Hook, Line and Blinker (A Miss Fortune Mystery Book 10)

by Jana DeLeon

  “Who’s up for running a marathon today?” I asked.

  “Ha,” Gertie said. “I took a good five minutes to think about whether I was up for getting out of bed. You don’t want to know how long it took me to put on pants. Or take them off, for that matter.”

  Ida Belle nodded. “I don’t think I’ve slept this poorly in a long time. Between Hot Rod, the SUV, and Celia, I can’t get my mind to stop worrying, and I’m usually not a big worrier.”

  “I’m better at it than you,” Gertie said, “and I freely admit to being near heart attack stage. Something has to give. Either we catch the guys who hurt Hot Rod or we kill Celia. At this point, I’m not sure which one presents more difficulty.”

  “I have a feeling that if I shot her,” Ida Belle said, “she’d just pop right back up for round two.”

  “She does have a rather inhuman quality about her,” I said. “Especially when it comes to living with embarrassment. She seems to have no limits to what she’ll endure to try to get one up on you.”

  Gertie shook her head. “I don’t think she owns a pair of underwear the entire town hasn’t seen.”

  “The town’s seen a few pairs of yours as well,” Ida Belle pointed out.

  “Yes, but mine aren’t as big,” Gertie said, “and they’re always trendy.”

  “Can we skip any more talk about underwear?” Ida Belle asked. “Especially the big kind on Celia’s butt? This is only my first cup of coffee and it doesn’t even have alcohol in it.”

  I nodded. “It does seem rather cruel to continue down that train of thought this early.”

  “Fine by me,” Gertie said. “So what are we going to do?”

  “About which problem?” I asked.

  “All of them,” Gertie said. “It’s not like we can ignore any of them. None are going away. I know Carter said he’d handle the ATF, so I guess we can push that one to the end of the list for now, but Celia and the car thieves are both major problems. So, what are we going to do?”

  I tapped the side of my coffee mug and stared out the kitchen window at the shed. I wasn’t worried about the ATF agents. Not because they couldn’t cause problems but because there was nothing I could do about it if they did. I had to hope that threats from Carter and the embarrassment of being outwitted by a woman would be enough to get them to leave town and forget they had ever talked to Celia Arceneaux, but sometimes when men felt played, they doubled down instead of doing the smart thing and walking away.

  So one of the things I needed to do when I could be assured of the free time for a conversation was to send Harrison an email and ask him to call me. There was no way I could explain the situation in our email code. Not in a way he’d understand. We had burner phones to use only for emergency contact, and the threat of a federal agency investigating me definitely constituted an emergency. Plus, a call would give me a chance to talk to Harrison firsthand about the lead they were working to locate Ahmad.

  Celia was definitely a problem, but without a way to predict the things crazy, obsessed people did, I wasn’t sure what could be done about her. At least not at this moment. The car thieves, on the other hand, were something I could work with. Ever since I’d done that flying kick into the ATF agent the night before, the wheels had been spinning. In fact, I’d thought of little else the entire night. And now, staring at the shed in the light of day, I knew what we had to do.

  “I have an idea,” I said.

  “I like the sound of that,” Ida Belle said.

  “You might not when you hear the idea,” I said. “That whole thing with the ATF last night got me to thinking. We need to find the Seal brothers, but nobody seems to know how to locate them. So I was thinking maybe we get them to come to us.”

  Ida Belle straightened in her chair. “Set a trap with the SUV?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “We’d have to bring it back to Sinful, though. I don’t care how foolish the Seal brothers are, they can’t possibly be dumb enough to break into a storage facility owned by the Heberts.”

  “We broke into a storage facility owned by the Heberts,” Gertie pointed out.

  “That was different,” I said. “We were breaking in to look at evidence the Feds stored there, and there’s no love lost between Big and Little and the Feds. Besides, they like us.”

  “They find us amusing,” Gertie said. “I’m still not sure they like us.”

  I shrugged. “Works out for us either way.”

  “Fortune’s right,” Ida Belle said. “It’s the quickest way to get this over with. Use the SUV to draw them out and trap them.”

  “But how will bringing the SUV here make a difference?” Gertie asked. “We’ve been waiting on them to show up and they haven’t. They don’t know the SUV is at the storage facility, so if they were coming, wouldn’t they have done so already?”

  “I’ve thought about that,” I said, “and the reality is, we don’t know what they know. They could have already checked Ida Belle’s garage. She doesn’t have an alarm on it, and her back door is easy enough to jimmy. I’m always pulling the Jeep in and out of my garage so anyone watching would know it’s the only vehicle that even fits inside with all that other crap Marge has out there.”

  “But if they’ve already checked and know it’s not here,” Gertie said, “then why would they come back?”

  “We’d need to draw them out,” I said. “I’m betting that the Seal brothers are keeping watch on Sinful for the SUV. Maybe they think Ida Belle has it in the shop somewhere and it will be back soon. They don’t know that we’re onto them.”

  Gertie nodded. “So we drive the SUV down the highway and through Sinful and hope they’re watching. Does that mean we’re letting Carter in on it?”

  “No,” I said. “Even if Carter agreed to using the SUV as bait, he’d never let us be in on it. We’ll have to get it back into Sinful without Carter knowing.”

  “So you want us to catch them?” Gertie asked.

  “Yes, but with a little help,” I said. “Just not the law enforcement kind. In fact, I was thinking just the opposite.”

  Gertie’s eyes widened. “You want the Heberts to help?”

  “Why not?” I said. “If Carter catches the Seal brothers, they won’t talk because admitting they’re looking for the key means admitting they bashed Hot Rod over the head and then they go right back to prison. But if the Heberts are doing the questioning…”

  “They’d go somewhere far worse than prison for not answering,” Gertie said. “Are you sure you want to go that route?”

  The CIA assassin in me had gone that route enough times to be able to handle it. After all, it was part of the mission and for the greater good. But the new civilized me found several ethical problems with the setup.

  “I think I can convince them to scare the information out of the brothers and then we can turn them over to Carter,” I said.

  Gertie glanced over at Ida Belle, and I could tell neither of them was convinced that I could get the Heberts to deal, but I was willing to give it a try, especially if it meant Ida Belle could go back to sleeping at night and in her own bed.

  Before I could change my mind, I picked up my cell phone and sent a text to Little.

  Have a plan and need to talk. When can you and Big meet?

  “There,” I said. “We’ll talk to them and see if they’ll agree to do things my way.”

  “And if they won’t?” Ida Belle asked.

  I shook my head. “The reality is, they could set up a trap themselves if they wanted to, and if it hasn’t already crossed their minds, it will. They have the SUV in their possession and the ability to put out the word that it’s being repaired at some shop in New Orleans, or whatever. How many people do you think owe them favors? They wouldn’t have any trouble setting up a garage to borrow.”

  Ida Belle frowned. “I hadn’t thought about that.”

  “So basically,” Gertie said, “you’re going to pitch the idea before they move on it themselves. Otherwise, we’ll be jus
t as left out as we would be if Carter did it.”

  “Exactly,” I said. “I don’t like it, but it’s a better than being sitting ducks. I was lucky with those Feds last night. They weren’t expecting anyone to be outside and they certainly weren’t expecting someone with my capabilities. But people like the Seal brothers spend every waking moment looking over their shoulder and anticipating a possible attack.”

  Ida Belle nodded. “You’re right. I hated pacing the house last night, checking the windows every twenty minutes and feeling like a caged animal. I need this to be over with.”

  My phone signaled an incoming text and I checked it.

  Meet us at the storage unit at 10 a.m.

  “Ten o’clock,” I said. “We have less than two hours to figure out how to convince two mobsters to do things our way.”

  “We’re going to need another pot of coffee,” Gertie said.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I pulled up to the storage unit and punched in the code for the security gate. We’d talked about our pitch over and over again until we’d worn out every possible angle—asking politely, insisting gently, pleading just a little, and even crying. I’d finally decided that the truth was the easiest way to go. It might not get us what we wanted, but I was fairly sure none of the other options would, either.

  The door to the storage unit was already open, and Mannie was standing outside. I pulled up in front of it and saw Big sitting inside on the bench and four other chairs surrounding him. We greeted Mannie and headed inside. Little rose from one of the chairs and waved his hand at them.

  “Please, take a seat,” Little said. “It’s not the most comfortable of furniture, but we have other business being handled at our offices today and couldn’t meet there.”

  We all said our hellos to Big, who nodded, and we took a seat. Mannie stood off to the side, as usual. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him sit except when driving.

  “You’ve been busy,” Big said. “It’s unfortunate that Mr. LeDoux turned out to be a dead end, quite literally. Have you discovered anything else about the key?”

  “Nothing that is a big help, I’m afraid,” I said. “We talked to an antiques dealer and he thinks it opens a crypt, but we have no idea which one and there’s not exactly a shortage of them around these parts.”

  Big nodded. “A crypt. Interesting. But yes, I see where that’s a problem, especially with Mr. LeDoux no longer able to answer questions. I’ve heard Hot Rod’s condition has improved. That was a bit of good news.”

  Ida Belle nodded. “We were really happy to hear that.”

  “Well,” Big said, “I’m sure you didn’t come here to chat, so what can we help you with?”

  “I want to set a trap,” I said. “We’re tired of looking over our shoulders and patrolling the house at night, waiting for the car thieves to come looking. I want to bring the SUV back to Sinful and take them down.”

  “Nice,” Mannie said.

  I explained my plan, as well as I’d fleshed it out so far.

  Big glanced at Mannie, then looked back at me. “While I appreciate your desire for a speedy resolution, I’m not certain your plan is the best option. At least, not in the way you’ve presented it.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “Well,” Big said, “while I have no doubt at all about your ability to secure the thieves should they take the bait, I’m afraid the events at your home last night have provided information that you’re under surveillance.”

  I threw my hands in the air. “How do you know that? Do you have hidden cameras on my lawn?”

  “No,” Big said. “We haven’t surveilled you ourselves since we bugged your house that one time, and all of that equipment has been removed. Now that we know each other better, I wouldn’t do such a thing without inquiring first, but I will admit there are times I would enjoy the footage.”

  “We have some friends in high places,” Little said. “We were aware that the ATF was in Sinful, but had no information as to why. After they flubbed their mission last night, word of it made rounds. But our friends have not heard that the investigation has been canceled. Until such time, we have to assume that the ATF could still be watching.”

  I sighed, unable to control my disappointment. But Big and Little were right. I could hardly go apprehending car thieves in Ida Belle’s driveway with a federal agency watching us. That might look a little suspicious, not to mention I needed to question the thieves myself, and Feds rushing in to aid the helpless female would mess up everything. The thieves would go straight to jail and I’d never get a chance to question them.

  “If I may,” Little said. “I think I might have a solution.”

  “I’m listening,” I said.

  Little nodded. “I’m sure we can all agree that attempting to draw the thieves to the storage unit would also be folly, which I’m sure is why you want to take the SUV back to Sinful. Because of this situation, I understand you’re all staying at Ms. Morrow’s home at night, correct?”

  “Yes,” I said, “but you’re right, if the ATF is still hanging around, my plan won’t work. They’d come out of the bushes and honk everything up.”

  Little nodded. “It could definitely get a little crowded, especially as I’m sure your deputy friend is also lurking about. What I’m going to suggest is that we give the thieves exactly what they want but in a different way than you suggested.”

  I frowned. “But they want to find the SUV in Ida Belle’s garage…oh, I get it. Since everyone’s watching my house they won’t be watching Ida Belle’s.”

  Little nodded. “Classic misdirection. While all interested parties are watching your house, Big and I can arrange to have the SUV placed back in the garage.”

  “The staging part makes sense,” I said, “but I want to be the one doing the takedown. I can’t do that if I’m playing David Copperfield with the Feds and local law enforcement.”

  “I know you want to be involved,” Little said, “and I’m not saying you can’t be. Just that you can’t be at Ida Belle’s.”

  “You’re suggesting you take down the thieves?” I asked. “And then what, call us up and we stroll over? How is that any better?”

  “I’m suggesting that we acquire the thieves and transport them to a place where they could be questioned without the worry of federal agents or local law enforcement getting in the way,” Little said. “I have every confidence in your ability to get out of your home without being seen.”

  “We could get out of the house, sure,” I said. “But we can’t exactly drive my Jeep out of the garage and I’m not interested in jogging to the storage unit or your warehouse, or wherever else you have in mind.”

  “Of course not,” Little said. “We will be happy to provide you with a vehicle—not stolen—that you can use to meet us at a specified location. All you have to do is get out of your house and to the vehicle without being seen.”

  “That sounds good and all,” Ida Belle said, “but I think you’re forgetting the nosy neighbor side of things. Those ATF agents parked on my street yesterday and stirred up my neighbors. They’re going to be watching. If you grab people in my driveway and toss them into a van, my neighbors are going to notice.”

  “I wasn’t planning on grabbing them in your driveway,” Little said. “I was planning on letting them leave town in the SUV and acquiring them when they were well out of view of Sinful residents and law enforcement.”

  “You’re going to let them steal my SUV?” Ida Belle looked less than enthused. “I know the key’s not in it for them to find anymore, but I love that vehicle. What if they wreck it when you go chasing them down the highway?”

  “I’m afraid this is where you’re going to have to trust me,” Little said. “I assure you I can create a situation where the thieves leave Sinful with your SUV but do not engage in a dangerous driving situation. Your SUV will not be damaged.”

  Ida Belle narrowed her eyes at Little. “And just how the hell are you going to do that?”
r />   “Oh!” Gertie clapped her hands. “You have one of those radio beam things, don’t you?”

  Ida Belle glared at her. “You’ve been watching that sci-fi stuff again.”

  “Have not,” Gertie said. “Okay, well, maybe I have, but the radio beam thing is for real.”

  Ida Belle opened her mouth to argue and I held up a hand. “Gertie’s right. The radio beam thing does exist, but I’m guessing it would be easier to simply stick the gas indicator on Full and remove all but a tiny bit of gas from the tank.”

  Mannie grinned. “Smart. Practical. You sure you aren’t military?”

  “Pretty sure,” I said. “But thanks for the compliment.”

  Little smiled. “Ms. Morrow is correct with her assessment. The easiest route to follow is to allow the thieves to drive the SUV out of town and to acquire them when they come to a stop on the highway. I assure you I can provide many reasons for them to abstain from attempting a run in your vehicle.”

  I figured the many reasons were mostly made up of big scary guys and even bigger, scarier guns. It was a good plan. Most people wouldn’t move if a small army told them to stay put.

  Ida Belle looked at me, and I knew she would defer to my opinion because she trusted my instincts. I didn’t think it was an airtight plan, but it was a pretty darn solid one. The trickiest part would be getting the SUV to Ida Belle’s without Carter seeing it, because if he did, the gig was up.

  I looked at Little. “You have to get the SUV into Ida Belle’s garage without Carter seeing it, or he’ll know right away what we’re doing.”

  “We’ll bring it in after dark,” Little said, “and we’ll avoid downtown, although I think a little driving up and down the highway is in order. It would help if you could arrange for the deputy to be otherwise involved when we arrive.”

  “That’s easy enough,” Gertie said. “You’re talking to his main distraction.”

  Big laughed. “Let’s try to keep things PG. You wouldn’t want to scare the ATF.”

  “I can provide a distraction,” I said, and gave Gertie a pointed look. “Not that kind of distraction. Just give me a time frame.”