Secrets Made in Paradise

by Natalie Anderson

  She shifted Luke to her hip and turned away from that look in his eyes. She was a fool for reading double meanings into everything he said. Javier wanted to build a relationship with Luke, not with her, yet she couldn’t help hoping—and then couldn’t help glancing back up to see if there was something to read in his eyes.

  But he then stepped back and turned away, shutting her out again. ‘I’ll go and see if lunch is ready.’

  Emmy sank onto the cushions by the pool and cuddled her sleepy son, feeling as if she needed to take another dip to cool off and battle the insane disappointment that Javier had gone inside. But that aching wouldn’t seem to stop; it was a tension she couldn’t ease no matter how hard she tried.

  * * *

  Javier tried not to stare at Emmy as they sat in the shade and lunched on ceviche while Luke slept. He wasn’t really tasting the fish, he was too consumed by curiosity—unable to stop himself from studying her intently.

  She was avoiding looking at him by watching the sea. The longing in her eyes had barely been masked yesterday and it had been the same today. Her love for the water had been the first thing he’d noticed about her. Okay, the second thing. But the sensual pleasure she took in it, he felt too. She was that siren, the mermaid he’d been unable to resist...the fierce dragon woman who’d breathed fire when aroused.

  On one level he agreed with her that they shouldn’t touch again. That kiss yesterday had burned his brain to ash. There was too much for them to navigate without getting distracted by lust. He’d thought he could put it aside until he’d got to spend some time with his son and figured out how they were going to make their future work. But it turned out that he couldn’t concentrate on any of that far more important stuff. The spark they shared was too strong. So now he wondered if he needed to take the opposite strategy. Maybe if they cleared the air of this sexual tension, then they could focus on what was really important?

  Not going to lie, it was a far more appealing prospect.

  It had been like this that first night too. As inevitable as the setting of the sun. Sheer biology—animal attraction and all that. He didn’t think either of them were going to be able to deny their chemistry for too much longer. So why fight it? Why not give in and get it gone? Why not feel good together this one way in which they could?

  It was obvious she was struggling with it too, given she was either avoiding him altogether or gazing at him with that slightly dazed expression. It amused and provoked and made him ache to haul her close and be done with it.

  But his intellectual curiosity about her was growing hourly—he had a million questions and she was avoiding answering any of them in any real depth. The only thing he could tell for certain was her love for Luke. He’d seen the anxiety in her eyes when first watching him interact with the baby. And her hovering over Thomas in those first few hours. Not to mention the screeds of information she’d then given both of them about Luke’s likes and dislikes and demeanour. She’d taken such good care of him that Javier suspected there was nothing she wouldn’t do for their baby. And that was balm on the irritated welts inside him.

  The photo book she’d made had rendered him speechless, touching a sensitivity within that he’d not been aware he even had. His first instinct regarding Luke had been to ensure his physical safety, to determine his nearness so that he could give the child all he could offer. Because he knew that what he could offer was mostly material things. But now that the baby was on board, Javier was at a loss where to start in terms of building an actual relationship. He had no idea how to parent a small person. All he knew was that he’d like to do a better job than his parents had—he could only hope he was capable of it.

  His father had opted for the straight abandonment approach, walking out when he was only five. While his mother had gone for the outsourcing angle—packing him off to boarding school so she could focus on forming her new family with her new man.

  Surely just by being around Javier could screw his own child up a little less than he’d been? Just by actually being interested?

  So he’d studied each photo several times—soaking up details. But always he returned to that first shot of Emerald and Luke together. The image set something twisting alight in his gut. So many conflicting emotions—not just jealousy and anger but pride and awe and absolute regret.

  He should’ve been there. He should’ve had the chance to share in that amazing moment. He’d not known how much he could want something the way he wanted that. But the underlying lick of doubt about his suitability for parenthood curled and grew larger—was it too late already? Being absent, he felt, was the worst way he could have begun.

  And despite all that internal chaos, he still couldn’t get past his physical desire for her.

  His mind circled beyond the reach of his control, returning to his want for her. His body never failed to tighten in response to her presence. He wasn’t vulnerable to anyone—he’d learned to keep his emotions in check ever since he was a small child packed off to boarding school, scolded for showing emotion, constantly being lectured about how lucky he was, how grateful he should be. But he knew the reality beneath that ‘luckiness’ of his. His father had left him and then he’d been sent away because he’d not been wanted by his mother either. Because he’d not been wanted, he’d not fitted into the new mould. He’d learned to keep his ambitions his own and his definition of success and fulfilment utterly within his own power and control. No one else would have the power to impact on what he wanted and achieved in his life. It was very simple and up till now it had worked.

  But his desire for Emmy had kept him awake for so many nights. It had stopped him sleeping with anyone else for over a year. He’d decided he was bored and tired of meaningless one-night stands—that they weren’t satisfactory. But that one-night stand with Emmy had been insanely satisfactory. And that was the problem. His recollection of it was amplified, right? It had become too big and was now blown out of all proportion. He needed to slay the dragon it had become.

  He needed to get rid of it. They both did. There was really only one way for them to do that. And then it would be gone. Anticipation shot adrenalin into his muscles. They tensed and primed. His whole damn body ached.

  ‘I think I’ll have another quick swim.’ She avoided his gaze as she stood, as if she somehow sensed his intentions. ‘Take advantage while Luke is sleeping.’

  ‘Running away again?’ he called softly.

  ‘Pardon?’ She turned back to him warily.

  ‘You’re running away.’

  She faced him squarely. ‘We’re on a boat in the middle of the ocean. There’s nowhere to run to.’

  ‘Yet you’re doing it remarkably well.’

  ‘Meaning?’

  ‘Meaning you’re very careful not to be alone with me. You’re constantly using Luke as your chaperone.’

  She stilled, seeming to draw a slow breath before lifting her chin to face him squarely. ‘Luke is the only reason we’re in the same space again. There’s no need for us to spend time together when he’s not awake.’

  He laughed. ‘You actually think that?’

  ‘I actually think that’s what’s best.’ She nodded. ‘For all of us.’

  ‘You’re that afraid?’ he asked softly.

  Emmy couldn’t deny it—it was the truth after all. She’d managed to avoid being alone with Javier much in these last few hours, sensing her self-control slipping. He devastated her—reducing her to nothing but a wanting, willing piece of woman. It was mortifying.

  ‘You don’t think it would be best for Luke if you and I got to know each other better?’ he added.

  That was the last thing she wanted and she suspected it was the last thing he really meant. ‘I don’t think it’s necessary.’

  ‘You said only yesterday that we needed to talk.’

  ‘I’ve changed my mind. And I don’t think talking is what
you’re meaning now, either,’ she challenged bravely.

  A teasing half-smile lit his eyes and he offered a shrug. ‘We’re going to be co-parenting that little boy together for the rest of our lives. I think it’s imperative we get past platitudes, Emerald.’

  ‘Well, what is it you wish to know?’ she asked flippantly—as if she had nothing to hide, nothing to care so deeply about that she couldn’t express it. She could pretend she came from a normal family.

  ‘Okay.’ He tilted his head and studied her intently. ‘Where are your parents?’ He watched her steadily. ‘Why are you taking care of your child all on your own miles and miles away from your homeland?’

  Her heart thudded at the pinpoint accuracy of his questioning.

  ‘Don’t you want your own mother to help you out?’ he asked.

  She couldn’t tell him the complete truth, but perhaps she could escape with partial facts. ‘We’re not close.’

  ‘I got that impression,’ he said wryly. ‘Why is that?’

  She shrugged. ‘It’s just the way it is. My parents are closer to my brother. I always had itchy feet—a yearning to travel—and when I came here, I fell in love with the islands. You must agree there’s something magical about them.’

  ‘Yes, there is.’ He watched her, waiting for more. When she said nothing, he frowned. ‘When did you first start travelling?’

  ‘As a teenager,’ she answered cagily.

  ‘Oh?’

  She nodded. ‘Always curious, that was me.’ But she saw the scepticism in his eyes.

  ‘How did you get the money to travel?’

  Her pride was flicked and her defensiveness sparked a more detailed, honest answer. ‘I’ve always had part-time jobs, always paid my own way or worked for bed and board. I’ve worked on voluntary projects for years. I’ve got quite good at them.’

  ‘You didn’t want to study past school?’

  She’d not had the luxury of that choice, but she’d recovered enough equilibrium to know she couldn’t tell him that. ‘I didn’t finish school, let alone get a college degree.’

  She sat back, waited for the judgement to begin.

  But he too eased back in his seat, a speculative gleam in his eye. ‘I dropped out of university.’

  ‘Really?’ She was startled.

  ‘Uh-huh.’ He nodded. ‘I could tell you I didn’t have time to waste studying because there was too much money to be made with my entrepreneurial brilliance.’ He eased the arrogance with a wink. ‘But that’s only the braggy bit, not the actual truth.’

  She couldn’t help smiling. ‘Go on, then, what’s the actual truth?’

  ‘I was betrayed,’ he said simply with a shrug, looking down to veil his eyes. ‘Which, I guess, is partly why I was so touchy about you keeping Luke from me. I’d been lied to before about important things and I dislike the feeling immensely.’

  Her curiosity bloomed. ‘Who—’

  ‘So, I guess our nanny has more qualifications than the both of us put together.’ He overrode her next, most inevitable question with a teasing smile. ‘Maybe we made a good choice with him?’

  ‘Maybe, yes.’ Emmy gazed at the water again as a sense of intimacy that had swirled for just a second was vaporised by his determined diversion.

  That morsel of personal information had only intrigued her more and she’d wanted to ask about his own parents too, but he’d swiftly stopped that conversation from continuing. And perhaps that was a good thing? She was intensely drawn to him, but she still couldn’t trust him enough to let her guard down fully. If he knew everything about her—if he knew the criminal history of her parents and her brother, and her own lie? He’d use it all against her in the end. And there would be an end to this—in only eighteen months, which suddenly seemed awfully soon. She had to step back.

  ‘Am I allowed to go take that swim now?’ she asked roughly.

  ‘You need my permission?’

  She lifted her chin, determined to put their dealings back to the bargain they’d struck. ‘These eighteen months are yours, isn’t that correct?’

  His cocoa and coffee eyes lit with a challenge she refused to identify—yet she couldn’t turn away from it.

  ‘If that’s how you want to view it,’ he replied roughly. ‘For the next eighteen months, your presence is mine.’

  CHAPTER SIX

  EMMY DIVED BENEATH the water and emerged to take a deep breath but the cool didn’t calm her the way she needed it to. That fact was just crazy—she was swimming in a gorgeous lap pool on a luxurious superyacht in the middle of the world’s most beautiful destination and she ought to be able to relax. Instead she was more tense than ever, and she was angry—with herself and with him—for her curiosity and his reticence and that infernal, eternal wretched desire that couldn’t seem to be suffocated successfully by either of them.

  She swam a few short lengths, anything to burn off some of her nervous energy. But when she stood to take breath again, she discovered Javier at the end of the pool—wearing nothing but black swimming shorts.

  ‘What are you doing?’ She glared at him in surprise. She’d only been away from him for five minutes and it really wasn’t long enough for her to cool down to safe mode.

  ‘What does it look like?’ he challenged. ‘Or are you the only one allowed to enjoy swimming in the water?’ Something familiar glinted in his eyes. ‘This isn’t a private beach today, Emmy. This is my boat and it’s my pool.’

  ‘And it’s your requirement that I’m here,’ she tossed at him. ‘So you’ll have to put up with me taking up half the space.’

  But she knew the pool wasn’t big enough for them both. No pool would be big enough. He’d still be too near, with his bared, honed body—all muscle, strength and speed. He was built for physical dominance and endurance and her mouth really ought not to have dried at the sight of him. But it had. She felt tight and too aware, but she stretched her arms out wide along the edge of the pool and let her feet float up in front to pretend she was fabulously relaxed. She refused to curl into something smaller or escape the water entirely as she suddenly felt compelled to do. She couldn’t let him chase her away entirely. More precisely, she refused to let her own stupid, treacherous body chase her away. She could control her own urges, couldn’t she?

  She was going to need to—she had Luke to consider.

  Javier lazily walked down the steps into the water, his gaze unerringly on hers, a small smile curving his lips. Emmy’s core temperature soared higher with each step he took.

  She released a pent-up breath when he finally submerged fully into the water and swam—it took a single stroke to propel him from one end of the pool to another, he was that powerful. But even so, she felt as if there were something leashed about his movements. He emerged with a flick of his head and water sprayed towards her.

  Yes, this situation was intolerable. She waded towards the stairs.

  ‘You’re a liar.’

  His low mutter halted her. She sank back into the water, turning to lean against the wall again. ‘What have I lied about?’

  Of course he’d think something distrusting. He—like almost everyone in her life—would think her guilty of anything and everything. Eventually.

  He took hold of her shoulders and stared into her eyes for a long time, and then his gaze lowered to her lips. ‘When you said this won’t happen again.’

  He too was tense and the water cast a sheen over his burnished skin, magnifying the magnificence of all the muscles on show. He was a heady feast for every one of her senses. And every one of them clamoured for her to get closer. But the only thing she could actually do was freeze. She had the horrible feeling that if she went to move, it would only be to get closer to him. Not to escape his presence at all.

  At that moment the truth slid free. She couldn’t resist her desire for him any longer. She didn’t ache
for his touch, she burned for it. Restless and hot, she was unable to control her thoughts, unable to calm that reckless yearning inside. She couldn’t think straight any more.

  ‘Emmy.’

  His harsh growl melted her bones. She couldn’t swim away from him. Couldn’t stop staring at him. Still leaning back against the pool wall, she was barely able to keep herself afloat.

  ‘Will you just come closer?’ he muttered heavily. ‘Have mercy on me.’

  She shook her head, her throat too tight to allow speech. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath, couldn’t control the pace of her heart, couldn’t resist.

  And he knew it.

  ‘Have mercy on you?’ she echoed, thunderstruck.

  ‘Emmy.’ His warning was low and slow and his desire imperative.

  Her lips parted but still sound failed to emerge. Instead she wanted something else. Her gaze locked on his mouth—it too was parted as he drew in a deep, steadying breath.

  ‘I’m going to kiss you, Emmy.’

  He had to have felt the tremble that shivered through her body at his words.

  ‘Is that okay?’ he asked.

  She couldn’t answer, she could barely nod her assent. But it was enough and his mouth was on hers at last.

  ‘It’s been so long,’ he groaned.

  Because he knew, as well as she, that she wasn’t saying ‘no’ this time. This time, there was no stopping until they were both beyond satisfied. And so she sank into the kiss. Arms entwined, breathless, she pressed against him. He hoisted her up and sat her on the edge of the pool, parting her legs so he could stand close between them, his face now before her breasts.

  She looked down in a heated stupor as he glanced back up at her before returning his attention to feast on her body. Her nipples strained tight and hard against her bikini. His shallow breathing teased her as he leaned closer to her neck. Her eyes closed and she fell almost into a delirium as his hot mouth stroked over her skin.

  He pressed wide, hot kisses down her neck, across her collarbones briefly before plundering lower, across her décolletage to where her curves were swollen and waiting. Through the wet fabric he sucked her into the hot cavern of his mouth. She cried out, but it wasn’t enough for him, or her. He growled as he deftly pulled her bikini top away and her unfettered breasts swayed with newfound freedom. She gasped as he cupped them with wide hands, growling again with feral pleasure as her curves overflowed his hold. He pressed his hands closer, squeezing so her nipples were pushed up even more prominently, lifting them towards his hungry gaze.