Just for Now: Escape to New Zealand Book Three

by Rosalind James

  “A nightmare? What was it about?”

  “It was a taniwha,” he said with a shudder. “That bad taniwha by Nana’s house. He was coming to eat me, like in the story.”

  Finn saw Jenna’s bafflement and explained. “It’s in the mountains above Motueka. There’s a place with loads of strange-looking volcanic boulders. All grooved and twisted. And there’s a legend about them. That there was a taniwha—“

  “A monster,” Sophie put in helpfully.

  “Reckon Jenna knows what a taniwha is,” Finn said with a smile. “Anyway, the taniwha was terrorizing the village, stealing people away and eating them. One day, it captured the chief’s daughter. The villagers decided they’d had enough of that. They tricked it, fed it meat packed with explosives, and blew it up. Those strange boulders, they’re meant to be what’s left. The taniwha’s scales. To be fair, they do look a bit like that.”

  “And you went on that walk when you visited your Nana and Grandad this time, Harry?” Jenna guessed.

  He nodded. “The scales were really, really big. And I imagined how big the taniwha must have been. He would’ve been enormous. Last night I dreamt he was chasing me. He was about to get me. His teeth were big and sharp, and he was talking to me.” He shuddered. “He was saying he was going to eat me. Then I woke up. And I looked for you, but you weren’t there.”

  “That does sound very scary,” Jenna agreed. “But taniwha aren’t real. You do know that, don’t you?”

  “The Maori think they’re real, though,” Sophie pointed out.

  “A few people do,” Jenna corrected. “You know about myths and legends, both of you. They’re stories. Stories people made up a long time ago to explain strange things. But even something that isn’t real can be scary in a bad dream,” she assured Harry. “It’s lucky we can wake up and remind ourselves that it was just a dream.”

  “Daddy stayed with me,” Harry said. “Till I fell asleep again. I knew the taniwha couldn’t get me if Daddy was there. Even if he was real.”

  “I came back to bed last night,” Finn said conversationally as he and Jenna walked back home after dropping the kids at school. “After doing my fatherly duty. Imagine my disappointment.”

  “What?” Jenna asked. “Did you think I’d still be there?”

  “I was hoping. We weren’t done, if I remember right.”

  “I wasn’t going to hang around there,” she protested. “What if Harry’d had another bad dream?”

  “I had a bad dream too,” he pointed out. “I dreamt I was making love to a beautiful woman, and she disappeared. Just when we were getting to my favorite bit.”

  “I’m just glad I locked the door,” she sighed. “I can’t imagine, otherwise. But Finn. It’s made me realize, we’ve become really careless. We can’t do this anymore.”

  “What?” he asked, looking down at her in surprise. “Why the hell not?”

  “Not when the kids are in the house,” she clarified. “How many nighttime walks am I going to be able to take? And I can’t relax and enjoy myself, if you know what I mean, expecting the kids to come knocking at the door any minute.”

  “Maybe we should tell them, then, stop all this secrecy,” he said in frustration. “Because I want to be able to sleep with you.”

  “We still have the days,” she reminded him.

  “Until training starts up again,” he grumbled.

  “And a week after that, you’re off on the Tour,” she said firmly. “When you come back, I’ll be moving out. It’s better for them if, while I’m here, I’m their nanny. If it’s clear. And after that, even if we’re dating, I won’t be their nanny anymore, and they’ll have Nyree back. They’ll have that security. Though I’ll still be their friend, I hope.”

  “Course you will,” he agreed. “But meanwhile, what about us? Surely you can still come to bed with me. With the door locked. In the middle of the night.”

  “No,” she said. “I’m not hiding in the bathroom again. Or thinking that I’ll have to. Nothing else at night. Not unless the kids have a sleepover.”

  His eyes lit. “Friday night.”

  “All right,” she laughed. “I’ll see what I can do.”

  “And if I’m not allowed to have you at night,” he continued, “you’d better be prepared to let some of that housework go, this week. Better be planning on some takeaways too. Because I’ve just decided how we’re going to be spending our days.” He opened the gate for her and watched her walking up the steps of the villa ahead of him. “Starting right now.”

  “I haven’t done the washing-up yet,” she teased as she used her key to open the front door.

  He kicked the door shut with one big foot, his arms going around her. “Sod the washing-up. Upstairs. Now.”

  “Think you can give me orders, huh?” She smiled up at him as she toed off her jandals.

  “I know I can,” he corrected. “And I’m doing it. Upstairs.”

  “That shouldn’t work so well on me,” she complained. “It’s not right.”

  “Oi. You’ve just restricted me, laid down the law,” he pointed out, his hands clasping her waist as she climbed the stairs ahead of him. “Have to give me some way to assert myself. Wouldn’t want me to feel powerless, would you.”

  “Oh, I don’t think that’s happening.” She smiled up at him, felt the thrill as he pushed her down on the big bed, his hand behind her head to break her fall. “I don’t think you’re going to be feeling powerless here anytime soon.”

  “Need to talk to you,” Finn said on Wednesday morning.

  “I think you’ve been talking to me,” she sighed, settling her head more comfortably against his bare chest. “Or do you mean you actually want to have a conversation, not just tell me what to do?”

  “Seem to recall you giving me a few instructions there too,” he pointed out. “It wasn’t me saying . . .”

  “OK. Moving on,” she said hastily. “What do we need to talk about?”

  “Labour Day weekend coming up,” he reminded her. “A few of the senior players are traveling to the Coromandel together, with their families. Bit of fishing, get the partners and kids together before the Tour.”

  “And you’re going,” she guessed. “You and the kids.”

  “I’ve been going back and forth in my mind about it, trying to decide. We’ve gone for years now. It would look odd if I didn’t.”

  “If you want to come too, say the word,” he went on quickly. “Keeping this quiet was your idea, not mine. Maybe it’s time to end the secrecy.”

  “No. It’ll be your last chance to spend time with the kids before you leave. Especially if you’ve been doing that together every year. I’ll bet Sophie’s already looking forward to it.”

  “Right,” he sighed. “I’m sure you’re right. But I don’t want to leave you when I’m about to go away for so long.”

  “It’s only three days,” she argued. “You’ll be back after that.”

  “And practicing,” he pointed out. “We’ll be doing some serious training. Which means I’ll be gone most of the day.”

  “And you leave Monday, right? The second.” She thought for a minute. “Playdate, on the weekend,” she decided. “That’s what we’ll do.”

  “I thought we could have some playdates those nights, too.”

  “Not us.” She saw him grinning at her and laughed reluctantly. “A playdate for the kids. So we’ll have some time together before you go. And maybe a couple late afternoons as well. I’ll make sure I get Siobhan’s kids over here too, so I can ask the favor. OK?”

  “If that’s all I get,” he sighed. “OK. I’ll take a playdate.”

  “And we still have this week,” she reminded him.

  “That’s right.” He rolled over, trapped her beneath him. “We do. So we’d better be making the most of it.”

  Jenna woke knowing this was the day. Labour Day. That was appropriate, she hoped. Anyway, she couldn’t put this off anymore. Finn and the kids would be back tonight
, and her period was almost two weeks late. She’d been irregular before, but never by this much. And she’d begun feeling queasy, having a difficult time cooking. She was pretty sure. But she needed to know.

  She reached under the bed, pulled out the white chemist’s bag she’d hidden there. Got up and went into the bathroom, pulled the package out of the bag and opened it. Spread out the instructions carefully on the counter. It was the same type she’d used before. She remembered everything about that day, how she’d held her breath. How thrilled she’d been as she’d watched the line form on the test strip.

  Today, she followed the instructions carefully. Sat and watched the strip in mingled hope and fear. The two minutes stretched out, second by second. She could feel her heart beating faster as she waited. Was that a faint line forming, though? She held her breath again this time as it darkened, became clearer. There was no doubt, then. She was pregnant.

  She took a deep breath, then stood up, bundled the entire kit and its packaging back into the white bag. Dropped it into the plastic bag lining the bathroom wastebasket, then pulled the entire thing out. She wasn’t going to risk anybody finding out about this, one of the kids getting curious when they got home tonight. However unlikely that was. Not until she had a plan.

  She went through the motions of brushing her teeth, washing her face. Moved mechanically back to her room. Set the rubbish bag down carefully to be thrown into the bin outside. Dressed in her running clothes. She’d think it through during her run. When her mind was at its clearest.

  All she could think of as she ran, though, was the first time. The last time. When she’d gone through those first weeks full of joy and hope. Even though Jeremy hadn’t seemed to share either emotion. And then, the morning when she’d seen the blood. Had called the midwife in a panic, her heart thudding as she arranged a lift with her friend Caroline, so grateful to have the emotional support. Not to have to go alone.

  She’d lain on the examining table, dread filling her as she looked at the monitor with the midwife, searching for the pulsing white blip that wasn’t there. No matter how hard she willed it to appear.

  “I’m sorry,” the woman said gently. “There’s no heartbeat.”

  “The baby died?” Jenna asked in a small voice.

  “I’m sorry,” the midwife repeated. “This one just didn’t work, for whatever reason. I know it’s hard. But there’s no reason to think that you won’t be able to have a baby.”

  There was every reason, though, Jenna thought bleakly. This had been her one chance. And it was gone. Her baby was gone.

  “What happens now?” she asked.

  “We’ll do a D&C,” the midwife told her. “Do you want to ring your husband?”

  Jenna shook her head. “He’s on holiday. And I can’t reach him.” She saw the midwife looking at her oddly, and knew what she was thinking. On holiday, without her? But Jeremy and Alan were on their annual weeklong camping trip. And Jenna had most definitely not been invited.

  “Anybody else, then?” the woman asked her. “You’re going to need somebody to drive you home, afterwards.”

  The tears threatened again. “My friend drove me here. She’s waiting. She’ll take me home.” Home to her empty flat. No husband. No baby. There wasn’t going to be any baby. She lost the battle, felt the ticklish tears crawling across her cheeks, falling into her hair as she lay on the table.

  “You can try again,” the midwife assured her. “In a few months, your body will have recovered. You’re young and healthy. These things do happen, and most women go on to carry babies successfully to term.”

  Jenna nodded. She wouldn’t explain. She couldn’t. That she’d got lucky, literally, on their third anniversary. This had been her one chance. And she hadn’t been able to make it count.

  She forced herself to breathe more deeply now as she continued to run, pushing herself up the hill to the Domain. That was then, and this was now. She’d done the research, since it had happened. The midwife had been right, she knew. Miscarriages were all too common, and generally had no effect on the chance of a successful future pregnancy. And she couldn’t help thinking, irrational as she knew it was, that this was Finn. If anybody could father a healthy baby, surely it was Finn.

  Because she wanted this baby. She knew it down to her core. Even more than she’d wanted the first one, if that were possible. Never mind that it hadn’t been in her plans. That she might have to do this on her own. That she’d be the single mother her own mother had been.

  No, not that. She might be a single mother, but she was going to love this baby. She was going to take such good care of it. And Finn would too, she thought desperately. Surely he would. He’d implied that he hadn’t wanted Sophie at first, and what had happened there? No daughter had ever had a more devoted father. Surely he’d want this baby just as much. Eventually, once he’d got used to the idea.

  But she couldn’t tell him. Not now. Not yet. Not until she was sure. Until she knew this baby was going to live. Until she saw its heart beat, and knew she’d be keeping it. He’d be leaving in a week anyway. She wasn’t going to tell him before then. It was too soon.

  Chapter 28

  “Going to miss this,” Finn said, sliding a hand down her body as she lay next to him on Saturday afternoon. “I’m thinking we’d better do it some more before the kids get home. Since it’s going to have to last us for a while.”

  “I’ve decided what you remind me of, by the way,” he told her, rolling to his side and pushing himself up on one elbow to fondle a breast as he looked down at her. “You’re like a gorgeous dish of ice cream. Vanilla, with a few bits of strawberry. And I love ice cream. Could eat it every day. Wish I weren’t leaving so soon.”

  “Monday.” Her breath hitched at the feeling of his hand on her. “It’s coming up so fast. And five weeks is a long time.”

  “Not so long.” He leaned in for a long kiss. “I’ll call you every night that I can. Morning, my time. Before practice, I reckon. Talk to the kids, talk to you.”

  “That’d be nice. What will you be doing at night?”

  He shrugged. “They come up with some kind of activity for us. Sometimes it’s a film, other times something silly. Just to keep the boys busy. Stop them getting too restless, embarrassing themselves and the team while we’re over there representing En Zed. It can get a bit boring, still, in the evenings. Specially round about Week Four. I may have to make a second call,” he mused. “Before bed my time, once the kids have gone to school for you. So I can say everything I’ll want to.”

  “I know we haven’t talked about this,” she said hesitatingly. “And I have no idea what goes on. But I suspect that you get more than restless. And I’m not interested in sharing you. If you can’t manage that, tell me now.”

  “Ah. Wondered when this would come up. Nah. Wasn’t there some fella who said, why go out for hamburgers when you have steak at home?” He grinned down at her. “Reckon you’re steak. Eye fillet, I’d say. I don’t cheat anyway. But knowing I’ve got this steak dinner to come back to . . .” He kissed her again. “I won’t mind waiting for that.”

  She smiled into his eyes. “Paul Newman.”

  “Pardon?”

  “The actor. Paul Newman. About his wife, Joanne Woodward. They were married about fifty years, until he died. And I’m betting that’s one big reason.”

  “I know how you feel about it,” he assured her. “And for the record, I feel the same way. In case you were wondering whether I’d care. We’ve both been through that. You’re not the only one who doesn’t want to go through it again.”

  “Well, if I’m steak, you’re . . . what’s better than steak? Lobster, I guess. That’s what you are. Lobster.”

  “Because you’ve made such a wide comparison,” he smiled.

  “Because I’m smart enough to know a good thing when I find it,” she countered. “And I’m guessing all this food talk means you’re hungry. I’ll go make you a sandwich.” She rolled out from under him tow
ard the side of the bed.

  He grabbed an ankle, pulled her back across the sheet to him. “Oh, no. Not letting you out of bed yet. I can wait a bit. What I really want now is something else.”

  She smiled up at him. “Oh, yeah? You know I’m always happy to give you what you want. All you have to do is ask me.”

  He groaned. “Definitely steak. I’m thinking, though, they may feed us lobster when we’re in France. And I’m out of practice. Reckon you are too.”

  “What?”

  “Have you ever eaten lobster?”

  “No,” she confessed. “Never. Not in my budget.”

  “Then I’ll explain it to you,” he said, leaning in for another kiss, his hand moving down her body, caressing the soft skin. “You crack the claws. Then you have to suck the meat out of the shell. Using your lips and your tongue, but carefully. Delicately. You don’t want to miss any, either. Because lobster’s choice, and you want to savor it. So you go slowly. And you make sure you get every last bit of that meat. All the way to the end. I’m thinking we could both use some practice. Just in case.”

  “I’m going to be selfish here,” he told her, moving lower, kissing and biting his way, his hand finding her breast again. He smiled against her at the sound of her moan. “Going to do my own practicing first. Then I’ll give you a lesson.”

  She woke on Monday morning to the feeling of Finn sliding into bed with her, pulling the duvet back over them both.

  “What time is it?” she asked sleepily.

  “Early,” he told her. “Six.”

  “Violating our rules,” she pointed out.

  “Nah. I’ll only stay a minute. But I need a bit of privacy to say goodbye to you.”

  She reached out to stroke his unshaven cheek. “I hate this. I know you have to go. But I still hate it.”

  He kissed her gently. “Me too. Always. Now more than ever. But I’ll call you. And it’s not forever. Only five weeks.”

  But would he want her, after those five weeks were up? She pushed the thought aside, focused on the here and now. On his big body, solid and comforting next to her.