In the Face of Adversity

by Peter Martin

  ‘Time to go. Need a shower, and we’d better get out of these dirty clothes.’

  Billy was heartbroken, and his father said, ‘Look, we can come again, can’t we? Perhaps next weekend, if I’m not working.’ He placed an arm around his son’s shoulders, but Billy shook him off. He’d heard this before, always too busy, and something usually came up to spoil it for them.

  As they turned into Clifton Street, he saw an unknown car parked at the end of the road in front of the house, its boot open. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up as he saw his mother coming out of their house with a suitcase, which she struggled to get into the boot. Straight away he stopped dead in his tracks. His father followed Billy’s gaze.

  They glanced at each other, lost for words. But when a female carrying a bag came out, Billy instinctively knew it was the Simpson woman. The colour drained from his dad’s face as he shouted, ‘Hey, what are you doing over there?’

  No one appeared to hear him.

  ‘What’s going on, Billy?’

  Remembering the scene in the bedroom, Billy stammered, ‘I don’t know, Dad.’

  Jane Simpson tapped his mum on the shoulder, alerting her to their return. The two women hurried back inside.

  ‘Well, we’d better find out, hadn’t we? Come on,’ he shouted, rushing forward.

  His dad entered the house first, pushing the front door back so hard it slammed against the wall. Billy rushed in and stood by his father’s side. The women were on the landing, carrying yet more bags.

  ‘And what the hell are you up to, Maggie?’

  ‘I’m leaving you,’ was her answer.

  ‘You what! Why? You’re going nowhere. You were going to sneak off while I was out with Billy. What kind of person does that? To desert your family? For what? Don’t tell me it’s for her.’

  ‘You shouldn’t have come back early, Thomas. Well, that’s bad luck, you’d have found out sooner or later anyway.’ She stared straight at him.

  ‘Too right I would. What were you going to do? Leave me a pathetic note? Haven’t got the guts to tell me, have you? Unbelievable. And here’s me thinking you were on the mend.’ Thomas’s face registered total disgust.

  ‘I told you a long time ago, I’m attracted to women and men.’

  ‘Yeah, but that was before Billy was born. You’ve never mentioned it since.’

  ‘I’ve always been like it and the more I fight it, the worse it gets. It broke my heart to lose Katie and even though I love Billy to bits,’ she smiled at him, ‘I can’t live a lie any longer. It would have been better if we hadn’t married or had children. But at least now I’m able to come to terms with who I am.’

  On hearing all this Billy felt sick, understanding only too well what his mother had said.

  ‘I don’t believe you. This is all to do with losing our Katie, isn’t it?’

  ‘No, it’s you, Thomas. Always has been. You got me pregnant with Billy, so we had to get married. Then again, three years later, when I had Katie. Well, your devious scheming won’t work any longer.’ She wiped tears from her eyes, looked at Jane waiting on the stairs before continuing, ‘And where were you when Katie was ill? I had all the worry. As soon as you got back from work you were off down the pub. Have you any idea what that did to me? To have all that on my own. Jane got me through this. Not you. She’s made me feel wanted again. And you wonder why I want to leave.’

  ‘What? You can’t. Somebody had to go to work, especially when you left your job to care for Katie. And now you’re prepared to give up everything for that woman. What about our son? You seem to have forgotten about him. You were about to walk out on him too.’

  She turned to face Billy. ‘I’m so sorry about this. I haven’t forgotten you, as your father says. I’d planned to ring later, to ask you to come and live with us, but I suppose you’d rather be with him …’

  The question went unanswered. Billy wanted to scream. Why couldn’t they be one big happy family again? Now, just when he was beginning to cope with Katie’s passing, his mum and dad were splitting up. Nobody cared about him.

  ‘Dad, what are we going to do?’ he said tearfully, biting down on his bottom lip. ‘You’ve got to stop her.’

  ‘What do you think I’m trying to do? Don’t worry, she won’t go. I’ll talk her round.’

  Billy couldn’t help feeling his dad was living on another planet if he thought that. This was all down to that Simpson woman. She’d wheedled her way into his mum’s life at a vulnerable time after Katie’s death.

  Jane Simpson came down the stairs, pulling his mum by the hand. His dad stood in their way at the bottom, his face like thunder, looking as if he wouldn’t let her leave without a fight. The women stopped a few feet from him.

  ‘Move, Thomas.’ She always used his full name when they were arguing or had fallen out.

  ‘I won’t let you go – you’re married to me, this is your home … our home.’ Sweat beaded on his father’s brow. ‘You’re just being silly. We can sort this out. If you won’t stay for me, stay for our son.’

  ‘Don’t bring him into this. This is between me and you. You may as well know, Jane and I have somewhere to live. It’s not much, but it’s away from you, and that’s all that matters.’ She moved down a step closer, calling his bluff.

  ‘You’re not going anywhere,’ his dad said, standing firm.

  The Simpson woman sighed, shaking her head. ‘For God’s sake, do us a favour and shift.’

  ‘Yes. Don’t make this any harder than it already is, Thomas,’ Maggie said, trying to push him out of the way.

  He remained still. ‘I don’t care, you’re not seeing things as they really are.’

  ‘Oh, but I am. It’s you that won’t accept the truth. Please, Thomas, this won’t get you anywhere. You’re just delaying the inevitable.’

  Billy’s world crumbled before his eyes.

  As his father moved out of the way, he said, ‘You’re making the biggest mistake of your life.’

  It was over. Billy’s family would never be the same again. No point in pleading with her to stay, her mind was made up.

  In reply to her husband’s fury, she said, ‘Maybe I am, but it’s my decision.’ She walked past him, Simpson close behind.

  ‘Well, go then, but when she finds herself another girlfriend, don’t come running back here.’

  The statement hit the mark. She turned to her son and with her eyes wide and brimming full of tears, said, ‘Won’t you come with us?’

  Billy felt betrayed and looked away. From the footpath he watched them put the rest of the luggage in the boot. And as they got in the car, Billy’s dad made a last-ditch attempt to ask her to stay. But she ignored his pleas. Now, standing by his father in silent disbelief, Billy watched the car drive off into the distance.

  Heads down, they went back inside to the kitchen-diner, the room formerly considered the hub of the house. A small breakfast bar jutted out where a dividing wall had been, behind which stood a circular dining table and four chairs. He remembered happy times there, playing games with Katie before she became ill.

  Thomas slumped down onto a seat in the far corner and Billy sat opposite.

  Not knowing what to do or say, he felt butterflies churning in his stomach. After a while his dad got up, his face red, his fists bunched up. He kicked the dining table in front of him, sending the fruit bowl and its contents flying all over the carpet.

  ‘Why did she have to do this?’ he shouted, paying no attention to the broken glass and fruit on the floor.

  Billy didn’t answer, and rushed over to the sink unit for the dustpan and brush to sweep up the bits and pick up the fruit.

  ‘I always did my best for you and your mum, despite what she said. And this is the thanks I get. How could she leave me for ... for another woman? It’s not decent!’ he raged.

  ‘What will we do?’

  ‘How the hell do I know? Perhaps she’ll come home. Eventually!’ he snapped. ‘Sorry, son, I didn’t mean to
bite your head off.’ Tears came into his eyes as he leaned down to hug Billy.

  ‘Will she change her mind, Dad?’

  ‘Possibly, once she’s calmed down and realised her mistake. Perhaps it’s my fault; I should have helped more, but …’

  Billy turned away, having seen his giant of a father reduced to tears. His large shoulders sagged, his short, black hair was bedraggled and his deep-blue eyes red and blotchy. But it was impossible to say who was to blame. Maybe his dad should have been at home more, but he had to earn a living. And he hadn’t broken up the marriage by having an affair; that was down to Billy’s mum. And they’d all suffered because of Katie’s cancer.

  Now, sitting opposite his father once more, he saw pain and sadness etched on his face. Billy wondered why this had happened so soon after Katie’s death. Neither of them deserved this.

  Later in bed, he felt in a quandary, having known a few weeks ago about the Simpson woman and his mum. Maybe he should have told him. But judging by his behaviour today, he wouldn’t have believed it anyway. And the outcome would have been the same.

  These thoughts coming into Billy’s mind caused him to suffer a restless night. Each time he dropped off, visions of his mum and that Simpson woman kissing each other and laughing appeared. On one occasion he cried out, waking up to find the bed wet with sweat. Opening his eyes, he saw his dad standing before him with his hair sticking up and red swollen eyes. In any other situation his appearance might have been comical.

  ‘Billy, it’s all right. I’m here,’ he whispered. ‘You were just having a bad dream.’

  Billy didn’t answer, frightened of what might happen to them. If his dad couldn’t cope and Billy was forced to go to his mum, she may not want him after he’d chosen to stay with his dad. And he dreaded living in the same house as that Simpson woman. How would he survive on his own? These gloomy thoughts were interrupted when his father said, ‘Don’t worry, Billy. Even though your mum’s not here, things won’t change much. I’ll be your mum and dad rolled into one. It might be fun, just you and me. We can do as we like, and no one will nag us.’

  Realising that his dad was trying to be positive, Billy smiled.

  Thank God it’s Saturday, Billy thought when he woke up the next morning. After yesterday life could only get better. Perhaps by Monday, when he was due to return to school, his dad would be okay with the situation. However, as the day wore on, his dad looked pale and seemed edgy. He kept staring at the phone, almost willing it to ring. And he frequently got up to look through the living-room window. Did he really expect Billy’s mum to come back?

  Then, during the evening, he suddenly stood up. ‘Can’t take any more of this. I need to get out. It’s driving me nuts in here. Let’s take a trip down the pub. I need a drink to steady my nerves.’

  Billy’s stomach flipped. Oh no. What if his dad drank too much again, and someone upset him? It had happened before; his father had a short fuse after a few drinks. Billy had been playing with a boy from the next table, when the boy caught his drink with his elbow and spilt his Coke all down Billy’s top. The boy’s father laughed it off, but Billy’s dad went mad. He hit the man in the face and a fight ensued. Both Billy’s family and the other boy’s family were thrown out. How embarrassing, Billy had thought. Well, if he did that tonight it would only add insult to injury, and make him feel a right fool in the morning.

  During the walk to the Hare and Hounds his dad became more talkative, and seemed happier once they were sitting in the pub’s children’s room. But he was determined to drink one pint after another. At some stage tonight all hell would break loose. Luckily, however, perhaps because they were in the children’s room and not the public bar, the evening passed without a hitch.

  Now, walking back home, he realised his father had had one drink too many when he draped an arm around Billy’s shoulder and started to hum quietly.

  ‘Not a bad night after all, son. Even if I do say so myself.’

  ‘Brilliant, Dad.’

  ‘I don’t miss your mum as much as I thought I would.’

  ‘Me neither.’

  ‘Had my doubts earlier on, but things could be a lot worse. I’ve still got you, and that’ll more than help me get through the day,’ he said, laughing.

  ‘Hope so,’ Billy agreed, wondering if this was the beer talking. Once he sobered up, he’d be miserable again.

  After a quick wash he went straight to bed, and he’d almost dropped off when his dad came into his room, and with him a strong smell of whisky.

  ‘We’ll be fine, me and you, so don’t you worry. You sleep well now, eh?’ He stooped down, kissing his son on the forehead.

  Billy smiled. From his father’s bloodshot eyes and unsteady gait, he was anything but ‘all right’. In fact, Billy had never felt so insecure in his life.

  CHAPTER 3

  Over a year had passed since his mum’s departure. Looking back, the time had gone quickly. His dad had been wrong about believing she’d return. They’d neither seen nor heard anything of her. Billy was hurt. No present or card came at Christmas, or on his birthday. And she hadn’t written or phoned either, as she’d promised. His father talked about her constantly, making excuses for her, assuming she’d come home once she felt better. Billy didn’t agree: he knew better. Yet he missed her, though he hated to admit it.

  <><><>

  It was cold for early November and winter was on the way. Billy had just got back from school. He opened the door and went in. On the hall mat lay half a dozen letters. Picking them up, he walked to the kitchen and placed them on top of the bread bin. After pouring himself an orange juice, he sat down at the far end of the room and switched on the television. Even now, at this time of the day he still missed his mum; she’d always been there for him when he came home.

  After tea Billy remembered the letters and passed them to his father, who put them on the table unopened. From the logo on the envelopes he could tell a couple were gas and electricity bills. With raised eyebrows his dad tore open one marked Confidential and unfolded it.

  The colour drained from his face, the paper shaking in his trembling hand. Finally, he balled up the letter and threw it against the wall.

  Tentatively Billy asked, ‘Is everything all right, Dad?’

  ‘Not really. It’s from your mum’s solicitor. She wants a divorce. “Due to irreconcilable differences”, it says. That Jane Simpson is twisting her mind and there’s nothing I can do.’ He hit the table with the palm of his hand.

  ‘Oh, no.’

  ‘I was so sure she’d come back … Seems I got that wrong.’

  ‘Sorry, Dad,’ Billy said, unable to look him in the eye.

  ‘What do I do? I don’t want a divorce; I want her back. But if I say no, it’ll only prolong the agony. And there’s you to consider. I’d like you to stay with me, but if your mum demands custody, I might lose you.’ His father scratched the back of his head, drumming the fingers of his other hand on the table.

  ‘Please don’t make me live with Mum and that woman, I want to stay with you.’ Billy’s heart began to beat ten to the dozen.

  ‘I bet she won’t ask for custody. After all, she hasn’t bothered to get in touch, and she even forgot your thirteenth birthday. If I give her what she wants, perhaps she’ll let me keep you. If I fight it, she might take you out of spite.’ His face was now grey.

  Over the past few months the change in his father had been dramatic; he’d put on weight, looked older, and never laughed any more.

  After that first letter from the solicitor they spoke little about the divorce, or anything else, but it must have been on his mind. He lived his life on autopilot; something was missing that even Billy couldn’t put right.

  <><><>

  One Sunday afternoon, four weeks later, his dad suddenly looked up at him for a few seconds with a grave expression on his face. ‘Need to talk to you, son.’

  Billy’s breathing stopped momentarily; he was expecting the worst.

 
‘Er … as from tomorrow, your mother and I will be officially divorced.’

  Billy didn’t answer, the tension tightening his chest as he waited for his father’s next words.

  ‘It’s for the best. Don’t worry, you’ll be staying with me. Your mum didn’t even contest that. But I have to sell the house in order to give your mother her share of the settlement.’

  ‘Oh no, Dad. I like it here, and what about all my friends?’ Billy said, rubbing his eyes, trying hard not to cry.

  ‘I don’t think it’s the worst idea. We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs, especially recently. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a fresh start, away from this house? I’d try to find a place not too far away, so you can stay at the same school with your friends.’

  Billy’s main concern was to be with his dad, so things could have been a lot worse. But he worried about his dad because wherever they ended up there’d be bills to pay. With his father ‘popping out’ almost every night for a pint, or more, would his wage cover all their other living costs? Maybe he didn’t care any more.

  Two days later Billy came home from school to see a For Sale sign standing at the edge of the garden. Oh no, he thought, dreading yet another change to his life. Over the ensuing weeks his father became edgy and quiet most of the time. As if he didn’t want to move. However, they had no choice but to sell.

  <><><>

  One Friday afternoon in mid-December, his dad got a phone call. Billy tried to make sense of the one-sided conversation. But when he put the phone down, everything became clear.

  ‘Thank God for that.’

  ‘Thank God for what, Dad?’

  ‘The house is sold. I let it go for less than I wanted, but at least now we can make a fresh start.’

  He looked pleased with himself. But deep down he must have been heartbroken, and Billy feared he’d suffer as a result.

  Not wanting to put a downer on his father’s mood, he asked, ‘So where are we moving to?’

  ‘Nothing like this, son,’ he replied, ‘but I’ve got somewhere in mind.’

  In his mind’s eye he saw them in an old run-down house nobody else wanted. He had wanted to forgive his mum at first, but now, with his future so uncertain, that was impossible.