Dark Lessons

by Julia Sykes

  “You can talk to me,” I urged. “Please. Let me in. Let me help take care of you. You said this Dom/sub relationship is reciprocal. You take care of me, and I take care of you, too.”

  “You’re not my sub.”

  “Bullshit,” I declared. “You said I’m yours. When you fucked me in your office, you said it. And I’m not going to let you take it back just because you’ve decided to hate yourself. I won’t fucking allow it. If I’m yours, then you’re mine, and I’m telling you I’m not going to let you hate yourself. Not anymore. Whatever you’ve been through, I’ll be here for you to help you heal. You said you’re trying to get better. I believe you can. And you can lean on me while you do. I want this. I want you.”

  “You don’t know what you’re saying,” he said on a pained whisper. “The kind of relationship you’re talking about requires trust. I can’t trust myself right now.”

  “Well, I trust you. I wouldn’t be risking everything for you if I didn’t.”

  “I’m sorry. I never wanted this to happen. I’ve put your career in jeopardy.”

  “I made my own choices,” I declared. “And I choose you. You’re mine.”

  A ragged laugh left his chest. “That’s my line.”

  “I’m serious, Jason. I want to see where this goes. Our timing is terrible, but I believe we can make it work. Take a chance on us.”

  He stopped the car and turned to face me, his green eyes dark in the dim streetlight that filtered into the car. “I don’t think I have a choice,” he said wryly. “Look where we are.”

  I peered out the window at the half-lit vacancy sign. It was the same motel where we’d shared our first night together.

  My heart lifted. “You mean it? You want to be together?”

  He traced the line of my jaw with reverence. “Of course I want to be with you. How could I not? You’re strong and beautiful, and willful enough to drag me out of my indulgent self-pity. And yet,” his fingers curved around my throat, “so soft and submissive when I need you to be. You’re perfect, Natalie. Far too good for me.”

  One corner of my lips ticked up. “There’s that indulgent self-pity again,” I pointed out.

  His low chuckle rumbled over me, and he brushed a kiss across my lips.

  “Wait here,” he ordered, finding calm in his dominant headspace. “I’ll get us a room.”

  I could have protested that I was perfectly capable of walking to the front desk and getting a room for us. But I recognized that this was his way of caring for me, and I settled in to wait while he went to retrieve a set of keys from the night clerk.

  I need to be needed. His words rang through my mind.

  I did need him. More than my career, more than anything. I was putting it all on the line for him, risking all my carefully laid plans.

  And I didn’t care. I’d only known Jason a short time, but I was already falling hard. We’d find a way to make this work. Trent might know our secret, but I was confident that he would trade his silence in exchange for a place at Quantico. If Jason and I could hide our relationship for the next eighteen weeks, we’d be free to be together publically.

  I was smiling to myself when Jason returned. He caught my levity and grinned at me as he opened my door and took my hand in his. His grip shifted so his fingers wrapped around my wrist in a possessive hold, just as he’d done on the night we’d first met.

  Giddy excitement raced through my veins, and I happily followed him into the room he’d reserved for us. As soon as the door closed behind him, he was on me, his teeth nipping at my lips, his fingers tangling in my hair. He devoured me, as though he’d been starving for me his entire life.

  I returned the kiss with equal fervor, tearing at his clothes as we bumped against furniture, moving in blind lust. He was my whole world, and I craved to get as close to him as possible. I needed his skin against mine, his cock buried deep inside me.

  He seemed to feel the same, and he worked my clothes off as well. Within minutes, we were both naked. I reached between us, but my fingers barely brushed his hard cock before he grabbed my hand.

  “No,” he said sternly. I was beginning to recognize the deep, confident tone when his Dominant nature took over. It drew out my submission in the space of a heartbeat, and I instantly stilled in his hold, waiting for his instruction.

  He’d been right: I wanted to please him. I wanted to give him everything, to give up control and place myself in his care. I’d never felt more at peace than I did in his firm hold.

  “I’m going to push you tonight,” he told me evenly. “I want to test your pain tolerance.”

  My confidence wavered. “Pain tolerance?”

  He cupped my face in his hand, tracing the line of my cheekbone with his thumb. “I’d never harm you, Natalie. But I think you like a little pain. Do you remember how you felt when I spanked you in my office?”

  My cheeks heated at the memory. It had hurt when he’d struck me, but I’d ached with arousal, and I’d lost myself in him as I ceded to his power over me. It had been the greatest high I’d ever known.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I remember.”

  “You liked it,” he said, already knowing the truth. “And I was honored by your trust. I am honored by it.”

  His thumb grazed over my sensitive lower lip, and I licked it without thinking, drawing him into my mouth with my tongue in wanton invitation. His eyes darkened as his pupils dilated with desire.

  “There’s my sweet kitten,” he rumbled, working his thumb slowly in and out of my mouth in lewd imitation of how I wanted to suck his cock. “If you’re good, we’ll get to that later.”

  He withdrew his thumb from my lips with a small popping noise.

  “But first, you need a safe word,” he said.

  “Safe word?”

  “It’s part of the trust we share. I’m going to test you tonight, but if I push too far, all you have to do is say the word, and I’ll stop.”

  “Okay,” I agreed. Although this talk of testing my pain tolerance made me nervous, I did trust Jason. “What’s my safe word?”

  He pressed an approving kiss against my forehead. “Say yellow if you need me to ease up or take a break. Say red if you’ve reached your limit. Everything will stop.”

  I frowned. “What if I don’t want everything to stop?”

  He tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. “The pain will stop,” he clarified. “I’ll hold you and take care of you, no matter what.”

  “All right,” I said, squaring my shoulders. “I’m ready.”

  He chuckled. “Such a brave kitten.” I pouted, and he traced the line of my lips. “And so cute.”

  “You’re being patronizing,” I huffed.

  “And you’re being adorable. My angry little kitten.” He leaned in so his warm breath teased over the shell of my ear. “Don’t worry. I remember how to make you purr.” His teeth sank into the sensitive spot where my neck curved into my shoulder, and his fist twined in my hair at my nape, anchoring me in place for his possessive bite. I gasped and tensed as pain flared. He growled against me, and his fingers tightened in my hair in warning. His tongue teased across the abused flesh that was caught between his teeth. I sagged in his hold. It wasn’t simple pleasure that made my knees weak; it was him. He overwhelmed me with his raw power, knowing just how to handle my body to earn my submission.

  I surrendered easily, eagerly. His arm around my lower back supported me as I shuddered in his harsh hold. He finally released me from his bite, pressing tender kisses against the spot where he’d marked me.

  I didn’t resist as he guided me onto the bed, positioning me on my knees in the center of the mattress. His big hand pressed between my shoulders, urging me down until my cheek touched the sheets, leaving my back arched and my ass raised high like an offering.

  “Stay,” he ordered, lightly squeezing the back of my neck to reinforce his control before he stepped away.

  I remained where he’d left me, completely still and complian
t. My mind emptied as his will took over my own. I didn’t have to worry, didn’t have to think. All I had to do was put myself in his domineering hands, and he would see to my every need.

  A soft sound whispered through the room, and I turned my face slightly so I could see what he was doing.

  My mouth went dry when I saw him finish pulling his belt from his slacks where they lay abandoned on the floor. He curved the length of black leather, doubling it over before slapping it against his hand. The resultant crack made the fine hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

  “Easy,” he soothed me, touching the cool leather against my spine, starting at my nape and slowly drawing it down to my ass. “You have your safe words,” he reminded me. “I want you to use them if you need to. If everything’s okay, tell me you’re green. Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” I said, my voice small.

  His palm smacked my ass in a light rebuke. “Address me properly.”

  “Yes, Sir,” I said, more clearly.

  He stroked me in reward. God, it felt so good when he trailed his calloused fingers over my heated skin, petting me as though I truly was his kitten. I certainly felt small when he towered over me like this, and although his belt loomed, I felt cherished, too. I decided I didn’t at all mind being Jason’s favorite pet.

  I barely had time to register the sound of leather cutting through the air before the first hit landed. The impact shocked me first, and then my body lurched forward as the sting bloomed across my skin. My fingers curled into the sheets, and I sucked in a sharp breath.

  Jason’s firm hands settled around my hips, guiding me back into position.

  “Are you okay, kitten?” he asked kindly, his fingers soothing the burning stripe on my ass. My nerve endings lit up with pleasure as the soothing touch contrasted with the sting. The burn turned to a delicious heat that sank through my skin, permeating my flesh until it reached my sex. My pussy lips began to swell, and wetness gathered at my core.

  I blew out a shuddering sigh. “Green,” I responded.

  “Good girl. I need you to stay still. I don’t want a hit landing somewhere unintentional. Can you do that for me?” His deep voice slid over my skin in a silken caress, his tenderness calming me further.

  “Yes, Sir.”

  “You’re being very brave for me. I’m proud of you.”

  I glowed at the praise. No one ever told me they were proud of me, no matter how hard I worked. My mother was withholding, to put it mildly, and my father had always been rather disinterested.

  But Jason cared. I felt a connection with him that was completely foreign to me, yet utterly enthralling. Warmth flooded my chest, and I arched my back, welcoming him to continue the torment that brought me such pleasure.

  “Such a sweet kitten,” he said, and I glowed as he lavished praise on me. “That first lash was to test you. I’ll warm you up before the next one. I want you to relax into the pain. Do you understand what I mean?”

  “I’m not sure,” I said truthfully.

  “You will,” he promised. “You were made for this.”

  His confidence in me bolstered my own, and I relaxed against the mattress, waiting for the next blow. It didn’t shock me like the first one. It was little more than a slight slap, eliciting heat but not the fierce sting he’d inflicted before. He delivered a twin hit on my other cheek before taking up a steady rhythm, spreading the heat evenly across my ass. My pussy began to ache, and my clit throbbed in time with each blow. A low moan left my chest as I surrendered to the blissful torment. I craved for him to fuck me, to fill me. But I desired to please him even more, and now he wanted to whip me and reveal the darkest facets of my sexuality. His pleasure washed over me, magnifying my own. It was more than physical ecstasy. This was a soul-deep satisfaction that made my heart swell until I felt it might burst with joy.

  Warm tears trailed down my cheeks, but I was barely aware of them. All I could do was bask in his power over me. I was drunk on it, and I floated in intoxicating bliss, even as he increased the snap of the belt against my skin. It didn’t sting anymore. Each hit thudded into me, applying a steady ache deep in my flesh. I sighed and settled into it, embracing the sensation rather than gritting my teeth and fighting through the pain.

  The belt whipped against my sensitive thighs, one after the other. I shrieked as the pain flashed through me, more intense than anything that had come before it. Before I could contemplate using a safe word, he began to stroke my heated, hypersensitive skin. I heard the belt drop to the floor.

  “It’s over, kitten.” His voice floated to me though my lust-drunk haze, his calm reassurance threading through my mind. “You did very well. I’m so proud of you.”

  I groaned as pleasure washed over me at his words. My entire being was flooded with physical and emotional ecstasy. I felt at peace, and yet, something was still missing. I needed him inside me, connecting us in the closest way possible.

  “Please fuck me, Sir,” I begged, my voice soft and husky.

  “With pleasure,” he rumbled.

  The mattress dipped as he settled himself on his knees behind me. His hard cock lined up with my slick entrance, and he eased in slowly, allowing me to revel in the sensation of him stretching me wide as my body eagerly ceded to him.

  “Fuck, you are so perfect,” he said raggedly before withdrawing at the same torturously slow pace.

  I whimpered at the torment. I wanted him to take me hard, to brand me with his ferocious heat. But his fingers curved into my hips, holding me where he wanted me as he dictated the rhythm.

  By the time he finally increased his pace, I was whining and writhing beneath him, desperate for more. I moaned in relief when he abruptly slammed into me, his cockhead rubbing against my g-spot. His hips hit my abused ass, the little flare of pain reminding me of his complete domination of my entire being.

  The knowledge that I belonged to him pushed me over the edge, and my inner walls began to flutter around him.

  “That’s it,” he ground out. “Come for me.”

  I exploded with a harsh cry, my ecstasy ripping through me. Bliss sang through my veins, emanating out from my core to my fingers and toes.

  His fist tangled in my hair, and he tugged, forcing my back to arch so he could take me more deeply. His free hand reached beneath me to pinch my clit.

  “More,” he demanded.

  A ragged scream tore its way up my throat as stars popped across my vision. I convulsed around him, and his cock pulsed inside me. He roared out his pleasure as his heat lashed deep inside me, branding me like I craved.

  “You’re mine,” he snarled as he pumped out the last of his orgasm. “Tell me.”

  “Yes,” I gasped out. “Yours.”

  He gripped my waist and rolled, remaining seated inside me as he settled us on our sides. Exhaustion washed over me, and I drifted into blissful sleep as he stroked my hair and murmured words of praise.

  Jason’s low moan woke me. He wasn’t holding me anymore, and I felt bereft without his touch. At first, I thought it was a sound of pleasure, but then an unmistakably pained groan slipped through his clenched teeth. His eyes were closed, but a sheen of sweat covered his body, and his muscles were tense.

  “Jason?” I asked tentatively. His only response was to shudder. “Jason,” I said more insistently, shaking him awake.

  His eyes snapped open, and he moved faster than my tired brain could comprehend. He rolled on top of me, pinning me with a snarl. His forearm rested against my throat, applying too much pressure. I grasped at him, trying to push him away. But now that he had the upper hand, he was too strong for me to overpower.

  “Jason,” I choked out his name. It was barely intelligible as I forced it through my constricted throat. When he didn’t ease up, I struggled against my instinct to fight. I released his arm and cupped his cheeks in my hands. “Wake up,” I begged. His eyes might be open, but he was still trapped in his nightmare. “I need you.”

  Slowly, the harsh lines
of his face eased, melting from rage to horror. He rolled off me in a flash, scooting away from me as though I’d burned him.

  “Fuck. Oh, fuck.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m so sorry. Are you—” His teeth snapped closed before he could finish asking if I was okay.

  “I’m fine,” I responded, suppressing the urge to rub my throat. “I’m okay. But you’re not.” I reached for him, and he flinched away. I withdrew slowly, sensing that he needed space. “What happened?” I pressed softly.

  He tore his eyes from mine, his cheeks coloring with shame. “I told you I’m broken,” he said bitterly. “I never should have let you near me. I can’t trust myself right now.”

  “You said you’ve seen some bad things,” I prompted gently. “Do you have PTSD? Is that why you were taking pills?”

  His gaze snapped back to mine, his eyes burning. “I thought I could control it. But I can’t control anything. Not my thoughts. Not myself. I attacked you. Fuck!”

  “I’m fine,” I reiterated. “And I understand. I studied Psychology, remember? It’s not uncommon for people in law enforcement to turn to drugs to deal with what they’ve seen. You said you’re trying to get better. You’re not using anymore. Are you in therapy?”

  “Yes,” he bit out. “It’s mandatory. I won’t be allowed back into the field until the doctor clears me for duty. I’d thought I was making progress, but clearly, I’m not. I hurt you.”

  “You didn’t,” I said firmly. When I reached for him this time, I didn’t stop when he tried to pull away. I boldly took his hand in mine, pressing my palm against his and threading our fingers together. “I told you that you can lean on me,” I reminded him. “Let me in. Let me help you.”

  He shook his head. “I can’t be near you right now. Maybe when I finish treatment, we can try again. It’s better that way. Then you won’t have to risk everything you’ve worked for.”

  “It is not better that way,” I insisted. “You don’t have to be alone with this. I won’t let you.”

  He let out a hoarse laugh. “Why did I have to fall for such a bossy woman?”