Death March to the Parallel World Rhapsody, Vol. 5

by Hiro Ainana

“Are you going to tell the duke about that horn?”

  The horn Arisa was referring to was the “short horn” that could turn humans into demons.

  “Probably. I just want to meet him and get a feel for him first.”

  “Yeah, good idea.”

  Sure, the idea of lesser demons suddenly appearing in cities was scary, but so was the idea of an insurgence bred by paranoia and fear.

  “I never expected terrorists to exist in a fantasy world.”

  “No kidding.” I agreed wholeheartedly with Arisa’s complaint.

  “Um, Sir Viscount, this is rather dangerous, so if you wouldn’t mind…”

  Where we were standing was supposed to be off-limits, but we had managed to get permission at Arisa’s insistent request.

  The guide who was in charge of meeting our needs looked distressed, though, so I returned to the deck with a satisfied-looking Arisa in tow.

  “That’s one more thing I can check off the bucket list from my old life!”

  It seemed she had wanted to reenact a scene from a famous American movie.

  It did seem familiar, and the movie had achieved enough acclaim for me to recognize the title, but I had been too busy with work to see anything but the trailer.

  “Now then, allow me to show you to your rooms.”

  The tour guide led us down the stairs to the guest rooms at the rear of the ship.

  The sizable ship had three floors altogether, including the deck; the second floor had guest rooms and the captain’s cabin; and the third floor had rooms for livestock, cargo, and the sailors’ quarters.

  The old capital was almost two hundred miles downriver, but with the viceroy’s special vessel, we would get there in a scant two days.

  On a normal ship, it would take three or four days with all the stops in the four other cities and towns on the way to the old capital.

  I’d been concerned about seasickness, but the only victims were one of Miss Karina’s maids (who was down within the first half hour of the trip) and Tolma (who went down after an hour).

  There were many others who had never been on a ship before, but nobody else got seasick.

  The tour guide gave seasickness medication to Tolma and the maid, so they would recover soon enough.

  After we put our luggage in the room, I gave everyone some free time.

  “I love this breeze.”

  “Yes, it smells very nice. Like the river and the flora.”

  I leaned back on the sofa that the tour guide had set up for us on the deck and took a sip from a goblet of fruit-flavored water. Instead of a fancy sofa you might see in a noble’s house, this one was simple and moisture-resistant.

  Liza was sitting nearby on a round mat made of woven grass, squinting into the gentle wind that rippled through her vermilion hair.

  Even on the ship, she still had her beloved magic spear close by her side.

  Obviously, wearing armor would’ve been a bit much, though, so today she had put on a simple dress that matched the other kids’ clothing. Each of them had a unique pattern; Liza’s was designed after red flames.

  The other kids were off exploring the ship.

  I hadn’t expected Lulu to join them, but I could understand why her curiosity got the better of her when she’d never been on a ship this size before.

  While I reflected on this, Miss Karina came back from touring the craft.

  “I’ve nothing to do at all.”

  “Lady Karina, why don’t you join the girls in exploring the ship?”

  “…Am I not welcome here, Sir Pendragon?”

  Miss Karina looked down at me with a pout that was almost entirely obscured by her enormous chest. I exchanged glances with Liza, who stood to prepare a spare sofa for her.

  Well, the only “preparation” involved was just removing the waterproof sheet draped over it.

  “Of course you are. Would you like to have a seat?”

  “…Yes, thank you.”

  Miss Karina sat down gracefully on the sofa Liza had readied for her.

  Making a mental note of how the law of inertia affected her giant breasts, I addressed Miss Karina.

  “Would you like some fruit water? It’s quite energizing.”

  “It’s…energizing?”

  “Certainly. It’s like nothing you’ve ever had before.”

  “Energizing… Like nothing I’ve ever…”

  Mumbling something incomprehensible, Miss Karina glanced a few times between my mouth and the goblet I was holding out to her.

  “N-no, thank you, I’m…I’m not terribly thirsty at present.”

  Flushing bright red, she emphatically shook her head and both her hands no. The dance of her magical boobs was captivating.

  I don’t know what she thought I meant, but I suppose a young woman of her age had quite a powerful imagination.

  After a few minutes, she seemed to calm down a little, but she remained scarlet-faced and avoided my eyes.

  Just then, Tama and Pochi returned from their exploration.

  “We’re baaack.”

  “Sir!”

  “Welcome back.”

  I caught them in midair as they leaped at me, placing them on either side of the sofa.

  They looked thirsty, so I offered them more fruit water from the side table.

  “So fizzyyy?”

  “It’s bubbling in my mouth, sir!”

  The two beastfolk girls jumped to their feet on the sofa, staring at the cups they were clutching in both hands.

  Both of them were widening their eyes in surprise. Tama’s tail was even puffed up.

  “Ooh, this is carbonated, isn’t it?! Goodness, it’s been so long!”

  Arisa stole my goblet, took a sip, and exclaimed loudly.

  In this duchy, natural carbonated water existed, so it was sold relatively cheaply in the cities along the great river.

  “Unfair.”

  Mia yanked the goblet from Arisa’s hands and put it to her lips.

  She didn’t seem surprised by the carbonated fruit water, so maybe it was common in the elf village.

  “No need to squabble, girls. There are plenty more cups right there on the table.”

  “You just don’t get it, do you…?”

  “Mm. Dense.”

  That was rude. All I did was point out the obvious.

  Lulu smiled affectionately at the scene as she poured the drink into a new goblet.

  “Lulu, make sure you only fill it halfway.”

  “R-right… W-waah!”

  Lulu panicked as the carbonated liquid started to bubble up.

  Quickly, I scooped away the goblet and slurped up the foam before it could overflow.

  “There, it should be fine now.”

  “Thank you very much, master. Stay still for a moment, please.”

  Lulu wiped away the foam on my upper lip with a handkerchief.

  “Well done, my dear sister. Allow me to dispose of this handkerchief for—”

  “No, thank you, Arisa. I’ll wash it myself.”

  Arisa, who had somehow reappeared next to Lulu, tried to tug the handkerchief out of her sister’s hands.

  While Lulu seemed occupied with their little game, I poured some fruit water for Nana in her place.

  “Thank you, master, I report.”

  “Be carefuuul?”

  “It’s very fizzy, ma’am.”

  Tama and Pochi gave a serious warning to Nana as she lifted the carbonated beverage to her lips.

  “Your advice has been registered. I will be careful, I report.”

  After nodding to Tama and Pochi, Nana took a sip…

  “Master!”

  …and jerked toward me with a doll-like movement.

  “Master, this fruit water is alive, I report.”

  “It’s just carbonic acid. It fizzes because of a chemical reaction.”

  Nana seemed alarmed despite her ever-present blank expression, so I tried to reassure her.

  For a moment, I’d consid
ered making up a story to tease her a little, but I decided against it; she’d probably believe me.

  “Sa— Sir Pendragon, could you perhaps spare a glass for me as well?”

  Miss Karina, who’d been peeking at us surreptitiously for a while, finally gave in to her curiosity.

  “Sure, I’ll pour you one.”

  “Let me take care of that, master.”

  Having triumphed in her battle with Arisa, Lulu returned to her work with a lively smile.

  Tama and Pochi, already tired of the novelty of carbonation, clambered onto the sofa to sit next to me.

  It was meant to be a two-seater, so it was pretty cramped.

  “Togetherrr?”

  “Sir!”

  Once Tama and Pochi were settled on the sofa, Liza handed them the rest of their drinks.

  “I call the lap!”

  Arisa raised her hands demandingly, so I picked her up and placed her on my lap as requested.

  “Mrrrr.”

  Mia grumbled crossly, but there was no space left.

  Instead, she tottered around behind the sofa and sat on the back behind my head, messing around with my hair.

  “Mia, please stop touching my hair.”

  “…Mm.”

  Mia did leave my hair alone, but then she started prodding at my ears with her fingers instead.

  I would prefer only adult women to do that, thanks.

  “It’s disgraceful to be acting so improper this early in the day!”

  Miss Karina, apparently miffed by the perfectly innocent snuggling going on, narrowed her eyes, snatched the goblet Lulu offered her, and knocked it back in one gulp.

  Uh-oh.

  I think everyone else present had the same thought in that moment.

  With a loud sputter, an orange spray arced through the sky.

  Miss Karina, having encountered carbonation for the first time in her life, performed a dramatic spit take, dropping the goblet from her hand.

  The drink sprayed all over poor innocent Lulu, while the goblet bounced off Miss Karina’s ample breasts to nearby Nana’s, then to the ground.

  Oh boy.

  I put Arisa on the floor and stood up, handing out towels from the Garage Bag to the three victims.

  Nana’s and Lulu’s white dresses were soaked through, providing a glimpse of their modern-style underwear beneath. I forced myself to avert my eyes.

  Arisa designed and I tailored the underwear, by the way. The three-dimensional sewing was pretty difficult.

  Miss Karina’s clothes were transparent, too, but the chest wraps of this world didn’t hold any sex appeal for me.

  Speaking of which, I would’ve thought Raka would be able to fend off a goblet— Oh, wait. If Raka’s defense had activated, the fruit water would’ve bounced off it and caused even more damage, so it was probably a deliberate decision.

  “Miss Nana! You mustn’t undress to dry yourself off in public.”

  “But, Lulu! This fruit water must be removed at once for sanitation’s sake, I insist.”

  “No.”

  Lulu and Mia scolded Nana as she tried to take off her clothes.

  “Nana, go back to the room to change. That’s an order. You can dry yourself off there.”

  “…Master, your order has been registered, I report.”

  The sticky soda probably felt pretty gross.

  For whatever reason, there was a short pause before Nana’s reply.

  “Lady Karina, you may change clothes in our room as well, if you’d like.”

  “O-of course.”

  “Lady Karina, please clean me off as well, if you could.”

  Miss Karina was still frozen in place when Raka spoke.

  The unladylike incident must have distressed her, as she had made no effort to cover her chest with the towel.

  Her eyes followed Nana and Lulu to the room. She must have been feeling guilty.

  Taking another towel out of the Garage Bag, I draped it over Karina’s shoulders, hiding her chest.

  “Lulu and Nana aren’t angry. And it’s difficult to look at you without being rude in this state, so please, go ahead and change clothes.”

  At my second prompting, Miss Karina turned red, clutched the towel to her chest, and hurried to the stairs to follow the others.

  In the entrance, I caught her apology to Nana and Lulu thanks to my “Keen Hearing” skill.

  While the crew cleaned the area around the sofa, we stood at the railing on the side of the ship and watched the river go by.

  “Look, look! Mermaids, mermaids!”

  Did you have to say it twice?

  I followed where Arisa was pointing, and sure enough, there they were.

  The AR display called them finfolk—water-dwelling demi-humans.

  There were gillfolk soldiers on the ship, but I hadn’t realized there were other kinds of fish people, too.

  The finfolk were gathering mollusks, prawns, and so on and carrying them to people on a small fishing boat.

  Somehow, they seemed less like beautiful female divers and more like trained cormorants.

  I was content just to watch the little boat, but when the guide noticed, she flagged them down.

  The conversation quickly turned to the buying and selling of marine products, so Liza and I headed over to the lift at the front of the ship.

  Liza, the guide, and I were loaded into a gondola on the lift, which was lowered to the water’s surface so that we could see into the small boat.

  There were mollusks the size of plates, prawns the size of spiny lobsters, and even octopuses that were more than six feet long.

  I didn’t think octopuses could live in fresh water, but I guess there was no point in assuming this world would operate on the same logic as mine.

  “Th-this bizarre creature is edible?”

  “Yeah, it’s called an octopus. I know it looks strange, but it’s actually very tasty.”

  Liza looked alarmed, so I explained.

  She didn’t seem to be aware that she was clinging to my arm in her shock, but I decided it wasn’t worth pointing out to her.

  “Sir Hereditary Knight, how much shall we buy?”

  I figured a prawn for each person, a few mollusks, and three or so octopuses should be enough.

  When I gave my order, the tour guide reacted with surprise.

  According to her, most nobles or people from other territories tended to avoid octopus.

  The price of all the products came to two large copper coins, which was far less than the price my “Estimation” skill suggested.

  “Octopuuus?”

  “Let go, sir.”

  Tama and Pochi caught an octopus as it tried to escape the bucket, only for them to get tangled in its tentacles.

  Fed up with the suckers, Pochi was gnawing ferociously on one of its appendages.

  It might taste good and all, but I wish she would stop biting raw food.

  Tama finally freed herself, then went to join Pochi, scratching at the offending tentacle with her nails.

  Quit playing around and rescue Pochi, would you? It was cute how mad she was, though, so I couldn’t blame Tama for not being more helpful.

  All right, I guess I should help them out…

  “Satou.”

  Hearing Mia call out miserably behind me, I turned to find that she, too, had fallen prey to an octopus.

  If an older woman were in this helpless situation, it might bring to mind some unsavory associations, but with Mia it had no such effect.

  I wished Arisa would rescue her instead of cracking jokes about sexy elves.

  With help from Lulu, who had just returned from changing clothes, I extracted Mia. Meanwhile, Nana and Liza helped Pochi escape.

  “Sticky.”

  Mia looked very unhappy indeed.

  At my request, the tour guide went to fetch some water.

  Behind me, I heard Pochi exclaim, “Help, sir!”

  When I turned, I saw that she was covered in black ink from the o
ctopus. Liza and Tama had managed to dodge it.

  “Master, permission to use Magic Arrow, I request.”

  The octopus they’d removed from Pochi was now entwined around Nana’s upper body.

  Unlike with Mia, this was way too sexual.

  Liza and I pulled the creature off her, but like a skunk defending itself, the octopus managed to shoot off one last ink attack, soaking the shirt that Nana had just changed into.

  “Master…”

  Though Nana was expressionless, she looked miserable as she stared in my direction.

  I got the feeling that she was going to develop an aversion to water.

  Because the ship was in motion, we couldn’t use water in our rooms in case it sloshed over the sides of the container.

  Instead, we had to set up a partitioning screen on the deck for the three octopus victims to bathe behind.

  I stealthily put up an Air Curtain spell around them so that the screen wouldn’t get blown over.

  This was to prevent them from getting colds as much as it was to prevent anyone from seeing them, including myself.

  The knights and sailors were kind enough to turn their backs to the whole affair as they worked. What a gentlemanly lot.

  “Dry.”

  “Please dry Pochi, too, sir.”

  Mia and Pochi came around the screen to ask me to dry them off, but I instructed them to do it themselves and hustled them back behind the screen.

  It wasn’t my fault that I happened to catch a glimpse of Nana in the process. So there was no reason for me to feel guilty.

  “You’re smirking, you know.”

  “Oh, hush.”

  At Arisa’s words, I covered my mouth under the pretense of stretching and yawning.

  Well, since I got to see something good today and all, I might as well try my hand at cooking some octopus myself.

  The guide asked the captain whether I had permission to cook on the ship.

  I was told that it was no problem as long as I didn’t start a fire, so I agreed to use a magic heating tool designed for cooking.

  “Piiink?”

  “Rolled up, sir.”

  Tama and Pochi were gazing curiously at the boiled octopus.

  I sliced it into thin pieces, added herbs, and divided them into small bowls to be pickled.

  “Master, the rice is ready.”

  “Thanks, could you bring it here?”

  I used the rice Lulu brought me to make octopus pilaf. For Mia, I used carrots and broccoli instead of meat to make a vegetable pilaf.