End of Eternity 2

by Loretta Lost

  By the time he glances up toward me, as I am carefully descending the staircase, there are tears in his eyes.

  “Carmen,” he says softly, lifting his hands up toward me.

  I rush forward into his arms and hug him tightly. “I’m sorry, Dad. I’m so sorry.”

  “What on earth are you sorry for, child?” he says as he kisses the top of my head. “God, I’m just glad you’re all in one piece. Why wouldn’t you call me to tell me that you had lost the baby?”

  “I didn’t want to give you additional stress,” I explain softly. “With Helen being hurt, and the issues with your job, your health, and Liam…”

  “Honey,” my father says with mild anger. “It doesn’t matter if the sky is falling down. I’ll always be right there at your side in a heartbeat when you need me. You’re my top priority, sweetheart. You’re my little girl.”

  Hearing him say this reduces me to tears. I think about my own little girl, and how I failed to even give her a chance at life. I immediately begin sobbing against my father’s shoulder, and he guides me to the living room so that I can sit down on a sofa. I lean forward with my head in my hands, and release a torrent of pent up tears.

  “Shhh,” Dad says as he sits beside me and wraps an arm around me. “I’m right here. My poor girl. You were so brave, Carmen. So brave. Your mother would have been proud.”

  At the mention of Mom, I find myself crying harder. But it’s not a hopeless sort of crying—it’s refreshing and cathartic. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to see my father, and now that he’s finally home, I feel like a heavy weight has been lifted off my chest.

  “Don’t despair, darling,” my father says gently. “Someday, you’ll have all the children you want. This just wasn’t the right time. And I guarantee that your children will cause you tons of trouble, destroy the house with crayons and magic markers, get mud over everything, and leave you wondering why you wanted them in the first place.”

  I suddenly stop crying and look up at him mournfully, shaking my head. “No, Dad. The doctor said…” I have to pause in speaking, because I can’t seem to finish the sentence. I look up to Brad, and he nods at me in understanding.

  He clears his throat before speaking. “According to the doctors, Richard, it seems like Carmen will never be able to conceive a child again.”

  My father looks at me with horror on his face. “Oh, darling! That can’t be right. No, I wouldn’t believe it for a moment. We’ll need to get a second opinion.”

  “I don’t want to, Dad. I’m too scared to find out more negative information. I can’t deal with it.”

  “Sweetheart, I wouldn’t underestimate your dear old dad,” he says with a twinkle in your eye. “If I could find a way to get your sister to see after being blind for twenty-five years, then I think we can find a way to make sure you’ll have babies. And if that doesn’t work, I will simply clone you a few times, and steal the reproductive system from one of your clones. There we go; problem solved.”

  My lips curl upward into a smile. “Sure, Dad. That seems like a reasonable solution. If I happen to need a brain or a heart later in life, at least we’ll have those readily available too.”

  “I like to plan ahead,” my dad jokes, patting me on the knee. “But seriously, Carmen. With modern medicine advancing as quickly as it is? I wouldn’t take that doctor’s words seriously. You will make me many beautiful grandchildren. I will promise you that.”

  I don’t know why, but I do suddenly feel better. My father really is a dedicated and influential man, and if he says he can make something happen, he usually can. I breathe deeply in relief, and already feel reassured that things are going to be okay. I no longer feel like my life is a guaranteed dead-end.

  “Hey,” my father says, noticing the bouquet of blue roses sitting a few feet away on the coffee table. “Are those the roses that Owen got for you? They’re beautiful.”

  I turn to look at the flowers in question, and my forehead wrinkles in confusion. “No,” I say softly. “Brad got those for me when I was in the hospital.”

  “Really?” my father says in surprise. “That’s funny. I could have sworn that Owen called us specifically to ask Helen what your favorite flower was. Of course, I had no idea why he was buying you flowers, but…”

  My eyes snap up to look at Brad in shock. His face immediately displays guilt and discomfort. I remember his response when I asked him how he knew what my favorite flower was: he remembered Grayson mentioning it. I was too dizzy and upset at the time to recognize this lie. Grayson never bought me flowers! I rise to my feet in anger, unable to believe that he would do this to me. Especially since I had just been growing so fond of him. So actually fond of him.

  I bite my lip and nod my head as I process the information. “Really, Brad? I would have thought that this was far below you.”

  He steps forward with both hands raised in the air in a gesture of peace. “I can explain. Listen, Carmen, I didn’t mean to…”

  “Oh, save it. What else were you lying about? The teddy bear or the necklace?”

  Brad sighs. “Carmen, please…”

  Reaching up to undo the necklace from around my neck. I let it fall to the coffee table. “I should have guessed that sweet and sentimental wasn’t your style.”

  He looks like he is about to argue, but I rush past him. “I’m sorry, Dad. Please excuse me,” I say regretfully. I am too exhausted to make the journey back upstairs, so I grab my father’s car keys off the console table in the foyer. I don’t have my driver’s license, wallet, shoes, or even real clothes on, but I hardly care as I march out of the house and toward my father’s car. I know that my phone is in the pocket of my robe, and that’s all that matters. Opening the car door and swiftly climbing inside, I gasp at the pain that shoots up through my abdomen. It feels like I am sitting on a sharp knife. It takes me a moment to recover from the invisible stabbing, but I am soon doing some stabbing of my own as I jam the key into the vehicle and start it up. I crush my bare foot down on the gas pedal and peel away from my driveway before the men can follow me.

  God, it was such a small lie. Why does it bother me so much?

  It means Owen was there after all.

  Breathing deeply as I drive, I start to feel the relaxation of the open road seep into my veins. I pull my phone out of my robe’s pocket with one hand, and glance down at it furtively. I deleted and blocked my contact titled “The Phenomenal Owen” once I was mistakenly convinced that he was not quite so phenomenal anymore, but I am sure that I can reach him quite easily by calling Liam or Helen and asking for the number.

  But do I want to do this?

  Maybe it was for the best when I thought that Owen was a lying jerk who didn’t care, and wouldn’t be there for me like he’d said. Maybe it was for the best when I was so angry at him that I was able to avoid reaching out to him altogether. Calling him now would be like opening a can of worms. I could cause problems in his relationship—even if I try my best to keep things as innocent as possible between us. But really, when have I ever managed to keep things innocent? Historical data would suggest that if I don’t want to get wet, I should avoid taking a stroll around the edge of the lake. I can never seem to resist the urge to dive in.

  But my mother raised me to have good manners, and I can’t accept a gift from a man without properly thanking him.

  It was ridiculous how much those flowers meant to me. Waking up to that stark white hospital, they were the only splash of life and color that I could find to keep me going. Then there was the teddy bear in the sombrero. And the yellow blanket covered in duckies.

  Upon reflection, I realize that the fabric covered in ducklings was a scarf. The visual image of Owen wearing this scarf causes me to burst out laughing. I immediately wince and hold my stomach, but the smile lingers on my face. I realize that the smell of the fabric that I couldn’t identify was Owen’s musky natural scent. I am not sure why I am so excited—so overjoyed.

  I am somewhat ups
et with myself for being so emotionally fickle. Why was I so eager to get upset with Brad and storm out of the house? It might have been a little white lie intended to impress me, but at least Brad is single. If I so much as talk to Owen, I could be causing a world of hurt for him and his girlfriend.

  However, my heart is soaring at the idea of speaking to him, and I can’t resist. Maybe my heart is foolish, but I can’t deny its simple wishes. Not when it’s been through so much lately. As I slow my car to a halt at a stoplight, I realize that Owen’s number is still in my calling history, even though I’ve deleted his name from my phone. I quickly dial the number, and hold my breath as I wait for him to answer. My foot taps on the brake pedal with excitement, and I am unable to remain still.

  “Carmen?” his voice finally says into the line. “Is that you?”

  I don’t know why, but I feel like crying. From happiness. “I think I have something that belongs to you,” I tell him softly. “A yellow ducky scarf? I figured that only you could pull something like that off and still look manly.”

  Owen lets out a huge breath of relief, and then a large burst of laughter. “Thank god, Carm. I went back to the hospital and you were gone—I was so worried.” There is a profound pause on the line. “I need to see you,” he says softly.

  “Where are you?” I ask him. “I’m driving.”

  “Don’t drive. Where are you?” he demands. “I’ll come to you.”

  “Why don’t we meet somewhere in the middle?” I suggest.

  “That sounds perfect.”

  “I must warn you,” I tell him with a touch of embarrassment. “I’m not wearing real clothes.”

  “Even better!” he says happily. “Wear a paper bag. Wear a toilet-paper wedding dress. Wear a strategically placed fig leaf. I don’t care; I just need to see you.”

  Chapter Ten

  “Are you kidding me?” Owen says as we stroll through the lush green park. “What kind of person does something like that?”

  I lift my shoulders in an embarrassed shrug. “I have no idea. But what does it say about me? I was so naïve that I believed him. I didn’t even question it.”

  Owen groans in frustration. “I came by your house twice, Carm, and that bastard stonewalled me. I was so worried about you. I thought you hated me.”

  “What a jackass,” I murmur softly. “Of course I wanted to see you, Owen.”

  “Good,” he says with relief. “Wow, this Brad fellow must be really insecure if he has to steal another man’s flowers to impress a lady. Overcompensating for something, maybe?”

  “I don’t know. The platinum necklace he bought me had to have been worth thousands of dollars. Why would he feel the need to lie about flowers?”

  “Maybe he saw how much they meant to you,” Owen suggests. “He saw the way your eyes lit up when you looked at them, and he wanted to use everything at his disposal to dig a little deeper into your heart. Heck, I can’t blame him. I might have done the same damn thing.”

  “I highly doubt that,” I tell him with a smile.

  “I’ve done crazier things for women,” Owen asserts with a twinkle in his eye. “Once, I even lied about being this married girl’s boytoy and the father of her secret lovechild so I could get into the hospital to see her.”

  This coaxes a laugh out of me. I haven’t moved around in days, and my body is rebelling against the currently-strenuous activity. However, it feels good to be walking barefoot in the grass beside Owen. The sunshine is soaking me with warmth, and I feel strengthened. Fond childhood memories of playing in this park are dancing in my mind, and I feel better than I have in days. “I lost my baby, Owen.”

  He stops walking and turns to face me, taking both of my hands in his. “I heard. When I went back to the hospital, a doctor that I know told me what happened. I’m so sorry, Carmen.”

  “Elizabeth Grace Winters,” I tell him with a sad smile. “I think I got to hold her for a minute. I vaguely remember it, but… I was so heavily sedated. I can’t recall what she looked like, Owen. I just know that I was happy when she was in my arms. And then she was gone.”

  “Wait,” Owen says with a frown. “They didn’t let you see her body?”

  “No. I asked, but they said she had already died hours before I woke up.”

  “That doesn’t make sense to me,” Owen says pensively. “I’ll have to talk to Dr. Robinson—that’s my old professor—and figure out why they didn’t let you see your baby. I’m sure there’s a perfectly good explanation, but I’d like to hear it for myself.”

  “Thank you,” I tell him softly. Looking into his blue eyes, I hesitate. “Owen, there’s one more thing. The doctor said that I would never be able to conceive again. Do you think there’s any chance that could be wrong?”

  Owen’s face displays shock and anger at this news. “God! They really said that?”

  “Do you think—do you think there’s a chance they could have made a mistake?”

  Owen lifts a hand to run it through his hair, and his face looks deep in thought. He turns away and takes a deep breath as he begins walking in frustrated circles. “I shouldn’t have left your side. I don’t know what happened during the birth, and I really can’t say. But I know some of the best doctors in the field, and I can take you to see them. If there is any issue with your fertility, I’ll make sure that we get it fixed. Well, not fixed—unfixed. That was a bad choice of wording. You know what I mean.”

  A sad smile touches my lips. “Thank you so much, Owen.” I can see that there is an unsettled and unhappy look in his eyes, and on an impulse, I move forward to give him a hug.

  He wraps his arms around me with great zeal and tenderness, pulling me close and holding me tightly. I feel like I am melting into his body; all my grief and sorrow is being squeezed out of me. I feel like I could stay in his arms forever. It’s perfect; I am completely at ease. I try to forget that Owen has a girlfriend, and just imagine for a moment that he belongs to me. But even as I enjoy his closeness, I begin to feel a great sadness in the way he holds me. He’s more desperate than he was before, almost like he needs this hug more than I do. This shouldn’t be remotely possible, as I seriously need this hug, but somehow it is. I pull away slightly to study his cloudy blue eyes.

  “Owen? What’s wrong?”

  He looks at me with surprise. “You can tell that something’s wrong?”

  “Yes,” I say suspiciously. “You seem off. What’s up?”

  Lowering his eyes, he smiles halfheartedly. “I don’t want to burden you with my problems when you have so many of your own.”

  “I want to hear them. Maybe it’ll even distract me from mine.”

  “Well,” he says softly. “Let’s just say that you aren’t the only one who’s been sterilized lately.”

  “What?” I ask him with surprise. “Did you get a vasectomy?”

  “Heck no,” he responds, recoiling as though he’s been struck. “Lock down the boys? I would never do that! It’s my girlfriend. Caroline decided that she never wants to have children with me.”

  “Why?” I ask him in confusion. “She decided that? You didn’t decide together?”

  “Well, she knows that I always wanted kids. I thought she did too. She says that she’s open to adopting, but she doesn’t want to ever have children naturally.” Owen lifts his shoulders in a sad shrug. “So I guess we’re strangely in the same boat.”

  I stare at him with amazement. “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. That’s kind of drastic. Why would she decide this now?”

  “It’s all your fault,” Owen says lightheartedly. “You inspired me, so I tried to talk to her about it. About the fact that I want to have children relatively soon. It’s a sensitive subject for us, and I usually try to avoid it so that I don’t upset her. But after meeting you and Grace, I decided it was time to try mentioning it again. I knew for the first time that I was really ready. I knew I could have been there for you— so I hoped she would let me have a chance to be there for her. I was r
eally excited about the idea, so it kind of sucks.”

  “But you don’t have to accept this,” I tell him quietly. “You shouldn’t let her control you and ruin your life and your dreams. You’ve already made so many important decisions based on her comfort. You even studied something other than what you wanted in order to appease her. Don’t you think this is one area where you shouldn’t compromise?”

  “I don’t want to lose her, Carmen. She and I built a life together over the past few years. We know each other like the back of our hands. I don’t want to start over and have to get to know someone new all over again.”

  For a few seconds, I remain quiet. “That’s the same reason I married Grayson,” I inform him, turning to walk away slightly. The grass feels warm and soft between my toes, and it’s actually nice to be outside in my pajamas. It’s breezy and comfortable, and I feel much more relaxed than usual. “At some point, you need to differentiate between loyalty and keeping yourself trapped in a situation that isn’t right for you.”

  “That’s true,” he says, following me at a small distance, “but I’ve made promises to her. I can’t break them, or that would make me a liar. That would make me a douchebag like Brad.”

  “Maybe,” I respond as I walk toward a little cluster of trees. I must have climbed every single one of them when I was younger. I would love to climb them even now, if my body wasn’t in such fragile condition. “I just think you shouldn’t destroy your future because one person’s goals don’t align with yours. You need to be stronger and more independent than that, Owen. You can’t always be the one making sacrifices.”

  “I’m not,” Owen tells me gently. “Caroline was supposed to go home to Frankfurt after getting her bachelor’s degree. Her whole family lives there, but she decided to stay here with me. She gave up her whole country for me.”

  Nodding, I turn back to glance at him. “I guess I see your problem. I’m sorry, Owen. Just know that I wish I was in your situation. At least you still can have children. There’s a difference between having emotional complications and complete physical incapability. If you really wanted to, you could find a way. You could find the right person; someone who wanted the same things as you. I might never have that.”