by Mary Leo
“You have to live,” she said. “You have to promise that you’ll live for both of us.”
The shaking stopped and a calm washed over him. He would be all right now.
But that thought had an adverse effect on him. He suddenly could no longer breathe. Try as he may, he couldn’t take in a full breath. She’d taken his breath away with her kiss. He tried to get up, but his body wouldn’t move, couldn’t move.
“It’s all right. I’ve got you,” RuthieAnn said as she cradled his head and shoulders in her lap.
Then in the blink of an eye, she was gone, and he was alone.
All alone. The cold had returned, and the shaking racked his battered body. He was going to die.
“Don’t go,” he heard himself say, and abruptly opened his eyes. It took a moment, but then the realization sunk in that it had been another dream and he was in his own bed.
His pulse raced as he gazed up at the white ceiling trying to understand this latest dream. A fine mist of sweat covered his entire body, and he threw the covers off, as he tried his best to calm himself, taking in big gulps of air as the panic quieted. He now could remember the blue sedan as clearly as if he’d seen it only yesterday. He marveled at how his mind worked, how anyone’s mind worked who had been through a major trauma. He’d forgotten most things, forgotten the impact, the moment when he’d been propelled in the air and landed on top of his bike road, then rolling onto the shoulder, broken and bruised and near death.
Or did he roll? Another aspect he couldn’t remember.
Still, his most current dream had changed a few things, had clarified a few events he hadn’t been able to remember. Especially that dark blue car he’d spotted right behind RuthieAnn. He’d never seen that before in his dreams, but now he could see it clearly—a dark-blue older model beat-up sedan, maybe a Chevy, parked on the same side of the road he’d slowed down on.
But he faced the dark-blue sedan. How could that be?
Had it hit him?
Had it belonged to RuthieAnn?
That single thought gave him an intense shiver and he instantly jettisoned the notion.
Okay, so he was finally beginning to remember some other things about that morning, and it only took five years, Clark’s death and sex with a woman he’d superimposed in his dream.
RuthieAnn Dolan.
Where was RuthieAnn, anyway? He turned to see if she was still in his bed. Had making love to RuthieAnn been dream as well?
The other side of his bed was empty, and when he sat up to check out the room, all of her things were gone.
He slammed back down on the bed and wondered if any of it had been real, but the evidence lay in the fact that he was naked. He normally slept in either his briefs or pj bottoms depending on the temperature in the room. And if he remembered correctly, last night the temperature had reached the boiling point.
He and RuthieAnn had indeed made love and it was perhaps the most honest experience he’d ever had with a woman that brought up emotions he’d thought had long since died.
He wanted to tell her . . . needed to tell her how he felt . . . that he actually felt something again. He’d been almost dead inside, and in one night she’d rekindled a fire that had all but gone out.
He grabbed his robe, slipped it on and padded out to the living room, hoping she was somewhere in the house. When he glanced at the clock on the microwave in the kitchen, he realized that it was the first time since the accident that he’d actually slept past dawn. It was already ten after nine, and RuthieAnn, the woman he was falling hard and fast for, was nowhere to be found. He figured she’d called someone to pick her up and take her back to get her car at the hospital. He wished she would’ve wakened him to take her, but he had a feeling RuthieAnn wanted some downtime, some alone time without him hanging around.
Still, he wished he could be with her now. Was it love? He wasn’t sure, but whatever it was couldn’t possibly have anything to do with what happened on that road five years ago.
Maybe he had simply incorporated RuthieAnn into his dream because he’d been spending so much time with her, and because of his growing attraction to her, especially now that they’d slept together. The woman had brought him to a place he never thought he’d experience ever again. Their lovemaking had been exceptional, as if they’d been meant to be together, as if they’d been made to fit together. Whenever he thought of them in bed together, he knew he wanted more, needed more of her.
None of it made any sense. He required answers, concrete real answers, and at this point, now that Clark was dead, and Kevin had told him time and again that he and his friend hadn’t seen anyone else there, RuthieAnn was the only other person he’d never questioned. Hell, he barely knew anything about her. Clark had never talked about her, and Kevin was too busy being a teenager to take the time to mention a sister that had all but abandoned her family.
Still, he couldn’t very well ask her about that morning now, not when she was so distraught over the death of her father. But what about that horrible speculation his mother had told him about RuthieAnn’s boyfriend? That her boyfriend had been the hit-and-run driver? Was that even possible?
He scolded himself for never having asked Clark about the details of the accident, but then for the past five years, except for that terrible morning, Chase didn’t recall one time when Clark hadn’t been drunk or at least on his way.
Plus, up until about six months ago, Chase had been addicted to opioids, so between his own addiction and Clark’s, getting to the truth of the matter had seemed relatively impossible.
He grabbed his phone from the charger he kept on a small table by the door, and tapped on his mom’s number, hoping to find RuthieAnn there, picking up Jayden.
While he waited for his mom to answer, his thoughts spun back to that morning and RuthieAnn. Where was she that morning? Chase wanted an answer to that question. Had she been in Wild Creek, or had she already left? He’d assumed that she’d already left, but had she?
Still, he simply refused to believe a sweet and loving woman like RuthieAnn Dolan could possibly have anything to do with a hit-and-run accident that had left him for dead.
Because if she had been involved, if she was in fact the woman who’d left him on the side of the road broken and bleeding, the warm and giving woman he’d made love to last night, the woman he’d promised Clark to protect—RuthieAnn Dolan would have to be a complete and total monster.
“YOU SLEPT WITH Chase Cooper?” This was the second time Pearl asked, even though RuthieAnn had already made the confession.
“I didn’t mean to. It just happened,” RuthieAnn told her as Pearl drove up the essentially deserted road to the Cooper ranch. Bright sunshine gave the road, the red dirt and the brush around them that early-morning glow that only happened in early fall. RuthieAnn remembered how much she’d loved how Wild Creek looked this time of year. It was perhaps the only time of year she actually felt any kind of fondness towards her hometown. Other than that, she couldn’t wait to leave, and had sworn she would never return.
Yet here she was back again all grown up, burdened with a secret that threatened to destroy all that she worked so hard to achieve.
She refused to let that happen, if only to protect her precious son.
RuthieAnn had phoned Catherine earlier that morning asking about Jayden and when Catherine told her they were “managing,” RuthieAnn knew it was time to pick up her son, ASAP.
Not wanting to face Chase, who was still asleep, she’d quietly phoned Pearl, who was just out the door to drop off her kids at school.
“You need to understand something about Chase. From what I know, he hasn’t dated a woman in several years. He’s been a lone rider ever since the . . .” Pearl stopped herself, but RuthieAnn knew exactly what she was going to say.
“Ever since I left him on the side of the road, broken and near death. Is that what you were going to say?”
“Ever since Lucky left him on the side of the road. Let’s remember
who was driving that morning.”
“As if that makes a difference.”
“It makes a huge difference and you know it.”
“I still left him.”
“Fine. If you insist on carrying that load, I’m going to assume you haven’t told him what happened. That when you left Wild Creek with Lucky, you didn’t have any choice in the matter.”
Tears immediately spilled from RuthieAnn’s eyes. Her emotions had already been raw and now when she thought back on how tender and loving Chase had been the previous night, she felt certain she was headed for another major breakdown. Still, breaking down in front of her son wasn’t an option. He wouldn’t know how to handle it, and it would only escalate his already agitated disposition.
She needed to pull herself together, and fast.
Problem was, she simply couldn’t do it.
“I don’t know how. He’s been so kind, Pearl, both to me and to Jayden. I’ve never known a man like Chase Cooper or like his family. They’re all so . . . nice.”
“They’ve had their own set of issues ever since Reese Sr. passed and Reese Jr. found out who his real daddy is, but that’s a long story. You might want to ask Chase about it sometime. Everybody has their own baggage to drag around. Yours is just much more intense than most. But it’s in your past. Remember that, sweetie, when you compare yourself to other folks.”
Pearl buzzed down the road, in total command of her large SUV that could easily seat eight people if it wasn’t laden down with three car seats, a double stroller in the back, various toys, clothes, shoes, groceries and Fred, an overly loving golden lab who desperately tried to be a lap dog. Pearl was a mom on steroids in RuthieAnn’s mind, and yet, somehow, despite being nearly eight months pregnant, she still managed to care for four horses, and two pet Pygmy goats named Prince Harry and Princess Meghan.
Pearl had continually been RuthieAnn’s role model, now more than ever.
RuthieAnn was sure whatever went on between Reese Sr. and Reese Jr. had a good explanation. But she didn’t want to think about that now. She was too busy feeling like a complete shit and didn’t have room to think about anyone else’s shit.
“That’s just it. I’ve made new friends and no one I know is like Chase. Why the hell does he have to be so nice to me? I don’t deserve any of it. I feel like a thief.”
“The Coopers have always been a generous and kind family. Besides, I think he really likes you. And let’s not forget that your dad essentially saved his life.”
“See, right there. What’s that all about? The Clark Dolan who I grew up with couldn’t save his own kids, let alone another man. How could this be true? I can’t wrap my head around it.”
“You’ll have to ask your brother about the details. He knows more about what happened that morning than I do.”
“But Chase says he went off to school with his friends and didn’t stick around.”
“They did, but Kevin’s best friend’s mom, Maggie Sanchez, was the ER nurse on duty that morning. She’s always kept what happened to herself, but when your brother nearly drank himself to death and ended up in the ER, she told him the truth about your dad and what he saw your dad do that morning. Between Maggie and Chase . . . well . . . they turned your brother’s life around.”
The information hit RuthieAnn right in the gut. She’d known nothing about any of this. “My brother nearly died and you didn’t tell me? I had no idea Kevin was drinking that much.”
“What else does a young teen growing up in that kind of environment do when his sister sends him money every month? He buys booze for his friends and gets drunk or does drugs. Clark was his only male role model. Fortunately, there weren’t too many people around here selling drugs, so Kevin stuck to booze mostly. But it was short-lived. Less than a year. Between Maggie grabbing hold of him in the hospital, and Chase giving him a part-time job on the Cooper ranch, Kevin got his shit together and turned into a mighty fine young man. Even with Chase’s help, Kevin still could’ve gone down a bad road, but for whatever reason, he chose not to.”
Emotion swirled up inside RuthieAnn. She’d been so focused on getting her own life together that she more or less had abandoned her little brother, who obviously had really needed her.
“Oh Pearl, I really fucked up everything, didn’t I?”
“We all fuck up when we’re young and don’t have good role models. And you, my darling friend, had lousy role models. But look at you now. You’re a stellar mom to Jayden. You’re only months away from getting your DPT degree, and your little brother is in college. Plus, you have a chance to make it right with Chase before it’s too late.”
Pearl’s pep talk wasn’t working. Yes, everything she said was true, but that still didn’t make RuthieAnn’s past any more acceptable.
And now, she once again had fucked up, and this time with Chase . . . big-time! She wiped the tears off her cheeks with her fingers, took in a deep breath, turned to her friend and said, “It’s already too late. I’m falling for him, Pearl. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamt of in a man. I can’t turn those feelings off. Not now. Not since last night. I’ve never felt like this before. Never. He made me feel whole again. I’d been broken all this time, and he carefully and lovingly put me back together again. We shared something magical last night. I know he felt it, too. How am I supposed to walk away from that? You know if I tell him the truth, he’ll hate me. He’ll feel betrayed. I don’t want to hurt him, Pearl. Not now. Not ever.”
Pearl glanced over at her, looked back at the road for a moment, then she glanced back at RuthieAnn one more time. Her eyes misted behind her horn-rimmed light blue sunglasses.
“That’s why you need to tell him sooner rather than later. The longer you wait, the worst it will be for you both. Your heart’s in the right place and I think if you explain the situation to him, he’ll understand. But that’s not important right now,” Pearl said as she rolled the SUV onto the Cooper Ranch and parked near the house.
RuthieAnn dried her tears with a baby wipe from the package sitting on the console. “What do you mean not important? I’m a horror. I slept with a man I left to die on the side of the road. If I tell him the truth, he’s going to hate me . . . if he doesn’t file hit-and-run charges first.”
Pearl twisted around to face her friend. She seemed intense, serious about what she was about to say. RuthieAnn took a deep breath and held onto the soft baby wipes container just in case she was going to start bawling again.
“You told me you weren’t in the car when Lucky decided to ram into the back of Chase’s bike. And even if you were, you can’t be charged with anything, honey. Please stop thinking that you can.”
“But I left him lying there.”
“From what you told me, you didn’t have a choice in the matter.”
“There’s always a choice. I just made the wrong one.”
IT SEEMED THAT nothing RuthieAnn could do would calm Jayden. She’d tried all her usual tricks of holding him close or giving him a timeout or offering a reward if he modified his behavior. He didn’t seem to care or understand the consequences until Chase showed up at his mom’s ranch house and stepped in to offer him a ride on Midnight Shadow . . . if he would stop crying.
“Midnight Shadow doesn’t react well to a lot of noise, so once you’re done, we can go for a ride,” Chase told him as he took a knee to be on Jayden’s level.
A harried Catherine had greeted RuthieAnn and Pearl as they climbed the front porch stairs. No amount of loving seemed to soothe her boy until Chase miraculously appeared on the scene.
Jayden sucked in his frustration, dried his eyes with his fists, pulled in a few ragged breaths, and when Chase held out his hand, Jayden took it, giving Chase a crooked little smile.
Chase grinned down at Jayden then he looked over at RuthieAnn and she wanted to fall into his arms. Instead, she nodded, smiled and mouthed a thank you as he turned with her son in tow and headed across the porch towards the stairs.
RuthieAnn ab
out melted right there on the spot. Just seeing him again made her belly flutter like a dozen butterflies had gotten trapped inside. Not only was he an excellent lover, but no man she’d ever known had had such a positive impact on her boy. It was almost as though the two of them ran on the same frequency. Chase knew how to deal with Jayden and Jayden reacted in kind. Their connection was uncanny and daunting at the same time. She didn’t want to think about Jayden’s reaction once they had to leave. On the one hand, RuthieAnn was grateful for all the attention Chase gave Jayden, but on the other hand, all of this was temporary and in Jayden’s world temporary was a difficult concept for him to grasp.
They walked back down the steps, towards the barn with RuthieAnn and Pearl following close behind until Pearl’s phone chimed and she stopped to take the call.
“I have to take this,” she said. “It’s Kyle’s school.”
Kyle was Pearl’s oldest and a handful of trouble. From what RuthieAnn could overhear, he was already causing a ruckus and the day had hardly begun.
“Unfortunately, we have to go. I forgot that today is my day to help monitor his class. I’m sorry, RuthieAnn honey. I know how much Jayden needs this ride.”
Chase must have overheard. “Don’t worry about it. I can give you a ride back to your car afterward. Not a problem.”
“Thanks,” RuthieAnn told him, then she turned back to Pearl. “See what I mean . . . the man is a saint.”
Pearl rolled her eyes. “Just call me later. I want to help with Clark’s wake.”
The thought of an actual wake for her dad hadn’t crossed RuthieAnn’s mind. She had planned on simply having her dad cremated and be done with it. Besides, who in their right mind would attend a wake for a mean bastard like Clark?
“I was just going to call the funeral home and have them dispose of the cremated body. No wake.”
