Safeword: Matte - In Training

by Candace Blevins

  Why would someone stay in an abusive relationship for so long? And could Sam be sure it wasn’t consensual? Yeah, she was pretty sure she could, but she could take pictures of her own body after some of her extreme sessions with Ethan, and over the course of many years build a case against him, too. It would be her word against his, and who could possibly believe she’d consented to some of the things he did to her? Sam knew the difference from a damaging strike versus a merely painful one, but would most attorneys and judges see the distinction?

  She was in a foul mood when she made it to the dojo, and she didn’t even look at the class as she walked to the dressing rooms. She hung her suit and quickly donned her workout clothes, and the class was doing katas when she joined them. She made her way to the back and followed the pattern.

  The consistent slow movements through steps and positions usually calmed her, but she couldn’t find her center. When the katas were finally over she was relieved when Tom motioned her to the front of the room to spar with him before he assigned everyone else a partner. She couldn’t even look Ethan in the eyes as she walked to Tom.

  “Rough day?” Tom asked.

  “It’s that obvious?”

  “Yes. I’d like you to step outside the dojo and take a few breaths. Dump it in a corner, hang it on a hook...I don’t care how you leave it out there, but I want you centered when you come back. I won’t pull my punches, so if you aren’t centered enough to avoid them you’re going to hurt. Take whatever time you need; I’ll make a round and coach everyone else, so take at least five minutes. If you come back before I’ve completed the round then I’d like you to do handstand pushups without the help of the wall until I return.”

  Sam was smart enough to know this was his way of telling her he didn’t want her rushing back. It was also a reprimand for not having better control. Tom’s dojo wasn’t a place for relieving your frustrations; he expected the participants of this class to have better self-control than to walk in leaking anger all over the place.

  She stepped into the empty lobby and took a seat before closing her eyes and finding her center. She lost all concept of time, and had no idea how many minutes had elapsed when she opened her eyes feeling like a new person. A glance at the clock told her it’d been almost ten minutes, but she knew Tom wouldn’t mind.

  She stepped into the dojo and took her place, pressing into a handstand, finding her balance, bending her arms until her nose almost touched the floor, and pressing back up. She’d managed a half dozen of them when she heard Tom’s voice.

  “Well done, grasshopper.”

  * * * *

  Sam took her time in the shower when the session was over, allowing the scalding water to cascade over the bumps and bruises Tom had given her. He hadn’t been joking about not pulling his punches, and they’d gone at it hard enough towards the end that the rest of the class had stopped to watch.

  She’d felt Ethan’s stare, knew he wanted to step in and save her, and she would be forever grateful she’d found a man to love her who knew when to back off and not play the hero.

  Francisco had tried to intercede at one point, apparently of the opinion Tom was being too hard on her, but she heard Ethan tell him to back off, and remind him if it got to be too much Sam knew how to stop it.

  Cassie’s voice came from outside the curtained shower stall. “You okay in there?”

  “Yeah, I’m good. I should probably go for ice instead of heat, but the hot water feels heavenly.”

  “Most of the guys have already left for the restaurant; are you gonna eat with us?”

  Sam turned the water off and reached for her towel. “Not tonight, Cassie. I think I need to go home and veg out for a while.”

  “I don’t think Ethan’s going to willingly give you any alone time tonight. He’s pacing like a caged lion out there.”

  “Shit.”

  “I’m surprised he didn’t jump in and tear Tom apart. You want to talk about it?”

  Sam wrapped the towel around her torso and opened the curtain. “Nothing to talk about. I had a shitty day and brought it to the dojo. Tom called me on it and sent me outside to get centered, and then gave me the fight I wanted once I’d pulled myself together.” Sam shrugged. “You never know if he’ll help you get it out or assign meditation when you’re upset, but tonight I got what I wanted.”

  “What’s got you so upset?”

  Sam blew out a frustrated breath and pulled jeans out of her bag. “I can’t talk about it. It’s a new client I took on, and I want to ring her neck for getting herself into this situation at the same time I want to step in and save her.”

  Cassie raised her eyebrows. “Save her? Or kick someone’s ass for doing something to her?” She raised her hands. “Yeah yeah, you can’t say. Do you want a girls’ night out? Or do you want Ethan tonight?”

  “Honestly? I just want to go home and be alone, but I probably owe it to Ethan to talk to him.”

  Cassie nodded in agreement. “Okay, I’m gonna meet the gang for dinner then. Call me if you need me?”

  “I’ll be fine, but if I need an ear I’ll let you know.”

  Sam dressed and pulled her hair into a ponytail before leaving the safety of the dressing room to face Ethan. However, Tom flagged her down as soon as she stepped out, and herded her into his office. He motioned her into one of his office chairs as he took the chair behind his desk.

  “When I next see you, I’d like you to be prepared to talk to me about the difference in anger, righteous indignation, revenge, and justice — prepare to stay at least thirty minutes after class. I don’t care if you write a report or give me your findings orally, but once you’ve given your findings and opinions there will be discussion.”

  “I’m sorry I came into your space leaking anger.”

  Tom nodded. “Thank you for that. You have excellent control, and I think you need to get to the bottom of whatever shook it today.”

  Sam smiled. “Because how can I control it until I understand it?”

  Nodding again, Tom said, “I think you were angry on behalf of someone else tonight, but my guess is there’s something in the situation that strikes close to home for it to have affected your control. I don’t need to know any details, just be prepared to talk after Tuesday night’s class.”

  Sam stood and bowed, even though Tom wasn’t big on those traditions with his upper level students. She wanted to show she appreciated his knowledge and assistance.

  When she stepped out, Ethan was leaned against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest, waiting. He opened his mouth to speak, but she held a hand up before he could say anything.

  “I’ll talk,” she said, “but give me a little time to figure out what to say. I’m not up for a crowd right now, but you’re welcome to follow me to my house, if you’d like.”

  * * * *

  Ethan took a second to look at her body language before he gave a quick nod and answered. “I would. How about I stop by the store and get some mint chocolate chip ice cream and meet you at your house?”

  Something had upset his fiancée, but instinct told him he needed to give her some space and let her come to him.

  No sooner than he had the thought, Sam stepped forward and leaned into him. Her arms wrapped around his torso, and when he enfolded her into his embrace, her body relaxed. Ethan felt some of his own tension unwind when she said, “How did I get so lucky?”

  Ethan kissed the top of her head. “I could ask the same. Be careful driving home. I’ll see you soon.”

  Sam was sitting on her bottom front step when he pulled into her driveway. She stood and walked up the steps just before he made it to her, and stayed far enough in front of him he couldn’t reach for her hand until he made it to the door. Since it appeared she wasn’t ready to be touched just yet, he went in and let her follow him to the kitchen.

  Sam heated the fudge in the microwave while he dished the ice cream into bowls, and they worked together in companionable silence as Ethan gave her t
ime to figure out what to say.

  “I’ll let you read the public stuff once I get it together, but this one has years of abuse.” She pulled the microwave open with a little more muscle than necessary, but stirred the topping without showing her agitation. “Broken bones, black eyes, belt marks. She married him right out of high school, and thinks the twenty grand she’s squirreled away in a box is going to be enough to pay my fees and give her and her kids a nice start.”

  Sam was normally super-conscious of respecting her clients’ privacy, and Ethan brushed his hand across her back and pulled her towards him. “You’re telling me more than you’re supposed to.” As much as he wanted to hear what she had to say, he didn’t want her to feel guilty later for telling him more than she should.

  “I know, but…” Ethan let her go as she pushed away and restarted the microwave. “I trust you, and if I don’t talk about this…” She shook her head, unwilling to finish the sentence.

  Sam leaned forward onto the marble counter, her back to Ethan as she braced herself with her palms flat, as if making a conscious decision to keep from balling them into fists. Ethan knew she was using a trick to fool her body into releasing calming hormones, instead of the fight-or-flight hormones, and made a mental note of how hard she was working to maintain control.

  “This woman’s situation bothers me, and I can’t shake it off like I usually do. Maybe it was the x-rays, or the haunted look in her eyes, or, I don’t know. I find myself as angry with her as I am with her asshole of a husband.” Her fingers curled in, and she pushed down with her arms and her fingers slid back out, straight. “Tom doesn’t know any details, but he said he thought something had resonated with me, and that was why I’d lost control.” She shook her head. “He’s usually right about that sort of thing, but I have no idea why this case has me so emotional. I haven’t carried this much frustration out of the office since I was fresh out of law school.”

  Ethan decided he’d given her all the time to work through it without him that he was willing to give. He stepped to her and barely touched her ribs, giving more of a suggestion she should turn than an order.

  Sam rotated towards him and Ethan pulled her to him and kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose, and then her lips. He started slow, with a soft peck, and when she didn’t pull away he bent back down for a longer kiss. Sometimes she needed his overbearing caveman approach, other times she needed a partner who understood her emotions.

  When he finally felt her body relax and flow towards him, he put his hand to the back of her head, tilted it back, and pressed her mouth open with his — capturing, invading, possessing her with the kiss.

  When Ethan finally let her up, he noted her quickened breath and flushed cheeks, but was careful not to look too cocky as he kissed her forehead and turned to retrieve the fudge syrup from the microwave.

  He let her find her equilibrium as he spooned the hot fudge over their bowls of ice cream, and then grinned at her as he pulled a can of whipped cream from the grocery store bag.

  Her happy smile as he dispensed the whipped cream told him he’d done well, and he gave her his cockiest smile as he pulled a jar from his bag and topped her bowl with three shiny red cherries.

  Sam blew him a happy kiss as she accepted the bowl, and he watched her ass as she made her way to the den. Her steps were quick and light once again, and he was delighted he’d been able to help pull her out of her funk.

  When he made it to the den with his own bowl, she was sitting in the middle of the sofa with her legs crisscross and her bowl balanced on a large pillow in her lap.

  Ethan watched as she arranged cold ice cream, hot fudge, and a little whipped cream on her spoon in preparation for her first bite. Her eyes drifted shut as her mouth closed around the obviously heavenly concoction, and she moaned in bliss as she slowly pulled the spoon from her mouth.

  Ethan’s cock stirred and he said, “Should I be jealous? I’m the only one who’s supposed to be able to get those noises from you.”

  Sam grinned. “Sorry, big guy, it’s hard to compete with mint chocolate chip. Besides, you fixed it for me, so in a way you’re responsible. Sort of.”

  “Thanks for trying to boost my ego.” He spooned a bite of his own and asked, “What else did Tom have to say?”

  “He gave me a homework assignment. Wants me to be prepared to explain the difference between anger, righteous indignation, revenge, and justice.” She took another bite and spent a few moments savoring it before adding, “His questions usually send me off in a different direction, and I have a feeling the definitions will help me pigeonhole my emotions better. I feel a sugar rush coming on, wanna go for a run before bed?”

  “Sure, but it was getting a little chilly as the sun went down.” He looked to the window, and back to Sam. She’d get a better night’s sleep if she ran, but he’d been hoping to put her to sleep with sex. Maybe he could make it a quick run by choosing the course. “How about we stay warm by concentrating on the hills and staying away from the flat areas?”

  “Perfect.”

  They finished their ice cream, checked email, changed shoes, and headed out. They agreed on a three-mile route with mostly hills, and by the time they returned Sam’s emotions seemed to be under control.

  “Head on up to the shower and I’ll turn the lights off, lock up, and join you,” Ethan said as they walked in the front door.

  Sam nodded and headed towards the steps, and Ethan began making plans for the rest of the evening as he set the alarm and turned the lights out. He decided to stay away from impact play, at least at first, because she’d said the belt marks and bruises in the pictures had bothered her.

  He decided to press her up against the shower wall and make her stand still so he could wash her, front and back. Maybe he’d make her wash him, when he finished. He’d dry her off, perhaps restrain her arms behind her back and put the anal ring in while he dried her hair, as she had one more insertion to go this evening. Might be fun to make her wear some nipple clamps, too. He’d have to watch her close to make sure he kept her in the right headspace, but he thought he could mix gentle caring with affectionate sadism and make her want the pain.

  She was standing under the water with her face lifted to the flow when he stepped into the shower. His cock was already rock hard, just from thinking of the things he wanted to do to her, and he let her feel it against her back as he turned her towards the shower wall and reached for her hands to place them over her head.

  Her body tensed a microsecond before she twisted, dropped, and shot back up to simultaneously knee him in the nuts and elbow his ribs.

  Ethan froze as every nerve in his groin, thighs, hips, and lower abdomen went white hot with pain. He took a step, and his ribs screamed as he tried to draw air into his lungs. Sam took the opportunity to slide around him and out of the shower, and was a half-dozen steps away before she slowed and turned to look at him.

  “Not tonight Ethan. I’m sorry.”

  Ethan ignored the nausea threatening to overtake him, stood up straight, and stepped out of the shower. Neither bothered to dry off, and the two just stood and looked at each other. Dripping. Silent.

  A quick inventory told Ethan nothing was damaged, just tender, and it was safe to ignore the pain. Without giving her a chance to run again, he stepped to her and wrapped his arm around her, turned her so her back was to him, and pulled her against the front of his body with her arms pressed to her side. He’d managed to catch her off guard, and she was now securely trapped, with no way to escape.

  His Samantha didn’t give up so easily, though, and lifted her foot and brought her heel down hard on the front part of his foot, just behind his toes. She was lining up to kick him in the knee when he dropped to the floor, taking her with him.

  He let her free fall with him until she was close to the floor, when he slowed her descent and made sure she had a gentle landing. She started fighting as soon as she was down though, and he flipped her to her stomach, sat on the back of
her legs, and pulled her arms behind her back. He didn’t realize how angry he was until he pulled her arms farther than he should, and her body went totally still. He took a breath and let her arm back down a half an inch, enough to relieve some of the tension, but not so much she had a chance of escape.

  Ethan had known weeks ago he needed to have a talk with her about how it felt to have to be constantly on edge, permanently ready to defend himself should she decide to lash out because she didn’t feel like submitting at the moment. However, he hadn’t talked with her about it, so he needed to stay calm as he dealt with the current situation. She didn’t know it bothered him, so he couldn’t hold her accountable. Yet.

  Still, they’d agreed from the beginning his nuts were off limits, so perhaps she was wanting more of a fight? Or maybe she’d just acted on instinct and put together the moves most likely to grant her freedom.

  No matter the reason, she hadn’t safeworded, which meant she needed him to be strong.

  “Here’s what I think, Samantha darling,” he growled in his most intimidating voice, with his mouth a few inches from her ear. “If you truly didn’t want to do anything, you’d have asked me nicely. But you chose to fight me, to taunt me. We agreed long ago to leave my nuts alone, and yet you went for them. Why?”

  “I’m sorry,” she practically yelped. “It was just instinct; I didn’t think it through. You pinned me and my body just used reflex to try to get away.”

  He shifted his hands on her wrists, but only to get a better grip. “You agreed I could have your body whenever I want, and you can’t say no. You agreed you belong to me sexually, and I want you.”