Hook, Line and Blinker (A Miss Fortune Mystery Book 10)

by Jana DeLeon

  “And she’s blaming us,” Ida Belle said. “Guess that means she didn’t burn her lips off. What a shame.”

  “She doesn’t burn,” Gertie said. “You know, hell and demons and all.”

  “Well,” I said, “I don’t know what to tell you, except that I don’t play with poop…cow or otherwise. And it sounds like Celia shouldn’t either. I can’t imagine her neighbors were happy seeing her out in her yard without a robe on. God only knows what she sleeps in.”

  “So you’ve been here the entire night?” Carter asked.

  I knew right away he’d already talked to Deputy Breaux, but if he wanted to continue this ridiculous dance of lies, I was game.

  “We were at a toga party earlier.”

  “And where was this toga party held?” Carter asked. “I’d like to check your alibi.”

  “You’re looking at my alibi,” I said. “It was a large party of three at Gertie’s house.”

  “I see,” he said, “and when you left Gertie’s house, you drove the long way around to get home, with your headlights off, and ran a stop sign because you had a bathroom emergency. Even though you’d just left a house with two perfectly good bathrooms.”

  “Some people just can’t hold their sweet tea,” Gertie said.

  “So if I checked around,” Carter said, “I wouldn’t find a container with poop remnants, would I?”

  “Nope.” Because I’d tossed the entire bucket, poo and all, into the bayou, much to Gertie’s dismay.

  “Do we have to keep this up much longer?” Ida Belle asked. “Because I’m a little tired. We didn’t get much sleep last night what with Fortune out taking on the ATF and all.”

  The smile that had been hovering on Carter’s lips finally broke through. “I just wanted to see how far you would take it,” he said.

  “As far as required,” Gertie said. “And for a lot longer than you can hold out for. What do you think we are, amateurs?”

  “I thought nothing of the kind,” he said. “Well, since you all have an alibi, I guess my work here is done.”

  “We always happy to help,” I said, and followed him to the door.

  He walked onto the porch, then turned around and looked at me, his expression now serious. “I’ll be making periodic passes by throughout the night. If anything even feels off, call me.”

  I nodded.

  “I mean it,” he said. “No more taking down strange men lurking around your lawn. You might run up against someone more capable than the ATF.”

  I shrugged. “They’d have to be more capable than me before it would matter.”

  “Humor me.”

  “Just this once?”

  He sighed. “Please?”

  “Fine, I’ll call if I hear or see anything nefarious. I’m not going to say out of the ordinary because that would be pretty much everything in this town.”

  “That’s good enough for me.”

  He turned around and headed for his truck. I watched him for a couple seconds, then closed the door. When I turned around, Gertie and Ida Belle were both grinning at me.

  “Let’s talk about the poop stomping one more time,” Gertie said.

  I smiled. “Maybe just once more.”

  An hour and a half later, I’d paced the living room so many times that I worried I would wear out the soles on my tennis shoes. It was ten minutes past midnight and my phone had remained agonizingly quiet the entire night. Was this how it was going to be? I spent every night pacing until someone showed up to steal the SUV? I might make it a couple days, but if they hadn’t shown up by the third night, I was going to consider advertising the vehicle in every auto sales paper I could find.

  “If you don’t sit down,” Ida Belle said, “you’re going to start a fire on those hardwood floors through friction alone.”

  “You’re one to talk,” I said. “You only stopped an hour ago.”

  “I didn’t even start,” Gertie said. “I got tired just watching the two of you.”

  I flopped into the recliner and sighed, something else I’d done more times than I could count in the past hour and a half.

  “This waiting is killing me,” I said.

  Gertie nodded. “If we have to do this every night for a week, you’re going to have to refinish the floor.”

  “If we have to do this every night for a week,” Ida Belle said, “I’m hitting the hard stuff.”

  Gertie shook her head. “You two just need to look at the positive side of things. We have a plan to catch the car thieves and people to help with it—qualified people. The SUV is tucked safely in Ida Belle’s garage and Carter doesn’t suspect a thing. And if that’s not enough for you, Celia stomped right into flaming cow crap and set her robe on fire.”

  I smiled. “The foot in flaming cow crap thing was really funny.”

  “So was the look on Deputy Breaux’s face when he pulled us over,” Ida Belle said.

  “Okay, so the night wasn’t entirely bad,” I said, “but the cow crap was a onetime gig, so if we’re sitting here tomorrow, we won’t have a recent memory to laugh over.”

  “I’ll still be laughing about the cow crap tomorrow night,” Gertie said.

  “Okay,” I agreed. “I can probably get another night out of it, especially since everyone in town will be talking about it tomorrow, but if we move on to night three, something’s going to have to give.”

  “Oh, oh!” Gertie said, and bounced in her chair. “We should pull a drive-by and use water guns to spray her porch with fox urine.”

  I looked over at Ida Belle. “Should I even ask?”

  “Ten times worse than cat pee,” Ida Belle said. “She’d have to burn the house down.”

  “Okay,” I said. “We’ll keep that one in reserve.”

  I was just about to suggest another round of chocolate chip cookies when my phone signaled a text coming in.

  SUV is on the move. Head out.

  My pulse began to race just as it did every time I was closing in on a target. I looked over at Ida Belle’s and Gertie’s expectant faces and smiled.

  “It’s on,” I said.

  Chapter Twenty

  Ida Belle and Gertie jumped up from their seats, and I could tell they were as excited as I was. Everything about our escape route was already planned and we’d gone through the steps a million times. I grabbed the getaway car keys that I’d found that afternoon, somewhat disturbingly, on my kitchen table, along with a description of the car. It was parked in the location I’d specified to Little when we’d talked earlier, which was four houses down from mine and in front of a panel van that was always parked at the curb.

  Ida Belle ran upstairs and a couple seconds later yelled down. “Street’s clear.”

  We’d been watching all night as Carter made sweeps around the neighborhood. He must have been making regular stops at his house because we only saw him every thirty minutes, but it was like clockwork. Which was a really good thing given what we needed to do.

  “Last pass was ten minutes ago,” I said. “Let’s go.”

  We headed into the study and I opened the window. I’d already placed a stepladder underneath it to help all of us exit without incident. And by all of us, I meant Gertie and her bad knees. Ida Belle went first, then made sure Gertie got out without incident, then I climbed out last, and we set off down the side of the house, keeping our position behind the bushes. I stopped at the end of the house and peered out, making sure there were no random ATF agents lurking about. I didn’t think they would be foolish enough to pull the same thing twice, but if my job had taught me anything it was that humans weren’t often rational.

  The space between the houses was clear, so I ran across to Ronald’s yard, Ida Belle and Gertie close behind. We moved across his backyard and two more houses before turning and heading for the street. I stopped at the edge of the house and scanned up and down the road, looking for any sign of movement or oncoming headlights in the distance, but everything was quiet.

  The place I’d
chosen for the pickup car, a completely nondescript Honda Accord, was directly between two streetlamps, so almost no light reached the vehicle. The owners of the house it was parked in front of were the cheapest people on the block and had something against burning outside lights. It provided the least visibility for our passage.

  I set off across the yard at a fast walk. If anyone drove by and caught sight of me, they would probably take running or even jogging as my attempt to escape a pursuer. That meant a call to the sheriff’s department, so I settled for fast walking. Ida Belle followed at almost the same pace, while Gertie lagged behind. Ida Belle and I were already in the car and ready to go while Gertie negotiated the last quarter of the yard.

  “Close the door,” Ida Belle said when Gertie climbed in the car. “If I’d known you were going to make this a midnight stroll, I would have gotten you a wheelchair.”

  I started the car and drove one block back from Main Street, then headed for the highway.

  “Why didn’t you just make me wait in the car like a good retriever?” Gertie asked.

  “That whole bathroom thing would have been a problem,” Ida Belle said.

  I clutched the wheel as I turned the car onto the highway. Usually, I’d be joining in or at the very least laughing at their banter, but right now, I was too wired. Too ready to get answers and get everything back to normal. My issues with Carter were bothering me more than I was willing to let on, and with Ida Belle’s safety and Hot Rod’s health hanging in the balance, I couldn’t clear my mind enough to make the tough decisions I needed to make.

  I peered out the windshield, scanning the highway in front of me, looking for the SUV, but the road was clear. Ida Belle noticed my unusual level of concentration on the road and frowned.

  “Do you think they screwed up?” she asked. “Miscalculated the fuel and they had enough to get away?”

  “I doubt it,” I said. “But maybe he never left town.”

  “Or maybe they have him already,” Gertie said. “This is the Heberts we’re talking about. I’m going to bet on efficiency where things like this are concerned.”

  She had a point. The Heberts were on the wrong side of the law when it came to most things, and speed and stealth were two of the things that kept them out of jail.

  Still…I handed Ida Belle my phone. “Send a text to Little and ask if they have the thieves.”

  Even though we were 99 percent sure the Seal brothers were the guilty party, I was still using the generic description because if life in Sinful had taught me anything, it was that things were rarely as they appeared.

  Ida Belle sent the text and watched the screen. A couple seconds later, my phone signaled an income text.

  “He says they are en route to the storage facility,” Ida Belle said.

  I could hear the excitement in her voice and felt it as well. This was turning out to be surprisingly easy. All we had to do now was get information out of the thieves and prevent the Heberts from killing them when it was over.

  Piece of cake.

  It was the second item on that agenda that occupied most of my thoughts on the rest of the drive. By the time we arrived at the storage facility, I had decided on either a logical argument or begging if it came down to it. Prayer might be thrown in there as well.

  A couple of cars were parked in front, including Big and Little’s Hummer, but Ida Belle’s SUV was nowhere in sight. I saw one of the Heberts’ employees waving me toward the gate and drove through as he opened it.

  “They must have put the SUV back in the storage unit,” Ida Belle said.

  I nodded. “Probably the best thing until we get all of this sorted out. For all we know, there might be more people than these guys looking for it.”

  “There’s a cheerful thought,” Ida Belle said. “When we figure out what that darn key is hiding, I’m taking out a full-page ad in every newspaper in the parish, letting everyone know that the treasure hunt is over.”

  “It’s not the worst idea,” I said. “Unless, of course, there’s something else hidden in there and we didn’t find it.”

  Ida Belle stared at me in dismay. “Don’t even go there.”

  “Maybe you should paint it bright pink and put daisies on it or something,” Gertie said. “Dudes would never steal a bright pink vehicle, even if it had a million dollars and ten naked supermodels hidden inside.”

  “That would defeat the purpose, since then I wouldn’t drive it either,” Ida Belle said.

  “The unit door is partially open,” I said, feeling my pulse tick up a notch.

  Mannie was standing outside the unit and waved to us as I pulled up and parked. I jumped out of the car and practically ran the couple of steps over to him.

  “Everything went okay?” I asked.

  Mannie grinned. “Like clockwork. They’re waiting for you inside.”

  He leaned down and lifted the door the rest of the way, and we got our first look at the result of our successful plan.

  Big and Little stood in the middle of the storage unit, two men duct-taped to chairs in front of them. I greeted the Heberts as I walked over and got my first personal look at the Seal brothers.

  Identical twins. Five feet eleven. A hundred seventy-five pounds. Decent muscle content but lean. Smart enough to be scared. Even if they weren’t duct-taped to chairs, I could take both of them with little effort.

  Ida Belle and Gertie stepped up next to me and looked at the brothers. Gertie shook her head. “I can’t believe after all these years, you still haven’t learned a thing.”

  The brothers looked at the three of us and glanced back at Big and Little, clearly confused by the mix of people in front of them.

  “Have they said anything?” I asked.

  “Oh, they’ve said plenty,” Big said. “But most of it was begging, so it doesn’t count. We were waiting on you for the questioning. We are merely hosting your party.”

  “Look,” one of the brothers said. “I think there’s been a big mistake. We were supposed to be picking up an SUV for a friend of ours. I don’t know what you think we’ve done, but you’ve got the wrong people.”

  Ida Belle narrowed her eyes. “So someone gave you keys to my house and my SUV? Who might that be, that you think had permission to give away my personal property and allow you to trespass into my home?”

  “Willie LeDoux,” the brother said.

  “Oh,” I said, “you mean that dead guy. Funny how dead people can talk and produce keys these days.” I looked over at Mannie. “You find any keys in the SUV?”

  “Hot-wired,” Mannie said.

  “Shocking,” I said, and leaned forward to look at them. “Here’s how it’s going to go. We’re going to ask you some questions and you’re going to tell us everything we want to know. And if I’m satisfied with your answers, I’ll ask the Heberts to go easy on you. Do you understand?”

  They glanced at each other and I’m sure they were wondering who the hell I was, but since Big and Little were letting me run the show, they weren’t about to do anything but nod.

  “And don’t bother lying,” I said. “I can spot a liar a mile away. Are you ready to talk?”

  They nodded again.

  “Good,” I said. “We know you’re the Seal brothers, so let’s start with first names.”

  The one who’d spoken earlier said, “I’m John. He’s Bart.”

  I smiled. “See how easy that was? Now, tell me why you stole the SUV.”

  “We’re looking for something hidden in it,” John said. “A key.”

  Ida Belle, who’d been standing quietly by, apparently reached her breaking point. She stepped forward and pointed her finger in their faces. “I always thought the two of you were useless, but a good man is in the ER because of you, and if he doesn’t make it, I’m going to personally see that you pay for it. Without benefit of a judge or jury.”

  Their eyes widened, and they both started shaking their heads.

  “No!” John said. “We didn’t do that to Hot Ro
d. I swear.”

  “Then who did?” Ida Belle asked. “Your friend Willie? I guess you killed him once you found out where the SUV was.”

  “We didn’t kill Willie,” John said. “He was our friend. Jesus. This is all wrong. You have it all wrong.”

  “Then you better get to straightening us out,” I said. “Before we decide we’ve waited long enough.”

  “Okay, okay,” John said, “but I have to go back some for it all to make sense.”

  “Go back to Genesis for all I care,” I said. “Just spill it.”

  “We were running drugs through a club in New Orleans,” John said. “And we were doing good. Everyone was making some money. But then this kid died. A cop’s kid. And people said it was our drugs that did it, but I swear we ain’t never seen that kid in the club before. Neither had Gary.”

  “Gary Thibodeaux?” I asked. “The club owner?”

  John nodded. “Next thing you know, the cops are looking to bust us for drug trafficking and for killing this kid, but Gary said we was set up. That we was going down for murder. But we ain’t killed nobody. We don’t even know the kid. I swear it.”

  The ten-year sentence suddenly made sense. The DA might not have been able to directly tie the brothers to the death of the cop’s kid, but with that theory floating around, the judge handed out the longest sentence he could manage.

  “This cop have a name?” I asked.

  “Patrick Marion,” John said.

  “Okay. So who set you up?” I asked.

  John shrugged. “We don’t know. But Gary found out somehow. He couldn’t find us because we was laying low, but he found Willie at his job at a mechanic’s shop. Gary told Willie he had proof but he wasn’t taking his chances with the law getting things right. He had a way out of the country and he was taking it. He said he’d hid the proof and some money in a family crypt and he gave Willie the key to give to us.”

  “Then why didn’t Willie do that?” I asked, still confused.

  “Willie was freaking, you know?” John said. “Gary told him to hide the key until he could give it to us, so he hid it in one of the SUVs that was in for repair, figuring we’d boost it later and get the key.”