.

  “Here it is!” Patrick pulled out a large canister labeled, 'hot chocolate.’ He waved it in the air before he popped the lid and peered inside. “It looks as though there is plenty in here. How many cups do you need?”

  “Two,” Hailey said. “One for me and one for my daughter.” Suddenly, she swallowed hard, the words threatening to burst from her.

  Our daughter.

  Ten years ago, Hailey believed she was doing the right thing by not telling Patrick. She didn’t want to take away his opportunity to go to college on his baseball scholarship. If she told him about her pregnancy, Hailey knew Patrick would have given up everything. That was the last thing she wanted. But now his daughter was in the other room. He should know Kaitlin. Kaitlin should know him. But, how was she going to tell either one of them?

  The heat rose to Hailey’s face. She had to escape the kitchen. She needed time to think. Quickly, Hailey backed toward the doorway.

  Her hands touched the doorknob, as Patrick said softly, “Please don’t leave, Hailey.”

  ***

  Patrick stood, motionless. He stared into the eyes of the girl he once loved more than anything. The girl he hoped to marry. The girl he lost because of his stupidity in trying to follow a dream that dissolved before it even began.

  “Mom!” A young girl, who looked to be about seven or eight, stepped into the kitchen. She wore light blue jeans, a hooded sweatshirt and bright blue socks. Long blonde hair cascaded down her back. She could have been Hailey twenty-years ago. The girl placed her hands on her small hips. “I’m hungry!”

  Patrick stepped backward and winced. His right knee ached the way it always did when he stood too long.

  “Are you okay?” Hailey’s eyebrows drew together. A small wrinkle formed in the space between them. She reached her hand out to him, and then snapped it back as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t.

  “I’m fine.” Patrick shifted his weight to his left leg. He’d learned to compensate for the pain a long time ago. But what he couldn’t wrap his mind around was Hailey. Hailey had a daughter, and most likely she was married. Quickly, he glanced down at her hands. She wore a pearl ring on her right ring finger but nothing on her left. Patrick’s heart lifted. Don’t go there, he warned himself. It didn’t matter that Hailey wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. The ring could be in the jewelry shop getting cleaned. She might have lost it. She might just choose not to wear one. And even if Hailey wasn’t married, that didn’t mean she didn’t have someone she cared deeply about and who cared about her.

  “I’ve got a pot of soup cooking,” Patrick said, turning away from Hailey and toward Kaitlin. “My kitchen helper, Devon, is always hungry. He should be here soon. He comes in after school to help with large events like the party tonight. Would you like some soup?”

  Kaitlin wrinkled her nose. “I only like chicken noodle soup. What kind are you cooking?”

  “Kaitlin!” Hailey said sharply. “Remember your manners.”

  “Chicken noodle,” Patrick said. He smiled at Kaitlin. “It’s Devon’s favorite soup too.” Kaitlin reminded him of his sister when she was younger. After their mom died, it was up to him to make the meals for both him and his sister, Angie. His dad, when not running the bar, was too busy drinking his dinner. Patrick quickly learned how to heat up a can of soup. He also discovered how to scour the floor of the bar for their lunch money. Sometimes, the bar’s line cook gave Patrick and Angie a plate of buffalo wings for an after-school snack. Both of them enjoyed sitting at the bar with their feet dangling from the stools. But, one day the liquor board inspector showed up unexpectedly. The inspector gave Dad a large fine for allowing two underage kids in the bar. After that, Patrick had to slip into the kitchen and grab a to-go box stuffed with buffalo wings and fries. Now, Angie lived in Portland, Oregon. Patrick missed her a lot and seeing Kaitlin made him smile in a way he hadn’t since Angie moved.

  “Chicken noodle soup sounds good,” Kaitlin said. “Where is the hot chocolate?” She scanned the kitchen as if she were a health department inspector.

  “Right here.” Patrick picked up the large canister from the counter. “There is a faucet at the sink that pours hot water. All you need is a couple heaping spoonfuls and you’re good to go.”

  “What about marshmallows?” Kaitlin continued with her questions.

  “Kaitlin,” Hailey said. “That’s enough.” She pressed her lips together and gave her head a disapproving shake. Hailey’s strawberry-blonde hair swung across her thin, cotton sweater revealing a hole near the top left hand shoulder. Patrick frowned. Hailey never wore clothes with holes in them. She always had beautiful clothing, expensive, and well-tailored to fit her small frame.

  “But Mom,” Kaitlin whined, “you promised marshmallows.”

  “I did not,” Hailey said. “You asked and I told you I would look.”

  Patrick chuckled. It was good to hear Hailey bantering back and forth with Kaitlin. Family was something he wanted, but it was a wish he didn’t voice to many people. It was hard, after what happened with his baseball dream, to want and wish for anything again. He’d learned the hard way what happened to those wishes and dreams. They could go up in smoke in a minute. Gone forever, leaving you an empty playing field and a hard, long run down the bases.

  “Mmmm….” Patrick said. “I’m not sure about marshmallows. Why don’t you hop over to the pantry and poke around?”

  “Are you the hotel’s cook?” Kaitlin asked.

  “I’m the Chef for special events.” Patrick straightened. He was proud of his job as the hotel’s Chef. It hadn’t been easy to land the job. If it wasn’t for the help of Frank Sullivan, his long-time mentor, he doubted he even would have been considered. When he walked into the interview, Mrs. Matthews immediately remembered him as her granddaughter’s high school boyfriend. She hired him on the spot. Mr. Matthews had been a little cool to him, but he figured it was just his lack of experience. Patrick worked hard to build up the special events and functions at the hotel. He’d been working at turning the hotel back into a profitable business—something it hadn’t been for years. Secretly, he hoped to find out a little bit more about what had happened to Hailey. Now that he had a career, he had something to offer her— not like before when he lived with illusions of becoming a professional ball player.

  Kaitlin nodded thoughtfully. “Mom cooks at our house. I don’t have a dad, but I always thought it’d be nice to have a dad who cooked, too.” She turned away from Patrick and scooped a heaping spoonful of chocolate mix into a yellow mug.

  Patrick’s heart twisted and ached for Kaitlin. He knew what it was like to not have a parent. He glanced over at Hailey and noted she had gone completely pale. Quickly, Patrick reached over and grabbed a chair from the round table in the corner of the kitchen. He took Hailey’s arm and gently guided her to the chair. “Is everything okay?” He leaned down. She smelled like sunlit meadows in the summer, and for a minute, he felt dizzy and wanted to sit down, too.

  Hailey stared at Patrick’s hand, still resting on her forearm. She gazed up with those wide, hazel eyes that used to make him melt.

  “I’m okay,” she mumbled. “It must be the heat in the kitchen. I’ve been cold all afternoon, and I just got a little warm.”

  “When Devon arrives, I’ll have him start a fire in the living room fireplace.” P
atrick checked the digital clock on the stove. “He should be here in a few minutes. Maybe Kaitlin would like to help, too.” Patrick felt himself craving alone time with Hailey. He wanted to brush his lips across hers. Feel the softness of her cheek, run his hands through her hair, and breathe in more of her.

  “Oh no,” Hailey said, and struggled to stand up. “Kaitlin doesn’t know how to start a fire. In our house, we flip a wall switch and the fireplace comes to life.”

  “Nothing wrong with her learning, “Patrick said. “Devon is a good teacher. They’ll be careful.” He smiled at Hailey. Hailey was a good mom. He’d seen her natural instinct to mother in high school. There were always a handful of younger brothers and sisters attending the high school baseball games. Usually, they clustered together, playing in a pile of dirt, or running and playing tag among the bleachers. But, baseball games could be long, and often someone fell down during a game of bleacher tag. Hailey was always the first one to comfort the child, soothe away tears and bring a smile back.

  As Patrick stood beside Hailey in the kitchen, old memories came flooding back. He’d met Hailey in chemistry class during senior year. Hailey had been out of school for a week with strep throat. By the time she returned, she was behind in her work. He agreed to tutor her. Everyone was always tutoring him in English and he was glad to have the opportunity to tutor someone else in something he enjoyed—science. He never meant to fall in love with her. He didn’t have time for a girlfriend. Every college in Western New York was scouting him for a full ride baseball scholarship. But, Hailey wasn’t like most girls who made themselves readily available to him. Hailey was quiet and reserved.