Secret Love (The 4Ever Series Book 2)

by Isabella White

  She heard Jake chuckling and cracked an eye open to stare at his ass as he walked into the bathroom. She heard the shower door open and the water turned on. The sound of the running water sounded very inviting, and Holly knew she needed to clean up as well. She didn’t like the stickiness on her back. Her lips curled into a smile. She knew she should wait for him to finish before cleaning herself up, because she knew if she joined him it would only lead to another round. She shook her head. She’d already let go of her morals for the night—might as well carry on. Heaving herself off the bed, she headed to the bathroom. She slipped inside and switched off the light before joining him in the shower.

  He laughed.

  “Seriously, that shy?”

  “Shush,” she said, moving beneath the stream of water.

  Jake rubbed her back sensually. She loved and had missed being so close to him, but was hating herself for wanting him even more. Grunting, he pressed her against the wall. Things heated up and by the time they’d exhausted themselves, the water had run cold. Holly stepped out and dried herself, left Jake in the bathroom, walked naked to the bed, and got in.

  Fatigue quickly consumed her. The last thing she heard was the shower still running.

  JAKE

  THE WATER DROWNED JAKE’S HEAD AND rolled down his body, leaving him with a feeling of pure satisfaction. He smiled as the images of being inside Holly filled his mind and fulfilled his lustful hunger pangs and needs as nobody ever had or could.

  His smile disappeared as his thoughts traveled back to five years ago. His satisfied high morphed into a deep disgust. Nausea and anger roiled deep inside him. How could he have done this? He’d reprimanded himself yesterday for having kissed Holly at the club, telling himself he was weak, reminding himself what a wretched person she truly was. How could anyone do what she’d done to him? Especially after telling him she loved him?

  Turning the taps off, Jake reached for a towel, dried himself off and got dressed. His eyes traveled over Holly’s sleeping form as he stepped out of the bathroom.

  The sheet partially covered her body, but he could see the swell of her breasts and her shapely leg tangled in the sheet. He closed his eyes before she sucked him in.

  Never again. This has to stop. He loved both Kate and Michael. This creature on the bed? She didn’t deserve anything. He refused to let her be his kryptonite. Kate didn’t deserve to be cheated on; she was a brilliant woman and he should be giving her the world on a silver platter, because that’s what she deserved. Fuck! What had he done? He was disgusted with himself. He felt like a piece of shit. He should’ve left well enough alone. Should’ve walked away the minute Holly rejected him in the stockroom. But there was something about Holly that made him lose his mind, and he’d ached to have her again. He’d needed to have her again.

  Well, he’d gotten her out of his system now, he was sure of it, because all he felt right then was disgust. Glancing at her sleeping form on the bed, her hair covering her face, he thought back to when he’d had her sitting high on a pedestal. He’d put her there again half an hour ago, but now… he looked away, shaking his head.

  He would never give in to her like that ever again. Collecting his things, he shoved them into his bag, and without a backward glance, he ran down the stairs and out of the apartment. Never again.

  HOLLY

  By the time she woke, it had started to turn light outside. She still lay on the same spot she’d passed out in, and felt a bit of drool running down the side of her mouth and onto the sheets. The smell of hot sex lingered in the air. Turning, Holly looked to the side. Jake wasn’t in bed. Sitting up, she flung the sheets off and crawled out of bed. Her body ached in various spots.

  She figured he had to be downstairs, catching up on some work or something, but when she reached the stairs and made her way down, she found the apartment completely deserted. Almost as if someone had gut-punched her, she now felt the opposite of what he’d made her feel last night. The only thing missing was a couple of hundred dollar bills on the counter.

  Tears threatened to fall from her eyes when she noticed her bag on the kitchen counter. How could he have done this to her, leave without any explanation, or a goodbye? There wasn’t even a note. A tear rolled down her cheek. Never again. She couldn’t allow herself to give in to him again. She’d been stupid to think she could keep her feelings for him out of this, stupid to think that giving in to one night of glorious sex could get him out of her system. Her heart wasn’t built that way.

  Once she’d cleaned the place up a bit, she got dressed, zipping her jacket up over her cami. Grabbing her bag, she headed for the door and exited, closing it behind her. On hearing it lock, Holly walked away.

  Outside, she hailed a cab, feeling broken and used. Feeling used was an understatement. She felt like a cheap whore. When she reached home, she immediately climbed into a hot bath. She felt dirty and all she wanted to do was scrub the events of last night off her skin. She wanted to scrub Jake off her skin. Her moral standards had gone down the toilet—it wasn’t right what she was doing to Kate. And Michael.

  Her ass seemed to hurt the most when she settled into the hot water, but then she’d seen his handprint across her butt cheeks when she’d looked in the huge mirror next to the bath. She’d also caught sight of the bruises that peppered her arms from where he’d grasped her. In the light of day, she found no pleasure from his roughness. He’d never hurt her like that before. This new Jake was not all there—more like a sadistic version of his former self. She felt broken, used, disgusted. Abused.

  After scrubbing her skin raw and allowing the tears to flow freely, Holly finally dragged herself out of the bath, and collapsed into her bed. She was glad she had the day off; she’d be completely useless at the hospital today. Her fatigue finally claimed her and she slept fitfully until late in the afternoon. She felt no better when she woke up, and decided to go for a run through the park to clear her head. When she came upon a couple of children playing, a horrible ache filled her gut—she missed her little girl.

  The run back was fast, and she felt somewhat better. Her disgust had morphed into anger at Jake. He’d made her feel cheap and worthless, and she promised herself that it would never happen ever again.

  There wasn’t one message on her phone. Not one.

  ********

  Try as she might, Holly couldn’t get the images of Jake out of her mind the following days to come. She could still feel his hands gripping her waist, his lips scorching her skin. Her stomach dipped in sheer lust as the scene of their night together played through her mind. But every time her thoughts played it out, the fury she felt at being used took hold. She couldn’t concentrate on her work, and she found no joy in doing what she loved. She was on autopilot, just doing what was expected. On her next night off, she conceded to Rod’s relentless badgering and joined him for a movie and dinner.

  “Earth to Holly.” Rodney waved his hand in front of her face.

  Holly snapped out of the reverie she had become accustomed to escaping into. “What? Sorry.” She smiled.

  “What is up with you lately?”

  “Nothing.” She twirled some fettuccini onto her fork.

  Rodney pulled a face, clearly not believing her. “Holls, talk to me. I’m not stupid, you know. I can see something is bothering you.”

  “I saw him again.”

  “Steve?”

  She nodded. “He’s married,” she lied.

  “What?”

  “And I still slept with him. I’m such a slut.”

  Rodney closed his eyes, as she dropped her fork onto her plate of pasta. “I’m never going to get over him.” She buried her head in her hands.

  Sighing, her friend pushed his chair back, got up, and kneeled next to her. She hated that he was being kind, stroking her back, trying to cheer her up. He would hate her when he found out that Jamie’s father—so-called Steve—was his mentor, the guy he idolized.

  “You’re human, Holly. Hell, you’ve got
a kid with this guy. You deserve to give yourself at least ten years to get over him.”

  She sniffed and looked at him with tears in her eyes. Rodney handed her a napkin, which she used to dab at her eyes. “Jamie thinks her father lives in a rainbow. I could never tell her that he was going to come home.”

  “Did you really think you would ever be able to tell her that?”

  Nodding, she cried softly.

  “Oh, Holly,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her. He planted a kiss on her temple, leaving his lips there for a second too long. “This guy has no idea what he’s given up. You are the most wonderful person I’ve ever met. You love your daughter like there is no tomorrow, you forgive others even though they don’t deserve it, and you never give up. You are strong, kind, and beautiful, and he doesn’t deserve you.”

  She shook her head. “It doesn’t change the fact that I still want him.”

  “Of course you do. It’s normal, sweetheart. But you have to let go sometime.”

  “What if I can’t?”

  “Holly, if anyone can let go of a piece of shit like that, it’s you.”

  She smiled at him. Jake was everything except a piece of shit. Well, he was a piece of shit to her, but he was far from it otherwise.

  “I’m going to order us each a huge serving of tiramisu with extra ice cream, and we can get Ben and Jerry’s on our way home, and we can pour our sorrows into the sugary sweetness. They say it helps.”

  Holly laughed, wiping new tears away.

  “Okay?” Rodney asked.

  “Okay,” she agreed. Rod squeezed her hand and returned to his chair.

  In the end, they chose to take the tiramisu to go. The walk home through the park was nice and relaxed, due mostly to Rod making lame jokes to cheer her up. That he didn’t mention his day with Jake was a bonus.

  Once home, Holly’s phone buzzed in her pocket and she brightened when she saw her mother’s name on the screen. Talking to Jamie would ease some of her sorrow. Of course, Jamie wanted to speak to Rodney as well. Holly missed her little girl terribly, and whenever she felt down, Jamie was the best antidote. She filled the hole Jake had left in her heart. But because she wasn’t with Holly, it felt like she’d lost both her girls, not to mention their father. This wasn’t easy at all.

  Rodney had been right, though, they’d drowned their sorrows in tiramisu and Ben and Jerry’s. I Love Lucy sponsored the laughter, and she felt a whole lot better when Rodney bid her goodnight and headed off to bed.

  Holly remained where she was, watching an old episode of Grey’s Anatomy, hating the fact that one of the characters, Meredith, had gotten her McDreamy while she didn’t get to have her Macaroon. Obviously, not everything on TV emulated real life.

  The following evening, Holly did rounds with Teresse until the doctor left. She also got to scrub in on one minor operation. She was familiar with the procedure from her time in Dr. Somers’ free clinic. All throughout her shift, she had to stop herself from checking her phone for any messages from Jake. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t give in to him again, so it was a good thing that he wasn’t texting her, right?

  She helped out in the ER and hung around the reception desk when things calmed down until, finally, her shift ended. She flopped down on her bed the minute she got home. The blare of her alarm woke her up to get ready for her next evening shift. Her shift passed in much the same way as her previous shift, and the rest of the week followed suit.

  Holly quickly settled in the mundane routine that was now her life: work, try not to think about Jake at work, home, cy over the fucking bastard, sleep—and then it all started over again. She tried to forget about him, told herself she’d been the one to make the decision, that she’d told herself it was only one night to get him out of her system, but she knew she was fooling herself. It had never been just one night with Jake. He was lodged in her heart, and she’d never be able to get him out.

  The emergencies helped as she was kept busy, but when there weren’t any, she’d sit in the gallery and watch heart surgeries being performed. Which only had her missing the feeling of a heart in her hand. The first time she’d assisted Dr. Somers with open heart surgery, she’d known it was what she wanted to do for the rest of her life.

  *******

  On Monday morning, Holly froze when she saw Jake walk into the cafeteria talking to another woman. Her heart lifted when she realized it wasn’t Kate.

  Holly stood and snuck out before he could realize she was there. A staff meeting was called at midmorning, and the lecture hall filled up for a recap of the previous week, which gave Jake’s presence at Downsend some purpose.

  Holly collapsed into the chair right next to Rev, and tried hard not to look in Jake’s direction. He was sitting in the first row, right next to a brown-haired woman, who was laughing and slapping Jake playfully as Dr. Downsend started with the morning announcements.

  “I would like to welcome a new staff member, Dr. Moira Peters.” The brown-haired woman got up. Another Peters? Jake didn’t have any cousins; both his parents were only children, and Holly had never met a Moira, so whoever this woman was, she had no clue. She was about to find out, though.

  “Another one?” a third year yelled, sending the entire room into laughter.

  “Dr. Peters hails from San Diego, and we are happy to announce that we are extremely honored to have her as one of our doctors. For those of you who don’t know, Dr. Peters is a cardiovascular surgeon.”

  Hope washed over Holly again. Did he say cardio? Anyone besides Embers could help her get back into cardiology. But what Embers had done to Dr. Jacobs, removing her from a surgery because Holly had scrubbed in, flashed through her mind.

  It wouldn’t work.

  Holly was so wrapped up in her own thoughts, she missed the rest of the announcements. The lights dimmed and the big screen in the front lit up. Dr. Watkins, one of the gynecologists, was the first to speak about her case; a twenty-three-year-old woman who’d lost her life giving birth. How that was still possible, Holly didn’t know.

  Dr. Watkins asked questions, to which Holly knew most of the answers. She’d been patient 25470 exactly five years ago. Many answers were given, and when Dr. Watkins finally asked what could have been done differently to prevent this patient’s death, Holly knew exactly how to answer, but she kept quiet.

  Dr. Jacobs was next to present a case. Tanya jumped all over that one, giving her best scenarios of how she could have saved the patient’s life, continually glancing at Moira, who seemed impressed by Tanya’s knowledge.

  Holly’s hand shot up.

  “Yes, Dr. Scallanger.”

  Clearing her throat, Holly proposed a completely different scenario, one she’d witnessed with her own eyes as Dr. Somers had performed it when she was present. Chuckles were heard throughout the hall, as if she’d told a funny story but, it was one hell of an amazing procedure to have witnessed.

  “To be honest, we were quite surprised that the patient opened his eyes after that, but it’s something I will never forget.”

  Dr. Jacobs was smiling. “This patient lived?”

  “He did. He later died due another complication, but it wasn’t because his heart gave out.”

  “Impressive, Dr. Scallanger. This free clinic… does it have a name?” She sounded skeptical, as if Holly was making it up.

  “Yes, it is run by Dr. Somers.” Everyone gasped, including the new heart surgeon.

  “He’s running a free clinic?” Dr. Jacobs asked.

  “Yes, and he’s one of the best doctors I’ve worked for,” Holly returned, smiling.

  “You are indeed privileged to have worked with him.” Giving Holly another smile, Dr. Jacobs addressed the staff. “Only Dr. Somers could have pulled something like that off.”

  “Indeed,” Holly agreed.

  JAKE

  “This is boring,” Moira said under her breath. Jake suppressed his smile as they listened to Dr. Watkins speaking about a delivery that had gone
wrong. His father could have saved her life, but his thoughts turned to his dad running into Holly. It gave him the chills. He would’ve grown dead silent and given Jake the silent treatment. His father would see right through Jake and know his feelings for Holly were still as strong as ever. It was the one side of his father Jake hated—the silence before the storm.

  As soon as the applause for Dr. Watkins died down, Dr. Jacobs took over to present her case. It didn’t surprise Jake in the least that Tanya offered scenarios on how she would’ve done it. The girl irritated the living crap out of him. It was no surprise, either, why she now sported a slightly pink shade in hair color.

  “Hmph,” Moira sniggered.

  Jake had to give Tanya props, though, because despite everything else about her, she was clever when it came to cardio.

  “Dr. Scallanger.” He heard Dr. Jacobs say, but didn’t turn to look at Holly. Her voice alone made his body tingle all over. He was so pathetic; deep down he knew what he was planning to do with her later tonight, something he didn’t think would be possible after their night together. Yet, there he was, wanting her again. He’d even begged Moira to take the position at Downsend just so he could find out why the hell Holly had switched from cardio to pediatrics.

  Laughter filled the room when Holly finished recounting her story. Even Moira laughed, and half turned in her seat to look at Holly.