Raging Inferno

by Janine Infante Bosco

  “Don’t get all misty eyed, beautiful. It’s dry as shit,” he says with a wink.

  A beat of silence passes between us as he angles his head and tightens his hold on the bag.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls right away,” he rasps, biting the inside of his cheek as he steals another glance at Christopher.

  “You’re here now,” I say, noting how relieved I sound. “You can come in you know, we don’t bite.”

  His lips quirk as he diverts his eyes back to me.

  “That’s not entirely true,” he teases. “I distinctly remember—”

  “Don’t finish that sentence,” I interrupt. A smile spreads across my lips as I stand from the chair. Sensing his apprehension, I round the bed and make my way towards him. Standing before him, I throw my arms around his neck and lean into him. Unfazed by the scent of smoke clinging to his clothes, I bury my nose in the crook of his neck as he wraps an arm around my waist and drags me closer to him.

  “It’s alright, baby,” he whispers, brushing his lips over the top of my head. “He’s going to be fine.”

  “I know,” I murmur. “I’m just happy to see you,” I confess, pulling away to meet his concerned gaze. “I didn’t realize how much I needed you.”

  “I’m right here, Melissa and I’m not going anywhere,” he says, pulling his hand around my body and lifting it to my cheek. The pad of his thumb caresses my lower lip as he touches his forehead to mine.

  More than anything I want to believe him but if life has taught me anything, it’s that we can plan our forever, but that doesn’t mean we get it.

  “I’m sorry, I’m not usually this needy,” I say, pulling away. “Do you have to go back to the house or are you off?”

  “I’m all yours,” he replies. “I’ll stay as long as you want me.”

  For as long as I live, I’ll never understand why God took Chris from me. It’ll always remain an unanswered question in the back of my mind but I’m thankful he sent me Jimmy. A woman strives to find one great man in her lifetime, I’m lucky to have found two.

  “Why don’t you sit down, and I’ll fix you something to eat,” he says, lifting the bag of food. Before I can do that, the nurse comes back with the Motrin. She explains she’s going to have to wake Christopher and once he takes the medicine, she will start the IV. Without giving me a chance to argue, Jimmy excuses himself, telling me he’s going to head out to his truck and see if he has a change of clothes in the trunk. He places the bag on the small table and gives me a quick kiss before the nurse wakes Christopher.

  I know he’s trying to be respectful and give me my space with my son but, I can’t help but wish he would’ve stayed. Especially when the nurse inserts the line for the IV and Christopher cries hysterically.

  Once the drip is in and he’s taken the Motrin, I crawl into the bed with him and wrap my arms around him. I sing his favorite lullaby and soon he falls back asleep. Twenty minutes later, Jimmy stands in the doorway with his arms crossed taking us both in.

  “He’s a trooper,” he murmurs.

  “You didn’t have to leave,” I whisper, brushing Christopher’s hair away from his forehead. Slowly and carefully, I slide off the bed and tuck him in.

  “We didn’t really discuss how I’d meet your son and I didn’t want to take advantage of the situation,” he explains.

  “I want him to know you,” I reveal, meeting his gaze.

  “Melissa—”

  “I want him to know the man who brought his mother’s smile back,” I continue. “I want him to know the man I’m thankful for.”

  Stepping around the bed, I make my way towards the door and take his hand, pulling him into the room. His hands move to my hips and he draws in a deep breath. Something flickers in his eyes and for a moment I wonder if maybe he’s not ready to meet Christopher.

  “Unless you don’t want to meet him yet,” I murmur, releasing his hands. “I didn’t even think of that. All this time, I’ve been telling myself it’s my call and never thought to ask you your opinion.”

  “Of course I want to meet your son, Melissa,” he rebuts. “I want every part of you, including him. I just don’t want to overstep my bounds but, you never have to wonder if I want you in my life or if I’m ready to take on the biggest part of your life.”

  Reaching up on my tip toes, I wrap an arm around his neck and press my lips to his. I’ll never understand God’s plan but, I may just stop questioning it. Life is too short not to live for the moment and appreciate the blessings it sometimes offers us.

  Jimmy may not have been part of my plan but he sure is a blessing.

  He’s the man I’m most thankful for.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Teenagers Are Evil

  I never did meet Melissa’s son that night. An hour after I forced her to eat something, Gabby called me, revealing she and Lisa had a fight. Just when I thought things might be looking up for my ex-wife and our youngest daughter, the shit hit the fan and Gabby asked me to pick her up.

  Understanding the woes of teenage angst, Melissa encouraged me to take care of my daughter and assured me she and Christopher would be okay.

  Seeing her son in the flesh and how much he resembled his father was a surreal moment for me. It shocked me at how much I wanted to be part of that little boy’s life. It wasn’t so much about loving his mother but more about being there for him as well. Chris would’ve been a great father. He would’ve loved that boy more than anything and part of me wonders if he’d approve of me being in his life, taking the lead and teaching his son the things he would’ve taught him if he was still alive.

  Being a man in my profession, I easily found myself pondering over the kind of man I would want around my daughters if something should ever happen to me and I came to the conclusion that no man would ever take my place. I’m not the greatest father but I’m their father.

  Christopher may have never met his father, but no man will ever compare to his father. He’ll always wish he had been given the chance to meet him and to know how it feels to be loved by him. He’ll look at the man who loves his mother and wish it was his father still loving her. He’ll dream of a life he never knew, a life where his mom and dad lived happily ever after.

  The best I can do is open my heart and hope I’m enough for him. That I can somehow fill part of the void his father’s death left behind. Not just for him but for the man I saved seventeen years ago too and the woman I’ve come to love.

  Resolving that, I also decided it was time to come clean but finding a moment to do that was becoming a task in itself. I would’ve done it last night, but Gabby was home when she stopped over and this morning, well—we got a little carried away in the shower and she was late for work.

  “Dad,” Gabby calls, drawing me away from my thoughts. Following the sound of her voice, I glance over my shoulder and watch her grab the milk out of the fridge. “I spoke to Mommy,” she reveals. “We made up, and she wants to see me.”

  “That’s good news,” I say, bringing my coffee mug to my lips. “Who apologized first?”

  Grabbing a bowl and the box of Cheerios, she walks towards the table and takes a seat. As she pours herself a helping of cereal, she rolls her eyes.

  “There were no apologies made. I think we both are just tired of fighting. I mean, to be honest, I don’t even know why we fought. It’s like I’m overly sensitive to everything she says. Anyway, she asked me to lunch and since it’s a staff development day, I have no school.”

  “You need a lift or is she picking you up?”

  “Would you mind?”

  “Not at all. Let me shower and then I’ll take you,” I say, dropping my mug into the sink.

  “Hmm,” she says, causing me to glance at her. With one eyebrow quirked, she shoves a spoonful of cereal into her mouth and smirks.

  “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “Didn’t you shower already?”

  Shit.

  Being a father of t
wo girls, the one thing I dreaded most was having to deal with boys. I left all the talk of the birds and the bees to Lisa and prayed I never had to deal with it. After all, there is nothing more awkward than having to discuss sex with your teenage daughter. Especially when it’s your sex life being discussed.

  “Eat your cereal,” I grunt.

  “Yes, sir,” she laughs, saluting me. “But, you should tell Ms. Moscato she doesn’t have to sneak out of the house like a gypsy.”

  “Gabby.”

  “I’m just saying,” she adds. “Oh, and she left her bra on the bathroom floor.”

  “For fuck’s sake.”

  “Exactly.”

  Running my fingers through my hair, I open my mouth to tell her the conversation is over but before I can utter a word, my phone dings alerting me of a text. Grateful for the interruption, I grab the phone as my daughter continues to laugh at me.

  Melissa: Hey. I wound up calling out of work. I had a few errands that needed my attention and while I had a sitter, I thought I’d take advantage. Christopher is getting dropped off at one. I was hoping you could meet me at my house and we could take him to the park.

  “What’s the matter?” Gabby questions, causing me to lift my eyes from the screen.

  “Melissa wants me to meet her son,” I mutter.

  “And?”

  And, I’ve got to tell her.

  “I mean if I’m picking up her undergarments I see no reason why you shouldn’t meet her son. However, he’s probably too young to pick up your shorts from the floor.”

  Have kids, they said.

  It’ll be fun, they said.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The Best Laid Plans

  In life, timing is everything.

  Especially with matters of the heart.

  Sometimes, more often than not, we meet the right person at the wrong time. I always believed with my whole heart that Chris and I were meant to be. We were destined to fall in love with one another but, our love was riding on borrowed time.

  Accepting that is a painful pill to swallow but once we do, we clear the path for what will be. It could be days, months or years before it happens—before everything in your life aligns and the right person finally comes into your life at the most perfect time.

  When it happens, you think its luck.

  You think the cloud that’s been following you has finally lost its way.

  It’s none of those things.

  It’s fate, grabbing you and pairing you to your destiny.

  If someone would’ve told me two months ago, I’d be where I am today I probably would’ve laughed in their face. I never thought I would find the courage to move past Chris. I thought I was content living for our memories and our son. I didn’t know there was so much more life for me, so much more love to be found.

  Yes, I said love but, that’s our little secret. I may be courageous these days but, I’m not that brazen. Falling in love is something precious and I want to hold on to it for a little longer before sharing it with the world. Besides, actions speak louder than words. Our actions are the expressions of our hearts. They tell the stories words never can and every day I make a conscious effort to show my love. To breathe my affection.

  I’ve decided its time for Jimmy to meet my son. Unsure how our story would play out, I was hesitant. Christopher has never had a male figure in his life and I didn’t want to confuse him but, Jimmy and I aren’t two ships passing in the wind.

  Like I said, life is about finding the right time and it’s time to introduce one piece of my heart to another. But before I can do that, I need to visit with the other piece.

  The piece I’ll always miss but forever cherish.

  Kneeling in front of the tombstone, I run my fingers over Chris’ name and the scripture engraved into the granite.

  “Hi my love,” I murmur softly. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve visited but, I always think of you and I know I don’t have to come here to be close to you. There is a part of you with me wherever I go and I’ll never let that go.”

  Swallowing, I pause and drop my hands into my lap as I lean back on my haunches.

  “I still close my eyes and see your face. You visit me in my dreams and assure me everything is okay just as you did when you were here. For the longest time, I didn’t believe you. I’d wake from those dreams angry because I thought nothing would ever be okay again. Sometimes you’d tell me to be happy, and those dreams angered me most. How could I ever be happy without you?”

  As the words leave my lips, fresh tears sting my eyes and slide down my cheeks.

  “You knew, didn’t you?” I whisper.

  “You knew he’d come into my life. Part of me wonders if you had a hand in sending him to me,” I whisper. “The selfish part goes as far as believing I have your blessing. I need to believe you’d want me to move on but I want you to know it’s not easy. My love for you didn’t die with you. It still lives inside of me and always will. I need you to know that. I need you to know that while I’m giving another man my future, you will always own my past.”

  Wiping my face with the back of my hand, I draw in a deep breath before bringing my fingertips to my lips. Placing a kiss on them, I touch the stone as I rise to my feet.

  “Look over our son and visit me in my dreams,” I rasp, dropping my hand back to my side.

  It takes me a moment to collect myself before I turn and make my way back to my car. Pausing at the door, I glance back at Chris’ headstone.

  “See you on the other side,” I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat.

  Inside the car, my phone rings and I quickly compose myself before answering Jimmy’s call.

  “Hey,” I greet.

  “Hi beautiful,” he replies. “I just dropped Gab off at Lisa’s.”

  “How’d that go?”

  “Well, they didn’t kill one another so, that’s gotta count for something. I told her to call me if she wants me to pick her up but otherwise, the plan is for her to spend the night there.”

  “Good, I think it will work out,” I say softly. “Are you ready to meet my little guy?”

  “Born ready,” he replies and I can picture the playful smile on his face as he says the words. “Kids love me.”

  “I wonder why,” I tease. I don’t doubt for one second Jimmy is good with children. I’ve seen him with his daughter and though I haven’t met his oldest, he is always talking about her. He’s a great dad and good man. A great role model for my little boy.

  “It’s my Bugs Bunny impression. It gets the kids every time.”

  “It’s you,” I correct. “Just you.”

  “Ah,” he starts. “I recall you saying that this morning too. You remember, don’t you? It was right after I fucked you in the shower.”

  That’s another thing about Jimmy. As much of a gentleman as he is, he also loves his dirty talk. Confession? I love it too. In the two months, we’ve been sleeping together, I’ve learned to express what I like in the bedroom—something I was never quite comfortable doing. Dirty talk is at the top of the list.

  “If you behave maybe we can reenact that scene.”

  “As tempting as that is, it will have to wait until tomorrow. Frankie needs me to cover him tonight so after we take your little guy to the park I got to head to the firehouse.”

  I’m still adjusting to the lifestyle of a fireman and finding my place next to a hero is trying at times but if he can brave ablaze, I can brave a smile and support him.

  “Tomorrow then. You, me, the shower and that dirty mouth of yours.”

  “It’s a date,” he agrees.

  We exchange a few more words before disconnecting the call. Twenty minutes later, I pull into my driveway and find Jimmy waiting on my stoop. Shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans, he leans against the banister and gives me a low whistle as I climb the stairs. I playfully smack his arm and lean into him, pressing my lips firmly to his.

  “Hi,” I murmur.

&nb
sp; “Hi yourself,” he replies, wrapping his arms around my waist. He pulls me closer and deepens our kiss, distracting me so much that I don’t hear the car pull up or the door shut. No, it isn’t until my son is shouting for me that Jimmy and I are on my front porch kissing in front of Chris’ mother.

  “Mommy!”

  Pulling pack, I quickly turn my attention to my son who is running toward me. Opening my arms, I bend down and wrap them tightly around him before lifting my eyes to the woman who would’ve been my mother-in-law, Bea.

  Only her eyes never find mine. Instead, they widen with shock and lock with Jimmy’s. A million explanations run through my mind as I straighten up and prepare myself for her questions. Remembering my son and knowing this isn’t a conversation for him to be listening in on, I decide to bring him in the house but, I don’t get the chance to.

  “Jimmy?” Bea questions in disbelief. “Oh my God, it’s really you isn’t it?”

  “Bea,” he acknowledges, stepping next to me. “It’s been a long time.”

  Following the exchange, my eyes dart between them trying to understand how they could possibly know each other.

  “You know one another?” I question, looking at Jimmy.

  Diverting his eyes to his shoes, he runs his hand down his face and I know something is terribly wrong. It’s confirmed when he lifts his head and meets my questioning eyes with regret.

  “Of course,” Bea says, climbing the stair. “This man saved Christopher’s life,” she reveals, throwing her arms around his neck. “He’s the fireman who rescued him from the elevator.”

  The world isn’t supposed to implode twice in a single lifetime and yet it does. Unable to form a single sentence, I stare in complete and utter shock as Bea pulls away from Jimmy and turns to me.

  “This is the man you were telling me about?” she asks, looking between us.

  “Melissa,” Jimmy rasps, reaching for me.

  Slapping his hand away from me, I take a step back.

  “Don’t touch me,” I order. “Bea, would you please take Christopher in the house?”