The Storms That Fated Us

by JP Summers

  “Get the hell out of my way! I’m leaving!” I yelled as Carson removed my hand from the door and then locked it.

  I couldn’t run away from him even if I had wanted to. Carson closed the distance between us as I questioned, “How can you be here with me when your girlfriend always needs you?”

  He placed his hands over my face, professing, “I need you so bad, Tia! It is killing me to stand this close without being able to feel every part of you.”

  And just like that, I forgot how Carson had left me on our first date, how he blamed me for costing him the soccer scholarship and the way he verbally attacked me right before graduation. I didn’t care if he hated me. I didn’t care if Erin heard about what I was about to let her boyfriend do to every inch of my body. I wanted him as much as he wanted me and that was all that mattered.

  We never made it to the bed as our clothes ended up on the floor. I patiently waited for Carson to put a condom on before allowing our naked bodies to fight for domination as if our very lives depended on it.

  The loud music in the background muffled the climactic sounds floating freely from my lips while Carson’s body satisfied every part of mine. It didn’t take long for him to allow me to repay the pleasurable favor as we repositioned our bodies, leaving me to show how much I wanted him.

  We could barely catch our breath while I unceasingly rolled my hips on his lap, leaving my legs tightly wrapped around his waist for better leverage. His hands fervently navigated my movements, generating an impassioned pleasure beyond anything my mind was able to fathom out. He trailed his lips along my collarbone, then kissed his way up to my neck, stopping just shy of my sweet spot behind my ear. The heat from his breath lingered as he gently nibbled on my flustered skin, leaving me to shudder at the very feel of Carson’s tongue swirling near the bottom of my earlobe. I greedily dug my nails into his back, raking them down then back up and hoping it would show Erin I had been there claiming what should only be hers.

  He freed one of his hands from my waist, descending his palm near the place that would surely force me over a threshold of unbelievable pleasure. His palm rubbed circular motions to taunt me. I curled the tips of my fingers around Carson’s neck, forcing him to draw his mouth back towards mine. Our lips collided, causing our movements to be quickened and create an incredible friction between us.

  Carson dropped his head back while placing his hand back onto my waist, his fingers gripping me tightly so that he could steady us for our release. We perfectly synchronized every movement, every touch, and every kiss. GOD, was that the most explosive climax I had ever experienced.

  I wasn’t sure how long we were in the room, since the outside ceased to exist while we continued to use our bodies in every way that physically satisfied us. Carson disregarded one condom and pulled out another so that we could continue to physically connect in a way we never really could on an emotional level.

  Every part of me was exhausted, but I refused to let Carson leave right now. While we were in this bedroom, he belonged to only me. Even if it was for an hour or two and I’d end up probably hating myself in the morning for giving into Carson’s tempestuous demands.

  I already knew my body would hate me for the volatile roughness I endured during our bout of uninhibited lust from giving into each other’s needs. But all of that paled in comparison to the fact that Carson had come running to me first.

  My hands stayed entangled in his short hair as my body crashed into his one final time. Carson shuddered as his lips sought out mine, leaving me with one last reminder of what I had lost. Tears cascaded from my eyes when he caressed my face. His desperate touch foretold a story of someone who was hurting but was too ashamed to let the person who loved him mend his wounded pride.

  Separating myself from Carson became brutality agonizing. I wasn’t ready to let go of him or our friendship. I knew our fleeting moment had been nothing more than him seeking emotional comfort. I would be fooling myself if I thought differently. He never loved me in the way I had always hoped and he never would. I decided then and there that it was about time I accepted the fact that my heart would always belong to him, but his would never belong to me.

  I sat in the middle of the bedroom floor trying to find my clothes as the music continued blaring around us. It was so dark I could only find my panties and t-shirt. Carson somehow found both condom wrappers then quickly disposed of them as if seeing the evidence of what we had just done sickened him. He managed to get completely dressed while I kept myself from moving as the rest of the alcohol in my body began taking a toll on me.

  The sudden pounding in my head was bolstered by the sound of someone beating on the outside of Audrey’s door. The frantic knocking was followed by Erin yelling, “Carson! Are you in there? John said he saw you head in this direction a few hours ago. Carson… if you’re in here, let me in already.”

  Carson frantically ran over to the door, placing his forehead on it and yelling in an alarmed tone, “Hold on babe! I’m… ummm… I’ll… be right out.”

  “Why is the door locked? Is everything okay, Carson? Are you sick, babe?” Erin’s worried voice hollered while the bass from the music continued to thud from the hallway and into my head.

  He turned to look at me and whispered in a stern voice, “Tia, you have to get dressed. I have to go out there and—”

  “Are you kidding me, Carson? Do you honestly think me getting dressed is going to change the fact you just screwed me? Erin isn’t that stupid. She’s going to figure it all out once she sees I’m in here with you. Besides, those scratches on your back will be a dead giveaway of what we just did.”

  “I’m serious, Tia. Get the rest of your clothes on.”

  “I’m not getting dressed. Deal with it!” I said, standing up and rushing toward the door, pushing Carson out of my way.

  With no shame about what I was doing, I unlocked the door and drew it open to see Erin standing there with her jaw practically to the ground. I flashed a devilish smirk. “I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed Carson for a while, but he’s all yours now. I have no use for a guy who thinks you’re worth throwing away his life for.”

  She bolted down the stairs, and Carson foolishly chased after her. I found the rest of my clothes then dressed before anyone else noticed I was missing half of my clothes. When I made my way downstairs, I searched for Mira and Audrey to share what just happened with Carson. I found Mira first, then repeated the story to Audrey once I found her. They figured something had to have gone down since I was missing for almost two hours and that Erin ran out of the house with Carson chasing after her.

  I decided I wasted enough time talking about the whole Carson/Erin drama and went back to drinking. We started dancing and took tons of pictures commemorating what would be the last of our senior memories. Audrey, Mira, and I promised to keep in touch and see each other as often as we could during our breaks from school or work. We even agreed to gather for a week or weekend vacation once a year as a way to relax from our soon-to-be hectic lives.

  I went to grab another drink when I suddenly came face-to-face with a furious Carson. I was in no way up to dealing with another confrontation and decided on running in the opposite direction. I was almost back to where the girls were when I froze upon hearing Carson using the DJ’s microphone to say he wanted to make a toast. Everyone’s eyes turned to me. I knew this was going to be bad. Very bad.

  Carson stood in front of everyone with a cup in his hand. He raised it and said, “I wanted to tell everyone that the last four years at New Holston High were awesome and we sure did have some great times.” Cheers coming from the people in our class filled the room as he glared angrily at me. “However, there is one thing I really wish I could change. I want to go back to the day I was stupid enough to speak to Matia Deltoro and allow her to fuck with my life.”

  An uncomfortable silence filled the room. You could have heard a pin drop. Carson handed the DJ his microphone back and walked away. I wasn’t going to take hi
s shitty comment and not say anything back in my defense. I ran toward him, hollering, “Did you forget how you screwed with my life, you selfish son-of-a-bitch?”

  “Really? I’m the selfish one?”

  “Yes! I just wish I would have figured that out before I fell in love with you and allowed you to use me.”

  Carson was outraged by my comment. He walked over to stand in front of me and with flared nostrils shouted, “Trust me, you’ll never have to worry about me ever using you again. After tonight, I’ll be out of your life for good.”

  Hearing those words was like a punch to my chest. It was killing me that we hadn’t talked those past few weeks, but I couldn’t take the threat of never seeing or talking to him again. I decided I wouldn’t allow him to uproot himself out of my life as if he never was a big part of it. I found myself running after him as soon as he stormed out of Audrey’s house. I reached for his arm, yanking on it and thinking it would somehow stop him, but he was too strong for me to hold onto. I ran in front of him only to be pushed aside. I finally reached such a low point in my life after being so discarded and ruthlessly pushed aside by Carson that I flung myself at his large frame, begging him to let him hear me out.

  It worked. He stopped as I stood with my face to his chest, staring up at the boy who hated me. The hatred in his eyes pierced right through me. I hoped I could still appeal to my best friend who was hiding somewhere inside this resentful person’s body.

  In one last attempt of desperation, I pleaded, “Don’t leave, Carson! I love you! Do you hear me… I love you so much that I’m begging you… PLEASE… don’t shut me out!” Tears spilled all over my face, blinding me from seeing Carson’s expression as I groveled like a pathetic loser at his mercy.

  I managed to lose every shred of dignity that was left in me as I begged once more, “Please, don’t do this. Don’t cut me out of your life. I need you just as much as you need me. GOD, I love you so much it hurts! Don’t walk away… not when we are this angry with one another. We can still fix things between us. I know we can.”

  With tears running down his expressionless face, he stared into my eyes and said the words that would sever the last string that kept us together as friends.

  I felt my heart break into tiny pieces as Carson revealed, “It’s no use, Tia. Our friendship just ran its own course. There’s nothing left to salvage after everything we’ve done to one other. Whatever feelings I might have for you don’t matter. There’s not enough room in my heart to love two people at once. I only love Erin. I always have and I always will.”

  I fell onto my knees on the damp, cold ground, wanting to dig a hole, crawl in it, and just die. Then Carson walked away and didn’t look back. I couldn’t bear to watch him drive off, knowing how he had just destroyed everything that was once alive in me. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole in the very spot where my friendship had died along with the last fragment of my beating heart.

  I sat on the grass bawling my eyes out until Logan found me. Mira called my mom to pick me up. I couldn’t function. Every part of me was disoriented. I felt like a robot, moving without any kind of human emotion. I was numb all over. My heart was in complete shambles. All of this was because of one guy. A guy who was “the one” and didn’t feel the same about me.

  Once my mom got me back home, she stayed up with me until I finally was able to fall asleep. Around 8 a.m. the next day, I had several unexpected visitors at my door with some very unsettling gossip. Mira, John, and Cruz showed up saying Carson was gone. Cruz had gotten a text saying he took off with Erin and he wouldn’t be back. I didn’t believe any of it. I had Mira drive me to Carson’s house to prove it wasn’t true.

  The second I saw the look on Julisa’s face, I knew it wasn’t just gossip. His parents said he packed all of his clothes and told them he wasn’t sticking around another day in this miserable town where people were nothing but disappointed in him.

  I was about to leave when Julisa gave me some of the worst news ever. She said after Carson had it out with their parents, he revealed his plans to marry Erin. I was shocked that Erin managed to forgive him for what we did at Audrey’s party.

  I’m not even sure if my nervous breakdown came before or after the word “elope” but when I lost it, nothing could calm me down. I was so distraught over Carson leaving, I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t stop myself from believing that I was the reason Carson had left everything—left me—to go and marry Erin.

  I knew then and there that I had let my soul mate slip through my fingers. And that time, I took full blame for everything.

  *****

  My eyes opened against the harsh but welcome glint of sun. I didn't even remember shutting them in the first place. I just assumed my mind briefly drifted back to the unsettling memories from the last time Carson spoke to me.

  Beautiful rays of gold illuminated the kitchen, bringing on another day of hope that we would finally be rescued. I moved my face nearer to Carson’s, noticing his breathing had tremendously slowed. His face had turned pale beneath his tan, his lips slightly tinged with blue. His eyes were closed while the chattering of his teeth grew so loud it gave the strong wind outside competition.

  I placed my head on Carson’s chest, hearing faint beats echoing off his heart frightened me to my very core. He was fading. Faster than I thought was possible.

  I rubbed around his chest with my trembling hands, trying to create some kind of friction to warm him. I moved my face along his collarbone and neck, breathing whatever warmth was left inside of me onto him.

  Disgruntled mumbles escaped his lips. I heard Carson say my name a few times but couldn’t quite make out the rest of the words. I lifted my head and placed my hands on each side of his face to see a distant gaze appear in his eyes.

  A single tear trailed down his cheek as he inhaled deeply before he exhaled, “At least I get to be close to you one last time.”

  I ran my hands through his hair, then grabbed onto his head, pulling it toward my chest.

  “No. Don’t you dare say that!”

  He pressed his mouth against my chest to stop his teeth from chattering. It took him a few minutes to be able to regain enough control of his rattling teeth to stare up in my direction. “Tia, there is another, more important thing I lied about.”

  Carson swallowed thickly as he shamefully continued, “I was so pissed off about so many things: you always running into Evan’s arms, me getting in trouble at school and with my parents and losing my scholarship. I was so consumed with every reason to hate you that I couldn’t see the one reason why I should put aside all of my pride and beg for your forgiveness.”

  “My forgiveness?” I stammered as my own teeth continued to chatter.

  “Yes. I should have been the one on my knees begging you to forgive me for relentlessly hurting you.” Carson began coughing. My grip loosened, allowing him a little more space to breathe. His eyes widened a bit as he coughed once more to get the rest of what he had to say out. “When I said there wasn’t enough room in my heart to love two people at the same time and that I only loved Erin, I lied. I bought into that fate bullshit thinking her saving me meant we belonged together. Then I met you and everything changed. I only had platonic feelings for you until we kissed that night at John’s party. I felt guilty for enjoying it and thought in some fucked up way that I was betraying Erin. So I stupidly took her back, thinking it would help our friendship because there would be no way I could feel something for you if I was in a relationship.”

  He coughed a few times, then went on. “It repeatedly pissed me off how you were allowing Evan in and out of your life, especially when my feelings towards you got stronger. I let my damn pride destroy what we could of had all because I thought you would rather be with Evan than with me. Out of all the stupid shit I did to myself, nothing compares to how I deliberately hurt you. My hugest regret is walking out your life knowing damn well no one would ever make me feel as complete or as happy as you always did. Tia
, you’re the one my heart has wanted all along and … I’m glad my final minutes, my last breath, will be spent in your arms.”

  Tears flooded down both of our cold faces. Carson’s shivers became uncontrollable and he professed, “I love you, Tia... GOD, do I love you so much.”

  The words I had thought would never escape his lips came out effortlessly. His eyes even admitted how much he truly loved me. I had waited so long to hear him say it, and now that I had it was all so bittersweet. We had finally made our peace. As death loomed around us, I fully forgave Carson for everything.

  I was relieved that my last memories of my Carson would no longer be the hateful, jilted words we exchanged on graduation day or when we saw each other for the first time in five years. Rather, my last moments would be us in this moment. Loving one another. Being with one another while Mother Nature wrapped her hands around our bodies as we began to succumb to a serene state of eternal rest.

  I fought to keep my eyes open. My small frame just couldn’t take any more. My chest constricted against the needle-like prickles that coursed throughout its icy vessels every time I inhaled what could be the last few minutes of oxygen into my lungs.

  Carson placed his feeble hands over my face as my eyelids fluttered, causing everything in the room to appear distorted. Then, with a surge of courage that came out of nowhere, I decided to fight. I didn’t come this far to let some damn blizzard steal Carson from me in the way Erin had five years ago. I wasn’t going to give him up without a fight. I had to fight. For me. For my best friend who was losing his battle against the frigid bitch that was determined to make him hers.

  With every last bit of strength that was in me, I grabbed hold of the collar on Carson’s coat, shaking him while yelling, “You have to stay awake for me.”

  “I… can... can’t.”

  “Yes, you can! Dammit, Carson, you can’t just tell a girl you love her then leave her.”

  “I’m not going anywhere. I just want to close my eyes for a minute.”