Angels of Humility: A Novel

by Jackie Macgirvin

  When she managed to sleep, she slept fitfully. She woke frequently. Sarah eventually became afraid of sleep because she was besieged by terrifying dreams about George’s death involving dismemberment and other gruesome images.

  One night Suicide arrived at bedtime. “Since you idiots can’t seem to carry out your orders to do away with one pathetic, elderly lady, I’ve been sent to take over. For some reason this is an urgent, priority assignment.”

  He slithered into Sarah’s bedroom and whispered, “What a loser, you couldn’t have kids. You’ve given your whole life to being a wife; now you’re not. You’ve done what you were put here to do. Your purpose in life is over. You’re just taking up space in your old age.”

  What’s left for me? wondered Sarah. It’s all downhill from here.

  “Have you considered just ending your miserable, pathetic existence? The afterlife has got to be better than the present—the horrid grieving and the continual pity-party that consumes you.”

  When she finally dozed off from total exhaustion at 4:00 a.m., Suicide lay coiled around her, whispering wicked thoughts. She was barraged by scenes of taking her own life—using a razor blade, crashing her car, jumping off a bridge, overdosing on pills, even shooting herself. She awoke screaming at 4:15 and refused to go back to sleep.

  Sarah was helpless as she felt her life spiral downward. Full-blown depression and exhaustion consumed her. Now she was too scared to leave the house even to grocery shop. There was no food, but it didn’t matter; she had no appetite. Food no longer tasted good, and she began to drop weight from her already small frame.

  “It’s just a matter of weeks before she succumbs to me,” said Depression, smiling. “She’s lost her will to live.”

  “She should have been dead months ago,” interrupted Suicide. “I’ll get her before you do. She’s highly vulnerable now. Her grief and exhaustion make her susceptible to taking her own life. I’m going to rub her nose in it that she never had kids.” He sneered at Depression as he slithered next to Sarah and wrapped his scaly constricting body around hers.

  “Well, one of us needs to take her out quickly,” whispered Death. “I’ve heard rumors from the enemy’s kingdom that she has a great destiny.”

  “At her age?” sniped Discouragement. “She’s 71 years old and still as lost as a goose in a cloudburst. She’s spent her whole life barely thinking about God. She’s been ours all her pathetic life.” His black lips curled into a smirk. “And she will be ours in death—for all eternity.”

  When Suicide replied, “The Godhead has worked miraculously through stranger people than her,” a simultaneous chill penetrated the demonic horde.

  Pastor Hall was sitting in his cluttered office reading his devotions. His radiant guardian angel, Aaron, full of wisdom and knowledge, waited until Pastor Hall read the section about God’s heart for the widows and orphans. When he saw the word widows, Aaron reminded him of something he was going to do six months ago.

  He absent-mindedly ran his fingers through his silver gray hair. Where would I have put that? He rummaged through the bottom drawer of his old mahogany desk. The first layer was last month’s bulletins, then the file with the church’s electric bills and several candy bar wrappers, I gotta get rid of the evidence, he thought, resting his hand on his ample waist. He finally found what he was looking for at the bottom of “get-to-it-someday” papers—George’s obituary from the Bradbury Gazette. Neither George nor Sarah had ever been to the church as far as he could remember, but Pastor Hall had made it a practice to visit all the community members who had hard times, whether they were church members or not. He’d done it for the last 18 years.

  He closed his worn, leather-bound Bible with the dog-eared pages. Maybe they’ll get me a new one at my retirement party. This one is pretty much falling apart. With a prayer on his lips he bounded to his car. Soon he pulled up in front of Sarah’s small white bungalow with purple lilacs surrounding the front porch. His wife always commented on those lilac bushes, but he never knew who lived there.

  He whistled all the way up the sidewalk. He loved sharing the Gospel. As near as he could figure, he’d been to almost half the homes in the whole town. He stopped to take a whiff of the fragrant lavender flowers before knocking on the screen door.

  Although Pastor Hall had never seen Sarah, he was taken aback by the haggard figure with the sunken eyes staring at him suspiciously through the screen door. Her hair was unkempt, there were bags under her eyes, and her dress was just hanging on her frail body. “Send him away,” growled Deception. “You’ve got no time for him.” After his friendly introduction, though, Sarah overcame her distrust and invited him in.

  Sarah was suddenly aware of how a new person would see her surroundings. She felt her face flush as she saw coffee cups half full, left scattered throughout the room. The vacuum cleaner was still plugged in from four weeks ago. Unwatered orchids were dying everywhere. She grabbed the plate with a half-eaten piece of moldy toast and tried to conceal it.

  “Please, sit here,” she pointed to an overstuffed floral chair by the fireplace; “I’ll make us some coffee.” She retreated to the kitchen. What is wrong with me? She threw the toast in the sink. I’m losing it. She cradled her face in her hands as she waited for the coffee. I can’t do anything right.

  “That’s right sister,” whispered Discouragement. “You’re just takin’ up space.”

  The spiritual atmosphere in the house was oppressive. While Sarah was in the kitchen Pastor Hall prayed and rebuked the demonic. He couldn’t see them, but he could sense their evil presence by the revulsion he felt in his spirit, and he could see their obvious influence on Sarah.

  In response to his prayer, two magnificent angels appeared in the room. Joel, a warrior angel, towered over nine feet tall; his chest was covered with a golden breastplate, and he carried a sharp two-edged sword on his hip in an ornately decorated golden sheath. He was fierce in holiness, constantly alert, and had eyes like flaming fire.

  Malta, a worshiping angel, wore a brilliant white robe with a golden sash holding a shofar at the waist. In large pockets around his robe he carried a flute, lyre, and harp. Other pockets held scrolls of heavenly music tied up with ribbons. Glistening light reflected off his golden-blonde hair.

  Alive with God’s presence, they reflected the glory of Heaven and brought its fragrance with them wherever they went. Their heavenly bodies were strong and lean, but their real power was their constant lifeline with the Trinity. They were always aware of Father’s orders. Joel and Malta had been ministering together since they were created, the warrior and the worshipper, each equally capable of defeating the enemy; together—unstoppable.

  When Sarah came back from the kitchen, she felt her mood elevate slightly for the first time in months. Also, something told her she could trust the man sitting in front of her. After a few questions from Pastor Hall, she sobbed as she poured out her heart about how hard the last few years had been with George’s cancer and then her depression.

  After about 20 minutes she mostly composed herself and ended by saying, “Life’s not worth living anymore. I’m just waiting to die. I’m embarrassed to say it,” she looked away from his compassionate eyes and stared at the floor, “But I’ve even thought of taking my own life. I…I was never able to have children, and now my husband is dead. There’s nothing left for me now.”

  “Oh, Sarah, I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through the last couple years.” He leaned toward her. “But I can promise you that suicide is never the solution. It would be wrong for you to take your life because God gave it to you. Even though you’re older, whether you’re going to be around for one, five, or ten years, He still has a plan for you. He loves you so much, and He wants the rest of your life to be productive and joyful. You’ve been listening to the wrong voice, if that makes sense.”

  Sarah dabbed at her eyes with the tissue and shook her head no.

  “Well, the devil hates you and he has a plan for your life—t
otal destruction—misery and hopelessness on earth and an eternity in Hell after death…”

  “Woo hoo,” shouted Misery.

  “.but God loves you, and He has a plan for your life on earth, and then for you to dwell in eternal Paradise with Him. He actually planned your life before He even created the world. You’ve been listening to the devil’s lying voice, which will always lead to something evil. In this case, his lie says that you have no purpose for living and that you should take your own life.

  “Don’t listen,” whispered Lying. “You don’t have a purpose. You should be dead by now.”

  “Did you grow up in church?”

  “No.”

  “In that case, I’m going to start with some basics. May I read a few things?”

  She nodded. Why has this kind man come to see me today?

  “Before I get to the good news, I’m going to share some bad news. The Bible tells us that all have sinned and fallen short of God’s glory.2 I don’t know anyone who is perfect, do you?” Sarah shook her head in agreement.

  “This next Scripture tells us that the wages, or the result, of sin is death.3 Death is eternal separation from a loving God. But that’s not what God wants; He wants relationship with all His children, including you. The Bible says that He’s not willing that any should perish,4 but that He came to give everyone eternal life.5 Let me explain this a little more clearly.”

  “Nooooo. I can’t take it,” shrieked Depression, writhing.

  “Because of God’s holiness, He can’t allow sin in His presence. Sin has to be paid for in order for us to be forgiven. Only then can we be in relationship with God.”

  “No, it’s blasphemy. Don’t listen. Don’t listen,” yelled Death.

  “Only a person who is totally righteous can pay for sin. When a sinful human dies, his death doesn’t pay for anything. Death is what he deserves. Remember, ‘the wages of sin is death’6? None of us has the ability to pay for our own sins. Because Jesus was sinless, when He voluntarily gave His life on the cross, it actually paid for everyone’s sins.7

  “Your sins are too bad to ever be forgiven,” screeched Deception. “It’s all a lie.”

  “Accept His sacrifice for your sin and then, in gratitude for the free gift of salvation, dedicate your life to following Him every day. Then He will show you His wonderful, life-giving plans. Isn’t that wonderful news?” he asked with a big smile. “What an incredible gift! He is the God who sacrificed Himself for you.”

  “I always thought we had to earn our way to Heaven by being good enough,” said Sarah.

  “No, we can’t cancel the bad by doing good. Remember, sin has to be paid for. And we don’t live good lives to earn God’s love or to get Him to save us; we live good lives out of gratitude that He saved us as a free gift. Plus, we now have His help to change those sinful habits that we used to be powerless over.”

  As Sarah struggled to understand what all that meant, Malta appeared behind her and repeated what Pastor Hall had just spoken. The angels’ voices are not heard with earthly ears, but are apprehended by the human mind as a thought.

  For the first time in her life, Sarah felt the weight of sin she was carrying. She realized that she needed forgiveness. Her strategy of trying to be a good person was woefully lacking compared to God’s standard of holiness. It hasn’t worked for me so far.

  “Sarah, would you like to pray and acknowledge Jesus’ death as paying for all your sins?” Sarah nodded her head.

  “Nooo,” screamed Depression. “She’s ours!” Sarah’s affirmation gave Joel the authority he needed to act on her behalf. With one slice of the double-edged sword, he freed Sarah from the demonic torment that was trying to take her life and rob her of her destiny. The demons fled in terror.

  Softly, Sarah said, “Dear Jesus, thank You for dying for my sins so I wouldn’t have to. I give You what’s left of my life and ask You to show me what You want me to do.”

  When Sarah prayed, although she had no way of knowing it, in the spiritual realm she was clothed in a brilliant, glowing white robe of righteousness. Embroidered in glistening white on the sleeves were Sarah’s spiritual gifts—prophecy (hearing from the Lord for other people) and intercession (fervent prayer).

  “This is the same righteousness that Jesus has, as a free gift to you,” said Joel. “Now when Father looks at you, He sees Jesus’ righteousness, provided you continually ask forgiveness for your sins. It’s the most incredible exchange in the world! Your filthy rags of sin8 are traded for the most costly, most valuable robe of righteousness.”

  “And this,” said Malta, “is the mantle of humility.” He placed a drab brown-colored robe on her that totally covered her glowing white one.

  “Next to the robe of righteousness, this is the most important garment. Don’t ever take it off, Sarah, or you’ll make yourself vulnerable to the enemy. Pride always goes before a fall,9 but God gives grace to the humble.”10

  “Our Lord was cloaked in humility when He walked the earth. His indescribable glory was temporarily hidden, and humility and love were two of His distinguishing characteristics.11 Most Christians never come close to accomplishing what the Lord has for them because they won’t humble themselves,” said Joel. “Humility doesn’t get bestowed on you. It’s a joint venture. God grants you faith and grace as you, through diligent prayer and practice, fight a spiritual battle against your innate prideful desires. God won’t do your part, and you can’t do His.”

  Pastor Hall continued, “Sarah, you have no idea how precious you are to the Lord. Did you know that the angels in Heaven are rejoicing right now over your decision?”12

  “So are the angels right here,” said Malta as he played a celebratory song on his flute. Joel looked into the open Heaven, raised his hands toward the sky, and worshiped the Lord. “You are worthy…because You were slain, and with Your blood You purchased men for God from every tribe and language and people and nation.” 13

  These two angels would be with Sarah until her death. And although she was not aware of their presence, they would constantly guard and encourage her in the Lord.

  Pastor Hall left and Sarah read the tract he had given her. One of the Scriptures was especially meaningful to her:

  The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.14

  Sarah was more than a little confused about all that had happened, but she knew she felt immensely better. Her thoughts of suicide were totally gone, and she was able to sleep through the night. She left the house to grocery shop without fear, and she enjoyed eating again. Her strength was returning and she was able to revive most of her orchids.

  She went to church that Sunday morning and made her public profession of faith, just like Pastor Hall had encouraged her to do. Two weeks later, she was baptized at age 71 and joined the over-60 Sunday school class. She gathered copies of all the free devotionals, tracts, and literature to take home and study.

  Pastor Hall scheduled several meetings with Sarah to get her started on the right track. Sarah’s primary spiritual gift, her true spiritual destiny, was intercession, which had lain dormant her entire life. Although Pastor Hall didn’t realize this, the basic teachings that he gave her on prayer helped to get her started.

  Sarah was seated across the mahogany desk with a pen and a notebook.

  “Sarah, it’s important that every Christian has a time of prayer with the Lord the first thing in the morning. Jesus is our model. The Scriptures tell us that He often withdrew by Himself to pray.15 He never acted independently of the Father, but stayed until He received instruction and strength for His daily plans. That’s why Scripture says that Jesus only did what He saw the Father doing.16 If Jesus needed to meet with the Father each day, how much more important is it for us?”

  This was all new to Sarah, but she nodded her agreement at this sobering thought.

  “Now maybe you didn’t know this, but the devil
shows up at Christians’ prayer times, too. He’ll do everything he can to distract and accuse you. You can’t let him derail you.” He saw a look of confused horror spread across Sarah’s face.

  “Let me explain, Sarah. There’s the visible, tangible world around us that we can all see, like the furniture here and the trees and grass. However, overlaying this natural realm is a spiritual realm that few people can actually see, but it’s more real than the visible realm that is decaying and passing away. God is the creator of both realms. Remember the day I came to visit you? There were demons in the house that were assigned to take your life. When I walked in, my spirit sensed their presence. I started praying, and when you gave your life to the Lord they eventually left.”

  “I didn’t exactly know they were demons,” she said, “but I know my whole house feels lighter.” She let out a deep sigh, “It sure feels like a burden has been lifted off me.”

  “You were being oppressed by the dark side of the spirit world. Ephesians 6:12 says, ‘For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against…the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.’ That’s just another way of saying that the visible, tangible world and the people in it aren’t the real problem. It’s the spirits motivating them who are the problem.”

  “Ephesians 6:12,” said Sarah as she scribbled in her notebook.

  “One way we fight back is through prayer. Your prayers release spiritual power to defeat the enemy in the spiritual realm. Then you see the breakthrough in the natural realm. First in the spiritual, then in the natural.”

  “Wow, I’ve got a lot to learn,” said Sarah. “I’d never even heard the stories you read from the Bible on Sunday.”

  “Well, Sarah,” said Pastor Hall standing up, “It’s never too late to learn, and I commit that I will pray that you would grow exponentially in the things of the Lord and be a great hindrance to the devil’s kingdom. Even after I move, I’ll keep praying for you. And let me give you this book on humility. I give copies to every new believer. It’s a great way to start your Christian life. The Bible says that God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.17 I want grace and grace and more grace in my life. The thought of God actively resisting me is terrifying.”