My First Half (Cate & Kian Book 1)

by Louise Hall

  “Fortunately,” Kian scowled at his sister, “I was just giving my wife a back massage. What the hell are you doing up here?”

  Sinead looked embarrassed. “I just wanted to see how the quilt turned out?”

  “And you couldn’t wait until tomorrow?”

  “I didn’t think.”

  Acutely aware that she was still topless, Cate wrapped the duvet around her and went into the bathroom to put her vest back on.

  When she came back, Kian had spread the patchwork quilt back out on the floor. “Sorry again,” Sinead said to Cate.

  “It’s OK,” Cate smiled.

  “You might want to knock next time though,” Kian grumbled.

  “That’s Dad’s shirt,” Sinead said, touching one of the panels on the quilt. “I hated it; it was just so pink. “Pink to make the boys wink,” he’d say in this really camp voice, fluttering his eyelashes. I think he started wearing it just to wind me up. I kept trying to find it so I could burn the damn thing. He wore it last year on Christmas Eve.”

  Sinead looked teary, “I, um… I asked Sadie to put it in. I wanted you to remember how funny Dad was.”

  “Your Dad was great,” Cate patted Sinead’s hand. “Thank you.”

  “That’s my 1st ever football shirt,” Kian said, touching a patch of green and navy blue nylon.

  There was a square of red and white checked cotton with gold embroidery. “I think this is from a dress I had when I was a baby,” Cate said, touching the fabric. “Remy used to make me wear little red socks with it and a red headband with a flower.”

  “I vaguely remember that,” Kian said. “It’s weird to think that I remember you being born. Dad was looking after us all; me, Ben, Remy and Liv while our Mums were in the hospital having the two of you. He was freaking out looking after all those kids but he didn’t want Mum to know so he said if we behaved ourselves, he’d buy us whatever we wanted from the newsagents. I think Remy wanted one of those plastic princess wands.”

  “Like Remy needs any more power,” Sinead laughed. “She scares the crap out of me sometimes.”

  “When we got to the ward, our Mums were in beds next to each other. Mum was there holding you,” Kian nodded at Sinead. “No offence sis, but you were the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

  “Hey,” Sinead whacked him. “I’ve seen your baby pictures, you weren’t all that.”

  “You were completely bald, your face was all red and you were crying so loudly. Seriously, it was like a freaking car alarm.”

  “What a lovely trip down memory lane,” Sinead said, getting up from the floor. “I’m going to bed.”

  “Remember to knock next time,” Kian called after her.

  Kian pulled Cate so she was sat between his knees, her back against his chest. “Irene was in the bed next to Mum’s and she was holding you. You were so quiet. When Dad brought us all round to meet you, you looked at us curiously, as if you were sizing us all up. You kept opening and closing your fists. I asked Dad on the way home if we could switch the cots and bring you home instead.”

  “That’s terrible,” Cate said. “You didn’t say that.”

  “I did,” Kian laughed. “But Dad said that wasn’t fair. Your Mum had three other kids and she was on her own so she should have the nice, quiet baby whereas Mum had me and Dad so we were stuck with the bald, red-faced baby that screamed a lot.”

  “I wonder what our baby will be like?” Cate mused.

  She found a piece of black fabric with lace overlap in the far corner of the quilt. “Oh my goodness,” she gasped, “this is from the dress I was wearing when we had our 1st kiss. It was Liv’s dress. How did they know?”

  “A year ago today,” Kian smiled, gently touching the lace. “I love it.”

  They carefully folded away the quilt and climbed into bed. Cate rested her head on his chest and he gently stroked his fingers through her hair.

  “This time last year, I was lying in bed and I couldn’t sleep because I kept thinking that maybe you’d only kissed me as a joke. Now we’re lying here together and we’re married.”

  Cate lifted up her hand and looked at her wedding ring.

  “And we’re having a baby,” Kian smiled. “Don’t forget about Lola.”

  “What if it’s a boy?” Cate laughed.

  “It’s not.”

  Cate turned over so she had her back to him and he curled up around her. He slid a hand up her vest and pressed it against her swollen belly. The clock above their heads showed that it was midnight. “This time next year, it’ll be our baby’s first Christmas.”

  EPILOGUE

  “Cate,” Kian gently touched her shoulder. “Angel, what time’s Liv coming over? I thought she was supposed to be here by now.”

  “Ugh,” Cate burrowed deeper under the lovely, warm duvet, she was so tired. “She texted me last night. She’s going to be late; she’s got a couple of errands to run first.”

  Kian frowned, “how much later?”

  “Maybe half an hour?” Cate said. “We can’t expect her to drop everything just because you think I need a babysitter.”

  “If something happens…” Kian stopped. “It makes me feel better knowing somebody’s here with you, just in case.”

  He sat down on the side of the bed and checked his watch. “I’ll wait.”

  “No,” Cate dragged herself up to sitting, her back ached furiously. “I’ll be fine on my own for a few minutes.”

  “Are you sure?” Kian leaned forward to kiss the tip of her nose.

  “I am,” Cate smiled, stroking her fingers through his damp hair. “Now go.”

  “Anyone would think you’re trying to get rid of me?” Kian grumbled, standing up.

  Cate gulped; he wasn’t that far from the truth. She busied herself trying to get up, which wasn’t easy being so heavily pregnant. “You’d better go,” Cate looked at the clock on the bedside table, “my other boyfriend will be here soon.”

  Kian frowned, “I thought you’d got rid of him. I told you, I don’t share.”

  “I don’t think you have to worry about that,” Cate grinned, rubbing her swollen belly.

  “Stop it. Even eight months pregnant, you’re the fucking sexiest woman I’ve ever seen.” Kian’s eyes darkened. He reached up and rubbed his thumb over the engraving on the back of her locket. “I’ll always worry about that. You’re my first half.”

  Eventually, Cate persuaded him to go. Rovers had a home game against City that afternoon. If he didn’t leave now, he’d probably earn both him and Yoakey another late fine. He got in the car and looked back at Cate, who was watching him from the front door. She’d just woken up and looked so young; her black hair was all mussed up. Kian couldn’t shake this awful sense of foreboding. The last couple of days he’d had this really heavy feeling in his stomach, like something wasn’t quite right. Fuck it, he got out of the car and jogged back to the house. Cate looked confused, “did you forget something?”

  Before she could say anything else, he captured her face in his hands and kissed her. He needed this. He tilted her head back, sliding his tongue inside her mouth. She tasted so fucking good.

  “Kian?” Cate asked breathlessly. “What’s going on?”

  “I just really wanted to kiss my sexy-ass wife,” Kian grinned, stroking the pad of his thumb across her bottom lip. He dropped to his knees, lifted up her t-shirt and kissed her bump. “Take care of your Mama, little one.”

  As he drove down Cooper Lane, he licked his lips, still able to taste Cate on them.

  A fox darted in front of the car and he slammed on the brakes.

  He was suddenly more aware of how isolated they were. Apart from Ben and Erin’s house, the nearest building was the Black Horse pub. Ben would be at the match but Erin… Kian tried to remember if Erin was working at the hospital today. If something happened… Fuck, he slammed his fist on the steering wheel, cursing Liv for not being on time.

  After she’d heard Kian’s car pull out of the driveway, Cate
went upstairs and climbed back into bed.

  Last night, she hadn’t been able to sleep. It wasn’t just the physical discomfort of being so heavily pregnant. When she did manage to fall asleep; after a few minutes, she would wake again in a cold sweat, her heart beating furiously out of her chest.

  Kian had a match today so she didn’t want to wake him. She slowly got out of bed and walked down the hallway to what would soon be their baby’s nursery.

  Cate hadn’t wanted it to be too girly, even though Kian was still convinced that they were having a girl. Liv had done an amazing job of painting the walls so they looked like fields; there were tall reeds of grass with fluffy, bunny rabbits darting in between them. She’d also painted the ceiling so it looked like the sky on a summer’s day with just a few little wispy, white clouds. They’d found the perfect carpet to match, it was the exact same green as the fields outside and so soft.

  Cate curled up on the rocking chair, which Ben had found and painted and Erin had reupholstered. “You’re already so loved, little one,” Cate murmured softly, rubbing her swollen belly. This room was definitely a family affair. She wrapped herself up in the super-soft blanket Remy had sent from Italy. Rocco and Luca had made them a poster, which said “Welcome to the Family” in Italian and featured crayon drawings of all the Klein-Warners. When Sinead had moved in with Fabrizio, she’d asked Cate if they would use her old chest of drawers for the nursery. They’d painted it white but Cate could still see the spot on the side where she and Sinead had carved their initials, C+S BFF when they were younger.

  Cate grinned as she remembered Kian trying to put the cot together.

  “Fucking stupid, fucking thing,” He yelled. Cate was putting the washing away when she saw the crumpled-up instruction manual come flying out of the doorway.

  “You OK in there?” Cate grinned, peeking around the door of the nursery.

  Kian scowled. He was sat on the floor, with all the various pieces of the cot spread out around him. “What do you think about Moses baskets?”

  “It can’t be that difficult,” Cate teased. “Let me have a look.”

  She was just about to crouch down to pick up the instruction manual when she felt Kian take hold of her hips.

  “Don’t you dare,” Kian grunted.

  “Somebody’s got to build the cot. Our baby is not sleeping in the cardboard box.”

  “Hello,” Yoakey stuck his head around the door.

  “What the…?”

  Yoakey grinned, “heard you needed some help. I happen to be an expert at building cots.”

  “Ha,” Yoakey’s wife, Sara scoffed, coming up behind him. She had their son, Noah in a sling. “I remember the first time you tried putting Noah’s cot together. It looked great until we put the teddy bear on top and it collapsed in on itself.”

  “Hi,” Cate grinned at Sara. Ever since Noah was born, they’d started spending a lot more time with Sara and Yoakey.

  As they kissed cheeks, Noah blinked open his eyes and stared up at Cate. He really was one of the cutest babies she’d ever seen; he had thick, curly black hair and huge, chocolate-brown eyes. “Oh Sara, he’s so adorable,” Cate cooed. He reached out, wrapping his tiny fingers around her thumb.

  “You’ll have one soon enough,” Sara gestured to Cate’s swollen belly. “Come on; let’s leave these guys to it.”

  Even though she wasn’t due for another couple of weeks, Kian wanted everything planned to the nth degree. He was obsessed with finding the quickest route from their house to the Handsworth Hospital. That afternoon, he’d come home all excited because he’d found a shortcut that would cut 3 minutes off their journey time.

  “That’s great,” Cate teased, “but what if we’re not at home when I go into labour?”

  “Crap,” Kian frowned. “I hadn’t thought of that.” He picked up his phone. “I guess if you’re at your Mum’s, we could…”

  Cate swiped the phone out of his hand, “stop it.”

  “Hey,” Kian scowled. “That’s not funny, give me my phone back.”

  “Only if you promise to stop being a geek – I don’t want AA Route Finder, I want my husband.”

  “Fine, I promise to put my phone away, if you promise to finish packing that bloody hospital bag.”

  “I’ll do it later,” Cate yawned. “I’ve got plenty of time. I’m not due for another couple of weeks.”

  “Cate,” Kian warned.

  “Kian,” Cate glared right back at him. “Fine,” she said eventually, when she realised she wasn’t going to out-stare him. “I’ll finish it after dinner.”

  Later that night, Cate had almost finished packing the bag when she saw Jane Eyre on her bookcase. She picked it up and put it on the top of her bag. “You don’t need that,” Kian said, briefly looking up from his phone.

  “Don’t start,” Cate warned him. Despite his earlier promise, she had a sneaky feeling that he was checking routes to the hospital again on his phone. “I always carry a book with me; that’s not going to change.”

  “When are you going to read it?” Kian asked. “Sorry nurse, I can’t push right now, I just need to finish this chapter.”

  “Hey,” Cate threw a pillow at his head. “You are so taking your life in your hands. Can I just remind you that I’m about to give birth to your child. If I want to bring everything that Charlotte, Emily and Anne Bronte have ever written to the hospital with me, that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

  “But…”

  “Nope,” Cate shook her head, putting her finger to his lips. “You don’t get to say anything - unless, it’s of course Cate, whatever you want?”

  Kian smirked, “of course Cate.” He swirled his tongue up and over the tip of her finger. “Whatever you want.”

  Cate looked down at the thickened ridge in the front of his trousers and started laughing. “Hey,” Kian scowled. “Stop laughing at my cock.”

  “I’m not laughing at your…” Cate blushed. “I just can’t believe that you’re turned on. Look at me; I couldn’t be less sexy right now.”

  “I very much disagree,” Kian murmured. “Have you finished packing that bag?”

  “Yeah,” Cate nodded.

  Kian got up from the bed. “I’m going to take this downstairs and you’re going to take your clothes off. I’ve been doing some research.”

  “Ugh,” Cate groaned, “if you’ve found a way to cut another minute off our journey time to the hospital?”

  “Not that kind of research angel,” Kian swatted her arse. “Take off your clothes and I’ll show you.”

  Back in the nursery, Cate jolted, feeling a stab of pain at the base of her stomach. “Shh,” she murmured, thinking that the baby was kicking. “I know it’s uncomfortable in there but it won’t be for long, I promise.”

  She got up and walked over to the cot in the corner of the room. “You’ll soon be here, little one. Look how much space you’re going to have. You can kick your little legs to your heart’s content.”

  The truth was that she was scared. She felt safe, carrying the baby inside her, away from the outside world. But what would happen after he or she was born?

  Cate wanted this baby inside of her to have the best life. She knew that it would be loved; she could already feel the love streaming from her heart like rays of sunshine. But could she protect it? She couldn’t stop thinking about all the ways the outside world could hurt her precious, little baby. She’d read all the books, studying harder for this than her A Levels. She wanted to know everything she could; to be the best mother she could possibly be. But what if it wasn’t enough, what if she missed something, looked away for a split second?

  Cate felt the start of another panic attack; her chest constricted and she had to fight to get her breath. She gripped the side of the cot. She hadn’t told anybody, not even Kian, that she’d been having them.

  As her due date approached, she’d been having them more often. They seemed to be getting worse; the one she’d had earlier that day had b
een the worst yet. Jean had been her designated babysitter while Kian was at training. She’d made them both lunch and afterwards Cate had got up to wash the dishes.

  “No, you don’t,” Jean said kindly. She guided Cate back to her chair at the counter. “I’ll do that.”

  “I’m fine,” Cate protested.

  “You’re carrying my first grandchild,” Jean smiled. “Let me pamper you.”

  As she walked back to the counter, Cate wasn’t concentrating and scratched her arm on the sharp edge. “Ow,” she winced, looking down at the scratch rapidly turning pink on her arm.

  “What happened?” Jean turned quickly.

  “I’m fine,” Cate was embarrassed. “I just banged my arm.”

  She traced her finger over the edge of the counter, which was sharp. That needed to be fixed.

  “Lola” by Barry Manilow was playing on the radio. Cate felt her chest start to constrict. What if instead of it being her arm, it had been her baby’s head that had hit the edge of the counter?

  She felt really hot; the early afternoon sunlight streaming in through the kitchen window hurt her eyes. She pressed her hand over her heart; it felt like it was hammering against her ribcage. She excused herself to the bathroom and stood in front of the sink, gripping onto the basin.

  “It’s fine,” Cate repeated, trying to talk herself down. “It’ll be years before he or she can reach the height of that counter and by that time, you’ll have had the sharp edge smoothed out.”

  But it took longer than ever to calm down. Her breathing had just about returned to normal, when she heard a knock on the bathroom door. “Cate?” It was Kian.

  “Just a second,” Cate called back. She flushed the toilet and quickly wiped her face and hands. “You’re back early,” she greeted him with a smile.

  Kian looked at her warily. “Are you OK?” he whispered, so only she could hear him.

  “I’m fine,” Cate whispered back. “The baby’s just pressing on my bladder.”

  Kian insisted that she needed a babysitter but Cate knew that if there was always somebody around, it wouldn’t be long before they found out that she was having panic attacks. She didn’t want them to think that she was a silly, little girl. She knew her stubborn husband would never give in so she’d secretly texted Liv to let her know that she wouldn’t be needed for babysitting duties the following day; she’d lied that Jean was coming over instead.