Grasping For Freedom

by Debra Kayn

  When it was time for the last vote, Pete said, "Nay."

  Torque shifted in his chair. Votes only counted if unanimous. Without everyone's vote, Rain couldn't carry through with the punishment. That was something he wasn't expecting, or deserved.

  "You've got the table, Pete," Rain said.

  Pete crossed his arms over his vest-covered chest. "I can't in good conscious punish Torque for something my son-in-law did only two short months ago and wasn't punished for. Bruce went behind my back, the club's back, and disrespected himself and my daughter."

  Torque's chest ached and he rolled his shoulders trying to find relief. Bruce had not only broken club rule, he slept with a member's daughter. It'd caused a riff in the club for a few weeks, until everyone—especially Pete—accepted that Bruce and Kristen were serious for each other.

  "Brandy's an employee, not a daughter, an old lady, or sister. I believe if Torque takes this as a warning, we're good. If he believes there will be another incident between him and Brandy, he must notify Rain." Pete ran his forearm over his whiskered lower face. "It's the right thing to do."

  "Aye if you agree, nay if you disagree," Rain said.

  The vote came back from all members in agreement with Pete. Torque lifted his chin and met each of their gazes. "Understood."

  "Meetings over." Rain chuckled when Raul swung his arm out and knocked Slade's stocking cap off. "Get the hell out of here and go work. Torque, you stay for a few minutes."

  Pete stood, laid his hand on Torque's shoulder, and squeezed. He nodded his thanks.

  The other members left after looking back at Torque, lifting their chins in acknowledgement that everything was cool between them, despite the ruling. Torque stood from his chair. He was ready to get out of the room. A half hour was about his limit in confined spaces, especially when he was the center of attention.

  He remained silent, letting Rain decide when to talk. Now that he was free to seek out Brandy and find out what was going on with her, he had nothing more to say to Rain about what went on between him and Brandy.

  The door clicked shut. Rain opened a bottle of whiskey, poured a shot, and motioned for Torque to take it. He downed it without taking a breath. Until the warmth hit his chest, loosening the tension in his fucked up shoulder, he hadn't realized how stressed he was about today's vote.

  He held out the glass and let Rain refill it. Bantorus was his life. Living on the outside, he'd have a hell of a time finding a job. Nobody hired a known felon.

  "Better?" Rain studied him.

  He nodded. "Yeah."

  "Good." Rain inhaled deeply. "We need to talk before you walk out that door."

  "Vote's over." He shrugged. "I'd like to talk about the run we're making to California. I've changed my mind. If there's room, I'd like to go."

  "Not this time. I need you here." Rain sat down and changed the subject. "You might as well tell me now if you have plans to fuck Brandy again. I don't need you knocking at my door, waking my woman and my daughter up at three in the morning."

  The hit of alcohol to his system did nothing to soften the blow from the question. "Leave her out of this. Votes over, and anything between her and me is none of your business."

  "It's a fair question. My newest employee walks into my office, gets her cute little body all bent out of shape over one of my members, and then my brothers refused to vote your ass out of the MC." Rain grinned. "It's been an exciting afternoon full of information."

  He stared at Rain. "What did she say?"

  "I made a deal with her, so I won't say." Rain lost the grin. "The person I worry about is you. I can't begin to assume you have feelings toward her, and because she's an employee I won't sit back and watch you hurt her."

  He rubbed his shoulder. "Not trying to do that either. I don't know what the fuck is going on. She's...shit. Half the time, I don’t think she's listening to a word I've said, not that we've talked much. She's got something going on in her head that I have no clue on."

  Rain stood. "There's my answer. You're a free man, brother."

  "What are you getting at?" He dropped his arm to his side.

  "I've heard your side, and her side. You can do whatever the fuck you want on your own time with Brandy now that the club's had their vote." Rain walked to the door. "I need to go meet the guys at the motor vehicle department before it closes for the day."

  He stepped past Rain and walked down the hall, his head spinning over what just happened. Somehow, Rain had jumped to his own conclusions, and the reasoning bypassed Torque's knowledge. He wanted to know what in the hell Brandy did to make a deal with Rain.

  One step inside the bar, he spotted Brandy. Without missing a step, he walked right up to her, wrapped his hand around her upper arm, and led her across the bar. Halfway to the door, she balked.

  "Stop." She jerked her arm, but he wasn't letting her go. "What are you doing?"

  He stepped in front of her, lowered his head, and said, "I have questions and I can either ask them here in front of everyone, or outside where we can have some privacy."

  "Fine." She pulled on her arm and he let her go. "We'll go outside."

  She marched out the door ahead of him. He watched her ass sashay side-to-side feeling like a bigger asshole than normal, because he still wanted her despite the serious business that went down moments ago.

  Chapter Nine

  Several bikers hung around on the outer edge of the parking lot, while a few couples walked toward the bar, probably headed in to have dinner before the drinkers started coming into the bar. Brandy stopped on the sidewalk and turned around, ready to face Torque and get back inside before the other guys who were at the meeting left. She had to find out what happened and what they'd discussed behind closed doors.

  She had to have enough information for Radiant when he called to be able to talk to her dad.

  Torque appeared outside, his mouth set in a firm line. The crinkles at the corner of his eyes more pronounced, and his fingers curled into his palms. From the look of him, his punishment for having sex with her did not go over well.

  He had the right to be angry with her.

  She took two steps forward and said, "I can give you two hundred dollars. I know it's not much, but Rain pays me next week. If you need more, I can give the money to you then."

  He rocked back a step and frowned. "What the hell are you talking about?"

  "Your punishment," she said. "I'll help you pay off the fee."

  He tilted his head. "You think because I slept with you, the MC will charge me a fine?"

  "It's partly my fault. I could've said no." She clamped her bottom lip between her teeth.

  "Sunshine..." He gazed up at the sky, shaking his head.

  "What?"

  He lowered his gaze and looked at her again. "It wasn't your fault."

  "Takes two people to have sex," she said, unsure why he was arguing with her.

  "Right." He stepped closer and his vest brushed her breasts.

  Delicious shocks prickled her body and quickly warmed. She stared at the flames tattooed on his neck. "I'm sorry...about everything."

  "Shut up," he said.

  Her chin snapped up at his deep, gravely order. "I am sorry though."

  "Open your mouth, sunshine." He lowered his head.

  "Wha—"

  He caught her lips in a kiss, sweeping his tongue against hers, sucking her in. Her body swayed against his. Instead of hardness, he kissed her long and slow, deeply, and possessively. Through several seconds she couldn't even count, he finally pulled back. She loved how he kissed her as if she belonged to him, as if no one could stop him, as if he wanted her. She marveled at the thought that she'd like to belong to him.

  "You're going to get in trouble again," she whispered, unsteady and reeling from the kiss.

  He rubbed his lips together, staring at her mouth. "I received the clubs permission to have sex with you."

  She stared at him in disbelieve, not because he was a grown man and ha
d to ask the club to have sex with her, but because he asked the club if he could have sex with her. The way he acted, it seemed as if he thought there was a chance of them repeating what got them in trouble in the first place. She'd bet her two hundred dollars on it.

  "That's messed up," she said.

  He framed her face with his hands, and lifted her chin until he could see in her face. "Yeah, so I want to know what you did to make that happen."

  "Me?" She shook her head, but with his hands on her, she couldn't finish denying the members decision had anything to do with her. "I had nothing to do with them not punishing you."

  "You made a deal with Rain," he said.

  She went back through her conversation in Rain's office. The only thing she'd asked Rain to do was keep their conversation private from Torque. Obviously, Rain had kept his part of the deal.

  "The only thing I did was offer to pay your fine for breaking the rules. Rain wouldn't let me. There was no deal," she said.

  "You thought I'd have to pay money for sleeping with you?" he asked, his head getting closer as he talked. "Pay for having sex."

  "Not with me. Because you had sex with me. Oh, nevermind. You know what I mean." She pushed away from him, needing space.

  His closeness confused her. She swept her hair off her face and behind her shoulder, trying to get him off the subject of sex with her. He kept coming toward her. "I broke a rule. There are two options. I no longer can be a Bantorus member or—"

  "What?" She lowered her hands to her side. "Did they kick you out?"

  He shook his head. "Or, I'm on probation and away from the club for two months."

  She closed her eyes a moment. "That's stupid. Where will you go?"

  "I'm not on probation, sunshine." He held her upper arms and pulled her closer. "Pete went against the rest of the members. I'm only required to inform Rain if I plan on having sex with you again."

  Her mouth opened, but no words came out. In a lifestyle where bikers had women living in a cabin, ready for anything that was required of them and God knew what kind of activities, Torque had to inform the club when he planned to have sex? With her?

  "We're not going to have sex again," she said, backing away from his touch.

  She continued walking, until the back of her boot hit the curb and then she turned around and headed to the door of the bar. He caught her before she could escape back inside.

  "Hold on," he said, turning her around.

  She shoved at him. "No, you hold on. This isn't a game. I work here. I live here. But that does not mean I'm going to be the subject of your meetings, now or in the future." She lowered her voice, practically hissing, "Especially having my sex life talked about and okayed by others."

  "That's not—"

  "My sex life is nobody's business but mine. Most of all, it's time every damn one of you stupid bikers learned that I'm not a bitch, including you."

  She hurried through the door before he could stop her. Because it was her day off and she was mad, she ignored everyone in the bar and heading straight toward the hallway to talk to Rain in his office.

  Except the locked office door stopped her. She knocked. When no one answered right away, she looked down the hall to see if Bruce was behind the counter. Somehow, she had to find out what happened in the meeting, besides the men dishing about her sex life. Radiant expected answers, and she was going to find them.

  Torque entered the hallway, blocking her view into the bar. She glared, but he continued toward her until he'd backed her against the rear door of the building at the end of the hallway.

  "I need to talk to Rain," she said.

  "Rain's gone," he said, his hands roaming over her hips.

  She froze when his fingers dug into the indention at her waist making her knees weak. Through whatever happened between her and Torque, she had to remember everything. "Where's he at?"

  "DMV, getting things ready for a run." He lowered his mouth to her neck. "Today's your day off."

  "So..." The muscles in her spine also weakened and her head tipped to the right, letting him access her neck. "I thought you were staying away from me."

  "I am." He put his boot between her boots and pushed her leg to the side, widening her stance. "But not until after we have sex again."

  Oh, wow. She closed her eyes. The firm, smooth tickle of his tongue on her skin mixed with his overbearingness was her undoing. Her mind went into overdrive, tallying all of the excuses why having sex with him was a bad idea. Then she crumbled every reason and tossed it over her shoulder.

  Torque's hands cupped her ass, lifting her off the floor. She wound her arms around his neck, her legs around his waist, and planted her mouth on his. She rode his body as he walked. The destination unknown, she'd go with him anywhere as long as he never let go of her.

  Too soon, he set her on her feet and broke away from her. "Keys?"

  She dug in her pocket and handed him the ribbon she kept the cabin key on. His lips turned up at the corners and his eyes dropped to her mouth. She took a deep breath. His smile affected her in the most pleasurable way, and she had a feeling he didn't smile for just anyone.

  He lived a hard life by codes and boundaries within the club, and yet still retained the wildness and freedom of a lifestyle that perplexed her. She let him take her hand and lead her into her cabin, into the bedroom, onto the bed.

  It had crossed her mind more than once that Torque's change of attitude toward her hid more mystery than she could understand. Yet, she was here for her own purposes, and sex with Torque had nothing to do with her job she was here to do.

  Torque sat on the bed and leaned back on his hands. "Strip, sunshine."

  She stood before him and laughed, but the sound cut off at the way his eyes settled on her. His gaze was not on her body, but on her, straight into her eyes, and held her captive. Her breath came harsh and fast. Her heart raced. He ordered her to undress, but he was asking for much more. To shed her inhibitions and put herself out before him required trust.

  He was a biker.

  She was in trouble.

  Neither of those things mattered.

  Unable to deny him, she crossed her arms in front of her, lifted the bottom of her Tee, and pulled the material over her head. A shiver curled around the base of her neck, and she trembled. Vulnerable and needy, she turned her head.

  "Look at me," he said.

  She slowly let out the breath she was holding and turned her gaze back on him. He watched her while lifting his chin, his mouth softening in approval. He had all the confidence in the world, and she was tired, so tired, of being the one always in control, taking care of others, making sure the ones she loved were safe and happy.

  "I'm right here," he whispered, never taking his gaze from hers. "Just you and me."

  She swallowed, because the low, rough timber of his voice soothed her more than his words. As if unable to control her need to please him, she lifted her foot and planted her boot on the mattress between his legs.

  Only then did he take his eyes off her and to her leg. The emotional reprieve brought heat to the surface of her skin. Nobody had ever concentrated on only her before. Not her parents, her coworkers, or the few friends she'd had over the years when she was younger. There was no hiding from him.

  Torque pulled off her boot, and then her other boot. She shimmied out of her jeans, taking her socks off too. Before she could chicken out, she straightened glad she'd forgone her bra and panties earlier.

  "There," she said, breathless. "I'm naked."

  He sat with his shoulders slumped, his hands loose between his thighs and said, "I can see that, sunshine."

  Because he continued to gaze into her eyes, ignoring her body, she held perfectly still. Unsure if he expected her to make the first move or he hoped she'd act like the bitches who hung all over the bikers, fondling, kissing, stripping, rubbing them, she waited.

  "I'm not sure what you want me to do," she said.

  Torque inhaled deeply and on an exhal
e said, "You're doing it."

  Wow, he said the right thing. She relaxed and the moment she did, her whole body loosened and the wonderful sensations he always brought out in her returned. The apex of her thighs pulsated pleasantly and she wanted to reach up and squeeze her breasts to relieve the delicious ache building inside of her. But she couldn't take away this moment away from him.

  He wanted her stripped and standing before him, and she wanted to give that to him.

  He continued sitting there, content, and in no hurry. Yet his lack of moving forward baffled her. She lifted her foot to step toward him when he said, "For more years than I can remember, seems like fucking forever, I imagined a woman in front of me. She was naked. She could come and go if she wished. I thought of her as a representation of freedom. She willingly came to me, but when given the choice to leave, she stayed. She always stayed..."

  By his tone, he seemed to be talking to himself but he was looking at her. She gave her head a shake, not understanding, knowing she was missing something important and what he was saying was about her.

  "You stayed. I sent you away, but you came back and you stayed," he whispered, barely loud enough for her to hear.

  She moved toward him then. His wonder and amazement swept through her, and she wanted to be the woman who never left him. She couldn't promise him tomorrow or infinity, but she could give him right now.

  "I'll stay." She leaned toward him, cupping her hands around his face, and kissing him lightly, and said softer this time, "If you'll let me..."

  He nodded under her touch. Her stomach fluttered over his quiet acceptance, and she stroked his cheek. His tenderness enthralled her as much as his toughness and bossiness aroused her.

  He hooked her neck, bringing her forward, brushing his lips against hers. Then he let her go and stood. She changed places with him and sat on the bed, watching him unlace his boots and kick them off.

  Unexpectedly, she understood him better in the last few minutes than all the other times put together. He was a good man. His warning to stay away from him came from something deep inside of him, a shield, a defense against hurting others. His behavior was one way to distance himself from others that she herself had used many times.