My First Half (Cate & Kian Book 1)

by Louise Hall

  “Kian,” Cate looked shocked.

  “I’ll buy you a new pair.” He gripped her panties and tore them away from her body, leaving her naked and exposed.

  “Are you wet for me, angel?” Kian asked, holding her naked body against him as he lifted up his hips to remove his boxer shorts.

  Cate shuddered, clenching tightly as he pressed a finger inside her. “Yes.”

  Kian lifted her up, positioning her over the tip of his cock. “Hold on to the headboard,” he commanded.

  “Ah,” Cate cried loudly, her eyes rolling back in her head, as he impaled her deeply on his cock. She felt impossibly full.

  Kian circled her on his cock before lifting her up. The delicious dragging sensation as he pulled out nearly pushed Cate over the edge. She felt the cool air against her wet skin for a second and then he slammed her down again, the blunt head of his cock hitting her cervix.

  Cate let go of the headboard, digging her fingernails into his skin. “Kian,” Cate screamed.

  He buried his face between her breasts; with every jerk between her legs, her soft flesh bounced against him. He could feel her heartbeat thundering through her body. She clenched tightly around his cock and he felt the warmth spread out from his spine.

  “Come for me,” he ordered.

  “Kian,” she cried desperately. He felt her break apart as his cock jerked deep between her legs, filling her up.

  Afterwards, he lay back against the headboard, holding Cate firmly against his chest. Her body was still trembling so he pulled the covers up over her naked back.

  “Angel,” he asked softly, after a few minutes.

  Cate looked up at him through those gorgeous long black eyelashes. “Mm?”

  “I love you so fucking much,” he was about to say.

  Suddenly, Cate caught sight of the clock. “Aah,” she yelped, jumping out of bed.

  “What’s the matter?” Kian asked alarmed.

  “It’s 8.15,” Cate replied, as if that explained everything. She went into the bathroom and turned on the shower.

  “Hey,” Kian followed her. “What’s the rush? I don’t have to be at the ground until 11. Come back to bed.”

  “I’ve got to go to work,” Cate said.

  “You’re fucking kidding me,” Kian said angrily. “You’re not going back to work with that bastard.”

  “It was just a kiss,” Cate said, backing up against the wall. “I shouldn’t have got so upset last night.”

  “It’s never just a kiss,” Kian raged. He planted his hands on the wall at either side of her head, caging her in. “A kiss is the most intimate thing two people can do together.”

  Cate submitted to his kiss easily, allowing his tongue to sweep through her mouth.

  When he eventually pulled away, she was left breathless. “See?” Kian said, thinking he’d won.

  “No,” Cate struggled to catch her breath. She pushed him back a few steps. “The intimacy of a kiss is not about technique, it’s not just lips on lips. It’s about the two people doing the kissing. When Nick kissed me last night, it didn’t mean anything because I don’t have any feelings for him.”

  “Fine,” Kian snapped. “If you won’t quit for me, do it for our baby.”

  He reached out to put a hand on her bump but Cate manoeuvred out of the way. “Our baby?”

  “Yeah, you’re pushing yourself too hard. You’re putting the baby at risk.”

  Cate saw red. “How dare you? I would never, ever, ever do anything that would put this baby at risk.”

  “Then quit,” Kian challenged. “Every night you come home exhausted, your back and shoulders ache and your ankles are all swollen.”

  “I know how I feel,” Cate snapped. “I’m the one carrying this baby, not you. I’ve already told Nick that I’ll stop working for him after Christmas. I can’t just leave him in the lurch; it’s the busiest time of the year.”

  “Of course, you can leave him in the fucking lurch,” Kian shouted. “Your only concern should be looking after yourself and our baby.”

  Cate turned her back to Kian and took some deep breaths.

  “It’s me or him, Cate.” Kian said so quietly, Cate wasn’t sure she’d heard him correctly at first.

  “You’re giving me an ultimatum?” Cate asked.

  “Yes,” Kian said seriously.

  Cate felt unsteady, as if the ground was moving fast beneath her feet. Her knees buckled and she gripped on to the wall for support.

  “Cate,” Kian put his hands on her shoulders.

  “Don’t touch me,” she said bitterly. She could hardly breathe for the searing pain ripping through her chest.

  Kian didn’t listen. He yanked her forcefully back against him, wrapping his arms tightly around her.

  “You’re my wife,” Kian pleaded.

  Cate fought hard to keep the tears from spilling down her cheeks. “That doesn’t mean I’m your property. I don’t belong to you.”

  “Yes, you do,” Kian shouted. “You belong to me. Just like I belong to you.”

  Cate broke free of his hold. “Let me go. I can’t breathe.”

  She grabbed a towel from the rail and wrapped it around her naked body before sinking down to the steps at the side of the bath.

  Everything Kian had said was true; she was exhausted, her back and shoulders did ache and her ankles were sore and swollen. The idea of getting back into that warm, comfy bed sounded so good. As if in agreement, the wind howled loudly outside the bathroom window, a reminder of what was waiting for her just outside the front door.

  She didn’t want to see Nick again, not just because of the kiss. In the cold light of day, she knew she’d overreacted. It meant nothing; like she’d told Kian, it was just lips on lips. It was more what he’d said afterwards – that Kian had only married her because she got pregnant. What gave him the right to pass judgement on her marriage? Cate had thought they were friends but all the time, Nick had thought of her not as an equal but as a naïve, silly little girl. Of course, she had doubts about her marriage, bolstered by Kian’s refusal to say those three little words. Did Nick really think he could kiss her against her will and then explain it all away by calling her marriage a sham?

  There were a thousand reasons why she should quit working at the Tavern. She’d only planned on working up to Christmas anyway, what did it matter if she quit a few days early? It wasn’t like they needed the money. In her head, she knew it was the right decision but there was something stopping her from saying it out loud. She just couldn’t concede this to Kian. It had to be her decision not because he’d given her an ultimatum. She couldn’t let him dominate her like this so early on in their marriage.

  Kian stood by the vanity unit with his arms folded across his chest. “Who is it?” he asked coldly.

  Cate was afraid of how much she hated Kian right now.

  She felt torn. What if Kian was serious about this? Would he really leave her if she chose the Tavern? Could she put her marriage at risk for a job that she was only going to have for a few more days anyway? Even though he was being unreasonable, Kian was her husband and her baby’s father. She rubbed her hand over her bump. She wanted her baby to have a proper family, with a Mum and Dad who lived in the same house. Her own childhood had been happy enough but she’d always felt like a jigsaw puzzle missing a piece. She didn’t want that for her own child.

  “It’s you,” Cate said softly, picking at the hem of the towel. “Of course, it’s you.”

  Kian took a step towards her. “Leave me alone.”

  She heard the bathroom door close behind him, leaving her alone in the vast black-marble bathroom.

  She climbed into the bathtub and curled up on the floor. The porcelain was unforgiving on her aching back. The sweat on her skin had dried, leaving her shivery. Cate closed her eyes and listened to the winds howling outside the window. She let her tears pool on the floor of the tub. She felt so alone.

  I hope Kian’s right, Cate thought; I hope you’re a li
ttle girl. There are too many men in this world.

  “I know you hate me,” Kian said softly, a little while later. “But I can’t see you like this.”

  He lifted her up out of the bathtub and carried her back to their bed. Cate was too tired to protest.

  She had nowhere to be so she allowed Kian to lay her down on their bed. He’d changed the sheets while she’d been in the bathroom. He pulled the duvet up to her chin and tucked it around her.

  Cate closed her eyes and pretended to sleep. She could still feel him deep between her legs.

  CHAPTER 36

  A couple of hours later, when Cate woke up, she could still feel anger like poison coursing through her veins. She was angry at everybody and everything; Nick for putting her in this position; Kian for giving her the ultimatum and herself for giving in so easily. She shouldn’t have done that – faced with Kian’s angry ultimatum, with the prospect that she might lose him, she’d wilted like cheap flowers.

  She stomped into the bathroom and ran the shower so hot; she could barely stand underneath it. She wanted to punish herself for being so weak. Afterwards, with her skin feeling tight and sore, she got dressed in her softest clothes; a black fleece jumper and black yoga pants.

  Her anger had receded just enough that she was able to think clearly. A kernel of an idea came to her. She grabbed a notebook and pen and settled on the daybed in the back porch. It was the perfect place because from there, she had an uninterrupted view of the fields and hills. That’s what I want my future to be, Cate looked at the wide open space. She felt the baby moving about inside of her and reached down to rub her bump. That’s what I want our future to be.

  She opened up her notebook and took the lid off her pen. “To-Do List.” Cate wrote at the top in big, black letters. She felt more inspired than she had in months.

  Paddle in the Pacific Ocean.

  Dye my hair purple.

  I want to know what it’s like to be loved.

  Cate felt a bloody slash across her heart. Why couldn’t Kian just say those three little words to her? She quickly crossed it out. She couldn’t control other people, only herself.

  I want to get a tattoo.

  I want to be a good Mum to this baby.

  I want to go to university and get a degree.

  Ooh, Cate smiled, looking at the hills. I want to go zorbing; that looks like so much fun.

  I want to have a go on one of those mechanical bulls.

  I want to run a marathon.

  Once she started writing things down, she couldn’t stop.

  I want to find my Dad. Again, Cate quickly crossed that one out. She couldn’t go there.

  I want to learn how to tango.

  As she was scribbling away, her phone started bouncing around on the daybed.

  “Hey,” Lauren said chirpily. “You got any plans for today?”

  Cate frowned. “Have you spoken to Kian?”

  “Not since…” Cate could hear Lauren tapping her fingernails. “Three weeks ago, I think. Why?”

  “No reason,” Cate said quickly. “I thought you were in Vegas this week?”

  “Nah, there was a mix-up with the rosters,” Lauren said. “I’ve got a couple of days off. “Do you want to grab some lunch?”

  “Yeah, that’d be great,” Cate replied.

  Lauren had a couple of things to do first so they arranged to meet at Blonde, a beauty salon. Cate hated those kinds of places; they made her feel incredibly intimidated. Unfortunately, when she got there, Lauren was still sat on one of the black leather couches at the front of the salon, flicking through Vogue.

  “Tasha’s running late,” Lauren explained as Cate sat down.

  A couple of minutes later, Tasha took Lauren into one of the rooms. Cate flicked through the magazine Lauren had left behind.

  As Lauren came out, the receptionist told Tasha that her next appointment had cancelled last-minute.

  “Bloody hell,” Tasha frowned. “Sure I can’t sweet-talk you into anything else?” Tasha asked Lauren. “I hate having free time.”

  “Sorry,” Lauren smiled, patting her on the shoulder. “You’ve waxed every part of me that needs it.”

  “What about you?” Tasha said, turning to Cate.

  Cate thought about the To Do List she’d left at home. “Actually,” she stood up quickly, before she changed her mind. “That would be great.”

  After they’d finished up at Blonde, Cate and Lauren walked to Spinningfields to check out the ice rink and the Christmas markets. “I can smell snow,” Lauren said, wrinkling her nose as they queued up for Gluhwein.

  Cate laughed, “maybe we’ll have a white Christmas this year, after all?”

  They bought their drinks and stood at the side of the rink, watching the skaters.

  “Have you ever ice skated?” Cate asked, sipping her non-alcoholic Gluhwein. “Mm, that’s good.”

  “Once,” Lauren scowled. “It was at the Rockefeller Centre in New York. It was my first trip and the crew I was with said I had to do it. Of course, me being me, I managed to get halfway around before I fell over, took five people down with me and sprained my bloody ankle.”

  “Don’t make me laugh,” Cate giggled. “Ouch.”

  “How’s it feeling?” Lauren winked.

  This time it was Cate’s turn to scowl. “Sore. You could have warned me it was going to hurt that much!”

  “I’ve done it so many times; it hardly hurts at all now.”

  “Thanks,” Cate stuck out her tongue. “It’s hot too. If there weren’t so many people around, I’d go and sit on that rink.”

  “Poor baby,” Lauren cooed. “My little Brazilian virgin. You’ll have to ice it when you get home.”

  “Oh yeah, I can just imagine Kian’s face if he comes home and I’ve got a pack of frozen peas on my hoo-hah.”

  “What’s that frown for?” Lauren asked. “Everything okay with you two?”

  Cate tried to brush it off. “You’re nosy, aren’t you?”

  “Yep,” Lauren smiled. “That’s what makes me such a good friend. Come on, spill.”

  “It’s silly,” Cate started. She gave Lauren the PG version of what had happened last night and this morning.

  “Huh,” Lauren said after she’d finished.

  “I told you it was silly,” Cate shrugged, taking another sip of her drink.

  “You’re not going to like this but I can kind of see where Kian was coming from, you know? I take it you’ve never told him why having a job is so important to you?”

  Cate shook her head.

  “So all he knows is that this guy, Nick kissed you last night…”

  “I pushed him away.”

  “Then the next morning, you want to work with him again?”

  “I told him that I don’t have feelings for Nick though, shouldn’t that be enough?”

  “You need to tell him what’s really going on. He’s a bloke; he needs things spelling out for him.”

  “He gave me an ultimatum, Lauren?” Cate frowned.

  “Don’t get me wrong, that’s a very shitty thing to do. Put yourself in his shoes though, if he told you another girl had tried to kiss him.”

  “I’d want to kill her,” Cate said, surprising herself with the amount of venom in her voice.

  “Then supposing the next morning, he said oh yeah by the way I’m going to spend the day with the same girl.”

  “I guess,” Cate said.

  “It’s a learning curve, hon. Neither of you have been in a relationship, never mind a marriage before. Be mad at him about the ultimatum, I back you 100% on that. But try and tell him how you feel too.”

  Cate’s phone pinged to let her know she had an e-mail. “Ugh,” Cate said. “I hate this phone. I’ve had it for months and I still don’t know how to open e-mails.”

  Lauren laughed. “Let me have a look.”

  Lauren worked her magic and then passed the phone back to Cate. As the phone passed between them, a photo loaded up on the scre
en.

  Cate felt the rest of the world drop away. On her phone was a photo of Kian kissing Alice Devereux.

  “Cate?” Lauren said softly. She must have seen the photo. “Let’s sit down for a minute.” She put a hand on Cate’s arm and guided her to an empty table away from the rink.

  Cate couldn’t take her eyes off the photo.

  “It could be from ages ago,” Lauren tried to reason.

  Cate shook her head. “It’s from last night. The team all got new club ties to wear to that function last night. He’s wearing it in the photo.”

  “What can I do?” Lauren asked.

  Cate thought about Kian’s words from this morning. “A kiss is the most intimate thing two people can do together.”

  He’d said that knowing that he’d kissed Alice Devereux last night.

  “I need to go home,” Cate said, suddenly realising where she was. She badly wanted to cry but she wasn’t going to do that in public. Hot tears were poking at the corners of her eyes but she wouldn’t let them fall. She reached up and quickly brushed them away, plastering a fake smile across her face. She switched her phone off and tossed it into the depths of her handbag.

  “Do you want me to come with you?” Lauren looked concerned.

  “No, really, I’m fine,” Cate tried to sound strong. She needed more than anything to be alone.

  As she got up from the table, Lauren put a hand on her arm. “Text me when you get home, OK?”

  “I will,” Cate chewed on her bottom lip.

  Somehow, Cate got back to her car and drove home although afterwards she didn’t know how she’d done it. She parked up at the side of the house and cut the engine, sent Lauren a quick text to let her know that she’d got home safe and then switched off her phone and rested her head on the steering wheel.

  She would have stayed like that but then the baby started kicking. Cate checked her watch, it was 2.45 – Kian’s match would be kicking off shortly. The only way to get the baby to settle down was to put the commentary on the radio. For some reason, her baby was soothed by football commentary.

  Cate let herself into the empty house, went into the lounge and switched on the radio, finding the station which had commentary of the Rovers match. As the baby settled down, Cate lay down on the sofa still wrapped up in her coat, scarf and fleece-lined boots. She closed her eyes for a few minutes, letting the white noise of the commentary wash over her.