Forgiving Lies fl-1

by Molly McAdams

  “I love seeing you there,” Kash said roughly as he crawled in with me. He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to him. “Are you okay after that?”

  I snuggled in closer to his hard chest and sighed happily. “Much better than okay. I—” I broke off and kissed his warm skin.

  “You what?” When I didn’t respond, he tilted my head back and searched my eyes. “What, Rach? You can tell me.”

  Wishing I’d kept my mouth shut, I smiled softly and internally cringed, hoping I wouldn’t ruin this night. “I was afraid I’d end up breaking down during. I was afraid he would find a way to ruin this for me.”

  “Did—”

  “No!” I cut him off quickly and tightened my hold on his waist. “No, everything with you is just—it’s perfect.” I shrugged and hoped he could see the sincerity in my eyes. “It was just you; I felt safe and cherished, like I always do with you.”

  He kissed me softly. “I do cherish you. I love you, Rachel.” My chest warmed as I whispered my love for him back. He held me close and I was almost asleep when he said softly, “You begin school again soon. He’ll be there, and I—I don’t know how to protect you if I don’t know who he is.”

  “It doesn’t matter. He won’t do anything at school, and you wouldn’t be able to protect me from him anyway. You can’t go to my classes with me. It just—it doesn’t matter. He won’t bother me there.”

  “I wish you would tell me.”

  “Why, Kash? So you can have a name? It won’t change anything.”

  He opened his mouth but then shut it and breathed heavily through his nose. “Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have asked again. I don’t want this between us right now. I just want you.”

  I kissed his jaw and silently cursed myself for saying anything. Relaxing into his embrace and the pillows, I tried to go over every second that I’d just shared with Kash and attempted to push thoughts of Blake away. After a few minutes of my internal battling, Kash began humming “Fall into Me” by Brantley Gilbert and I felt my body fully relax into him. I hadn’t even realized I’d tensed up again.

  His lips brushed across my cheek and he broke off humming to whisper in my ear, “Sleep, Rach. I’ll keep you safe.”

  When he continued, he wasn’t humming anymore; he was whispering the words, and my heart swelled. Sleep came quickly in Kash’s arms as he softly sang to me. If I hadn’t been sure before, I was now. I wanted to spend forever with this man.

  11

  Rachel

  WORK WAS PICKING up now that summer was coming to a close and more people were returning from their vacations. I didn’t have time to sit there just talking with Kash at the bar, but it didn’t matter. The steady flow of customers made the work hours fly by, and then it was just Kash and me when it was all over. We didn’t spend every night together, but more often than not, we both ended up in one of our beds. I preferred those nights. I’d never slept as well as I did with him, but with how raw our relationship was, it was good that we still spent some nights apart.

  I grabbed for four bottles of beer and giggled against his lips when Kash leaned over the bar and pulled me in for a slow kiss. A few of the people around us hollered and a couple jokingly told us to get a room, and my face was bright red by the time we broke apart. We didn’t show affection often at work, but we had an understanding: if someone was hitting on one of us, the other made sure to let him or her know we were taken and not interested. My eyes glanced over the people sitting at the bar and spotted a few girls at the end who had witnessed the exchange and were whispering to each other. I couldn’t hide my smile and winked at Kash as I grabbed the bottles and turned to take them to the awaiting group of businessmen.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket as I checked to see if they were ready to order yet, and after getting their order put in, I walked back toward the kitchen. As soon as I was around the corner, I pulled my phone out and my blood ran cold.

  BLAKE:

  I saw that

  Oh my God, he’s here. My body started shaking and my breathing turned shallow. I looked around the empty, short hallway and had begun putting my phone back in my pocket when it vibrated again. I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled in two deep breaths before looking down again.

  BLAKE:

  And I didn’t like it. You seem to have forgotten whom you belong to.

  A whimper escaped my throat and I turned to run into the women’s restroom. I threw up bile and continued to dry-heave for a few minutes before sliding down the wall to the ground.

  “Rach? Are you in here, sweetie?” Tina appeared in the stall—I hadn’t had the time to shut and lock it when I ran in there—and her hands flew up to her mouth, then shot out in front of her. “Oh no, are you okay?”

  Was I okay? No. I was definitely not okay. I was the opposite of okay. I was freaking the fuck out and coming dangerously close to hyperventilating and dry-heaving again. My hands shook as I pushed a few loose strands of hair away from my face.

  “Do you want me to get Kash?”

  “No!” Kash would flip the second he knew who was here. My mind ran wild with different possible scenarios. Kash beating the shit out of Blake and getting fired. Kash making me quit work and hiding me in his apartment. I never wanted to see Blake again, but I knew Kash would try to protect me and would go way overboard. “No, I’m fine, Tina. I just . . . got sick for a minute. But I’m fine.”

  “You sure? Do you want me to tell Rod that you need to go home?”

  Yes, I wanted to go home. But if Blake was here, he could follow me. And Kash was here; he wouldn’t let anything happen to me. “No, really. I need a few minutes and I’ll be fine.”

  She looked at me, a little unsure at first, then smiled sadly. “Okay, well one of your orders is up, but I’ll get it taken out to the table.”

  “Thank you, Tina. I’ll be right out.”

  Once she was gone, I pulled myself up and had to grip the wall when I thought I’d fall right back down. When I regained my ability to stay standing and breathe normally, I went to the sinks and washed my hands. The cool water felt so good I let it run all over my arms and splashed a bit on my face. After drying back off, I shook out my body and chanted to myself that we were in public. That he wouldn’t do anything to me here, and the worst he could do he’d already done. I could do this.

  I opened the door and walked out of the hall and into the packed restaurant, and I realized, no. I could not do this. My eyes darted around the customers in search of a mentally disturbed Adonis, and I silently prayed he’d left while I was in the restroom. When I didn’t see him, I went back into the kitchen, picked up my next order, and delivered it to the table. Checking on the rest of my tables and refilling drinks didn’t ease any of my worry or occupy my mind like I’d hoped it would. I was afraid to look anywhere but straight ahead of me, and my heart stopped each time I had to turn around.

  Walking back to the bar for refills, I went over to where Bryce was mixing drinks and gave him my order. I couldn’t face Kash right now. He would know something was wrong . . . he would—

  “Babe, you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost. Did something happen?”

  —do that. “I’m fine.” I tried to smile at him, but it felt wrong and his expression told me he wasn’t buying it for a second.

  “Rach, don’t lie to me.”

  Bryce’s eyes bounced between us as he handed me my drinks.

  “I’m fine,” I repeated, and thanked Bryce before taking the drinks to the table.

  Making my way across the restaurant to clear off an empty table, my body froze and all the air left my lungs in one hard rush when I heard him directly behind me.

  “To refresh your memory, sweetheart, you belong to me.”

  Please let this be a nightmare. His large hand touched my lower back as he came up to my side and my body began shaking.

  “Long time, no see,” he said, and lowered his voice. “Hiding, Rachel?”

  Oh God, did
Candice tell him where I work? “Leave me alone.” I hated how small my voice sounded, but I couldn’t force out anything more than a whisper. I refused to look over at him, and when he stepped closer, I dropped my head to stare at the floor.

  His other hand came up to my stomach and brushed gently back and forth, just above the top of my shorts, and I prayed I wouldn’t start dry-heaving in the middle of the restaurant. “Never. I gave you the summer to realize that you needed me, wanted me. Obviously you need more time, but make no mistake, you are mine. What I’m not okay with is someone else touching you. Kissing you.”

  “Please leave.”

  “Who is he, Rachel? Boyfriend? Fuck buddy? And before you answer that, know that either of those two answers would be the wrong one.”

  “Rach, everything okay here?” Kash grabbed the arm farthest from Blake and pulled me into him. Blake’s fingers dug into my back momentarily, but he let me go. I still couldn’t take my eyes off the floor.

  “Everything’s fine. We were just catching up for a second,” Blake answered. His voice had dropped the threatening tone and was the smooth and silky voice everyone else knew and loved. “I haven’t seen Rachel since school ended.”

  “Babe . . . ,” Kash whispered softly.

  Blake’s arm shot out in front of me and I cringed back. “Blake West. Rach and I go way back.”

  “Logan . . . Hendricks. Rachel’s boyfriend.” He accepted Blake’s hand and shook it hard once before dropping it.

  “You’re a very lucky guy,” Blake said tightly. “Rachel is extremely picky when it comes to dating and has broken more than a few hearts with her rejections.”

  No one said anything as I was caught in the middle of a testosterone-filled staring contest. Kash’s hand ran up and down my back slowly and Blake finally cleared his throat.

  “It was good to meet you, Logan. Take care of Rachel for me, will you?” He took a step closer and Kash’s hand stopped on my back. I could feel his body vibrating as it tensed up. “I’ll be talking to you very soon, Rach.”

  As soon as he left, I took in a deep breath and Kash leaned close to kiss my cheek and whisper in my ear, “Who was that and how do you know him?”

  “That’s Candice’s cousin.”

  “I thought you said you had a bad history with him,” Kash said accusatorily as he held me close.

  “I do.”

  “Then why the fuck was he touching you?”

  I’d been afraid Kash would overreact if he knew what was going on, but none of that mattered now that I’d seen Blake and his hands had been on me again. Everything in me was screaming to pull Kash into the back and tell him exactly who Blake was to me. But I didn’t want to voice those words at all, and especially not at work. I couldn’t break down in front of everyone. I needed a distraction. Or to leave. Something, anything to take my mind off Blake.

  “Rachel, can you help me with table twelve? I have a party of ten that is driving me crazy.”

  Big party. Distraction. I almost cried out in relief. I nodded my head at Amy and began pulling away from Kash. He tightened his arms around me and I looked into his concerned eyes, which didn’t match the furrowed brow and set jaw.

  “No more shields. We’ll talk later tonight. But we are talking about him.”

  “ ’Kay.” I forced out the word, and when I turned this time, he let me go.

  The next three hours dragged. Every time the door opened, I was afraid it would be Blake walking in again. And every time I had to go to the bar or looked over at it, Kash was staring at me with the concerned/pissed look. How he managed to look both, I didn’t know. But he had it nailed. He waited for me to get off and followed me home on his motorcycle.

  “Are you ready to talk now?” he asked as we walked toward my apartment.

  “Not really, can we do this tomorrow?” My body had been tensed and my breathing ragged for the last few hours. I was exhausted and felt like I didn’t have long before I collapsed and didn’t move for an entire day. All I wanted to do was get out of the clothes that Blake had touched and make myself clean again.

  “No, we can’t. Because I had to watch another guy touch you. I had to sit there and watch another guy whisper in your ear. And you’ve been avoiding me since you saw him. You told me you had bad history, and that sure as shit isn’t what it looked like. So we’ll talk about him now,” he demanded as we walked through the door.

  I looked up and saw Candice standing in the kitchen and felt a small stab of betrayal. Had she told Blake where I was? She took one look at us and her eyebrows shot up.

  “Just the girl I wanted to see,” Kash declared, and clapped his hands together loudly once. “What is Blake West to Rachel?”

  Oh shit.

  Candice’s eyes went wide. “My cousin? He’s her ex. They dated a couple months ag—”

  “He is not my ex!”

  Kash’s eyes narrowed. “So you’re still with him, is that what you’re saying?”

  “No!”

  Candice put something back in the fridge and walked quickly to the front door. Pointing awkwardly in the direction of the guys’ apartment and waving, she opened the door. “I’m just going to see what Mason’s up to.”

  I turned for my room and practically ran in there. I needed to get out of those clothes.

  “Rachel. I’m not going to do this with you. Tell me who he is, or I’ll just go with my original assumption. Now that I think about it, you were acting weird before I saw you with him. Was it because he and I were in the same place? You didn’t want your two boyfriends to accidentally run into each other?”

  “He was never my boyfriend!”

  “Well then what, Rachel? You don’t just act like this for no reason. You don’t just shut me out. And he was touching you, Rach. So explain it.”

  Stop reminding me that he was touching me! I quickly took my shorts and shirt off and threw them into the trash in the bathroom. Turning the shower on high, I reached for the hook on my bra and shrugged out of it and my underwear.

  “That’s not the hamper,” he said drily, and scoffed when I didn’t respond. “So this is how you’re going to do this. Just ignore me? You can’t even be decent enough to tell me about him? To break up with me like a normal person?”

  “I’m not breaking up with you!” I practically shrieked, and tried to step into the shower, but Kash caught my arm and I turned on him. “Who do you think he was, Kash? Who the fuck do you think he is to me?”

  “Other than Candice’s cousin, I don’t know! I want you to explain what I saw.” He reached around me and tried to turn off the shower but I smacked his arm back.

  “No! I need to get clean, please!”

  “You can take a shower after we’ve talked this out.”

  “Think about it!” I shrieked, and whirled on him. “Did I look like I was enjoying seeing him? I couldn’t even look at him. Think about when Candice said I was ‘dating’ him. Think. About. It.” Steam was filling the tiny bathroom and again, I tried to go into the shower. I just needed to wash him away. “Please, let me get clean,” I cried.

  “Clean,” he whispered like that word had finally sunk in, and sucked in a quick gasp. “Oh my God, Rach—”

  “I hate him, Kash. I hate him with everything in me. If I never see or hear from him again, it will be too soon! He tried to ruin me. And today—he saw us kiss. He started texting me. He said I forgot who I belonged to.”

  Kash’s hand dropped from my arm and I cried in relief when my body hit the stinging water. I grabbed a loofah and poured shower gel on it before hastily scrubbing at my body. I was grabbing for more shower gel when Kash caught my wrist. I looked up at him and saw his horrified expression.

  “Baby, please—don’t . . . don’t tell me he was right there and I did nothing.”

  My jaw trembled and I blinked back the tears that began to cloud my vision.

  Kash’s face drained of color and his shoulders slumped. “Son of a bitch. You said he worked at UT, I thought—I
thought he was a professor. I was expecting some old, sick bastard, not . . . that.”

  I shook my head quickly and began scrubbing myself again. “He’s a personal trainer there. He’s only twenty-six.”

  His body swayed before going rigid, his eyes wide. “And he’s Candice’s cousin? Her goddamn cousin raped you?!”

  Sobs filled the bathroom and I continued to scrub vigorously. “That’s why she didn’t believe me,” I explained when I could take a deep enough breath in. “She was so mad, said I was just accusing him because I didn’t want to date him.”

  “What the fuck? She—how could she—”

  “He’s her family. She loves him, I get it.”

  “There’s nothing to get. That shouldn’t make a difference. Rachel, I’m so sorry. I’m . . . I’m sorry.” He grabbed the loofah out of my hand and tossed it in the tub. Cupping his hands to catch the water, he tried to help wash the suds off me and turned the water off when I was soap free. “You don’t need to get clean, baby. You aren’t dirty. You’re okay.” He wrapped a large towel around my body and pulled me close as I trembled. “You’re okay. I’m so sorry I didn’t realize, I’m sorry I was upset with you.”

  I face-planted into his chest and let him lead me into my bedroom. Letting me go for a moment, he flipped off the lights, quickly undressed until he was only in his boxer-briefs, and walked back up to me. Grabbing the comforter off the bed, he had me let go of the wet towel and let it fall to the floor before wrapping me up in the comforter. I climbed onto the bed after him, and he got under the sheet and pulled me close to him, his arms tightening around my shaking body.

  “I’ve got you,” he whispered against the top of my head. “You’re safe.”

  My eyes shut and my body melted against his. I focused on nothing but his arms holding me close, the sound of his steady breaths, and his soothing words. Nothing else mattered as long as I was in his arms.