More than once she ended up in direct contact with him, but she never woke up. After a good hour or so, Vance calmed down and stopped expecting her to freak out on him. That helped inch his adrenaline down to where he might actually be able to sleep, but then he realized Natalie’s constant moving was going to keep him up all night. He considered just slipping out of bed and heading to the couch for his own sake.
Natalie shifted again, her face landing on his shoulder. One side was squished, making her lips pout. He almost laughed as he moved her just enough that her face wasn’t squashed. The second he took his hand away from her face, her mouth pulled down in a frown and she leaned closer. That alone brought all of Vance’s anxiety racing back. The solution to his problem that jumped into his mind dumped so much adrenaline into his bloodstream that he feared he’d never get to sleep.
The only way to stop her from moving around all night was to do exactly what he had been trying to avoid. It was either that, or sleep on the couch. Vance knew the couch was the safer option, but leaving Natalie was harder than he expected. He knew it was a stupid thing to do, but he slid one arm beneath Natalie’s head and wrapped his other arm around her middle before pulling her against his chest.
Immediately, she stopped trying to move and pulled against him, drawing a strangled gasp from Vance. As relaxed as she had seemed before, it was only then that she truly let go and released all her fears and anxiety. Her body melted against his as utter peace settled over her. Vance could barely breathe, he was so shocked by her reaction to him.
Almost as startling was how good it felt to have her pressed against him. He’d been wanting to hold her since the moment she got the letter from her father, maybe even since the diner. He had wanted to protect her from the moment they first met at the date shark dinner meeting. Guilt that he shouldn’t be so close to Natalie after Stephanie’s death was buried beneath the calming sense of rightness he experienced with her in his arms.
In a million different ways, the plan to help and protect Natalie had just gotten so much more difficult.
Chapter 25
The First Time
Mondays were always hard, but Natalie had never felt like one had been quite as brutal as the Monday Vance went home. It had only been earlier that morning when he’d packed everything back into his duffle bag and said goodbye. They’d left at the same time, and it had physically hurt to know she’d go home to an empty apartment. Gypsy would still be there, but it wasn’t quite the same after spending so many days cooped up with Vance playing video games and cooking meals for each other. It had been this strange bubble outside of reality where threats didn’t exist and happiness was attainable.
In the back of her mind, Natalie knew the threats from her father were still all too real. Updates from Detective Morrow letting her know there had been no sign of him around her building or office were reassuring, but having to venture outside and face the day without Vance had her on pins and needles all day. Normally she was the last one to leave, but that day she watched the clock tick down, intending to bolt as soon as she could.
Fifteen minutes left.
A knock on her door made her jump, but that was par for the course with Natalie. Even more than usual, she was disturbed by the interruption, but she got up and unlocked the door all the same. She opened it just a few inches and peered out. Her boss was one of the few who made the effort to track her down in person every so often—probably to make sure she hadn’t disappeared—so it wasn’t surprising to find Donald standing in the hall. Natalie couldn’t imagine what he wanted since she didn’t owe him an update until the end of the week.
“Natalie, I’m glad I caught you. I just wanted to see how you were doing and if your friend was all right. I wasn’t sure you’d take the time off like I’d asked, so I was a little concerned things were worse with Vance than you’d let on when you actually used your vacation time,” Donald said.
More than a little surprised Donald had taken the time to ask about Vance, she struggled to come up with an answer as she forced herself to open the door a little wider. “Um, thank you. He’s good. Much better, actually. He just needed a friend to keep him distracted for a while. You know, until he could clear his head.”
“That’s good to hear,” he said happily. Maybe a little too happily. “Really great to hear, actually, because I was hoping I’d be able to talk you into something, and I thought Vance being your wingman might make it a little more palatable.”
Natalie’s stomach sank to her shoes and she almost slammed the door closed in his face. “What…what kind of…” She couldn’t even force herself to finish. No matter what dinner or party or seminar it was, the thought of attending a public event like that made her feel like she was going to vomit.
“Remember the project you green-lighted, oh, about eight months ago? The new pension plan program for that airline company?”
Natalie nodded. Speaking would probably have bad results. It had been one of the few meetings she’d been asked to attend in person, at the airline owner’s insistence.
“Anyway, it’s just gotten off the ground and everyone is thrilled with it. We’ve been invited to attend their annual gala, and the owner Michael Moniteau specifically requested you attend after all the hard work you did on the analysis for the project. He was quite impressed.” Donald beamed, clearly proud of her, but Natalie just wanted to disappear into the floor. “I know this isn’t your normal sort of thing, but I thought perhaps if Vance came as your plus one, sort of a buffer, it’d make it a little easier for you to handle the crowd.” He stared at her hopefully. “This was a really big client for us.”
Clutching the doorknob as tightly as she could, she really, really hoped she didn’t pass out in front of him. “When is it?” she heard herself ask. It was like someone else was speaking, because Natalie knew she’d never actually agree to show up for something like that.
Donald’s mouth split into a grin. “Friday night, seven o’clock at the Langham. Dress is black tie.” He was so giddy Natalie wanted to slap him, but that would require letting go of the door. “This is going to be great for your career, Natalie. I’m so glad you’ve agreed to come. I’ll have Caitlin email you the details in the morning.” He disappeared immediately after saying that. On purpose, Natalie was sure.
Agreed to? When exactly had she agreed to go to this thing? All she’d asked was when the gala was being held. Now she was somehow a confirmed guest? One of hundreds of guests. Panic rose swiftly. She stumbled back to her desk and barely managed to make her shaky fingers dial Vance. She was struggling to suck in enough air to talk when he answered, which of course sent him into panic mode.
“Natalie? What’s wrong?” he demanded. She heard the jingle of keys and knew instinctively that he was about to take off to come find her.
“Gala. Please. Help,” she gasped, unable to calm herself down enough to make any sense.
“What?” More sounds indicated Vance was still on the move. “Natalie, do me a favor. Put the phone down, cup your hands, and get your breathing under control. I have no idea what’s going on and you’re really freaking me out. I’m on my way to your apartment right now.”
“At…work,” she managed to squeeze out between breaths.
“Okay, I’m on my way to your office,” he said. “Now put the phone down.”
Her fingers were going numb, so dropping the phone was a relief. She struggled to get her cramping fingers to form into the right shape, but she got them over her mouth and nose and focused everything she had on slowing her breathing back down. By the time there was a knock on the door, seconds before it swung open but an eternity later, she was almost back to normal, though the tips of her fingers were still cold and tingly.
Vance rushed over to her as soon as he entered, and if she hadn’t already been so freaked out, she might have been worried he was going to clobber her judging by the expression on his face. He pulled up short of touching her, but looked nearly as panicked as she felt.
“Are you all right?” he demanded.
She nodded frantically and kept breathing. It looked like it was killing Vance to just sit there staring at her, and that was the push she needed to finally gain control and stem the last vestiges of her meltdown. “I’m sorry,” she said, gripping the chair’s armrests as her head swam a bit. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Epic fail on your part,” Vance said with a forced laugh. “What on earth got you so worked up?”
Natalie swallowed several times and breathed in as slow as she possibly could. “I have to go…to a gala. On Friday.”
Normally so understanding of her issues, she was shocked when Vance burst out laughing. It took down her anxiety considerably to see him laughing like that, but she didn’t understand at all. When Vance finally got control of himself he was still straining not to laugh. “I’m sorry,” he wheezed. “I’m not making light, but I thought something terrible had happened, like your father found you or that creep who grabbed you had done something again. I know this gala thing freaks you out, but wow, I’m so relieved you’re not in danger I just couldn’t help it.”
Natalie had to admit, it did sound a little crazy, freaking out over the gala when she had real threats to her safety. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “Maybe we should have a code word for panic attacks and one for when someone’s about to kill me.”
Vance shook his head with another laugh. “Nobody’s trying to kill you, but a code word might be a good idea. You have no idea how scared I was.”
Feeling horrible, Natalie cringed. “Vance, I…”
He shook his head. “I’m not blaming you. You reacted to a scary situation, and I’m glad you called me right away. I’m even more glad this is something we can manage together and not another reason to get the police involved.”
Natalie gnawed on her lip for several seconds before saying, “Speaking of us handling this together, I kind of have a favor to ask.” Her hands twisted together as she looked at Vance. “Would you…go with me?”
“To the gala?” Vance smiled. “Of course. I’d be happy to.”
“Are you sure?”
Vance pushed away from where he’d been sitting on the edge of her desk during his laughing fit and came right up next to her. “I’m sure. I know this will be a challenge for you and I’m happy to help. Besides…I like spending time with you.”
Natalie’s heart rate rose again, but not in panic. “I’ve missed you today,” she said without thinking. Her body immediately tensed in fear of his reaction, but he only smiled.
“I missed you too.” He stepped closer. “In fact, I was hoping you’d have dinner with me. Being back in my apartment today has been…difficult. I think I’d feel better if you were there with me for a while, just so I can get used to it again.”
“I need to feed Gypsy first and let her out,” Natalie said, surprising herself with how easily she had agreed.
Vance nodded. “We’ll stop there first.” He glanced around the office before turning back to her. “Are you ready to leave now, or did you need to finish what you were working on?”
More than ready to get out of the office, Natalie said, “No, I’m ready,” and shut down her computer. As she locked her office door, Vance standing next to her, the thought hit her that they were going to the gala together. The simple fact that she had agreed to go was enough to send her into cardiac arrest. Now she had the added stress of it being a…date…of sorts. She hadn’t asked him to come as her date, but she’d be expected to introduce him. What was she supposed to say?
They had somehow covered the distance from her office to the elevator as her brain had been otherwise occupied. She balked at the elevator as soon as she saw it. “I’m sorry,” Vance said immediately. “I wasn’t thinking. Where are the stairs?”
She didn’t answer right away. Vance had helped her conquer more than she’d ever expected. Sure, she might not be able spend time in an enclosed space or share a bed with anyone else but him, but if she could do those things, she could surely manage a ride down in the elevator, right? As exhausted as she felt after the long day and the panic attack, the stairs were not appealing in the least.
“It’s okay,” she forced herself to say.
“It’s not a big deal to take the stairs,” he argued.
She shook her head. “I can do this.”
Natalie reached forward and pressed the call button before she thought about it for too long. The doors slid open much sooner than she would have expected. Vance made no move to push her forward. This was her choice and she needed to own it. The three steps it took to place herself inside the elevator were torturous, but she made it. Vance was stoic as he stepped in after her. Getting on was the easy part. Not having a panic attack before they hit the bottom would be the real accomplishment.
They made it down several floors before an unexpected slowing made Natalie do something completely out of character. Vance’s eyes bulged as he stared down at her hand wrapped around his. He barely even seemed to notice the two people who stepped onto the elevator with them, but Natalie was all too aware of their presence.
Given that it was the end of the work day, they were forced to stand together in the little box all the way down to the parking garage. Vance’s poor fingers were completely white by the time they reached the bottom. He almost had to drag her off the elevator once the other two people exited. She half expected him to drag her to her car and shove her in just to get his hand back, but he surprised her by leading her to the wall and pinning her against it.
Really, he was just standing in front of her, but the closeness made it feel claustrophobic. Natalie stared down at their hands. “I can’t let go,” she whispered, somewhat scared that she couldn’t seem to make her hand do what she was telling it to do.
Instead of helping her out, prying her fingers off his hand or something, Vance leaned closer to her. “Do you want to?”
Did she? She knew she probably should let go of his hand, but just like that first accidental touch, his warmth was calming. Logically, she knew his skin wasn’t any warmer than any other person’s, but it felt that way. “No,” she finally said.
Vance’s mouth was suddenly right next to her ear. “Then don’t.”
Turning to meet his gaze, she found herself practically nose to nose with him. An entirely new kind of panic gripped her. A good one. She had never wanted to be physically close to someone so badly in her entire life. It wasn’t the same with Vance as it had been with Thomas. Maybe if it had been the first time she’d found herself calmed by Vance’s touch, it would have seemed strange, but it wasn’t, and she wasn’t just talking about one little accident.
“This isn’t the first time we’ve been this close,” she whispered.
Vance’s eyebrows rose, but he didn’t say anything.
“I know you hold me while I sleep,” she said, feeling suddenly brave. “I usually wake up before you.”
“And it doesn’t scare you?” The question was honest and searching, but there was excitement in his eyes too.
“The first time,” she admitted, “but it felt so…good. And I didn’t have bad dreams, and I didn’t wake up in a panic.”
“But you still don’t let me touch you at any other time.” He glanced down at their hands. “Right now being the exception.”
Natalie couldn’t look away from their hands. “It’s different at other times. Even today. I panicked, and then I just couldn’t let go. In bed, though…it’s safe somehow.”
She looked up at Vance and found his eyes closed and his chest rising and falling faster than usual. “You don’t have to go home after dinner,” he said, eyes still closed, “or I can stay with you.”
“I can’t…anything more than…”
“I know,” he said quickly. “I’m not asking for more, but I don’t want to go to sleep tonight without you. You make me feel safe too.”
Something broke inside of Natalie. A barrier of some kind. Her hand was still linked wi
th Vance’s, and she doubted it would be any easier to make it happen again than it had before, but she wanted to try rather than shy away from it. “Can I bring Gypsy to your apartment?” she asked timidly. “I promise I won’t let her lick you.”
“Absolutely,” Vance said a laugh.
He backed off then, and they walked toward Natalie’s car with their hands still linked. Letting go would be as difficult as taking his hand again, but she knew everything had changed between them in that moment. How exactly, she wasn’t sure, but she was eager and only slightly terrified to find out.
Chapter 26
The Empty Space
They had only been back at Vance’s apartment for ten minutes before the doorbell rang. Natalie’s body instantly went rigid, but Vance stepped up behind her, closer than he would have dared an hour earlier. “It’s all right,” he said softly next to her ear. “I’ll get it. You stay here and see if you can find anything edible.”
His invitation to have her over for dinner should have been preceded by actually planning something. He hadn’t gone out for groceries since Stephanie’s death, and he’d spent almost the entire day out on the balcony because being inside was too suffocating and oppressive.
Natalie’s nod was shallow, but it gave Vance enough confidence to leave her in the kitchen to go answer the door. He wasn’t sure who it might be, but he suspected Guy of dropping by to check on him. When he pulled the door open to find Leila standing in the hall with a takeout bag from Dolcini, his mouth split into a grin.
“You brought me food, but not little Amelie?” Mentioning the baby’s name sent a dagger through his gut that made his smile falter, but he covered it quickly.
“She was sleeping or I would have brought her for a visit. Conrad sends his best, though, both in good wishes and food.” Despite having the heavy bag in one hand, she threw her arms around him as tears welled in her eyes. “Not that you deserve it, you jerk. Shutting us all out like that.”
The Only Shark In The Sea (The Date Shark Series Book 3) Page 22
